


A Lesson a Day (could kill you)

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Kane (Band), Smallville RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-11-16
Updated: 2008-11-25
Packaged: 2018-09-03 04:33:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 20
Words: 120,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8696722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Jared has an abusive past, and when his boss sends him to learn how to become a flair bartender, that past is brought back in a storm of pain when he falls in love with his teacher, Jensen. But Jensen has his own problems and soon their attraction causes nothing but trouble, especially when Jared tries to face his fears.Warnings: This fic contains very disturbing imagery including non-con, dub-con, underage sex, sexual abuse, and rape. These topics are approached not to trivialize the experiences, but to help show the transformation and transcendence of the main character in the face of such abuse and adversity.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

Part 1

 

Tom came running out of the back office and Jared winced, glancing up at him apologetically.

 

“Sorry.” Jared avoided Tom’s eyes and reached for the broom that was still leaning against the bar from when he’d last used it.

 

“Shit, Jay, you’re going to run me out of business at this rate.” Tom sighed deeply, a sound Jared had been hearing a lot from him recently.

 

“You could always get plastic glasses,” Jared joked weakly as he swept the broken glass into the pile with the rest of his failures.

 

“Oh yeah, classy.” Jared watched Tom’s face pull into a smile and felt the tension in his shoulders relax a little.

 

“I’ll get it, I promise,” Jared said picking up another glass.

 

“Oh, no you don’t.” Tom grabbed the glass from Jared’s hand. “I think you’ve done enough damage for one day.”

Jared looked sheepish and let Tom remove the precious glass from his grip without argument. “I will get it, Tom. I need this job.”

 

“I know, Jay,” Tom said with sincere kindness. “I want you to keep working here; the customers love you but…” Tom broke off and looked sadly to the pile of broken glass heaped in the corner of the bar.

 

“Can’t I just keep serving the beer and leave the others to do all the fancy stuff?” Jared knew it was a hopeless wish, but if you don’t ask, you don’t get.

 

“Listen, I just got off the phone with Mike, and I think I have the answer to our prayers.” Tom scooped the broken glass into a dustpan and dumped it in the bin under the bar as Jared hauled his long limbs onto a stool on the customer side. His shift was long over and the place was deserted, Tom would be closing up soon.

 

“Really? That’s great, what did Rosenbaum have to say?” Jared knew he was grinning like a maniac, but the relief washing over him at the prospect of a solution prevented any other facial expression.

 

“I’m sending you back to school,” Tom said proudly, grinning at Jared as he slammed a bottle of beer down in front of him.

 

Jared’s heart stopped, heat rushed into his face as the colour drained out, and he thought for a second he would pass out. Jared tried to swallow only to find he couldn’t, and the sweat pooling in his palms wouldn’t stop no matter how many times he wiped them on his jeans.

 

“Jay?” Jared felt sick, the knots in his stomach tightening painfully. “Jared?” Jared finally looked up to see that Tom was now waving a hand in front of his face.

 

“What?” Jared mumbled; he couldn’t think of anything to say.

 

“Is there a problem? You zoned out on me, man.” Concern filled Tom’s voice, so Jared forced a tight-lipped smile.

 

“No, no problem.” He gripped his beer and downed half the bottle in one go. “When… um, I mean where…”

 

“The guy runs a studio not far from here,” Tom explained, handing Jared a piece of paper. “His name’s Ackles, and you’ll be going Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.” Tom pointed to all the information on the paper Jared held, while Jared just stared at the foreign object in his hand.

 

“Is that ok?” Tom urged for a reaction from Jared, besides disbelief.

 

“Oh, it’s just… I can’t afford…” Jared stuttered, searching for an excuse not to go.

 

“Don’t worry about how much it costs. I’m paying for it out of the business money; I’m training my staff. I wouldn’t expect you to fork out for it yourself. What kinda boss do you take me for?” Tom winked at him and watched as Jared gulped the rest of his beer down thirstily. “You want another one?” Tom started to reach for another bottle, but Jared held up his hands.

 

“No thanks, Tom. I think I’m gonna head off.” Jared rose slightly unsteadily from his stool.

 

“Good call man, don’t wanna hangover for your first day in class.”

 

“Tomorrow?” Jared looked again at the piece of paper and sure enough there it was: 10am Wednesday.

 

Tom smiled endearingly and patted him on the back. “Go home, Jay, I’ll see you tomorrow for your shift.”

Jared didn’t argue. He grabbed his jacket and left Tom’s Bar. Normally, on his way home he was happy with a spring in his step; he’d built himself a good life here in Seattle, but today he was filled with a dread that he was going to lose it all.

 

He’d known that Tom had wanted to run a cocktail bar for forever; that was why he had bought the bar in Pioneer Square in the first place. It was situated perfectly, and was a great size. Sure the previous owners had run it into the ground, and it had a bad reputation for trouble, but Tom had done wonders with it. Tom was a formidable presence, almost as tall as Jared; he’d cleaned the place up, got rid of the trouble makers, and now had a respectable, profitable business going.

 

Now that Tom had saved enough money to make the change to a classy cocktail bar, nothing was going to stand in his way; especially not a bartender who could catch the flu easier than a glass. Jared knew that Tom liked him, and he liked Tom too, he was a great boss and a better friend. Tom had really helped him out when Jared had first come to town as a lost, frightened teenager. He’d been barely eighteen when Tom had taken him in, given him a job bussing tables and helped him get his apartment, and due to his height, as long as he stayed away from the alcohol, no one ever questioned his age.

 

Now, four years later, Jared had worked his way up to serving the bar, he mostly kept to himself and worked hard; Jared owed Tom a lot and hated to think of letting him down. But Jared didn’t have long to get the hang of spinning bottles and shaking cocktails, and he didn’t know if he was cut out for it. Sure, he could pour a mean pint and got along with all the regulars; his tips proved he was one of the most popular bartenders there, even more popular than Tom, but if he couldn’t cut the change, Tom would be forced to cut him.

 

He was willing to work hard, but now Tom wanted to send him to _school_! Just the thought of it made Jared’s muscles seize up so tight it hurt. Tom knew how to do all that stuff, why couldn’t he just teach Jared himself? Why did he have to go to a _class_ to learn it all? In reality Jared knew that Tom was far too busy to teach him enough of what he needed to know, but that didn’t help the fear that crept into his nerves or the memories that bombarded his brain.

 

Without realising it, Jared changed direction, and in less than ten minutes was thumping so desperately on the peeling red door that he was surprised he didn’t punch through it.

 

“Alright, alright. I’m coming already,” a frustrated female voice answered from within. Jared practically fell into Sandy’s arms when she pulled open the door, and they sank to the floor. “Jesus, Jay.”

 

Sandy didn’t say anything more, she just held Jared, shushing him until his shaking subsided. Resting his head against her shoulder, she brushed his long bangs from his eyes and rocked him gently.

 

When it appeared that Jared was calmer, Sandy helped him to his feet and gently led him to her sofa, where he sank into the cushions and held his head in his hands. Sandy quietly closed the door and went to sit beside Jared. She didn’t say a word; she just waited, and Jared loved her for it. She always knew what to do, what to say, because she understood, she knew.

 

“He’s sending me back to school,” Jared said shakily after a few minutes, he raised his eyes to meet her deep brown ones.

 

“Who is?” Sandy asked softly.

 

“Tom. He’s sick of me smashing all his glasses and is sending me somewhere to learn how to do it properly. There’s going to be a building with a classroom, with students and tables, probably a chalk board, and a _teacher_ ,” Jared said in a rush, the panic in his voice rising with the volume.

 

“Breathe Jay, just breathe.” Sandy rubbed his back soothingly, and Jared followed her lead and took a few deep breaths to stop himself from hyperventilating.

“What am I going to do, Sand?” Jared wiped at his moist eyes, not wanting to cry over this.

 

“It’s okay; it’ll be alright.” Sandy took Jared in her arms, and he leaned into her touch. “You’re not that boy anymore, Jay. You can do this. It’s going to be what, a room full of a bunch of guys throwing bottles around? And the teacher’s probably some old guy who’s just a Tom Cruise wannabe, doing it to attract chicks.” Sandy smiled when Jared huffed out a laugh.

 

“You’re right. Thank you.”

 

“It’s what I’m here for.” Sandy grinned widely.

 

“My saviour,” Jared laughed.

 

“And don’t you forget it.”

Jared pulled Sandy into his arms and held her tight, sleep pulling on his eye lids as they settled onto the sofa.

 

“I kinda love you, you know that?” Jared whispered into her hair.

 

“I know, Jay, I love you too.”

Jared allowed his eyes to close and sleep to take over.

 

***

 

Despite Sandy’s words of comfort, Jared didn’t sleep well that night. His dreams were filled with jostling bodies and laughing faces as he was slammed against lockers and left bloody in the bathroom stall. He’d stagger into his classroom to fall into the comforting arms of an older man, to be shushed with a gentle hand stroking through his hair, soft lips laying kisses over his face as he allowed himself to sink into the safety of the touch, the shake of his body no longer caused by fear.

 

Then, as always, the dream filled with pain, his heart wracked with shame and his ears filled with screams. He flung his long limbs around wildly as he awoke with a start, falling from Sandy’s sofa as she ran into the room and coaxed him awake before risking getting close enough to wrap her arms around him.

 

She just let him cry into her chest then, not needing to ask what the dream was about, not forcing him to put it into words again. She knew, and she hated that she couldn’t make it better for him.

 

“Come with me,” she said so quietly Jared only just heard it over his sobs. But he let himself be led into Sandy’s bedroom and pulled down onto her bed. Sandy pulled her covers over him and spooned her tiny body up behind him.

Jared knew she would stay awake until he was sleeping again, she always did.

 

“I’m sorry,” he told her, his voice cracked. Sandy held him closer and kissed his neck.

 

“I’ve got you, it’s okay,” she promised him. “Never be sorry, Jay, never. It’s not your fault.”

 

Sandy’s hand ran softly up and down his arm, and Jared allowed the constant movement to lull him back to sleep, this time thankfully dreamless.

 

***

 

Tom had said it was a studio, but this was no studio. The building was huge; it probably had tons of rooms, just like a real school and the thought made Jared shiver. He’d been pacing outside the entrance for ten minutes and still hadn’t plucked up the courage to actually step inside.

 

_Oh God! I can’t do this!_ Jared’s chest tightened, and when his head began to spin, he let himself slide down the wall to sit on the cold ground. With shaky hands, Jared held his head and tried to calm his breathing. _Get it together Padalecki._

 

“Fuck!” Jared threw his head back to hit the wall behind him.

 

“Are you okay?” Jared’s gaze snapped up only to lock with the most startling green eyes he’d ever seen.

 

“W-what?” he stammered, his gaze dropped to a pair of plump moist lips, and Jared had to swallow the lump in his throat just to keep focus.

 

“I said are you okay? You don’t look so good,” those lips said, and suddenly Jared remembered why he was there.

 

“Oh, yeah. Just had a dizzy spell is all. I’m fine now.” The man before him stood up, and Jared only then realised that the guy had been crouching next to him.

 

“Are you going in?” The man stuck his hand out to Jared, and before he knew it Jared was slipping his long fingers into the warm, strong grasp and allowing himself to be pulled to his feet. They stood close for a moment, and Jared found himself short of breath when the man’s lips pulled into a smile. Jared felt immediately warmed by it and smiled back. Then the man’s hand fell from Jared’s, where Jared was sure it had lingered a moment longer than necessary, and Jared quickly stepped backwards feeling himself blush slightly and wondering if he’d been caught staring. He towered over the shorter man and waited for the obligatory comment that he was a giant.

 

“Oh, yeah, just need a minute,” he said when the expected comment didn’t come.

 

“Okay, well see ya around.” The man paused for a moment before going through the glass front door, and Jared found himself watching that man go with a pang of regret.

Without the welcome distraction, Jared’s thoughts came back to why he was here and the cold hand of dread grasped his heart again. What was he even doing there anyway? Oh that’s right, he had to learn this stuff or Tom would be forced to fire him, and he’d be out of a job; and with no education, he’d be out on the street before too long after that.

 

Taking a deep breath, Jared pushed open the doors and forced himself to walk down the corridor. The place was deserted, his footsteps echoed on the ground, and he had flash backs of walking through the halls at high school after staying late, the eerie silence deafening and him trying not to rush when all he wanted to do was run home, curl himself up on his bed, and cry himself to sleep.

 

_You’re not that boy anymore, Jay!_ Sandy’s voice jumped into his head. She was right, as always; he was a grown man in charge of his own life, and he could do this. Jared swallowed his fears and pulled out the piece of paper Tom had given him to find the room number he was supposed to go to. The room was only four doors down and had been left open. Jared turned into the room to see a small group of men and women, mostly his age, some maybe a little younger, with one or two older guys.

 

“Hey, if I’d known you were coming in here I would’ve waited for you.” Jared was confronted with those green eyes smiling up at him.

 

“That’s okay; I needed a moment to myself anyway.” Jared smiled back, relieved to see a friendly face, even if he had only met it minutes before.

 

“Nervous huh?” the man with green eyes asked not unkindly, and Jared nodded offering a shy smile. “Don’t worry,” the man continued, “everyone here’s real nice.”

 

Jared looked around the room to see the people were all smiling and laughing, a couple of them throwing bottles in the air to catch them behind their backs; applause from their classmates their reward.

 

“I’m Jensen by the way,” the green-eyed man said as he stuck his hand out, and Jared shook it without hesitation, his mind remembering the softness of Jensen’s hand and longing to feel it again.

 

“Jared,” he informed him. Jared couldn’t help the wide smile he felt on his lips; maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad after all.

 

“So, what brings you here? Trying to pick up chicks?” Jensen said with a grin, and Jared chuckled.

 

“No, my boss needs me to learn this stuff; he’s changing the place into a cocktail bar, and if I wanna keep my job…” Jared left the sentence unfinished, not feeling the need to elaborate.

 

“Ah, a reluctant participant,” Jensen nodded understandingly.

 

“Yeah, it’s weird really. I don’t even like cocktails; gimme a beer any day, then maybe a few straight shots once I’m too far gone to care.” The words spilled out so easily, and Jared felt himself relaxing.

 

“Betcha always regret it the next day too.” They shared a knowing laugh.

 

“You know it,” Jared grinned.

 

“Which bar do you work in?” Jensen asked.

 

“Tom’s, it’s not far from here,” Jared told him, and Jensen nodded.

 

“That’s a nice place.”

 

They stood in a comfortable silence for a moment before 

Jared looked at his watch. “Do you think we’ll be starting soon?” he questioned.

 

Jensen grabbed Jared’s wrist and looked at the time, wincing. “Guess we should get started, shouldn’t we?” 

 

He smiled at Jared before walking to the front of the room, and Jared felt his smile drop from his face and his heart beat faster.

 

“Hi, everyone. If you wanna go to your usual tables we’ll get started,” Jensen said. “Jared, you can take that one right in front of you.” Jensen turned his attention to the room and continued talking but Jared didn’t hear a word of it.

 

_Jensen’s the teacher?_ His brain struggled to grasp this information, but his legs worked of their own accord, and he found himself standing at a table with a thick plastic bottle, plastic glass, and a cocktail shaker. Jared picked up the bottle; it was just like the real thing, same weight and feel to it. Jared tried to pay attention to what was going on. Jensen was at the front of the room doing all sorts of tricks and making it look easy. Everyone else in the room was copying him with relative ease, and Jared felt like such an amateur as his bottle tumbled to the floor, clattering way too loudly.

 

The class continued pretty much like that, and Jared focused on trying to get it right, but eventually when the glass he was using fell to the floor and rolled away for what felt like the hundredth time, he didn’t go after it.

 

“Damn it,” he hissed, angry at himself. He was trying, he really was, but he just couldn’t get it right. It was like he had no eye-to-hand coordination at all, and his fingers were covered in oil.

 

“I think you dropped this,” Jensen said as he handed Jared his glass.

 

“Sorry.” Jared took the glass and sighed heavily, “I’m never going to get this.”

 

“Sure you will, you just need to practice. Look…” 

 

Jensen stepped behind Jared and slipped his arm under Jared’s taking the glass back from his hand. Jared’s breath hitched when Jensen’s body pressed against him. 

 

“You’re throwing it too high, just flick your wrist and only make it spin once,” Jensen said, quietly demonstrating by doing just that; the glass turned once in the air, Jensen straightened his fingers, and the glass landed comfortably on them.

 

“Easy as that, huh?” Jared gulped, trying not to shiver at Jensen’s hot breath on his neck.

 

“Easy as that,” Jensen murmured. Quickly he flipped the glass into the air again and caught it with a solid grip. Then he pulled away from Jared and handed him the glass again. Jared had to blink and wonder if he’d just imagined what had happened. “Try again.”

 

Jared cleared his throat and concentrated on the glass. He tossed it in the air, straightened his fingers, and the glass bounced off his index nail and fell to the floor. Jensen retrieved the glass and passed it back to Jared.

 

“Keep trying,” he smiled before walking to help someone else.

 

Jared watched and couldn’t help noticing that Jensen didn’t get as close to the others as he had to him, the thought made a warmth spread through his belly, and he found himself smiling slightly.

 

Jared was so focused on trying to catch the glass that he didn’t notice that the hour-long class had ended and everyone else had started leaving, until Jensen was standing in front of him, just watching. This time Jared didn’t drop the glass; he didn’t exactly catch it properly either; it sort of bounced off his hand, slipped through his other hand when he tried to catch it, and he grabbed it just before it hit the floor.

 

“Well, at least I caught it,” Jared sighed, smiling weakly at Jensen.

 

“Don’t worry; hardly anyone gets it straight away,” Jensen said reassuringly.

 

“Did you?” Jared asked, curious.

 

“Um, actually I was always kind of a natural.” Jensen blushed and actually managed to sound like he felt guilty about it. “It just seemed like I was made for it, you know?”

 

“I wish,” Jared said as he tried the glass again, and when it yet again tumbled to the floor, he threw his arms in the air in defeat. “I give up. This is impossible.”

 

“Hey, don’t give up, you’ll get it, I promise,” Jensen said putting his hand on Jared’s arm to stop him before he started pacing. “I’ve never failed to teach anyone yet.”

 

“Yeah well, there’s always a first,” Jared grumbled. 

 

“I’ll never be able to do it like you do. I could be the one to ruin your whole reputation.”

 

“When you’re actually doing it at a bar it’s completely different from in the classroom. You’ve got the music, the actual alcohol; people cheering you on. It’s a completely different atmosphere.” Jensen looked a little dreamy as he pictured it in his head, and Jared figured he really loved his work. “Why don’t you come to the Lithe tonight? I’m going to be working there; you could see the real thing up close and personal.”

 

“Oh, um. I can’t. I’m working tonight,” Jared lied, suddenly flustered. Was Jensen asking him out or was it just purely educational? Why had Jared felt the need to lie when he’d be finished work in plenty of time? He honestly didn’t know, maybe it was just because he liked Jensen, and he didn’t know how to respond to it.

 

“Oh, okay. Well, if you get off early?” Jensen shrugged, but his eyes flashed with disappointment.

 

“I’d better go,” Jared said slightly reluctantly, but he had to get out of there, he grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. He threw a wave over his shoulder, very conscious of the beautiful green eyes watching him leave.

 

***

 

It was a couple of hours later when Sandy walked into Tom’s for lunch that Jared saw her scanning the bar for him. He sneaked up behind her from where he’d been wiping down a table and grabbed her tiny form around the waist. Sandy squealed and struggled to free herself from his long-armed grip, but Jared just hauled her effortlessly off the ground and spun her round a few times.

 

“Let go of me you big dope,” Sandy said slapping his arm, but she couldn’t help but laugh. Jared set her on the ground carefully, steadying her as she wobbled slightly, dizzy from spinning. “So, how’d it go?” Sandy asked as Jared kissed her on her cheek.

 

“It went okay,” Jared said, his forehead creased as he thought about the events of the day. 

 

He moved behind the bar and poured Sandy her usual lunchtime diet coke.

 

“Okay?” Sandy asked, practically bouncing onto her stool.

 

“Yeah, okay,” Jared confirmed. “Well I didn’t break anything, but that could have something to do with the fact everything was made out of plastic.”

 

“So you’re getting the hang of it then?” she probed.

 

“I didn’t catch a thing,” Jared said leaning across the bar, but laughed good humouredly about his failure.

 

“So the teacher’s not all that good, huh?” Sandy asked carefully.

 

“Jensen’s great,” Jared blurted a little too quickly, and Sandy got a knowing look.

 

“Jensen?” she asked quirking her eyebrow up.

 

“Yeah, he’s the teacher.” Jared knew he was blushing, and he noticed Sandy’s shoulders slump.

 

“Oh, Jay,” she said softly.

 

“It’s not like that,” Jared protested. “I mean, he’s nice and all. He’s patient, explains things well, and isn’t _at all_ an old Tom Cruise wannabe.” Jared imagined Jensen’s eyes smiling at him and the feel of him so close; he tried not to look dreamy.

 

“Is he hot?” Sandy watched him carefully, and Jared felt his face burn under the scrutiny. When he met her eyes, he nodded shyly and couldn’t help a little smile.

 

“Jay…” she said softly, and Jared’s smile faded: he knew Sandy could see right through him; sometimes he swore she could read his mind.

 

“I know,” he said seriously. “I was just… I dunno. He’s just really nice, Sand, he’s not that much older than me, and we… well we got along really well.”

 

“Are you sure? I don’t want to see you get hurt, Jay,” Sandy grabbed Jared’s hand and squeezed it affectionately.

 

“You’re right; I’m being stupid. He probably doesn’t like me in that way, anyway.” Jared felt a coldness wash over him as he forced himself to view reality. “God, I’m such an idiot, why do I do this? What’s the matter with me?”

 

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with you; I didn’t mean it like that at all. All I’m saying is be careful,” Sandy said and gave him a lopsided grin. “You know I’ll back you, whatever you decide. And I’ll be here to watch your back, okay?”

 

“He asked if I wanted to go watch him work tonight,” Jared blushed.

 

“Already? Maybe he does like you after all,” Sandy said, sitting up a little straighter and gnawing on her lip thoughtfully, a sly smile sneaking across her face.

 

“I told him no; said I had to work.” Jared shrugged.

 

“Told who?” Tom came out from the back and winked at Sandy in greeting.

 

“No one. Nothing.” Jared busied himself with rearranging the glasses under the bar, but he could feel Tom’s eyes boring into his back. “I just got invited out tonight is all.”

 

“By the guy that runs the class you sent him to,” Sandy filled in helpfully, and Jared glared at her. Sandy looked down sheepishly, but Jared shouldn’t have been surprised, she and Tom told each other everything. When Sandy had first followed Jared from San Antonio out to Seattle three years ago, a year after she and Jared had said goodbye, she and Tom had dated for a while. It hadn’t worked out because they found they were more like brother and sister than lovers, but since, then they’d formed such a strong bond that they were often mistaken as a couple. They finished each others’ sentences, always new what the other was thinking; and spent so much time together that even Jared wondered if they didn’t hook up now and again.

 

Jared didn’t know why he bothered hiding anything from Tom in the first place. But he knew there was one thing Sandy would never tell Tom, the one thing he’d trusted only to her, and Jared knew that secret was safer than Fort Knox.

 

“He invited you to do what?” Tom’s interest was peaked, and Jared groaned inwardly. Tom seemed to have this little obsession with trying to set Jared up with guys, convinced he would be the one to find Jared’s true love. Jared knew Tom was really just trying to get him laid, seeing as Tom had never actually seen him in a relationship since he’d known him.

 

“To go watch him work,” Sandy continued to fill Tom in, which was thankful because Jared was far too embarrassed right now to form words.

 

“And you said no? Are you mad?” Tom gawked at him.

 

“Why would I want to go?” Jared asked.

 

“You get the chance to get extra lessons for free, in a bar no less, see the experts at work, and you turn it down?” Tom rolled his eyes. “Well, you’re going, my friend, even if I have to drag you there myself.”

 

“Tom…” Jared began.

 

“No arguments; you need to learn this stuff, Jay; I need you to learn it. So please, for me, go learn, okay?” Tom tried to put on the puppy eyes, but there was a sternness behind them that was unmistakable; Jared was going, no questions asked.

 

“Okay, fine. I’ll go. But only for a little while,” Jared gave in with a sigh. Tom nodded happily and went to serve someone else. Jared looked at Sandy, who was raising her eyebrows at him. “I don’t know what you’re looking at, you’re coming with me!”

 

“As long as you’re paying and there are going to be cocktails, I’m there.” Sandy bounced slightly, and Jared couldn’t help but grin at her. He knew she was only going to check Jensen out, size him up, but Jared was so grateful for the support that he wasn’t about to question her motives.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

 

It was almost nine when Sandy pulled Jared into the Lithe Bar; the night was already in full swing, and they had to squeeze their way through the crowds. There was a band up on stage, but Jared wasn’t given the chance to stop and listen to them because Sandy was leading him toward the bar, flicking back her perfectly styled, long, dark hair. They were almost there when Sandy stopped dead.

 

“Is that him?” She pulled Jared down closer to her so he could hear her over the din. Jared looked to where she was pointing, and all the breath went from his lungs when he spied Jensen. He was behind the bar, dressed in a tight black t-shirt that complimented his toned body, his strong arms protruding from the sleeves making Jared recall how they felt up close. Jensen obviously worked out, but wasn’t overly muscular. His dark blue jeans hugged his hips perfectly, showing off his toned ass. Jensen was making someone a drink, tossing the bottles in the air and catching them effortlessly; there was a smile on his face when he handed the woman her drink and moved on to the next customer.

 

Sandy elbowed Jared in the ribs bringing him back to the real world.

 

“I take it that _is_ him then,” Sandy smirked when all Jared could do was nod. “Wow, you weren’t kidding, he’s hotter than my mom’s chilli.”

 

Jared laughed openly, remembering how Sandy’s mom used to take great pleasure in burning the taste buds from their tongues when they were kids; luckily she hadn’t forced the chilli on them too often because they seriously could’ve caught fire from it.

 

“Come on, I _so_ need a drink,” Sandy said, dragging Jared up to the bar. They found a space at the end with a couple of stools and seated themselves to wait.

 

There was a crowd around the bar cheering on Jensen and another bartender as they showed off their skills. Jared watched while listening to Sandy chat excitedly about how she couldn’t wait for Jared to learn all that.

 

Jensen turned and paused, and his eyes locked with Jared’s. Jared threw him a little wave and felt his cheeks flush when Jensen’s grin widened. Jensen looked slightly quizzical for a moment when his gaze fell on Sandy, but then he was grabbing a glass, throwing it high in the air, and catching it behind his back before putting it on the counter. The crowd cheered and clapped as Jensen spun a bottle in his hand, stopping it to pour some of its contents into a shaker. He then grabbed another bottle, tossing it in the air and catching it with the nozzle in the shaker, adding more liquid to the concoction. Next he was catching cubes of ice; fastening the lid and spinning, throwing, and shaking the ingredients together. Jensen retrieved the glass and put it down in front of Sandy who gushed at him as he poured the cocktail into it and dropped in a straw. Then he cracked open a bottle of beer and placed it before Jared.

 

“Glad you could make it,” Jensen said so softly Jared almost didn’t catch it; they stared at each other a moment, eyes locked together, and Jared’s heart started to beat louder than the music. Then Jensen was gone, serving another customer, and as Jared gulped half his drink, he realised hadn’t paid for or even ordered it, but he felt flattered that Jensen had remembered Jared saying that he didn’t like cocktails and preferred a nice beer instead. Sandy shivered as she sipped her drink and made a ‘God that’s good’ face before drinking more, greedily.

 

“Jay.” Sandy leaned over to speak in Jared’s ear, her eyes not leaving Jensen for a moment. “If you don’t want that hunk of a man, I’ll definitely take him off your hands.”

 

“The cocktail’s that good huh?” Jared laughed, and Sandy looked embarrassed that she’d forgotten herself for a moment.

 

“Sorry,” she said sheepishly.

 

“Don’t worry about it.” Jared let his gaze fall on Jensen again as he watched him work, when he felt a finger poke him in the ribs he offered Sandy a slightly sad smile.

 

“He seems nice,” Sandy said.

 

“Yeah, he is,” Jared nodded, turning his attention to his beer.

 

Sandy looked from Jared’s increasingly depressed face to Jensen and back again. She knew what Jared was thinking and hated that he lived in the past so much. Maybe it was time to move on. It had been a long time since Jared had shown any interest in another guy and maybe this would be a mistake, but maybe it wouldn’t. Sandy sighed.

 

“Listen, Jay. That was all a long time ago, and it doesn’t define who you are or the path your life is going to take. This…” she waved her hand around their surroundings, “is completely different, and you can’t let what happened stop you from being happy or at least trying to be.”

 

Jared looked at her for a moment; Sandy’s words always made sense to him, and he often wondered what he’d do without her.

 

“Does this mean I have your approval?” Jared raised his eyebrows, and Sandy rolled her eyes at him. He swept a long arm around Sandy’s shoulders, pulling her tight against him and kissing her on the head. Sandy hugged him back before squirming out of his grip. Jared grinned at her, and she rolled her eyes going back to her drink.

 

“You have _got_ to learn to make these, they’re delicious,” Sandy told him draining her glass dry.

 

“Yeah, one day.” Jared took down the last of his beer and almost jumped out of his skin when Jensen appeared in front of him.

 

“Don’t worry; I’ll make sure it’s the first one you learn,” Jensen said winking at Sandy as he replaced their empties with another round of drinks.

 

“Yay!,” Sandy said, beaming. Then she cocked her head to the side and listened. “This song’s amazing.” Sandy jumped off her seat, took a quick sip of her new drink, and started pulling on Jared’s arm. “Dance with me.”

 

“What? No.” Jared looked embarrassed, seeing Jensen’s amused grin.

 

“Oh come on, you can’t leave me to dance by myself, what if I get accosted by some guy?” Sandy pouted, batting her dark eyelashes.

 

“I’m sure you wouldn’t mind; anyway, someone has to look after our drinks,” Jared insisted.

 

“No problem, go dance with your girl,” Jensen said with a small smile and Jared thought he saw a hint of hurt in his eyes. Jensen took their drinks and put them under the bar. Not feeling like he had a choice, Jared followed Sandy out onto the dance floor. She made a point to get as close to the band as possible.

 

Jared found he liked the music, kind of a new-style country, and the singers were undoubtedly amazing. Jared danced with Sandy for a few songs watching her being admired by a lot of guys. Eventually, the music changed to a slow song, and Jared went to leave the dance floor to return to his drink.

 

“Jay!” Jared turned immediately at Sandy’s sharp call to find her with a blonde-haired man putting his arms around her waist. Sandy struggled to free herself from the man’s grip, but he was obviously stronger than her, and Jared could hear him whispering come-ons to her.

 

“Come on sweet thing, you’ve been eyeing me all night,” the blonde guy drooled in her ear.

 

“Look I’m not interested, okay?” Sandy continued to struggle against his strong grip, which just seemed to piss the guy off. He grabbed her wrist and glared in her face.

 

“She said she wasn’t interested,” Jared said pulling himself to his full height as he took the guy’s hand off Sandy’s wrist and put himself between them. His heart pulsed in his ears, but he tried to ignore it.

 

“Who are you? Her boyfriend?” the guy asked ripping his hand out of Jared’s grip.

 

“And what if I am?” Jared made his eyes burn into the shorter man’s until he looked away intimidated.

 

“Fucking tease,” the man snarled before spitting at Sandy, and Jared heard her shriek at the assault, but she lunged past Jared to try and get to the guy before Jared could stop her. The guy lifted his arms in defence, and Sandy was sent flying backwards. Something in Jared snapped, and before he realised what was happening the guy was lying on the floor with a bloody nose.

 

“Hey, Jeff, get that guy outta here,” came a shout from the stage, and within seconds one of the bouncers was pushing his way onto the dance floor and grabbing Jared by the arm. “No, not him; the other guy.”

 

Jared looked up to the stage to see one of the singers pointing to the blonde guy on the ground. Jeff looked down, and when he saw who was there his slightly stubbled jaw clenched.

 

“Not you again, Murray, I’m getting sick of kicking your ass outta here,” Jeff growled, hauled Murray to his feet and escorted him off the premises. The singer looked down at Jared and smiled approvingly. Jared nodded to him thankfully before shakily turning to check on Sandy, who had picked herself up and was now on her feet and glaring at the blonde guy as Jeff shoved him out the front door.

 

“Are you okay?” Jared asked pulling her into his arms, more for his own comfort that any form of protection.

 

“What a creep,” Sandy said angrily, and then she looked up at him in concern. “Are you okay?” Sandy knew that Jared didn’t take too well to violence and hugged him tighter, pride blossoming in her chest that he’d stood up for her.

 

“Yeah, sure I am.” He forced a smile. “Do you wanna go?” Jared asked softly, still trying to hide the shake in his voice.

 

“What? Hell no, I want another one of those cocktails.” She flashed Jared a big smile, and Jared knew she was fine. His Sandy was a tough girl.

 

“I think that can be arranged.” As Jared slipped his arm over her shoulder and led her from the dance floor, he noticed Jensen watching them, and when they got back to the bar, Jensen already had their drinks back in place for them, and they practically downed them in one go.

 

“Well, that was a little more excitement than I expected on a Wednesday night,” Sandy said and smiled gratefully at Jensen when her newly emptied glass was immediately refilled.

 

“I dunno, I invite you to my work, and you’re getting into fights already.” Jensen’s voice sounded serious, but when Jared looked at him, he saw mischief sparkling in Jensen’s eyes.

 

“Yeah well, what can I say, I’m a trouble maker.” They all laughed. “I’m just grateful the singer stopped me from getting kicked out.”

 

“You’re welcome,” a voice said from behind Jared. Jensen reached between Jared and Sandy to pass two bottles of beer into the waiting hands of the two singers. “That guy was a jerk, and you were just standing up for your beautiful girlfriend.”

 

Sandy almost sprayed a mouthful of cocktail all over the singers, and they looked at her in alarm.

 

“I admit that Jay here is my night in shining armour, but, alas, I’m not his type,” Sandy spluttered, accepting the paper napkin Jensen handed her to wipe her mouth. Jared noticed that Jensen looked at her differently then, friendlier, with a little smile pulling at the sides of his mouth.

 

“Hey, thanks for that, man, it was very cool of you.” Jared held his hand out to the singer who had saved his butt. “I’m Jared, and this is my best friend, Sandy.”

 

“Chris,” the singer said as he shook Jared’s hand. “This is Steve.”

 

Steve put his hand out to shake Jared’s and then Sandy’s, nodding at them both.

 

“How long’s your break?” Jensen asked.

 

“Only a few minutes, um Jen, you’ve got a customer.” Steve pointed to the bar and Jensen went off to serve again.

 

“He hates it when we have a break ‘cause all the people on the dance floor decide now’s the best time for a drink,” Chris told them, and Jared turned to watch Jensen in action again. Jared could hear Sandy talking to Chris and Steve, but he couldn’t take his attention away from Jensen, and before he knew it, the band was back on stage playing again.

 

As the night went on, Jensen continued to keep their drinks filled up, they never paid for any nor did they have to wait to order. Jared watched Jensen, trying to figure out how he did each trick. He talked Sandy’s ear off about how he wished he could figure it out himself, pointing out all the moves he found really impressive.

 

“Hey, Jared, come here a minute,” Jensen called from behind the bar.

 

“What?” Jared looked at Sandy for confirmation that he’d heard right.

 

Jensen came over, took Jared’s hand firmly and pulled him closer over the bar. “Your turn,” he murmured in Jared’s ear before guiding him around to join him.

 

“Oh, I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Jared said reluctantly, but Jensen kept tugging on him.

 

“Come on, it’s quiet now that the band’s back on, and you’ve been watching all night, it’s about time you tried it out for yourself,” Jensen insisted.

 

“But I’ve been drinking! I smash glasses on a good day; you really don’t want me near one when I’m inebriated,” Jared argued.

 

“Best time to do it You’re concentrating less, you don’t care as much about making a fool of yourself, and I’m here to help you, all the way, okay?” Jensen handed Jared a bottle and cocked his head to one side waiting for Jared to take it. “Come on, you can make Sandy her next drink.”

 

“Ooh, yes please.” Sandy perked up at the sound of that.

 

“You know, I’ll probably get you fired or something.” Jared really wasn’t sure about this.

 

“You won’t get me fired. I promise.” Jensen took a step toward Jared and placed the bottle in his hand. “I’m right here. I’ll guide you through it, step by step, okay?”

 

Jared swallowed as he nodded, but his eyes were on Jensen’s hand where it was still touching his, and then maybe it wasn’t his inebriated state that he feared would make him mess up.

 

Jensen moved behind Jared, just like he had earlier that day in class, held out his hand, and changed Jared’s grip on the bottle, all the time speaking into his ear, giving him instructions.

 

“You have to relax, Jay, I’ve got you.” Jensen pressed closer to Jared’s back and slid his hand down Jared’s arm away from the bottle. Jared shivered slightly.

 

“I’m not sure relaxing is something I’m capable of right now.” Jared tried to concentrate on the bottle in his hand and not the hardening in his pants.

 

Jensen continued to talk to him, and when he said ‘go,’ Jared tried to do as he’d been instructed. Jared flicked the bottle, and for a split second it spun on his hand before dropping off the end of his fingers as he watched in horror as it fell to the floor. Then Jensen’s hand was there, catching the falling bottle and saving Jared from a heart attack.

 

“See, I’m just gonna to end up breaking everything.” Jared went to walk away, but Jensen pulled him back against him, his hands firmly on Jared’s biceps.

 

“I told you I had you; trust me; I’m not going to let you break anything.” Jensen forced the bottle back into Jared’s hand and moved around to look him in the eye. “Don’t think about the damage you could do; don’t think about how you might drop it. Just know, if you drop it, I’ll catch it, okay?”

 

Jared gazed into Jensen’s eyes; they glimmered under the lights of the bar, and Jared had to bite his lip to stop himself from leaning towards those eyes. “Okay,” he managed.

 

Jensen’s lips stretched into a smile, and he moved back behind Jared. “Now come on, our lady is getting thirsty.”

 

Jared looked to where Sandy was sitting transfixed, watching them with eyes wide and a small smile on her lips. When she saw Jared looking, she raised her glass pointing to the fact that it was empty.

 

Jared tried to do as Jensen directed, but the closeness of Jensen’s body against his was very distracting. They fell into fits of laughter as Jensen caught the bottle for him and put it in the right place over the shaker so Jared could load it full of alcohol. He tried to be discrete about it, which just made Jared laugh all the harder. Jensen threw him the ice cubes, and when Jared actually managed to catch them in the shaker Sandy chimed in with cheers and applause. Jared took a deep bow before stumbling forward and knocking a glass off the counter. It smashed on the floor and he jumped away from the offence glancing guiltily at Jensen. He started to throw apologies Jensen’s way before he saw that Jensen was in hysterics.

 

“Don’t worry about it man, I think we got off pretty lightly don’t you?” Jensen asked as he wrapped an arm over Jared’s shoulders and messed his hair playfully. This caused Jared to swing Jensen into a headlock and mess up his hair even worse until they were having a full on wrestling match there behind the bar.

 

“Hey macho men, getting thirsty over here,” Sandy reminded them.

 

Jared took the shaker full of her cocktail and poured it into a glass while Jensen still had an arm slung over his shoulder watching closely and mumbling reminders not to spill it into Jared’s ear. Jared jabbed an elbow into Jensen’s ribs, and Jensen danced out of reach and let Jared wait for Sandy’s approval of her drink. Sandy tentatively took a sip and immediately started gasping.

 

“My God that’s strong.” Sandy waved a hand over her mouth as if she’d been eating her mom’s chilli.

 

“Crap, I’m sorry, I’ll get Jensen to make you one,” Jared said reaching for the glass.

 

“Don’t you dare!” Sandy exclaimed as she snatched the glass away from him and huddled over it protectively. “I said it was strong, not horrible. And I want the first cocktail Jared Padalecki makes, so there.” She stuck out her tongue at Jared, and he laughed heartily at her childishness.

 

By the end of the night, Jeff was clearing out the stragglers and Chris and Steve came to join them at the bar after clearing away their equipment. Chris moved to sit next to Sandy, much to her delight, and Steve joined Jared. Jensen provided them all with drinks and leaned over the bar in front of Jared. Their hands were so close Jared thought that if the tiny hairs on their skin were to stand up they would have actual contact.

 

“So, you have a good night?” Steve asked Jared, taking a sip of his beer.

 

“Yeah, I only broke one glass, thanks to Jensen, and I almost killed Sandy with a cocktail so strong it could’ve raised the roof off the building. Oh and not forgetting I got to hit a guy, too,” Jared said nodding enthusiastically; he knew he was drunk but he didn’t care, and Sandy didn’t seem in any hurry to move away from Chris, either.

 

“Yeah, I saw you behind the bar; Jensen showing you a thing or two, was he?” Steve flicked his eyebrows up at them.

 

“Well at least he listens to me, which is more than I can say for some of the others,” Jensen said and gave Jared an apologetic look.

 

“I think I did slightly better than I did in class today,” Jared said, and he actually thought it was true.

 

“Ah, so you’re in Jen’s class?” Steve said knowingly. “Taking advantage of you students again, huh, Jenny?” There may have been humour in Steve’s voice when he said it, but Jared’s fears took hold, and the damage was done.

 

Jared froze, had he heard Steve right? _Again_? Jensen did this often? Was Jared not the first to receive this treatment? Of course he wasn’t, how could he have been so stupid? This was the perfect way to flirt with a guy, and with Jensen’s looks he could have any guy or girl he wanted. He probably used this to get in a guy’s pants all the time. Jensen was smacking Steve in the arm and saying something about not listening to him, but Jared’s ears couldn’t take any of it in.

 

“Sand?” Jared said loudly. “You about ready to go? Don’t you have class in the morning?”

 

“Nah, I don’t have class till the afternoon.” Sandy met Jared’s eyes, and as soon as she saw the panic in his, fear flicked through hers. “But I have got tons of studying to do, not to mention a hangover to nurse.” She got up from her seat and Jared sighed a little with relief; she really was the best friend ever.

 

“You really have to go?” Chris asked Sandy sadly, while Jared quickly said ‘thanks’ and ‘goodnight.’ Jared idly wondered if he was coming off as rude, but he couldn’t care; he couldn’t breathe, and he needed to get outside quickly. Not waiting for Sandy, Jared made for the exit.

 

“Hey, wait, Sandy. Can I get your number?” Chris pleaded, and Jared heard Sandy saying ‘yes,’ so he went outside to wait for her.

 

He slammed his back against the wall and struggled to keep his breathing under control, his face flushed hot and his stomach clenched with anxiety.

 

“Jared?”

 

Jared looked up from where he was gasping for air to see Jensen looking at him, concerned.

 

“Are you okay?” Jensen repeated the first words he had ever said to Jared.

 

“Yeah, I just… I drank too much is all.” It was the first thing Jared could think to say.

 

“You sick?” Jensen’s concern was obvious.

 

“No… I mean… I just need to go home.” Jared tried not to look at Jensen; Steve’s words were ringing in his head. _Taking advantage of your students again!_

 

“I was worried maybe I did something wrong.” Jensen placed a hand on Jared’s back and rubbed in gentle circles.

 

“I’m sorry; I guess I thought…” Now Jared did look at Jensen and was a little shocked when Jensen reached out to stroke his face. Then Jared realised that Jensen was wiping away a tear Jared hadn’t even known was there.

 

“What’s wrong?” Jensen stepped closer to him, his arm still working on Jared’s back.

 

Jared traced the lines of Jensen’s face with his eyes and found he was still breathtaking: his strong jaw, the freckles dusted over his nose and cheeks, those captivating eyes that were full of feeling, and those full lips moving closer to him.

 

“Nothing,” Jared whispered as he leaned toward those lips, wanting to taste them.

 

“Jay?”

 

Jared pulled away as soon as he heard Sandy’s voice.

 

“Here,” he called to her, stepping away from Jensen and turning from his questioning eyes.

 

“You okay, sweetie?” Sandy stepped past Jensen and focused completely on Jared, making him look at her.

 

“You ready to go?” Jared asked.

 

Sandy looked concerned when Jared met her gaze, and she nodded her head. “It was very nice to meet you, Jensen. I had a great time; thank you for everything,” Sandy said politely.

 

“Yeah, sure, no problem,” Jensen replied, obviously confused. “I hope to see you again, _both_ of you.” Jensen’s voice was hopeful as he looked past Sandy to Jared.

 

“Yeah, that’d be nice.” Sandy smiled sincerely before starting to lead Jared away; and Jared was sure she could feel him starting to shake under her touch.

 

“Jared?” Jensen called after them.

 

“I’ll see you in class,” Jared mumbled over his shoulder in reply and walked away quickly, leaving Jensen to watch him go.

 

~~~

 

 

“What was all that about?” Chris frowned when Jensen came back in with a troubled look on his face.

 

“Steve, you idiot. Why’d you have to go say something like that?” Jensen smacked Steve on the back of the head as he went past on his way behind the bar where helped himself to a shot of tequila.

 

“Like what? What did I say?” Steve asked looking innocent.

 

“That crack you made about my students; God knows what Jared’s probably thinking now.” Jensen downed the shot and poured himself another.

 

“Oh come on, it was a joke,” Steve defended. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

 

“Well that was obviously what freaked him out. Damn it, he must think I’m some slut that fucks all the guys in my class.” Jensen ran a hand down his face and stared at the door as if he was expecting Jared to come back in.

 

“Come off it, Jen, you haven’t fucked a guy since high school,” Steve said. “I was thinking you’d sworn them off ‘till I saw you flirting with tall, dark, and handsome tonight.”

 

“Yeah well _he_ doesn’t know that, does he?” Jensen argued.

 

“I don’t think that’s all it was, guys,” Chris piped in. When Jensen and Steve looked questioningly at him Chris explained. “Didn’t you see the look they shared? The way Sandy was acting when he walked out, she was scared for him, man.”

 

“What do you mean?” Jensen asked, confused and concerned.

 

“I dunno, but there’s definitely something more behind it. Just be careful dude, don't get yourself caught up in something you don't want to be apart of,” Chris warned.

 

“Hey, hey, hey, don't go getting that look in your eye,” Steve said snapping his fingers in front of Jensen's face.

 

“What look?” Jensen asked.

 

“The mother hen look; you can’t take the world on your shoulders, you know.”

 

“Hey, I just want to know he's okay, that's all.” Jensen didn't know why he felt he had to defend himself to his friends, but the look in Jared's eye as that tear fell down his cheek was haunted; Chris was right, there was something more to it, and Jensen couldn't help but need to know more. He couldn't stand the fact that something must have hurt Jared badly enough to cause such a reaction.

 

“Hey what's going on with the Hell Beast anyway?” Chris said changing the subject to one even less welcome.

 

“Don't call her that,” Jensen snapped reflexively.

 

“Oh please tell me she's history this time?” Steve rolled his eyes, and he and Chris exchanged weary looks.

 

“I haven't seen her in two weeks. I'd say it's definitely over this time,” Jensen grumbled, desperately wanting to avoid the subject.

 

“Never say never, my friend.” Chris downed the rest of his beer and started pulling on his jacket.

 

“Ah, but now he's got a new obsession,” Steve teased, and Jensen couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face.

 

“For what it’s worth, Jen, I like him,” Chris told him handing Steve his jacket.

 

“That’s just cause you got the hots for his girl,” Steve said as he took his jacket and waggled his eyebrows at Chris.

 

“Get out of here, the both of you.” Jensen grinned at his friends and gave them a shove towards the door.

 

“Alright, we’re going. Have fun, Jen.” Steve smacked Jensen on the back while Chris waved goodbye, and they left Jensen to clean up the rest of the bar, his thoughts lingering on the scent of Jared’s hair and feel of the tight muscles on his arms. Jensen sighed and couldn’t help but smile at the memory.

 

***

 

After climbing three flights of stairs, Jared felt pretty damn sober by the time he and Sandy entered his apartment, and he half wished he was as drunk as he had been while still at the Lithe, at least that way the numbing depression he felt creeping over him now wouldn’t affect him so much.

 

“So,” Sandy said quietly, automatically going past the counter that separated that kitchen from the living room to the fridge and retrieving two beers. “What’s with the sudden withdrawal?” Jared took the offered beer but avoided Sandy’s gaze with a shrug. “Don’t give me that Jared, what did he do?” Sandy’s voice was firm, but she slid into the seat next to him and gently placed her hand on his knee.

 

“He didn’t do anything,” Jared said, slightly defensive of Jensen. When Sandy frowned in confusion he elaborated. “It was Steve, or rather something he said.” Now that he thought about it, Jared felt stupid and worried that he might have overreacted.

 

“What did he say?” Sandy asked softly, never pushing more than necessary.

 

Jared took a deep breath. “He said that Jensen took advantage of his students,” Jared told her, his voice toned as if he were saying something ridiculous, but when he raised his eyes to meet Sandy’s, they were full of fear and sadness, begging her to tell him it wasn’t true. Sandy bit her lip but kept her face impassive. “He actually said that? As in, just came out with it?” she probed for a clearer image, Jared could tell she was kicking herself for not paying attention, for letting herself get wrapped up in Chris, and he felt guilty for always being the one with a crisis.

 

“Well, it sounded like he said it as a joke, when he found out I was in Jensen’s class.” Jared squinted a little, waiting to be told he was a fool.

 

“So, he could’ve just been pulling your leg?” she asked.

 

Jared rested his head on Sandy’s shoulder and sighed deeply. “I dunno, Sand.”

 

“You really like him, don’t you?” Sandy linked her fingers with Jared’s and squeezed lovingly.

 

“Do you?” Jared asked, suddenly looking up at her, eyes filled with hope. Jared wanted her to tell him what to do, what to feel, but knew she couldn’t and wouldn’t do that.

 

“I don’t really know him, Jay,” she said carefully. “From what I’ve seen, he seems like a real nice guy; and you two appeared to be having plenty of fun together. It looked like he honestly likes you,” she smiled at the memory of the two of them wrestling behind the bar.

 

“Yeah, that’s how it starts,” Jared said bitterly.

 

Quickly, Sandy took Jared’s face in her hands and made him meet her intense gaze.

 

“Listen, Jared. I can’t promise you that Jensen’s not _that_ guy, that he’ll treat you right and never break your heart. But I do know that you can’t keep living in the past and assuming that’s the way it’s always gonna be.” She was half telling, half pleading with Jared.

 

“So you’re saying I should trust him?” Jared tried to look away, but Sandy kept her firm grip on his face.

 

“I’m saying that you shouldn’t jump to conclusions because of one thing Steve said. I get that you want to be cautious, and I think you’re right to be.” Jared looked lost again. “Get to know him, Jay. Be his friend.”

 

“I’m scared, Sand. I don’t trust…” Jared trailed off weakly.

 

“Jensen?”

 

“Me. I don’t trust _myself_ around him. After what Steve said, and I got outside, I couldn’t breathe, you know? But then Jensen was there, and it’s like all my fears went away, and it was just him and me; that nothing else mattered. I just wanted to touch him, to kiss him, and for him to kiss me.” Jared took a deep, shaky breath. “He made me feel safe.”

 

“Oh, Jay.”

 

“I know; it’s stupid isn’t it? I mean, I’ve only known him a day.” Jared’s stomach fluttered when he remembered Jensen’s lips descending on his and absently licked his lips, just wishing he knew what their lips touching would feel like. “But the way he makes me feel, Sand. I’ve never… Not since…”

 

“The best advice I can give you is take it slow, and never do anything you don’t feel ready for, okay?” she told him kindly but with an authority to her voice that Jared always listened to.

 

Jared nodded and looked down at his unopened beer.

 

“You staying the night?” Jared changed the subject, feeling worn out.

 

“You want me too?” Sandy smiled and took Jared’s beer from him.

 

“Yeah, that would be good,” Jared said with slight relief that he wouldn’t be on his own tonight. He watched Sandy put the untouched beers back in the fridge and stood up to make his way to the bedroom. Inside the bedroom, Jared pulled open one of his drawers and took out a large t-shirt and left it on the end of the bed. Then he stripped down to his boxers and slipped under the covers.

 

The lights from the other room clicked off and Sandy came into the bedroom. Without saying a word she undressed to her underwear before pulling the t-shirt Jared supplied over her head. Jared pulled back the covers for her and Sandy snuggled up to Jared’s warmth.

 

“Thank you,” Jared whispered into her hair and wrapped his arms around her.

 

“Anytime,” Sandy murmured. “Now go to sleep.”

 

Smiling Jared held her tighter and let his eyes close, the image of Jensen’s lips fixed on the back of his eyelids.


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

 

Jensen hadn’t felt this excited about a class since his first day teaching it, and he knew it had nothing to do with _teaching_ this time round. He just wanted to see that blinding smile and hear that contagious laughter again. The day before had dragged so slowly, he was sure time reversed at one point it took so long for it to be over.

 

Jensen looked at the clock again; it was seven past ten, a whole thirty seconds since he’d last checked, and the excitement that had been bubbling in Jensen’s stomach was slowly turning into an ache of dread. What if what Steve had said the other night really had scared Jared away? What if he thought Jensen was some slut who went through his class fucking all his students?

 

Jensen stared at the empty table near the back of the room and instead of picturing Jared’s dimples winking at him, Jensen was struck with images of those haunted eyes that had looked down at him. There was a fear buried deeply there that scared Jensen, he wanted to wipe that fear from those eyes where it had no business belonging, eyes that should have been filled with the sparkle of waiting for Sandy to taste his first cocktail.

 

Eight past ten, Jensen couldn’t wait any longer. With a heavy sigh he called for the group’s attention. After a few moments, silence descended on the room, and it was at that moment the door squeaked open, a familiar floppy haired figure slipped through the doorway and everyone turned to stare. Jared dipped his head and raised a hand in an embarrassed apology, and Jensen felt a bolt of joy shoot through his body. But when Jared didn’t meet his eyes, that joy tumbled into confusion and worry. Without any other option, Jensen continued with the class.

 

~~~

 

Jared tried not to make eye contact with Jensen, he really did, but it turned out that Jensen kept trying to make it with him. Jensen stood up there, at the front of the class and demonstrated the moves the class were to practice. Being a good student Jared paid attention and tried to take everything in, but every now and then Jensen’s gaze would fix directly on Jared’s, and Jared would feel his cheeks burn and force his line of sight down to the bottle on the table. Eventually he was so worried about catching Jensen’s gaze he found it hard to look at him at all. So, when Jensen told the class to start practicing, Jared discovered that he didn’t actually know what it was he was supposed to be doing.

 

Jared discreetly tried to watch the man at the next table, but found he did the move so fast, Jared couldn’t tell how it was done. He attempted to copy anyway and unsurprisingly the shaker tumbled to the floor, Jared was even less surprised when Jensen picked it up and handed it back to him.

 

“Thanks,” Jared mumbled and forced himself not to look into Jensen’s eyes, knowing that as soon as he did he would be lost.

 

“You know, that move’s a little advanced for you, I did suggest that the less experienced do the other one I demonstrated,” Jensen said in amusement, as he leaned his hip against the table and crossed his arms over his chest. Still, Jared didn’t look directly at him, but he could imagine the little smile playfully spreading across Jensen’s lips.

 

“Oh,” Jared said dumbly. His eyes searched the room, but everyone else appeared to be much better than him, and he just couldn’t get a handle on all the bottles and shakers flying through the air.

 

“Do you want me to show you again?” Jensen asked, taking a step forward and holding his hand out for the shaker.

 

Jared’s shoulders slumped, so much for his avoidance plan. He’d spent all of Thursday thinking about how he was going to handle seeing Jensen again, and had decided that the best course of action was to stay as far away from him as possible, not to make eye contact, and above all else, never allow _any_ physical contact.

 

“Jared?” Jensen stepped closer, his hand reaching out for the shaker. Jared watched it as if it were moving in slow motion; the pounding of his heart in his ears deafening him to any other sound. He could practically see a bolt of electricity zapping between them, the static of it making his hairs stand on end. Jensen’s fingers folded around the shaker, gently brushing against the back of Jared’s hand; heat burst though Jared’s body, his breath hitched and he couldn’t stop his face from lifting sharply as if in shock.

 

And there they were, those brilliant emerald eyes, glowing spectacularly perfect as they peered at him questioningly.

 

Jared felt the shaker slip from his grasp as he pulled his hand back roughly. Jensen was so shocked when Jared recoiled from him that he didn’t even attempt to catch the falling item.

 

The sound of the shaker clattering to the ground jarred Jared from his trance, and he blinked himself back to reality.

 

“Oh shit. I’m sorry, man,” Jared said quickly, as he bent to retrieve the shaker, but of course Jensen was doing exactly the same thing at their heads collided with a solid thump.

 

“Ouch,” they both hissed and held their hands to their heads. Jared looked sheepishly over at Jensen; he half expected Jensen to be annoyed and was pleasantly surprised when Jensen tipped his head back and laughed heartily.

 

“I’m such a klutz,” Jared chuckled, still unable to look away.

 

“Or a freak,” the guy at the next table mumbled. Jared’s face burned like it had been hit with a backdraught, and Jensen shot the guy a warning glare. The guy looked away, whispering something to the woman next to him

 

“Don’t worry about him. He seems to have forgotten that he was just as bad when he first started.” Jensen glared at the guy again and this time the guy looked sheepish and the woman he’d been whispering with smirked. “Look, let’s start out slowly,” Jensen added.

 

Jensen took the bottle from the table, and making no attempt to touch Jared, he just demonstrated a simple move. He spun the bottle in the air once and caught it around the neck.

 

“Now you try,” he suggested.

 

Jared took the bottle and a deep breath. He nodded to himself before making the bottle soar upwards; it turned slowly, and Jared held his breath as it descended towards his waiting hand. As soon as he felt it hit his skin, Jared curled his fingers round the neck of the bottle. He jerked his other hand ready to try and catch the falling bottle, but it didn’t fall, it stayed firmly in his grasp. Jared stared at the bottle in disbelief.

 

“I did it.” He looked up to see Jensen beaming at him. “I did it,” he said again, blinking to make sure his eyes weren’t deceiving him.

 

“Yes you did,” Jensen smiled with a nod. “Now do it again.”

 

“Right.” Jared turned serious again and concentrated on the bottle. He spun it and caught it. He grinned at Jensen and resisted the urge to hug him in celebration.

 

“Excellent. See, I knew you could do it.” Jensen watched as Jared proudly spun the bottle again, proving it wasn’t a fluke. “Now, make it spin twice.”

 

Jared’s smile hit the ground faster than a lightening strike, and he glared at Jensen’s smug expression.

 

“Just have to rain on my parade, don’tcha?” Jared pouted.

 

“It _is_ what I live for,” Jensen said with mock seriousness.

 

“Can’t I just-” Jared spun the bottle again, once, caught it and looked hopefully at Jensen.

 

“I wouldn’t be a very good teacher if I said ‘yes,’ now would I?” Jensen’s grin was far too superior, and Jared really wanted to stick his tongue out at him. Instead, he obligingly threw the bottle, it obediently spun twice, and they both watch in anticipation as it landed in Jared’s outstretched hand. Jared closed his hand, but not before the bottle bounced out, and Jared was left grasping nothing but empty space. The bottle tumbled to the ground, but Jared ignored it, just looking at his hand as though it had grown an extra finger.

 

“Almost,” Jensen said kindly and retrieved the bottle. “Keep practicing.”

 

Jared sighed but nodded to Jensen. He forced his eyes to look at the bottle and not Jensen’s retreating back.

 

By the end of the class, Jared had actually managed to succeed at the double spin, and he was feeling very proud of himself. He stayed to make a couple of final tries before he pulled his on jacket and turned to leave with the rest of the class.

 

“Jared, wait up a sec?” Jensen called, and Jared stiffened. He’d done fine handling Jensen today, but there had been a room full of people, now it would be just the two of them; this was different, more intimate. Still, he waited for Jensen, turning back slowly and focusing himself on the idea that they were just friends; he could do that, nothing more than friends.

 

“I did the double spin, did you see?” Jared couldn’t help the wide smile he showed when speaking about his accomplishment.

 

“I did, nice one, man,” Jensen said, returning his smile. “Look, I was thinking-”

 

Jared froze. _Oh God, what does he want? What’s he going to ask of me?_

 

“I want you to take this bottle home with you. I’m going to give you a few things to practice, okay?” Jensen handed him the bottle, and Jared took it, letting out a relieved breath.

 

“Well, that’ll save me smashing everything in Tom’s bar,” Jared laughed.

 

“Well then, he’ll owe me one.” Jensen winked at him.

 

“I’ll let him know.” They shared the laugh.

 

_Yeah, I can do this._ Jared thought, relaxing into the friendly atmosphere.

 

“So, just practice the moves you know and try to do it with your other hand too. It would be good if you could get someone to help you, throwing the bottle back and forth between you now that you’ve mastered actually catching it,” Jensen told him, and Jared nodded.

 

“Yeah sure, I bet Sandy would love to be part of it all.” Jared could just imagine him and Sandy throwing the bottle at each other. “Actually, that might not be the best idea; there could be injuries.” Jared frowned, now seeing trips to the ER involved. “But Tom knows how to do it all, so we could practice when the bars not too busy.”

 

“Well, if you’re ever stuck in need of a partner, just give me a call, okay?” Jensen was suddenly closer than Jared thought he’d been a second ago.

 

“Uh, thanks. But I think I got it covered,” Jared said past the lump that had filled his throat.

 

“So, anyway, I’m glad you came the other night,” Jensen said taking another step closer to Jared. “Did you have a good time?”

 

“I did, thanks for inviting me,” Jared gulped. He forced himself to step away before his instincts made him lean into Jensen.

 

“You should really come again. I’d even get you behind the bar again.” There was a smirk on Jensen’s face.

 

Jared remembered Jensen’s firm body pressed up behind him. His strong hands trailing down his arms as his fingers teased his skin. Jared looked into Jensen’s eyes, and his breath shuddered. Jensen moved closer, but as Jared licked his lips, Steve’s voice echoed in his head.

 

_‘Taking advantage of your students again?’_

 

“Uh, yeah. Maybe. I’ve gotta go, gotta get to work, you know?” Jared stuttered, as he quickly backed away and stumbled out the door. _This is going to be harder than I thought!_

 

***

 

By the end of the next week, Jared was exhausted. He’d worked his ass off over the weekend, and then hadn’t had a day off all week. Now it was Friday, and he was counting the minutes for his shift at Tom’s to end.

 

It didn’t help that he felt like an asshole. All week at his class, he’d been more and more off with Jensen, and the looks he was getting from his teacher were becoming less confused and more hurt. Earlier that day, at the end of the class, Jared had pretended he hadn’t heard Jensen calling out to him and bolted from the room. He couldn’t help it; every time Jensen got close to him his body flushed hot, his hands trembled, and he lost all ability to talk coherently. So much for attempting to be friends, Jared just wanted to grab the poor guy and suffocate him with kisses, it was driving him insane.

 

On the upside, he was actually starting to get the hang of catching things. He hadn’t mastered any complicated moves yet, but he and Tom could toss the bottle back and forth behind the bar, and Jared now caught it more often than he dropped it. Then Tom would usually show off with flashy moves that Jared couldn’t dream of accomplishing. Watching Tom in awe always reminded Jared of Jensen, and of watching him that night at the Lithe.

 

“You got any plans for the night?” Tom’s question jerked Jared from his thoughts. Jared glanced at the clock, five past eight, so much for counting the minutes, his shift was over, and he hadn’t even noticed. Jared grabbed a bottle of Corona and plonked himself on a bar stool; finally his body was allowed to relax.

 

“Yep,” Jared nodded. “I plan to sit here, drown myself in beer until I start to see double, then stagger home and go to sleep for the whole weekend.” Jared gulped his beer happily.

 

“Sounds like a plan to me, man,” Tom agreed. “I wish I could join ya, but someone’s gotta earn the dollars around here.” Tom gave him a wink and moved off to serve a couple of short blondes that giggled and gazed up at him adoringly.

 

“Yeah, such a hardship,” Jared chuckled. He watched Tom flirt with the women for a while before the sight of them drooling became too sickening, so he turned his attention back to his beer, resting his head on the cool, moist glass of the bottle and sighing.

 

Jared was half way through his third beer and starting to feel pleasantly buzzed, when Sandy practically jumped onto the stool beside him and hit him with a bombshell.

 

“We’re going out tonight,” she announced. Jared eyed her carefully, she was giddy; that was the only way to describe it.

 

“What’s up with you?” Jared asked, turning to face her with a grin.

 

“Chris asked me out,” she informed him, literally bouncing on her stool.

 

“Really? That’s awesome. Where’s he taking you, and what does that have to do with us going out?” Jared was about to hug her when he caught the shadow in her eye that told him to wait for the rest of the story first, because hugs can’t be taken back once given.

 

“Well, when I say he asked me out, I mean, he invited me to watch him play—at The Lithe, tonight.” Sandy at least had decency to wince, but still looked up at Jared with hopeful eyes.

 

“So go, have a good time.” Jared turned back to his beer and finished the rest of the bottle in one long gulp.

 

“Come on, Jay. Please come with me?” Sandy said, holding onto his arm and tugging encouragingly.

 

“Ugh, Sandy, don’t do this to me, please?” Jared moaned, pulling his arm out of her grip.

 

“You can’t avoid him forever you know,” Sandy said, slumping her shoulders over and resting her elbows on the bar.

 

“Oh yes I can,” Jared sing-songed.

 

“I don’t wanna go by myself,” Sandy grumbled. “I’ll be like the sad groupie waiting by the edge of the stage. At least with you there, I can dance and enjoy myself until I get to talk to Chris.”

 

Jared rolled his eyes when Sandy gave him a sidelong look. Her lips pulled slightly; she knew she was getting to him.

 

“I talked to Chris you know? I have it on good authority that Jensen’s a really good guy, and that what Steve said was bullshit. Jensen’s never asked any of his students to the bar before.”

 

Jared pretended not to be interested by drinking from his empty beer bottle.

 

“You won’t even have to talk to him. I’ll go to the bar for the drinks; we’ll stay by the stage. Please?” Sandy pouted, and Jared sighed.

 

“Alright, alright. I’ll go with you.” Jared yelped as Sandy threw herself at him, forcing him to hold onto the bar to prevent them from landing on the floor in a heap. “But we’re staying by the stage!”

 

 

It was nearly ten when they got to The Lithe, Sandy dragging him in, just like their first time there. Jeff nodded at them when they passed him at the door, and Jared wondered if Jeff was just being polite or if he actually remembered them.

 

The bar was busy, completely packed full with most of the bodies crammed onto the dance floor. Jared leaned close to Sandy’s ear to make sure she heard him.

 

“You go get us some drinks. I’ll hunt us out a spot by the stage, okay?” Sandy nodded her agreement and began pushing her way to the bar. Jared moved around the outside of the thriving dance floor finding an empty spot near the stage and looked up just as the song finished.

 

Chris noticed Jared easily, probably because his head popped out over everyone else’s; he gave Jared a cheerful wave and looked around him anxiously. Jared grinned and pointed to the bar where Sandy was getting their drinks. At the same time, Sandy was pointing over to where Jared was standing. Jared looked at whom she was speaking, and his heart skipped a beat when his eyes met shining emerald ones. There was a flash of happiness in Jensen’s face when he saw Jared, but that quickly changed to confusion and slight hurt. Jared guessed he was probably upset Jared hadn’t gone over to say “hi.”

 

Jared felt a stab of guilt punch him in the gut; it wasn’t Jensen’s fault Jared was so insecure, and he hadn’t asked to be treated like he’d done something wrong, when all he’d done was be nice to Jared, to take an interest. So, swallowing his pride, Jared threw on a wide grin and waved to Jensen. Jensen’s face lit up, and he waved back, Jared couldn’t help the honest smile that reaction caused him, and he was pretty sure he was blushing. _God, I’m such a girl._

 

Turning his attention back to the band, Jared nodded his head along with the new song they’d started playing. In no time, Sandy was by his side handing him his drink.

 

“Perks of knowing the bartender,” she grinned at how quickly she got served. Then she was focused entirely on Chris, who sent her a wink, causing her to smile so wide the people around her were surely blinded.

 

After their first drinks were empty, Sandy dragged Jared onto the dance floor, moving her tiny body skilfully with the lively music. They danced for a couple of songs until Jared was out of breath. He moved back to their spot by the stage and left her to dance on her own for a while, but wished she’d take a break to go get them another round because Jared wasn’t sure he was ready to face Jensen, just yet.

 

He was just about to suggest it to her, when she bounded up next to him. But before he could get a word out, she informed him she was taking a bathroom break, so Jared was forced to wait out the thirst dancing had given him.

 

Suddenly, there was a drink held out in front of him. Jared blinked and followed the familiar arm until he was met with Jensen’s face.

 

“You’re avoiding me!” Jensen told him, standing beside him and watching the band.

 

“What? No, no I’m not – Why would I do that?” Jared spluttered, but he accepted the drink gratefully.

 

“You know, Jay, if there’s something wro—”

 

“No nothing,” Jared cut in. “I was just enjoying the band, that’s all. I didn’t get a chance to watch them last time.”

 

Jensen appeared disappointed that Jared wouldn’t seem to tell him the truth, and there was that guilt again, a hot poker in Jared’s belly.

 

“They are pretty good, aren’t they?” Jensen turned his focus to the music. Jared watched him get lost in it, his eyes closed, an expression of calm covering his face and a small blissful smile on his lips. Jared was transfixed, Jensen looked so at peace as he swayed gently, the lights from the stage shone off his skin, and to Jared he looked more beautiful than anything he’d ever seen. Jared wanted to reach out and touch him.

 

“Amazing,” Jared said quietly, and he was certain he wasn’t talking about the band. Jared swallowed as Jensen looked over at him, and they smiled at each other.

 

Suddenly the song ended and the spell was broken.

 

“Looks like the band is taking a break; I’d better get back to work,” Jensen said unenthusiastically, running his hand through his hair.

 

“Yeah, okay,” Jared replied. Jensen looked like he wanted to say something else but he just stood there nervously for a moment, looking incredibly shy. He pointed vaguely towards the bar, and then Jared was watching him walk away.

 

Jared looked around for Sandy and spied her on the other side of the stage talking to Chris. He watched her laugh at something Chris had said and tried to decide whether or not to go over to her. Before he could decide, Steve appeared next to him, watching the couple talk and flirt.

 

Jared felt awkward around Steve after what he’d said last time they’d met, so he just gave him a quick ‘Hey,’ a small smile, and drank his beer. The silence went on, and the two men just stood there. Jared started getting fidgety and finally felt the need to break the tension.

 

“Your friend better have honourable intentions toward my friend,” he half joked, forcing out a little chuckle.

 

“I could say the same thing about you,” Steve said, deadpan.

 

“What? No, I’m not –” Jared flustered. “There’s nothing –”

 

“Look,” Steve turned to look directly into Jared’s eyes and spoke seriously. “He may act pretty sure of himself, but Jensen’s the most sensitive guy I know. He’s my best friend, and I’m not going to see him get messed up again!”

 

Jared opened his mouth to object, but his words died on his lips.

 

“Again?” he asked, concerned and confused. Had Jensen been hurt in the past, was that why Steve was acting like the guard dog?

 

Steve must have realised he’d said too much and looked away from Jared.

 

“Just make sure you don’t hurt him, okay?” Steve made as if to walk away, but Jared stopped him.

 

“I don’t know what you’re thinking, Steve. But Jensen, and I are just friends,” Jared told him, making his voice firm so it would sound like he was trying to convince Steve and not himself. “I think he’s a really nice guy, and I’ve no intention of hurting him, in any way.”

 

Steve smirked. “Just friends, huh? Sure, Jared, that’s—If you say so.” Steve smacked him on the back with a much friendlier grin and hopped back up onto the stage, signalling Chris—who was giving Sandy a soft, slow kiss on the cheek—as he went.

 

Had Jared just been warned off Jensen? What was it Steve was so worried about?

 

Jared looked over the crowd to see Jensen frowning at him slightly. Jared shook his head a little, letting Jensen know it was okay, that Steve was behaving. Jensen’s lips turned up into a small smile, it was like a secret passed across the room just for Jared, and it made his heart skip a beat. Jared returned the smile, blushing when he found he couldn’t look away; he was like prey captured by Jensen’s eyes. Someone waved a hand in front of Jensen’s face causing him to duck his head in embarrassment; Jared laughed with him and nodded when Jensen indicated getting back to work.

 

Jared was still smiling when Sandy found him; her cheeks were a little red – probably shy about Chris – and she peered meekly up at Jared.

 

“So, what was that?” she asked pointing towards the bar before Jared could question her on the kiss Chris had given her.

 

“What was what?” Jared grinned.

 

“I saw the two of you making eyes at each other,” Sandy said with a sly smile spreading across her face.

 

“We were not _making eyes_ ,” Jared protested. “I was just being polite.”

 

“You know, Jared,” Sandy said, amused as she tugged on Jared’s arm to get his attention away from where it had sneaked back to Jensen. “I suggested you get to know him, be his friend. Not treat him like a leper and completely ignore him.”

 

Jared looked guiltily at her before flicking his glance to Jensen once again. Jensen was looking at him too and flashed him a smile when their eyes met.

 

“Just go talk to him,” Sandy encouraged, giving him a little push.

 

“But I don’t know how to act around him,” Jared admitted. “He makes me crazy, and I loose the ability to even speak properly.” Jared sighed, why was it so hard? Why did he have to be so scared?

 

“I know the feeling,” Sandy said wistfully.

 

“You looked like you were doing okay from here,” Jared said, nudging her in the side. Sandy blushed, her eyes fixed on Chris, who sent a wink her way as he sang into the microphone.

 

“I like him, he’s nice,” she sighed happily.

 

“He’s nice? Oh girl, you’ve got it bad,” Jared teased. He put his arm over her shoulder and gave her a squeeze. Sandy smacked him in the chest but he just laughed at her and caught her hand as she tried again.

 

“Get off me,” Sandy squealed, and Jared poked her in the sides, tickling her. “I mean it, Jared. Keep your gigantic hands to yourself.”

 

“Or what? Your new boyfriend will beat me up?” Jared said in a schoolyard voice and poked her again.

 

“Yeah he will; he’ll protect me from the big ogre.” Sandy grinned cheekily as Jared pulled her in for another squeezing hug.

 

“Aw, baby. You know you love me,” Jared said playfully.

 

“Yeah, whatever. I’m getting a drink,” Sandy said, leaning up and placing a little kiss on Jared’s cheek before going to move away.

 

“Hold up,” Jared stopped her. “I’ll get it for you.”

 

Sandy stopped and stared at him in surprise. “You sure?” she asked.

 

“Like you said, I should go talk to him, right?” Jared answered, his voice betraying how nervous he actually was.

 

“Right,” Sandy nodded, her smile telling Jared how proud she was of him.

 

 

Eventually Jared made it to the bar and watched the blonde bartender front of him do some very impressive moves, making three cocktails in one go. He was so fascinated, that for a moment he didn’t notice another bartender asking him what he wanted.

 

“Oh, um—” Jared faltered. “Oh—I actually don’t know what it’s called. It’s a cocktail—it’s got kind of a reddish colour—I’m pretty sure it’s got alcohol in it—” Jared felt stupid and the bartender looked very unimpressed and impatient.

 

“It’s okay, I’ve got this one,” Jensen said to the bartender, who nodded, looking relieved and going off to serve someone else.

 

Jared leaned on the bar and hid his face in his hands. “God, that was embarrassing,” he moaned.

 

“This is for Sandy I take it?” Jensen chuckled good-naturedly.

 

“Yeah, I never even thought to ask what she was drinking,” Jared admitted not being able to help the grin that spread on his face, and he ended up laughing along with Jensen.

 

“You want to make it yourself?” Jensen offered, holding a shaker out to him.

 

Jared quickly held up his hands and took a step backwards. “Oh no, not tonight,” he said hastily.

 

Jensen simply shrugged and set about making Sandy’s cocktail. Jared watched him, as always, fascinated by the skilful moves and natural flare Jensen invariably showed. Eventually, Jensen placed the drink on the bar and reached for a bottle of beer, he cracked it open and held it out to Jared. Jared took the bottle, but Jensen didn’t let go, he just pulled Jared a little closer.

 

“I will get you behind this bar at some point tonight,” Jensen promised in a low voice. Jared gulped and stared into Jensen’s penetrating, bright eyes; their fingers just touching on the damp bottle.

 

“O-okay,” Jared managed to stammer. “Just—when there aren’t so many people around to laugh at me, yeah?”

 

“Deal,” Jensen agreed and released the bottle into Jared’s possession.

 

Then Jensen was gone, yet again not asking for any money for the drinks. Jared stared at his hand where he could still feel the light brush of Jensen’s fingers; he couldn’t fight the shudder that went down his spine, and he took a deep drink of his beer.

 

~~~

 

The night went quickly for Jensen. It was Friday and busier than it normally was so he was kept busy all night long. He could see Jared across the room, chatting and laughing with Sandy. He watched them dance; he watched them drink; he watched Sandy batting her eyelashes at Chris and Chris casting glances her way while he sang. He smiled at his friend, happy that he had found a nice girl to concentrate his attention on, Jensen really liked Sandy and truly hoped they’d hit it off.

 

The fact that it was now Jared who came to get the refills—not that they had a chance to talk, but at least he wasn’t being ignored anymore—made his stomach flutter with anticipation, and he found himself watching Sandy’s drink and willing her to finish it faster.

 

Eventually, last orders were called, the band finished playing, and the houselights went up. Jared helped the band pack up their equipment, while Sandy talked with Chris. Jensen said good night to the rest of the bar staff and finished cleaning up the bar.

 

When everything was done, he lined up a drink for everyone; a cocktail for Sandy and beers for Jared, Chris, Steve, Jeff, and himself. Finally, they all sat at the bar and chatted happily.

 

When Jensen had finished his beer, he went back behind the bar and gathered a few things, he looked over at Jared, who was talking animatedly with Jeff about some trouble they’d had once at Tom’s.

 

“Hey, Jay. Come here a second would ya?” Jensen called, spinning a liquor bottle on his hand. He grinned as Jared came around to join him, a puzzled look on his face. “Catch!”

 

Jensen threw the bottle to Jared, it spun in the air a few times as it covered the distance between them, and Jared lifted his hand instinctively and caught the bottle easily. Sandy started cheering, and the other men clapped at Jared’s achievement.

 

“You’ve been practicing,” Jensen beamed at him, impressed and pleased that Jared had caught it.

 

“I sure have,” Jared said and tossed the bottle back to Jensen, smiling happily.

 

“Let’s see what ya got,” Jensen challenged, causing Jared to grin smugly.

 

“Show me the way,” Jared accepted the challenge. Jensen guessed he was drunk enough to not care about making a fool of himself, but sober enough to actually pull of a few moves.

 

Jensen gripped the bottle and threw it to Jared, making sure it spun a few times. Jared caught it and raised an eyebrow at Jensen, as if to ask if that’s all he had. Well, Jensen wasn’t about to let that slide. He flicked his fingers, indicating that Jared pass the bottle back to him, as soon as it left Jared’s fingers, Jensen spun, grabbed another bottle and launched in Jared’s direction before catching the one thrown at him.

 

Jared was flustered for a second but he caught the bottle and grinned at Jensen. Jensen didn’t give him time to recover; he threw the bottle back at Jared, wondering if he’d catch on to the game. Surprisingly it only took Jared a stunned second to catch on, and then they were throwing the bottles between each other, getting an easy rhythm going.

 

“Told you I’d get you behind the bar tonight,” Jensen called over to Jared.

 

“Hope I didn’t disappoint,” Jared called back as they continued to toss the two bottles between them.

 

“Can you take a little more?” Jensen asked, but he didn’t give time for Jared to reply; instead, he just grabbed another bottle and added it to the mix. Jared caught it and the pace increased, with now three bottles being juggled between the two men.

 

“Whoa,” Jared cried when he almost missed a bottle. Jensen laughed, and then Jared lost his grip and one bottle fell to the ground, quickly followed by the next, luckily neither of them broke and Jared retrieved them quickly. Jensen kept hold of the third bottle and laughed along with everyone else, including Jared.

 

“Wow, Jared, that was awesome,” Sandy praised excitedly.

 

“You were really doing it,” Steve agreed.

 

“Nice one,” Chris nodded in approval.

 

“Wow, I can’t believe I did that,” Jared said in wonderment.

 

“Well you did, kid, so believe it,” Jeff said as he toasted him with his beer.

 

“I knew you could do it,” Jensen said proudly as he took the bottles from Jared’s hand.

 

“Yeah, I mean, Tom and I have been throwing a bottle between us pretty well, but we’ve never done two at a time, especially not three. That was amazing,” Jared exclaimed as he bounced on his feet. His entire face lit up, and Jensen was taken in by the sight for a moment.

 

“You want me to show you a few more things?” Jensen asked.

 

“Hell yeah,” Jared blurted. “I’m on a roll.”

 

“Okay, well, Jared. I’m going to leave you to it,” Sandy called before Jared could get back into practicing with Jensen.

 

“Oh, okay, I’ll walk you home,” Jared said, sounding slightly disappointed that he wouldn’t be able to stay with Jensen, but Jensen guessed that Jared didn’t like Sandy being on the streets alone.

 

“I’ve got it covered, buddy,” Chris told him and slung an arm around Sandy’s shoulder causing her to blush beautifully. Jensen could’ve kissed Chris because now Jared got to stay.

 

“You take care of my girl,” Jared warned, but with a smile on his face.

 

“She’s plenty safe with me,” Chris promised.

 

Jared leaned across the bar and gave Sandy a kiss before she and Chris left, followed by Steve who threw them a wave and a smirk.

 

“You need me to hang around?” Jeff asked at the same time as throwing on his jacket.

 

“No, I’m good, Jeff. I’ll lock up,” Jensen told him. He followed Jeff to the door so he could lock up behind him.

 

“Have a good night,” Jeff said with a wink. Jensen felt his cheeks flush and pushed Jeff gently out the door.

 

“Night Jeff,” he drawled, but smiled at the chuckle that followed Jeff down the street. He locked the doors, throwing the big bolt in place before pausing to take a moment to compose himself. Jared was waiting for him; they were alone, and Jared was finally talking to him again. Jensen blew out a nervous breath before turning to go back to the bar.

 

Jared was still behind the bar, his hands shoved in his pockets and staring at his feet like they were going to walk away from him. He looked as nervous as Jensen felt.

 

“Right—so—you want another beer?” Jensen asked to break the silence, jerking Jared out of his thoughts.

 

“Oh, yeah sure,” Jared said, nodding his head a few too many times. “Listen, Jensen, I—well I wanted to apologise.”

 

“For what?” Jensen asked as he snapped the tops off a couple of beers and handed one to Jared.

 

“For being a jerk,” Jared shrugged and peered at Jensen through his long bangs. “You were right; this past week I have been kinda avoiding you, and I’m sorry.”

 

Jensen frowned and moved closer to Jared. “So, why were you avoiding me?” he asked cautiously. Jared’s face flushed a little, making him look so young all of a sudden. Jensen’s heart clenched.

 

“Because I like you,” Jared admitted quietly after a time, refusing to meet Jensen’s gaze.

 

“You were avoiding me because you like me?” Jensen questioned, chuckling slightly at Jared’s logic, but his heart racing at the possibilities of the statement. He tipped his head, trying to find Jared’s eyes under his hair, but Jared’s concentration was focused on his foot scuffing the ground.

 

“Yeah, I like you, and I’m not really sure what to do about it; so I panicked, and I was an asshole, and I’m sorry, but I really didn’t know how to act around you, and Sandy said that I should get to know you, and I’d really like to—get to know you that is—if you wanted to get to know me, I didn’t mean to assume that you—” Jared said in a rush.

 

Jensen so wanted to kiss him right then, but he feared that Jared would run a mile if he tried. So, instead he just took Jared’s arm to get his attention and cut off his ramble.

 

“Whoa, calm down, Jared,” he called loudly but kept his tone soothing. Jared paused and finally looked at Jensen. Jensen smiled at him, rubbing his thumb over the tense muscles in Jared’s arm. “I like you too, and I would love to get to know you better.”

 

“You do? You would? Really?” Jared physically deflated, a small, hopeful smile twitching at his lips.

 

“Yeah, really,” Jensen chuckled and was relieved when Jared joined in, his smile now lighting up his face.

 

“Well—good, that’s good,” Jared said, nodding to himself as if trying to stay cool.

 

They looked at each other, silence engulfing them, and Jensen could feel the tension building up between them. That wasn’t good, he didn’t want there to be any tension getting in the way.

 

“You know, you’re going to have to learn to juggle,” he blurted suddenly, mentally kicking himself for being so random. Luckily, Jared burst out laughing, full and loud, throwing his head back and exposing his long neck that Jensen just wanted to lick.

 

“Juggle? Are you serious?” Jared asked once he’d caught his breath.

 

“I’m deadly serious, you’re gonna need to know how to do it,” Jensen told him.

 

“Why?”

 

“I’ll show you,” Jensen said. He picked up three liquor bottle and proceeded to juggle with them, throwing them high in the air and catching them with a graceful ease that made Jared severely jealous.

 

“Wow,” Jared gasped in awe and clapped in appreciation. Jensen stopped juggling and grinned at the applause. “You really think I’ll be able to do that?”

 

“Absolutely,” Jensen confirmed. “I don’t do it much behind the bar cause it’s too busy, but I’ll teach you, if you want to learn it.”

 

“Awesome.” Jared bounced on his feet like a kid just being told he’ll get a toy when he goes shopping. “I can’t wait to tell Sandy; she’s gonna go crazy.”

 

“You two are really good friends, huh?” Jensen asked as he replaced the bottles and retrieved his beer from the counter.

 

“She’s my best friend,” Jared said fondly. “Has been since high school. You won’t find a better person in the world.”

 

“And you two never hooked up?” Jensen asked cautiously; he wasn’t sure why, but it was important to him that Jared said no, even though he knew Sandy wasn’t any competition.

 

“What? Hell no,” Jared spluttered, choking slightly on the mouthful of beer he’d just taken. “She’s like a sister to me. And anyway, I’ve never been interested in girls like that.”

 

“Never? Not even when you were a kid?” Jensen asked, curious to find out everything about Jared.

 

“It just—never came up, I guess,” Jared shrugged, his cheeks reddening adorably.

 

“So you’ve only ever been with guys?” Jensen probed.

 

Jared swallowed and looked away. “Uh-huh,” he said and took a deep breath. “So, how do I go about learning to juggle?”

 

Jensen frowned a little at the sudden change of subject, but he didn’t push any further, it was obviously an uncomfortable topic for Jared, yet that only made Jensen more curious.

 

“Well, I learned with beanbags when I was a kid,” Jensen explained. “That would be a good way to start, and they don’t roll away from you when you drop them.”

 

“Okay, where can I get some of those from?” Jared asked eagerly.

 

“Tell you what,” Jensen suddenly had an idea. “I’ve got some at home. You can borrow them if you want.”

 

“Really? Thanks, that would be awesome,” Jared said a little shyly. “You wanna bring them to the next class?”

 

“Um, well—I could always bring them to your place, then I can give you a few pointers without everyone watching,” Jensen said, nervous that Jared wouldn’t want to give out his address. “It’s not something I teach in your class, I usually keep it for the advanced class. But I think you can handle it.”

 

Jared beamed at the compliment. “Yeah, that’ll work. You got a pen?”

 

Jensen practically scrambled to get Jared a pen and paper, and Jared scrawled down his address, handing it to him.

 

“So, I’ll bring them by tomorrow?” Jensen asked looking at the address.

 

“Okay, just not too early. It’s my day off, and I plan on sleeping in,” Jared told him seriously.

 

“About ten?” Jensen suggested.

 

“As long as you bring coffee,” he said.

 

“I’ll do one better, I’ll bring breakfast.” Jensen grinned as Jared face lit up.

 

“Waffles?” Jared asked hopefully.

 

“And pancakes?” Jensen suggested.

 

“Awesome.”


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

 

Jared’s stomach was doing summersaults. He paced his living room and waited for Jensen to turn up. He still couldn’t believe he’d given Jensen his address, but it had just seemed like such a normal thing to do at the time.

 

He’d woken up a nine—unable to sleep any longer, his nerves forcing him awake—showered, dressed, and quickly tidied up as best he could. He wasn’t a messy person, and he didn’t own much so it wasn’t a difficult task, but he didn’t want Jensen thinking he was a slob, so everything had to be perfect.

 

They’d stayed at the bar for hours after everyone else had left. Jensen tried teaching him to roll a bottle down his arm and catch it in his hand, but Jared couldn’t quite get it to roll all the way down, it tended to fall off before it got to his elbow. Jared a broken two bottles – luckily they were using empty ones—and apologised so much Jensen had forbidden him to use the word ‘sorry’ anymore.

 

Jared had enjoyed himself so much, they’d laughed until tears fell from their eyes. Jared had gone through the bar’s CD collection, putting on different songs and spurring heated arguments about which bands were better live. It had been like they had been friends for years.

 

When they’d said goodnight, Jared had wanted Jensen to kiss him so badly, he hadn’t cared about just being friends or getting to know each other; he just wanted to feel Jensen close to him, to taste his lips, and melt into him. But Jensen had been a perfect gentleman and had sent him away with a light touch to the small of his back and a promise to see him tomorrow.

 

Jared looked at the clock on the microwave; it was five past ten. Jensen was late. Worry wormed its way into Jared’s head and whispered evil thoughts about Jensen changing his mind; that he wasn’t coming and didn’t really want to get to know Jared at all.

 

Finally, there was a knock on the door, and Jared practically ran to answer it. He forced himself to pause, brushed his hands down his front to smooth out his shirt, and flicked his hair back. _Okay, here goes nothing_ , he thought as he pulled open the door.

 

“Hey,” he said shyly, watching Jensen fidget and look nervously up at him.

 

“Hey,” Jensen mimicked quietly. They stood and stared at each other for a moment; Jared couldn’t help dragging his eyes over Jensen, taking in his tight black tee and snug dark blue jeans that he just knew Jensen’s ass would look fantastic in if he turned round.

 

“Hey,” Jared murmured again, and blushed when he noticed Jensen looking him over too.

 

“You hungry?” Jensen asked suddenly, as though snapped out of a trance.

 

“Starving,” Jared said, and he knew it wasn’t food he was hungry for.

 

Jensen held up the bag in his hand and waved it in front of Jared’s face.

 

“Oh, right, sorry,” Jared stammered. “Come on in; I’ll get us some plates.”

 

Jared let Jensen past him and shut the door; he closed his eyes for a second and cursed himself for being so embarrassing.

 

Soon they were sitting at the counter; plates full of the waffles and pancakes Jensen had brought, just as he’d promised.

 

“God, these are delicious, where did you get them?” Jared moaned around a mouth full of pancake.

 

“There’s this place called Ali’s near mine, sells the best breakfasts in Seattle, and Ali’s a real nice girl,” Jensen explained, chuckling at Jared’s enthusiastic eating habits.

 

“You go there a lot?” Jared asked, this time remembering to swallow his food before speaking.

 

“Almost everyday,” Jensen nodded and picked up his coffee, groaning with pleasure as it went down. Jared watched in fascination, his stomach clenching at the sounds Jensen made and the look of ecstasy on his face. “They make the best coffee too.”

 

“I’ll have to check it out some time,” Jared cleared his throat and forced himself to look away, feeling his pants getting tighter so that he had to shift on his stool to get more comfortable. He was really glad Jensen was sitting the other side of the counter and couldn’t see his embarrassment.

 

“You should,” Jensen nodded in agreement. “You know, you could always go there with me, sometime, we could, you know, have dinner, or something.”

 

Jared’s heart sped up, his skin flushed with heat. _Did Jensen just ask me out on a date?_

 

“Um, yeah,” he squeaked. “I’d really like that, Jensen.” He was rewarded with a blinding smile, and stared as the corners of Jensen’s eyes creased; he wished he could make them do that all the time.

 

“Great, how about tomorrow?” Jensen suggested. “That or Wednesday ‘cause I’m stuck working the rest of the week.”

 

“Oh, I’m working Wednesday night, but tomorrow’s good, I can totally do tomorrow,” Jared insisted, nodding eagerly. He wanted to see as much of Jensen as he could, now he’d gotten over his initial fear he was desperate to spend time with the other man.

 

“Excellent, it’s a date.” Jensen paused, he looked sharply at Jared, as if he’d just realised what he’d said. “I mean – do you – only if you want it to be – a date?”

 

“Oh, um-” Jared’s throat closed up on him, he coughed to try and clear it. “Um, okay. Yeah, okay, we could do that.”

 

He smiled shyly at Jensen who beamed at him, looking for all he was worth like he’d just won the lottery.

 

“Okay, good,” Jensen smiled wider. “That’s good.” That deafening silence descended on them and Jared squirmed on his stool. “Oh, hey. I got those beanbags for you,” Jensen said suddenly. He leaned down – Jared’s eyes following the line of his back at he stretched – and pulled up the other bag he’d brought with him. Jared cleared away their empty plates before moving to Jensen’s side to see what the bag contained.

 

Jensen pulled out four beanbags, Jared thought he could probably fit all four into one hand but he didn’t test the theory. Then Jensen took out some plastic bottles, like the ones they used in class.

 

“I got these too, so you can practice at home and move onto these when you feel ready,” Jensen told him. “But I suggest you start with the bags first.”

 

Jared picked up the bags and tested their weight. “Okay, so, um, how does this work?”

 

“Just start with one to begin with,” Jensen said, taking one of the bags from Jared, their hands brushing so lightly it tickled Jared’s skin and he almost pulled his hand away.

 

“How can I juggle with just one?” he asked.

 

“Look,” Jensen instructed and started throwing the bag from one hand to the other, but his eyes never once landed on his hands, they stayed glued to the air and tracked the bag as it went up. “You gotta keep you eyes up, see where the beanbag is and catch it without looking.”

 

“Okay,” Jared said, doubting he’d be able to catch it if he wasn’t looking. But he tried and found it easy to judge where the bag was going to fall and had his hand there ready to catch it.

 

“Good,” Jensen said. “Now, this time I want you to use two. Throw them one after the other, like this, crossing them in the air and catching them.” Jensen demonstrated and after a couple of times Jared felt confident enough to give it a go. This was slightly more difficult but Jared pulled it of without too much trouble.

 

“This is easy so far,” Jared commented, happy that he hadn’t dropped anything yet.

 

“Now it gets harder,” Jensen promised. He took another one of the beanbags from Jared, held two in one hand and one in the other. “Hold them like this, then you throw one of the ones in this hand –” he held up the hand with two beanbags in it. “- then the one in the other hand and then the last one. Just try and do it once, don’t try and continue it yet. Just throw them each once and catch them, okay?”

 

Jared watched Jensen demonstrate for a moment, enjoying the way the muscles in his arms flexed as he moved them, then he stopped him, took the beanbags off him and held them in his hands as instructed.

 

“Okay, here goes nothing,” he murmured and took a deep breath to steady himself.

 

The first two bags flew into the air and were making a good course back to his waiting hands, but when he threw the third one, it went wild and ended up out of his reach. Jared leaned to try and catch it but he missed by miles and it landed with a soft thump on the floor.

 

“Told you it was harder,” Jensen chuckled as Jared picked the bag back up.

 

“Yeah, no shit,” Jared shot him an annoyed but playful look and tried again. The bags were better on track this time but the Jared was concentrating so hard to catching the third one he completely missed the second. “There’s just too much to keep track of at the same time,” Jared complained.

 

“That’s why it takes practice,” Jensen explained, smirking slightly.

 

“Don’t laugh at me,” Jared pouted. “I’m a beginner.”

 

“I’m not laughing at you, I swear,” Jensen chuckled and Jared threw a beanbag at him – which of course Jensen caught easily and threw it back, hitting Jared on his head.

 

“Hey,” Jared protested and threw the remaining two bags in quick succession. Jensen just batted them out the way and they both laughed hard.

 

“Come on, you’re supposed to be practicing,” Jensen picked up the bags and tossed them gently to Jared.

 

“Yeah okay, stop distracting me,” Jared moaned but shot Jensen a cheeky grin.

 

 

“My arms are killing me,” Jared complained after about two hours. “And I’m starving.”

 

“What? After that great big breakfast?” Jensen gaped at him. “Surely you can’t be hungry already?”

 

“What? I’m a big boy,” Jared said in his defence and didn’t fail to notice the darkening of Jensen’s eyes. “I mean, I’m tall and everything, in height. I’m not exactly short—” he gave up digging himself a deeper hole and blushed furiously. Jensen laughed heartily at his fluster but chose not to comment on it, something for which Jared was eternally grateful.

 

“So, you wanna go get some lunch?” Jensen suggested hopefully.

 

“Absolutely.” Jared praised the gods for the change of subject and grabbed his jacket, checking that his wallet and keys were in the pockets before heading for the door. Jensen followed him with a smirk still attached to his lips. “My treat, seeing as you got breakfast,” Jared insisted.

 

“That’s okay, you don’t have to buy me lunch,” Jensen argued, but Jared just shot him a “shut up” look, and Jensen backed down. “Okay, thanks.”

 

“Anywhere you wanna go?” Jared asked once they were outside.

 

“You’re paying; you choose,” Jensen said, letting Jared lead the way.

 

“I know just the place,” Jared said without offering anymore information. He bounced excitedly and took off at a quick pace; Jensen had to hurry to keep up with his long legs.

 

They chatted comfortably as they walked, bumping shoulders occasionally. When their hands brushed, Jared’s skin prickled as he fought the shiver threatening to wrack his body.

 

“So, Sandy and Chris seem to be getting along well,” Jared said, casting a glance over to Jensen to gauge his reaction. Jensen grinned.

 

“Yeah, I’m glad. They make a cute couple. Chris is a good guy, you don’t have to worry about him hurting her,” Jensen told Jared, as if he’d read Jared’s mind. 

 

Jared knew Chris was a decent person, and he knew he shouldn’t be worried but there was that nagging urge just to make sure. “I know,” Jared said. “It’s just—Sandy doesn’t date often.”

 

“How come?” Jensen asked innocently.

 

“Oh, um—” Jared bit his lip; he’d said too much.

 

“Oh hey, don’t worry, man. It’s none of my business,” Jensen quickly rescued him, and Jared was grateful.

 

“I know I shouldn’t worry about her as much as I do; Sandy’s ten times tougher than I’ll ever be,” Jared tried to carry on as though he hadn’t slipped up. He didn’t want to tell Jensen that Sandy didn’t date because guys didn’t like how close she was to him. How Sandy would drop everything she was doing to go to him if he called her, freaking out. They hated that sometimes Jared would turn up at Sandy’s door in the early hours of the morning, and Sandy would lie on the sofa with him while he cried himself to sleep. But Sandy never complained, not once; she’d dumped many a guy because they’d called Jared a freak in front of her, and that was something she wouldn’t stand for.

 

Jared loved Sandy; he always would, but he often wished he didn’t have to rely on her so heavily. He constantly felt guilty that her life revolved around him. She’d moved away from her home and her family to come and live with Jared in Seattle, and to do so she’d told her parents she wanted to go to the college there. So, they’d let her apply to Seattle U and the UW and were really excited when she was accepted to her first choice of UW. She never once told anyone where Jared was or that she even knew he was okay. Jared had asked her to keep it a secret, and that’s exactly what she’d done. Sandy kept many secrets for him, and he’d be eternally grateful.

 

“Oh, I don’t know,” Jensen said slyly, bringing Jared out of his musings. “I seem to remember a certain someone knocking a sleaze flat on his ass because he messed with Sandy. That makes you pretty tough in my book.”

 

Jared flushed and ducked his head. “You wanna know something?” he asked sheepishly; Jensen nodded and fixed his gaze on Jared. “That was the first time I’d ever hit anyone in my life.”

 

Jensen gawked at him in disbelief. “What, ever?” Jared nodded in the affirmative, and Jensen shook his head in wonder. “Wow, that’s—wow. So, what are you, some sort of pacifist?”

 

Jared laughed. “No, I’ve got nothing against someone getting a smack if they deserve it; it’s just never been something I’ve been able to do before.” Jared suddenly decided that _this_ wasn’t a conversation he wanted to be having either. Being friends with Jensen was going to be harder than he’d thought, there were so many things he couldn’t tell him and wouldn’t want to even if he _could_ voice them; Jensen would probably run screaming if he knew.

 

“Wow, you must’ve lived a pretty perfect life, never having to fight anyone,” Jensen said as though he were impressed and a little envious.

 

_If only you knew!_ Jared thought miserably.

 

Jared looked away, a dark cloud spreading over his previous good mood. Luckily he was saved by the sight of the café. Jared pointed to their destination. “We’re here,” he told Jensen who had been frowning at him, studying him as if he knew Jared was hiding something.

 

Hastily Jared opened the door for Jensen, and waited till he’d stepped inside to follow.

 

“Well, lookie what we have here,” said a voice. Jared was surprised to see Chris standing up from a booth and enveloping Jensen in a friendly hug; a jolt of jealousy shot through Jared, but he shook it away and beamed when he saw Sandy coming towards him.

 

“Hey girl, I didn’t know you were gonna be here,” he said, greeting her with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and wondered briefly if Jensen would be jealous too.

 

“I don’t run my schedule past you, you know,” Sandy teased and kept a hand on his arm. She waved to Jensen before shooting Jared a knowing look, causing Jared to go a deep shade of red.

 

“You can talk,” he hissed in her ear and looked towards Chris, who was talking with Jensen. This time, it was Sandy’s turn to blush and Jared stared at her open mouthed. “You didn’t.” He could tell just by her expression that she’d slept with Chris, that they hadn’t been apart since they’d left the bar the night before.

 

Sandy beamed at him, bouncing on her heels, her eyes glowing with excitement. Jared couldn’t help it, he wrapped his arms around her again and squeezed her tight, so happy that Sandy had trusted Chris enough to be with him like that. Sandy hugged him back just as hard.

 

“Do I need to have ‘the talk’ with him?” Jared teased, and Sandy smacked him hard.

 

“Don’t you dare,” she hissed at him. “I really like this guy; don’t go scaring him off, okay?”

 

Jared looked down, all jesting suddenly forgotten and his previous thoughts flooding back into his head. 

 

Sandy noticed immediately, and her face fell. “Oh, honey. I didn’t mean it like that; you know I didn’t,” she said desperately.

 

“I know, it’s okay, Sand, don’t worry. I’ll try not to spoil it for you; I promise,” Jared told her and swore to himself that it was true. He really liked Chris, and he was happy for them.

 

“Hey,” Sandy nudged him, looking at him with a worried expression. “We okay?”

 

“Always,” Jared reassured her quickly, and he meant it; he’d never hold anything against Sandy. He gave her one last quick squeeze before releasing her and heading to the booth Jensen and Chris were sitting in.

 

“Hey,” Jensen smiled when Jared slid in next to him. “So, what’s good here?”

 

“Everything,” Sandy supplied, sitting next to Chris and moving to sit very close to him. Jared could see Chris’s hand move to her knee under the table and he fought the smile that itched to stretch his lips.

 

“What’ll ya have?” the waitress appeared by their table, note pad in hand and pen poised at the ready.

 

Jared exchanged a glance with Sandy who just grinned, eye flashing. “We’ll have two chicken burgers with everything but tomatoes, extra mayo and double fries, please,” he told the waitress, who jotted it down and nodded. Then she looked expectantly at Chris and Jensen who were staring at Jared and Sandy in confusion.

 

“Um, I’ll have the cheese burger and small fries, please,” Jensen placed his order.

 

“Sounds good, I’ll have the same, but with large fries and a side salad,” Chris said, snapping the menu closed.

 

“You guys want coffee while you wait?” the waitress asked.

 

“We will,” Sandy said, indicating her and Jared.

 

“Yes please,” Chris and Jensen said at the same time. The waitress finished noting everything down and left the table.

 

“You guys eat here often?” Jensen asked, staring at Jared and Sandy, an amused expression on his face.

 

“All the time, why?” Jared asked.

 

Jensen and Chris laughed at the confused looks he and Sandy were giving them.

 

“Do you always order for each other?” Chris questioned with a chuckle.

 

“Oh.” Jared bit his lip and laughed.

 

“Yeah, we kinda do that a lot,” Sandy said meekly.

 

“People say we share a brain,” Jared explained.

 

“So long as that’s all you share,” Chris said and draped an arm over Sandy’s shoulders; she snuggled closer to him, a happy smile on her face.

 

“I think you’re safe,” Jared laughed. “As much as I love her, she’s not quite what I go for.”

 

“I can see that,” Chris smirked and flicked his eyes to Jensen, who blushed beautifully at the unsaid accusation.

 

Jared smiled shyly at Jensen, his own cheeks burning. Then Jensen made an unexpected move and placed his hand hesitantly over Jared’s on the table. Jared was so shocked he just stared at their hands; he didn’t know what to do. Looking up he met Sandy’s eyes a silently begged her for advice. Sandy smiled at him and tilted her head in a slight nod. She was telling him to go for it; that it would be okay.

 

Slowly and cautiously Jared turned his hand until his and Jensen’s palms were touching and Jensen linked their fingers, giving Jared’s hand a little squeeze. Jared’s heart was beating way too fast, he knew it was irrational to be overwhelmed just by holding hands, but that’s how he felt; he’d never just held hands with a guy before. Hell, he’d never even dated another guy before, not since… This whole thing was so knew to him, and he was terrified.

 

Everyone made small talk around him, but all Jared could focus on was the warm heat of Jensen’s hand and the slow movement of his thumb tracing circles into Jared’s skin. When their food was placed in front of them, Jensen still didn’t release his hand; instead he used his other hand to pick at his fries. Jared did the same, his appetite no longer as strong as it had been just half an hour previous. How could he focus on food when Jensen was _holding his hand?_

 

“I think we’re gonna need a crowbar, Sandy,” Chris joked, looking pointedly at Jensen and Jared’s combined fingers. “At least so they don’t starve to death.”

 

Sandy smacked him in the chest. “Leave them alone; it’s sweet,” she scolded.

 

Jensen gave Jared’s hand a squeeze before untwining their fingers and releasing his grip. Jared immediately felt the loss of Jensen’s warmth and just wanted to grab his hand back and never let go; instead he smiled shyly and occupied his hand by picking up his chicken burger.

 

While they ate their food, Chris talked about the band, telling them about the other venues they played, and Sandy listened with wrapped attention.

 

“I swear, Jen here only keeps himself so busy behind the bar so he doesn’t have to sing with us,” Chris said slyly, a second later he flinched and there was a thud, Jared laughed when he realised Jensen had just kicked Chris under the table.

 

“You sing?” Jared asked innocently.

 

“No,” Jensen said firmly.

 

“Oh, don’t let him sugar coat it; Jen’s a great singer, he just suffers from stage fright,” Chris informed them, ignoring the deadly glares he was getting from Jensen.

 

“Oh, I know how you feel,” Sandy commented sympathetically. “I tried to do a show once in high school, do you remember, Jay? I had Jared rehearsing the lines with me for weeks before the auditions, and when it got to my turn, I stood up on that stage and couldn’t say a word; I was completely frozen solid. Thus ending my great acting career.”

 

“So, how come you didn’t audition too?” Jensen asked Jared curiously. “I get the impression you two did everything together.”

 

Sandy’s eyes widened, and Jared gulped hard on the bite of food he was chewing. Jared forced a laugh, stretching his smile wide enough to hurt.

 

“Oh no, really not my thing,” Jared said, trying to keep his voice steady.

 

“How come?” Chris probed, and Jared winced.

 

“I wasn’t exactly what you’d call ‘outgoing’ in school,” Jared tried to explain, without mentioning that he was the school’s punching bag, and that the last thing he wanted was to put himself on show for more ridicule than he already got. “I tended to stick to my studies.”

 

“Yeah, what did you study on college?” Jensen asked, honestly interested in Jared’s life.

 

Jared looked at Sandy and the sympathetic apology he saw in her eyes broke his heart; she was blaming herself for bringing up the topic of school, and now Jared had to answer all the difficult questions he liked to avoid. But Jared knew that by getting involved with Jensen he was going to have to go through all this at some point; better now than later.

 

“I never went to college,” Jared said quietly.

 

“Why not, if you studied so hard in school?” Chris seemed oblivious to Jared’s discomfort, but Jensen must have noticed because he took Jared’s hand where he was clenching it in his lap. Jared thought he should lie; he should say he took a year off and just never went back, or that he wanted to travel and ended up here working for Tom, but when he looked into Jensen’s eyes he found himself unable to lie to him.

 

“Because I never finished high school,” he said weakly, his voice cracking slightly. He looked away, unable to bear the sympathetic curiosity on Jensen’s face.

 

Jared waited, drowning in the stunned silence he’d caused. He knew the inevitable question would come any second, and they would ask him why he didn’t finish high school, what went wrong, why was he such a screw up?

 

“Oh crap, I’ve got to go,” Jensen said suddenly, looking at his watch. “I’ve got tons of things to do before I have to open up tonight.”

 

“Oh, okay,” Jared said. He wondered if Jensen was just making an excuse, if really he just wanted to get away from Jared. Jared slid out of the booth so Jensen could get out.

 

“Walk me out?” Jensen asked Jared, holding his hand out, a hopeful expression on his face.

 

“Sure,” Jared smiled and took his hand. “I’ll be back in a minute,” he told Sandy and Chris.

 

Once they were outside the door Jensen turned to Jared, looking meekly at him.

 

“I’m sorry about that, sometimes Chris doesn’t know when to stop,” Jensen apologised.

 

“Oh hey, don’t worry about it,” Jared waved away his apology, but on the inside he was overjoyed. “It’s just not something I like to talk about much.”

 

“I get that, and it’s okay,” Jensen told him seriously. “But if you ever did want to tell me, I’d listen.”

 

Jared smiled. How did Jensen get to be so wonderful? “Thanks,” he murmured.

 

“So, we still on for tomorrow?” Jensen asked, his face lighting up at the mention of their date.

 

“Definitely,” Jared confirmed, pleased that Jensen still wanted to go with him.

 

“Cool, I’ll pick you up around seven?” Jensen queried.

 

“Seven sounds perfect,” Jared grinned.

 

Jensen still hadn’t let go of his hand, and Jared held on to it like a lifeline, afraid that if he let go Jensen would run as far away from him as possible, and Jared honestly didn’t think he could handle that rejection.

 

Jensen stepped closer, tugging gently on Jared’s hand, urging him to do the same. They were standing so close their chests were almost touching; Jared could feel Jensen’s breath on his face sending tingling sensations through his body.

 

“So, tomorrow then,” Jensen almost whispered.

 

“Yeah, seven o’clock,” Jared nodded and leaned toward Jensen a little.

 

“I’m looking forward to it,” Jensen licked his lips, and Jared followed the move with wide eyes.

 

“Me too,” Jared left his lips parted and felt Jensen’s hand fall onto his hip, softly caressing the skin there.

 

A group of teenagers pushed past them, trying to get into the café, and they were forced apart.

 

They chuckled a little when they came back together, but this time they didn’t touch, the moment was broken.

 

“Tomorrow,” Jensen said firmly.

 

“Tomorrow,” Jared agreed.

 

Then Jensen was gone; Jared watched his back until he disappeared round the corner, but Jensen did turn back, taking one last look at Jared before waving goodbye and leaving.

 

Jared bounded back into the café, remembering that he still had to pay the bill and that Sandy and Chris were waiting for him. He was grinning so hard when he returned to the booth that Sandy’s worried expression melted away immediately. All thoughts of school, college, and failures forgotten.

 

Chris and Sandy appeared to be very cosy together, so Jared quickly excused himself, paid the bill for his and Jensen’s food, and left them to it, kissing Sandy on the cheek and whispering in her ear for her to behave herself.

 

Sandy smacked him, but grinned and he left. Jared smiled too, really glad to see Sandy so happy.

 

***

 

Jensen paced outside Jared’s door. He’d been there ten minutes already, but still hadn’t summoned up the nerve to knock. He looked down at himself once again, smoothing out invisible creases from his blue and white checked shirt. He should have worn the green one; everyone always told him he looked good in green. Should he have worn slacks instead of jeans? No, they weren’t going to a dressy place, but it was a date so dressy casual was good. He looked good; he was sure he did.

 

Taking a deep breath, he raised his fist and finally knocked on the door. He fidgeted from one foot to the other while he waited for Jared to answer. He couldn’t wait to see the Jared; he’d been excited about their date all day, and Steve had taken great pleasure in teasing him for it. Chris was still no where to be seen; Jensen assumed he was still with Sandy.

 

From the other side of the door Jensen heard a thud, a crash, and some muffled curses. He smiled. _Looks like I’m not the only one who’s nervous._

 

Finally, the door opened, and Jensen caught his breath when he saw Jared. He wore faded blue jeans and a black, long-sleeved tee that hugged his body. Jensen found his eyes tracing the defined muscles that showed through the material and longed to reach out and touch them.

 

“Wow, you look amazing,” Jensen choked on his own words and smiled endearingly when Jared blushed.

 

“You look pretty amazing yourself,” Jared said shyly, his eyes skimming up and down Jensen’s body.

 

“Thanks,” Jensen smiled. They stood in an awkward silence for a moment. “You ready to go?” Jensen asked quickly.

 

“Um, yeah, lead the way.”

 

 

The diner wasn’t far and within half an hour they were seated with their orders in front of them.

 

“Wow, this looks great,” Jared commented as he practically salivated over his steak. Jensen just chuckled and chose not to say “I told you so.”

 

“So, I haven’t seen Chris for a while, is he still hanging out with Sandy?” Jensen chose to ask instead, starting them off on familiar and friendly ground.

 

“You know, I haven’t seen Sandy either, so I’d say it’s a fair bet that they’re still holed up somewhere,” Jared said waggling his eyebrows and sticking his tongue between his teeth. 

 

Jensen watched Jared’s pink tongue get squashed between his white teeth and licked his lips absently.

 

Clearing his throat, he stared at his food. “I sense love in the air,” he smiled, knowing that Jared was just as happy for Chris and Sandy as he was.

 

“It’s about time; Sandy could use some loving in her life,” Jared said after swallowing a mouthful of steak. “If there’s anyone that deserves it, it’s her!”

 

“What about you?” Jensen probed, staring at Jared, so he didn’t miss his reaction.

 

“What about me what?” Jared asked, confused.

 

“You ever been in love?”

 

“Oh,” Jared paused, frowning into his beer before taking a loud, deep gulp. “I thought I was—once—a long time ago.” His eyes rose to meet Jensen’s, and Jensen gasped at the overwhelming sadness he saw buried in there, along with a fair mixture of pain, and was that—fear?

 

“Got burned huh?” Jensen said knowingly; he knew just how that felt.

 

“You could say that,” Jared said quietly. Jared’s knuckles whitened around his beer bottle, and Jensen winced, hoping he wouldn’t break it.

 

“What happened?” he asked cautiously, but curious to find out who it was that had hurt Jared so badly.

 

“He just—” Jared stared at the table, his eyes haunted as though he was staring into the past. “He wasn’t the person I thought he was,” Jared finished, his voice quivering so badly Jensen reached out and took the hand that didn’t have a death grip on the beer bottle.

 

“I know how that goes,” he said sympathetically. Jared glanced up, his eyes swimming with tears and Jensen really wanted to ask more, but Jared jumped on the change of focus.

 

“You were in love once?” Jared sat up straighter, drained the rest of his beer, and finally let go of the bottle, but his fingers still gripped Jensen’s hand tightly, and Jensen revelled in the touch.

 

“I guess you could call it love; I don’t think I’ll ever know if it was returned though,” Jensen frowned and prodded his food with his fork. “I think maybe I wanted it to be love, so I tried harder to make it that. Does that make sense?”

 

“More than you know,” Jared nodded wistfully, and then he stared into Jensen’s eyes seriously. “But I can tell you for sure, that just trying to make it real doesn’t make it happen. Staying just makes it worse and more painful, and the longer it goes on the harder it is to leave.”

 

Jensen studied Jared, who smiled sadly at him before turning his attention to his dinner. This wasn’t what Jensen had in mind when he’d asked Jared on a date; he hadn’t intended it to be a painful trip down memory lane, so he decided now was the best time to change the subject.

 

“So, how’s the juggling going?” Jensen asked.

 

Jared looked up at him and grinned, obviously very grateful for the change in conversation.

 

“I’ve broken one lamp, knocked over two drinks, and almost cooked one when it landed on the stove while I was cooking my dinner last night,” Jared reeled off his failures. He released Jensen’s hand so he could demonstrate wildly with his arms.

 

“Jesus Jared, you really are lethal aren’t you?” Jensen laughed, pleased when he saw that twinkle in Jared’s eyes return.

 

“But, I have managed to catch them, the accidents mostly happened when I tried to take it further,” Jared admitted only making Jensen laugh harder.

 

“Maybe we should make you practice in a wide open space; save the breakables,” Jensen suggested with a mischievous grin.

 

“Oh yeah, so all the passers by can laugh at me too,” Jared sulked, pouting his lips in a way that went straight to Jensen’s groin. Jensen swallowed, hard, and cleared his throat.

 

“So, you um, want desert?” he asked when he noticed their plates were empty.

 

“Of course, you can’t have a dinner without desert; it’s the best part of the meal,” Jared said incredulously.

 

Jensen’s heart leapt as he watched Jared bounce in his seat, grab the menu and start scanning the deserts, his mouth practically drooling at the options.

 

“Urgh, I can’t decide,” Jared moaned. “I really like the sound of the blueberry cheesecake, but the chocolate gateau is just a classic after dinner treat.”

 

“Tell you what, why don’t we get both, and we can share?” Jensen suggested, and Jared’s face lit up like a kid who was just told he could get both toys from the store.

 

“Deal,” Jared agreed, and they stared at each other happily for a moment before Jensen raised his hand and signalled the waitress over.

 

In no time, they had the two deserts between them, and Jared was digging in with enthusiasm. Jensen just watched as Jared shoved a forkful of the chocolate gateau into his mouth, groaning around the cutlery and pulling it out agonisingly slowly, sucking off every last remnant of chocolate. Jensen’s breath became short as Jared’s tongue came out to sweep across his lips, his eyes closed in ecstasy, and Jensen’s hand gripped his napkin hard enough to feel his nails digging into his skin through it.

 

Jared looked up and saw Jensen watching him. He blushed and gave an embarrassed smile.

 

“What?” he asked.

 

“You really love your deserts, don’t you?” Jensen choked out.

 

“Hell yeah; this is delicious,” Jared nodded enthusiastically. “Here, we’re supposed to be sharing. Try some.” Before he knew what was happening, Jared was leaning over the table and shoving a forkful of gateau into Jensen’s mouth. Jensen gaped around the mound of desert and struggled to get it all into his mouth and not on it; it didn’t help that he was trying not to laugh and spit it all out again.

 

Jared laughed out loud and continued to hold the fork in Jensen’s mouth until he had managed to close his mouth around it, and then he slowly pulled it out past his lips. Their eyes locked on each other, all laughter stopped, and the air became charged. Jared’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, his gaze flicking from Jensen’s mouth to his eyes.

 

“Um, I’m just gonna—use the restroom,” Jared said suddenly and dashed from the table. Jensen watched him go in confusion. Had Jensen spooked him? Jensen had thought they were getting along great. Jensen sighed, and ate some of the blueberry cheesecake, it was really good. Jared would love it.


	5. Chapter 5

  
Author's notes: This chapter contains dub-con/sexual abuse of an under-age Jared.  


* * *

Part 5

 

Jared barged into the bathroom and immediately locked himself in one of the stalls. He looked down at himself, the large bulge in his jeans clearly showing his painful erection. Just watching Jensen eat from that fork, seeing his pupils dilate when he focused on Jared, Jesus, he was hard in seconds.

 

Jared tried to will it away, desperately wanting it gone, but Jensen’s face kept flashing into his mind, his lips smeared with chocolate, and his eyes boring into Jared’s. Jared’s breath came in pants and gasps as he stared up at the ceiling, trying to think of anything to calm himself down, but his dick just kept pushing at the fabric of his pants, begging for some release.

 

_Fuck!_ Jared hit the back of his head against the stall wall. With a shaky hand he palmed himself through his jeans, his dick jumped into the touch eagerly, and pleasure shot through Jared’s body. Jared groaned and rubbed himself, Jensen invading his mind, making him even harder.

 

Reluctantly, Jared’s trembling fingers popped the button on his jeans and slowly lowered the zipper; he pulled the material aside until his cock sprang from its confines causing Jared to shiver at the sudden cold air on it.

 

Jared sobbed as he slowly wrapped his hand around his length, gasping at the sudden sensation. He never did this, he never masturbated, not if he could help it, but he couldn’t hide out here forever waiting for it to go away, Jensen was waiting for him, and what would Jared do if he came looking for him?

 

Tentatively, he slid his fist up, his legs shaking with need and anxiety. He moved his hand down again, gradually speeding up his movements. He did nothing else to get himself off, he just kept up the rhythm and focused on Jensen’s image in his mind. Slowly, he could feel his climax building, and he willed it to be over already.

 

_“That’s it, Jared, touch yourself for me, there’s a good boy.”_

 

Oh God no, please God no. Jared squeezed his eyes closed and prayed this wasn’t happening. _Jensen! Think of Jensen_ , he ordered himself. But the voice in his head didn’t relent.

 

_“No, no, no, don’t stop now, you’re doing so well. You look amazing getting yourself off for me. Open your eyes, Jared. Look at me while you fuck your own fist, I want you to focus on me and only me, whenever you come you’re gonna see my face.”_

 

Jared’s eyes flew open, he wanted to pull his hand away from himself, but his climax was so close, begging him to give it release, not to suppress it like he normally did. Tears fell down his face, and he continued to pump himself, just as he’d been taught to.

 

_“Yeah, baby boy, that’s good isn’t it? Doesn’t it feel good?” Jared nodded, his eyes focused, just as he’d been told to, his hand moving faster and faster and his breathing becoming laboured. “God, I can’t take watching you like this, it’s too much. Get on your knees.”_

_Jared could do nothing but obey, he sank to his knees and waited for the rock hard cock to be shoved in his face. When it appeared he didn’t even wait to be told, he knew what was expected of him. He opened his mouth and nearly choked when it was forced to the back of his throat. But he quickly swallowed and opened his throat, knowing he wasn’t allowed to gag._

_“Oh, baby boy, you’re so good at this now. Didn’t I teach you well? Come on, don’t stop, I wanna see you come before you drink me.” Jared’s grip tightened on his cock, struggling to concentrate on himself while his mouth was being fucked raw._

_“Oh fuck, Jared, good boy, there’s my good boy. Opened wide for me. I just might have to fuck you after this; you’d like that wouldn’t you?” Jared forced his tears not to fall; forced himself to nod around his mouthful._

_“Now, come for me.” Just as ordered Jared let himself go, not wanting the mad response he’d get if he didn’t._

 

Jared came into his hand; he didn’t make a sound, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood as he tried to suppress his sobs, the wrong face flashing before his eyes, no matter how hard he tried to think of Jensen, he just refused to appear in Jared’s head; Jared’s memory beating away the happy thoughts and replacing them with the images of his nightmares.

 

Jared sank to the ground, his body shaking violently as silent tears streamed down his cheeks. But his mind wouldn’t let go, it wouldn’t end it there, and he was still assaulted with images and memories; his throat becoming sore as though the nightmare was manifesting.

 

_“Oh yeah, Jared.” Strong hands gripped his hair and his mouth was pounded into. “I’m gonna fuck you so good after this; you’ve been such a good boy; you deserve a treat.” Jared clenched his fists at his sides and took everything that was given. “Suck harder.” He sucked harder. “Come on, baby boy, suck me, suck me good and proper.” Jared sucked him; he used his tongue just as he’d been told, and his heart pounded faster at the moans and groans he heard from above._

_“Uh, keep going, baby boy, nearly there—fuck—that’s it. God your mouth, so hot and wet, opening up so willingly for me. And only for me, isn’t that right, boy?” The hands in his hair clenched painfully, his jaw screamed its agony, and he had to force his eyes to stay looking up, not to squeeze them closed and try to shut it all out._

_“I hope—you’re thirsty.” That was the only warning he got before he was being forced to swallow copious amounts of come; it shot down his throat as the cock continued to fuck his mouth._

_When it finally pulled out, Jared allowed himself to slide down so he was sitting on the floor. His hand covered in his come, his trousers still round his ankles, but he knew he wasn’t allowed to pull them up yet, he had to remain on display until told. The body in front of him moved down to join him. Without having to be told, Jared moved to lean back into the waiting arms, and allowed himself to be held, a hand stroking in his hair._

_“Ah, Jared. You were amazing, as always. Good boy, I’ll make sure you’re properly rewarded for all your hard work.” Jared fought the shiver that promise stirred in him. “I love you, Jared. Never forget that.”_

_“I love you, too,” Jared said automatically, knowing he’d only cause upset if he didn’t, but the words burned in his throat, bile rising up to tease him. He swallowed it down, leaned his head against the panting chest behind him and let the arms embrace him. He closed his eyes as kisses were pressed into his hair._

_“I know you do, baby boy, I know you do. And you always will.”_

 

Jared turned on the ground so he was on his knees, and gagged into the porcelain bowl next to him, his body threatening to bring up everything he’d just eaten. Hot tears stung his eyes and he fought to keep them back; he’d cried enough already.

 

He sighed in relief when his stomach stopped clenching and thanked God that he hadn’t actually thrown up; he had no mints or anything to disguise the smell, and he didn’t want Jensen to think he was bulimic or something.

 

Jared rolled off some toilet paper and wiped his trembling hand clean. _I can’t go out there like this, he’s gonna ask what’s wrong, and what am I supposed to say? God, why did this have to happen? Things were going so well, why did I have to go and screw it all up?_

 

Desperately, Jared groped in his pocket and retrieved his cell, he punched speed dial one and waited nervously for an answer.

 

“Jared?” the concerned voice asked. “Aren’t you supposed to on your date with Jensen?”

 

“Talk to me, Sand?” Jared begged, his voice shaking harder than he knew it would.

 

“Oh, Jay, what happened?” Sandy asked, panic evident in her voice. Then there was another voice in the background, Jared heard Sandy tell the person something before coming back. “It’s okay, Jay. Tell me what happened?”

 

“Who’s there with you?” Jared asked, hoping against hope that it was just Tom.

 

“It’s okay, it’s just Chris,” Sandy told him, and Jared cursed himself. He was doing it again, getting in the way of her relationship.

 

“Oh Sand, I’m sorry, I should have known you were busy,” Jared apologised. “Don’t worry okay, I just freaked a little and needed to hear your voice, but I’m fine now,” he lied.

 

“Are you sure?” Sandy asked sceptically. “You don’t sound fine. Listen, Chris is fine, he’s gone to make a phone call anyway.”

 

Sandy’s reassurance calmed him down slightly, and Jared gave in.

 

“It was all going so well, Sand. We were getting along great, and I really like him, you know?” Jared said sorrowfully.

 

“Did he—did he do something, Jared?” Sandy said sternly, her tone clearly not taking bullshit for an answer.

 

“No, no nothing like that,” Jared promised. “He’s perfect, better than perfect. Sometimes I feel like he can see right into me, you know?”

 

“Good, ‘cause I’d hate to have to kick his ass,” Sandy joked, and Jared felt a smile spread over his lips. Sandy could always cheer him up, even without trying. “So, what’s the problem?” she asked gently.

 

“Why do I have to be such a freak? Why can’t I just be attracted to a guy without—without—‘things’ getting in the way?” Jared asked, knowing that Sandy would know that his memories had just assaulted him from what he’d said, she knew him so well.

 

“Is it over?” she asked softly.

 

“Yeah, I think so,” Jared nodded, even though she couldn’t see him.

 

“Okay honey, that’s good. Where are you?”

 

“In the restroom, at the diner,” Jared cringed.

 

“Oh God, is he waiting for you?” Sandy gasped, suddenly realising how devastating it was for Jared.

 

“Yeah,” Jared croaked. “What am I gonna do, Sand? I’m a mess.”

 

“It’s okay, you just have to calm down,” she told him. “Go wash your face, cold water on your eyes to get the puffiness down.

 

“Okay,” Jared agreed and took a deep breath. “Thanks Sand, I’m really sorry for bugging you.”

 

“Jay, you never have to apologies, you know that,” Sandy reassured, and Jared loved her even more.

 

 

Jensen was just about to go and check on Jared when his phone rang. He fished it out of his jeans and answered it.

 

“Hey, Jen. So, what’ve you done to him?” Chris’s voice came over the line.

 

“Huh? Chris, are you drunk?” Jensen said into the phone.

 

“No, man. Well, maybe a little bit but that’s not the point,” Chris confessed. “Aren’t you with Jared at the moment?”

 

“Yeah, he’s in the can, what about it?” Jensen frowned, why was Chris asking about Jared?

 

“Yeah, well he’s on the phone to Sandy right now and from the sounds of it he’s upset about something,” Chris told him.

 

“Shit,” Jensen cursed. He knew there was something wrong, the way Jared had bolted like that. “What did he say?”

 

“Not a clue, I just heard Sandy asking him what was wrong, then I left ‘em to it,” Chris explained, his voice sounded concerned. “I know she’s really protective of him; she gave me a grilling about you a while ago.”

 

“She did? Well I kinda understand that; Jared did the same thing about you in a way,” Jensen said. “I mean, they are best friends, and they’re really close.”

 

“So, you haven’t done anything? I shouldn’t be rushing to defend you from her? ‘Cause, dude, that could get awkward,” Chris asked, and Jensen chuckled.

 

“You scared of your girlfriend?” Jensen teased.

 

“Yeah, man. This girl don’t take no crap, if you know what I mean. It’s one of the things I like about her,” Chris said happily before getting serious again. “So you’re innocent?”

 

“As far as I know. Jared did seem a little weird when he went to the bathroom, and he’s been a while,” Jensen started to worry again.

 

“Well, look out for him, okay. I still think there’s something wrong with that kid,” Chris warned. “Don’t get me wrong, I like him, he’s really cool, but he’s got issues, you know?”

 

Jensen did know; he could tell there was something, maybe a lot of things Jared was hiding, but he didn’t care about that. Sure he was curious, but he didn’t care about Jared’s past; he just wanted to know who Jared was now. However, Jensen didn’t have time to think on it any more because he saw Jared making his way back to the table.

 

“Oh hey, I gotta go; he’s coming back,” Jensen hissed into the phone.

 

“Alright buddy, have a good night,” Chris said cheerily.

 

“Yeah, you too; bye Chris,” Jensen smiled, knowing Chris would most likely have a very good night if he was still with Sandy.

 

“Hey,” Jared said quietly as he sat down. His face looked a little flushed, and he appeared nervous.

 

“Hey, you okay? You were in there a while,” Jensen asked cautiously; the last thing he wanted to do was make Jared bolt again.

 

“Yeah, I’m good,” Jared nodded and picked up his fork. Jensen noticed he didn’t eat anything; he just prodded at the desert in front of him.

 

Jensen wanted to ask more, but more than anything he wanted Jared to feel comfortable around him. He saw the slight shake of Jared’s hand as he stabbed into a blueberry and made a decision.

 

“Hey, you wanna get out of here?” he asked suddenly. Jared’s head shot up as though he hadn’t been expecting Jensen to speak, but his shoulders relaxed and a small smile formed on his lips.

 

“Yeah, that’d be good,” Jared nodded, and Jensen grinned.

 

“Okay, just let me get the bill and we’ll go,” Jensen said rising from his seat.

 

Jared followed him to the counter and Jensen pulled out his wallet.

 

“You’re not paying for all of it; we’ll split it even,” Jared insisted.

 

“Oh, no you don’t. I invited _you_ to dinner, so it’s only right that I pay,” Jensen held up his hand to ward off any other argument and smiled when Jared nodded slowly.

 

“Thank you,” Jared murmured.

 

“Anytime,” Jensen replied and sent Jared a warm smile.

 

 

In no time, they were outside, and Jared wrapped his jacket tighter around him to ward off the chilly breeze. They began walking aimlessly down the street, and Jared felt all of the tenseness he’d had in the diner just slip away. He was amazed at how Jensen could do that; no one had ever made him feel that safe, that comfortable, no one except Sandy.

 

“So, where do you wanna go?” Jensen asked; he brushed up against Jared’s shoulder, and Jared unconsciously leaned into the touch.

 

“Do you think maybe we could just walk for a bit?” Jared asked quietly. He had no idea what people did on dates; he’d never been on one before, but he knew he wasn’t ready to go to a crowded bar, yet he definitely didn’t want the night to end.

 

“Yeah sure; we could do that,” Jensen agreed.

 

Jared had never really just walked in Pioneer Square, he’d always been too nervous to go out alone at night. Sure he’d go to the bars with Sandy and Tom, but he never really took in the sights or just enjoyed the company of another person, and even though they weren’t actually saying anything, Jared was really enjoying Jensen’s company.

 

They found themselves on a wide, cobbled street, art galleries in many of the buildings either side of them. Jared found himself drawn to the window of one of the galleries and pressed his nose against it, peering inside to get a look at the beautiful art that adorned the walls and were displayed on easels.

 

“I’ve never been here before,” Jared said and his breath ghosted against the glass window.

 

“To Occidental Park? Really? And how long have you lived here?” Jensen asked, surprised.

 

Jared glanced at him, biting his lip in embarrassment. “Four years,” he said almost apologetically.

 

“Oh Jay, you’ve been missing out,” Jensen told him and peered through the window with him. “You should come here when the artists have all their booths, it’s amazing.”

 

Jared watched Jensen’s eyes sparkle as he spoke and wished he could see things through his eyes, to see how Jensen saw the world. He wondered vaguely if it was as jaded as Jared saw it.

 

“You come here a lot?” Jared asked as he moved away from the window so they could resume their walk.

 

“Not so much now, but when I first moved here I liked to come here, just to people watch.” Jensen caught up with Jared’s long legs.

 

“You haven’t always lived here?” Jared asked; he was surprised, he had assumed that Jensen had always lived in Seattle.

 

“No, I’m from Dallas originally,” Jensen said, although there was a hint of regret in his voice.

 

“You’re from Texas? I can’t hear an accent in your voice,” Jared told him, and he wondered if he’d been listening properly.

 

“Nah, I lost it a while ago, but it still comes out when I get drunk,” Jensen laughed and let his voice fall into the familiar drawl. “You’re from Texas too, right?”

 

“Guess I still have my accent, huh?” Jared shrugged, and Jensen nudged him with his shoulder.

 

“I like it,” Jensen said softly. “Kinda reminds me of home, or at least the good bits. So, where about in Texas are you from?”

 

“San Antonio,” Jared heard himself say, it confused him how easily he let information slip around Jensen, it was like he’d tell him everything if he just asked.

 

“What made you move all the way out here?” Jensen queried, and Jared shrugged.

 

“Needed a change of scenery, I guess.” Okay, so maybe not everything would slip out easily.

 

“Yeah, me too,” Jensen said wistfully. “Hey, you wanna, maybe, grab a beer?”

 

“Yeah, I would actually,” Jared laughed, a beer sounded perfect just about then.

 

“Awesome, I know just the place,” Jensen beamed and grabbed Jared’s hand, dragging him down the street.

 

Jared smiled at the gentle but firm grip Jensen kept on his hand. He was fast getting used to the small display of affection. It didn’t feel possessive, like he was being claimed or controlled, it filled him with a sense of belonging, of connecting, it was a new sensation but a welcome one and one he hoped he’d get to experience more.

 

When Jensen stopped suddenly, Jared was so lost in thought that he walked right into him. Jensen stumbled forward, loosing his footing. Quickly, Jared shot out his arm and wrapped it around Jensen’s waist, pulling him back against him, their other hands still with their fingers entwined.

 

“Sorry,” Jared said, holding Jensen while he steadied himself.

 

“Thanks.” Jensen leaned back into Jared and turned his head to look at him.

 

Jared stared into Jensen’s eyes, watching them gleam in the street lights; he felt Jensen’s fingers tighten on his, slowly bringing their arms round to rest on his belly. Now Jared was effectively cuddling Jensen, holding him against his body.

 

Jensen’s smile was small and shy, and Jared felt the overwhelming urge to hold him closer, to keep him safe like he was something precious.

 

This was also new. Jared was used to being the one that needed protecting, _him_ being the weak one. But with Jensen gazing up at him, snuggled into his embrace, he felt strong, in control. He instinctively squeezed tighter and was rewarded with a wider smile and a groan of contentment.

 

He watched Jensen close his eyes and lean his head against Jared’s chest, and in that one moment, everything was perfect.

 

“We’re here,” Jensen said softly, he didn’t make any attempt to move, he didn’t even open his eyes.

 

For a few moments Jared couldn’t tear his eyes away from Jensen’s peaceful face, he looked just like he had when he’d been immersed in Chris and Steve’s music. Beautiful.

 

Jensen opened his eyes and blinked up at Jared. “Jay, we’re here,” he repeated.

 

Now Jared raised his head to take in their surroundings, he saw that they were in front of a dark building, the windows were shuttered and there was no sign of life. When Jared shot Jensen a confused glance, Jensen grinned widely.

 

“Best kept secret in Seattle,” he said, proud that he knew about it and could share it with Jared.

 

Then Jensen moved out of Jared’s arms, but kept a solid hold on his hand and although Jared missed the closeness of him, he was relieved that Jensen hadn’t broken contact completely.

 

Jensen opened the door—almost hidden from view as it had no window and was the same colour as the walls around it—and a dim light shone onto the dark street, accompanied by soft music. Smiling at Jared, Jensen tugged on his hand and led him into the building, closing the door firmly behind them.

 

“Wow,” Jared said in wonder. They were in a small bar; it wasn’t crowded even though there were plenty of people there, and most were seated in small groups or couples. They talked and laughed with each other, and those that raised a glance in Jensen and Jared’s direction just smiled and went back to what they were doing. Jared also noticed that there were a lot of same sex-couples, men and women, as well as straight ones.

 

“It’s something, isn’t it?” Jensen said, smiling widely as he led Jared to the bar.

 

“Hey, Jensen. Haven’t seen you in a while, how are you?” the beautiful dark-haired woman behind the bar greeted them.

 

“I’m doing good, Sophia. How are you?” Jensen replied and leaned across the bar to place a kiss on her cheek.

 

“Oh you know me, I’m always good,” Sophia beamed and immediately cracked open a couple of beers.

 

“And how’s Kris?” Jensen took the beers with a nod and handed one to Jared.

 

“She’s awesome. She’s due in a couple of weeks, can you believe it?” Sophia literally glowed. “We’re gonna be mommies. I can’t wait!”

 

“God, that’s gone fast; has it really been that long?” Jensen asked, surprised.

 

“Yes it has, and if you don’t see her before she gives birth, she’s gonna be mega pissed at you,” Sophia warned.

 

“I’ll make a point of it, I promise,” Jensen swore and they grinned at each other.

 

“So?” Sophia said pointedly.

 

“So, what?” Jensen asked with a frown.

 

“So—aren’t you going to introduce me?” Sophia chuckled and indicated to Jensen’s hand which was still linked to a very bewildered-looking Jared’s.

 

“Oh, sorry. Sophia, this is Jared. Jared, this is my friend Sophia. She runs this bar,” Jensen made the introductions.

 

“Best kept secret in Seattle,” Sophia boasted proudly.

 

“So I’ve heard,” Jared said with a small smile. He bit his lip nervously as Sophia appraised him.

 

“Aww, he’s adorable, Jensen. You make sure and keep this one; he’s much nicer than—”

 

“Yeah, thanks, Soph,” Jensen cut in and started dragging Jared away, raising his beer to Sophia, who watched them go with a smile.

 

Jared was blushing when Jensen found them a table, not having expected such nice compliments from a complete stranger. Sure he got compliments and come-ons all the time at Tom’s, but he just figured that was people trying to get free drinks. He felt like he should be pinching himself just to make sure he really was here, with Jensen, and that Jensen sincerely appeared to like him, more than just as a friend.

 

Jared wondered who Sophia had been talking about, and why Jensen had cut her off so suddenly, but when Jensen scooted over to sit incredibly close to him, he lost his train of thought and could only concentrate on the heat that radiated from Jensen’s thigh as it rubbed against his.

 

“So—um—this is a gay bar?” Jared asked, wanting to kick himself for such a stupid comment, especially when Jensen laughed.

 

“You’d think so, wouldn’t you?” Jensen squeezed his hand and explained, “But no, everyone comes here, but it’s not specifically a gay or straight bar. But Soph and Kris like to keep their place pretty quiet; they had some trouble a few years ago with people not liking the bar being run by a female couple. So, they took it out of the limelight. They’ve got a lot of loyal locals though, and they always seem to turn a profit, so they’re happy.”

 

“It’s nice; I like it,” Jared told him, letting his gaze drift around the room.

 

“I thought you would,” Jensen said and ran his thumb over Jared’s hand.

 

 

They stayed in the bar long after it closed, and Sophia joined them for a few drinks after she’d locked the doors. Jared hadn’t laughed so hard in years. Jensen and Sophia had many stories of drunken nights spent in the bar after closing, and they kept Jared entertained easily.

 

Jared told a few of his own stories about himself, Sandy, and Tom but he didn’t have as many as they appeared to have. “Perks of being in the business” Jensen told him, and Jared frowned; he was in the business too, was he really that different from everyone else?

 

Eventually, Sophia said she had to kick them out and get home to Kris before she fell asleep; it turned out that the couple lived above the bar, so any fears Jared had about leaving her on her own were waved away.

 

“Come on, I’ll walk you home,” Jensen said when they were outside, once again taking Jared’s hand.

 

“Oh, you don’t have to,” Jared told him, feeling kind of embarrassed at being walked home.

 

“Yes, I do, I asked you out, so it’s only right I take you home,” Jensen grinned. “It’s the gentlemanly thing to do.”

 

“Jensen, you do know I’m not a girl, right?” Jared joked and Jensen pulled him in to wrap an arm around his waist.

 

“I noticed that, yeah,” he smirked, right before he pressed a kiss onto Jared’s jaw. Jared was stunned for a second; that had been the last thing he’d been expecting. But Jensen just pulled away, taking his hand again and leading the way home.

 

Jared didn’t remember any of the walk home, he was vaguely aware of Jensen talking to him, but all he could focus on was the feel of Jensen’s lips against his jaw, they’d been so soft, and a little bit moist, and now Jensen’s lips were gone and the air rushed in to replace them the area had felt chilled. But most of all, it had felt nice and Jared couldn’t help the giddy bounce it put in his step.

 

Suddenly, they were climbing the stairs of Jared’s apartment building, and then Jared could see his door looming at him. He felt heavy all of a sudden, the night was nearly over, and Jensen would be leaving. He’d had such a good time and he wasn’t ready for the night to end just yet; hell, he wasn’t sure if he ever wanted it to end.

 

“Did you wanna—?” Jared asked bravely and pointed to the door. “I’ve got beer.”

 

“Sure, I’d love a beer,” Jensen agreed, he looked nervous, and Jared briefly wondered what Jensen was expecting of him. But he pushed his fears aside and let them in.

 

They both shrugged off their jackets and Jared gathered them a couple of beers. Both were pretty buzzed but neither of them was overly drunk. Jared handed Jensen his beer and led the way into the living room where they sat somewhat awkwardly on Jared’s old sofa.

 

“So, what did you wanna do?” Jared asked nervously. He’d never invited someone back to his place before, and he was at a loss. Asking if Jensen wanted a drink was about as much as he could figure out for himself.

 

“I dunno, you wanna watch a movie?” Jensen suggested and gestured to Jared’s DVD collection. Jared brightened; he could totally get behind that.

 

“Sure, what sort of movies do you like?” Jared put his beer on the coffee table and crawled on his hands and knees over to the television, unaware of Jensen staring open mouthed at his ass. “I’ve got horror, comedy, your basic blow things up, a couple of disaster flicks and romances but they’re mainly for Sandy.” Jared looked over his shoulder at Jensen’s disbelieving face. “They are,” he insisted. “There’s no way I’d buy _Titanic_ and— _You’ve Got Mail_ ,” Jared said as he read the titles, a grimace on his face.

 

“Sure, sure, what ever you say,” Jensen teased. He moved around the table so he was level with Jared and skimmed through the collection. “Oh, hey. _Sleepless in Seattle_.”

 

Jensen held it up, and Jared rolled his eyes.

 

“Just because we’re in Seattle doesn’t mean we actually have to watch stuff like that,” Jared said as he took the DVD from Jensen and put it at the bottom of the pile.

 

“Okay, how about a horror or an action movie ?” Jensen suggested. “Ooh, _Underworld_ , I haven’t seen this in ages.”

 

“You like Vampires and Werewolves, huh?” Jared asked opening the DVD player and placing the disc in the tray.

 

“There are a few really good films out there,” Jensen commented.

 

They sat back on the sofa as the movie started. Jared took his beer off the table and when he leaned back, he felt Jensen’s hand land on his thigh. The move took him so much by surprise that he just froze.

 

“You okay?” Jensen queried, obviously noticing Jared’s tension.

 

“Yeah, absolutely,” Jared reassured him. He took Jensen’s hand so it was resting in his palm rather than on his leg, and that allowed him to relax a little, as they settled down to watch the movie.

 

They ended up talking more than watching; everything that happened seemed to spur a conversation about something. The movie ended without either of them noticing, and they continued to talk until the sun came up.

 

“Oh Jesus, is that the time?” Jensen asked while Jared tried to stifle a yawn. “We’ve got to be at class in four hours.

 

“Seriously?” Jared looked at his watch, and sure enough, it was six in the morning. “Oh, I’m gonna feel like shit today.”

 

“You’re not the only one,” Jensen agreed; they looked at each other and burst out laughing. When they’d recovered, Jensen’s face went serious. “It was worth it though.”

 

Jared felt his face heat up; he bit his lip and looked away shyly. “Yeah it was,” he said softly before he shook himself out of it. “So, what do you want to do? Get some sleep, or go have breakfast?”

 

“Ugh, either option sounds really appealing right now,” Jensen groaned and flopped back on the sofa. “I think if I slept, I wouldn’t wake up again, but I do need to go home, have a shower, and get changed.”

 

“I think I’ve got some bacon and eggs in the fridge,” Jared said and grinned when Jensen jumped up enthusiastically.

 

“Perfect.”

 

Slightly sluggishly, they moved into the kitchen. Jared pulled the supplies out of the fridge and put them on the counter. When he turned around, he saw that Jensen had found the frying pans, had already smacked them down onto the stove and turned the heat on.

 

“What do you want, scrambled or fried?” Jared asked, handing the bacon to Jensen and opening the egg carton.

 

“I dunno; what do you do best?” The bacon spat, and as Jensen jumped away from the scorching fat, he collided with Jared who subsequently dropped the egg he was holding.

 

“Whoa,” Jared cried and watched the egg tumble to the ground.

 

Jensen moved like lightning; he fell to one knee, shot out his hand, and caught the wayward egg before it smashed on the floor.

 

“Wow, those skills of yours really come in handy don’t they?” Jared said, impressed by the save.

 

“Yep, useful for all types of things, catching eggs being one of them,” Jensen laughed. He stepped closer to Jared and handed the egg back to him. “I think scrambled sounds good.”

 

Jared took the egg with a smile. Jensen stepped closer and placed a hand on Jared’s waist, causing Jared’s heartbeat to pick up a few extra beats. He peered down at Jensen through his messy bangs, a little uncertainly, but when Jensen gazed up at him, his green eyes flashing, Jared felt a thrill bolt through him and hardly noticed when his free hand landed on Jensen’s waist.

 

“I’ve had a really good time—with you,” Jensen said softly, keeping his shining eyes fixed on Jared’s.

 

“Me too,” Jared gulped. “Thank you for asking me.”

 

“Thank you for saying ‘yes,’” Jensen countered. He leaned up and pushed his lips against Jared’s. Jared let out a whimper, but didn’t move away. Jensen’s lips were warm and soft; their slight moistness enticed Jared to lean into them. It was just a touch of lips, then Jensen was pulling away and staring at Jared, a hopeful glint shining in his eyes.

 

Jared’s breath came heavier as he swiped his tongue over his lips, tasting Jensen’s kiss. Jensen followed the move with his eyes and leaned in again, pausing before their lips touched, his breath ghosting over Jared’s mouth.

 

This time, _Jared_ initiated contact; he closed the gap between them and kissed Jensen. He fell into the warmth of Jensen’s lips and allowed Jensen to pull Jared firmly against himself. He shivered as Jensen’s hands slid around his waist and rubbed his back as they kissed, and when Jensen’s tongue licked over his lips, Jared had no choice but to open up to him and welcome him into his mouth.

 

This time when the egg fell from Jared’s hand, no one caught it, no one even tried; it smashed on the ground by their feet and no one cared. Jared folded his arms around Jensen and deepened the kiss, a moan escaping only to be swallowed greedily by Jensen’s mouth.

 

Jared’s head was swimming, every nerve in his body was tingling; he felt amazing, with Jensen kissing him, he felt so alive. His legs wobbled a little and they stumbled until Jared’s back was against the refrigerator, and Jensen was pinning him there. Not once did they break the kiss; they didn’t care that they needed to breathe, they were lost in each other, and Jared never wanted to be found.

 

A shrill noise flooded Jared’s head; he tried to block it out and concentrate on Jensen’s tongue caressing his. But the noise didn’t stop, and they were forced to pull away from each other, panting. Then Jensen coughed, and that’s when Jared noticed the smoke in the air.

 

“Oh shit, the bacon,” he cursed, and he and Jensen turned to the stove. Jared pulled the pan full of charred bacon off of it, while Jensen turned off the heat. “Hope you like it well-done,” Jared laughed and dumped the pan in the sink, leaving it to smoke.

 

“I like it crispy, not cindery,” Jensen laughed back, and they surveyed the damage. “Can’t you shut that thing off?” Jensen called over the smoke detector.

 

Jared moved to where the detector was and reached up. Using all his height he twisted the cover off and pulled out the battery.

 

“So much for breakfast,” Jared slouched. Jensen stepped into him, and his arms circled Jared’s waist.

 

“Oh, I dunno,” Jensen said slyly. “I quite enjoyed my breakfast.”

 

“Really?” Jared questioned, now feeling a little self-conscious about the kiss, even as Jensen nuzzled against his chin.

 

“Really,” Jensen confirmed. “But—”

 

“But?” Jared’s heart almost stopped. There was a ‘but’ and that only ever led to bad things.

 

“I’m still hungry,” Jensen kissed along Jared’s jaw line, and Jared struggled to keep his thoughts in perspective.

 

“Well—w-we still have some—eggs left,” Jared stuttered as his brain slowly melted into Jensen’s kisses. He closed his eyes and tipped his head so Jensen’s kisses moved across his cheek.

 

“Not what I’m hungry for,” Jensen murmured against his skin, and then their lips met again.

 

Jared really didn’t know how to handle this, so he let Jensen take the lead and control the kiss. He moaned as Jensen’s skilful hands ran down his sides to his hips, tugging him closer.

 

One of Jared’s hands came up to cup Jensen’s cheek while the other slipped down his back before holding on for dear life to the belt loop on Jensen’s jeans.

 

Jensen’s tongue swept into Jared’s willing mouth and licked its way around. They kissed deeply, Jensen pressing harder against Jared’s mouth until Jared was forced to rip his mouth away and gasp for breath.

 

“Jensen,” he panted, letting Jensen tip his head to the side so he could trail kisses down his neck.

 

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” Jensen’s voice was muffled slightly as he didn’t stop his kisses long enough to speak. “God, Jared. I’ve wanted _you_ since I first saw you.”

 

Jensen’s hands slipped under Jared’s shirt while his mouth continued to work Jared’s neck, sucking bruises into the skin and making Jared gasp from the sensation.

 

“Ngh, Jen,” Jared tried to speak, but his head was overloaded, his dick was hard, and Jensen rubbed his hips against him. “Fuck!”

 

Without realising, Jared grabbed Jensen by the arms and pushed him away slightly. He kept his hold on Jensen, keeping him at arm’s length and tried to catch his breath. He was getting dizzy, and the heavy breathing wasn’t helping.

 

“What’s wrong?” Jensen asked urgently, Jared could see the concern in his eyes.

 

“Nothing, just—” What was he supposed to say? “Just got a little much, I guess.” He let out an embarrassed laugh. “You made me dizzy.”

 

Jensen smiled and reached out for Jared, who released his restraining hold and allowed Jensen to cuddle into him. He wrapped his arms around Jensen and smiled as he held him close, that feeling of protection coming back. He could get used to holding Jensen like this.

 

“How about an omelette?” Jensen suggested after a minute.

 

“I’ve got some cheese—I think,” Jared added.

 

“Shall we try the whole breakfast thing again?” Jensen chuckled, and Jared nodded.

 

Jensen pulled away, flashing a grin at Jared turned to the stove. Jared let out a breath. _That was intense_ , he thought and tried to ignore the fact that he was still half hard and concentrated instead on the food; he definitely didn’t want a repeat of the night before in the diner bathroom.


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6

 

Soon they were both digging into successful cheese omelettes, Jared devouring his in seconds.

 

“Mmm, this is delicious,” Jensen praised and shovelled another forkful into his mouth.

 

“Thanks, I used to make them with my mom when I was a kid; she would always tell me off when I tried to put too much cheese in them,” Jared said without thinking, he smiled at the memory, but it turned sad very quickly.

 

“You still see your mom much?” Jensen asked as he finished off his omelette and pushed his plate away, satisfied.

 

“No,” Jared shook his head and stared at his clean plate. “I haven’t seen her in years. Not since I left home.”

 

Jared fully expected Jensen to ask why not, what reason could he possibly have to not see his mom anymore, seeing as how they obviously got along really well.

 

But Jensen surprised him when he wistfully said, “Yeah, that sucks, man.”

 

“Yeah,” Jared agreed, just as a huge yawn overtook him. “God, I’m so tired. I don’t think I’m gonna be able to catch a thing today in class.”

 

“You can get away with it; no one expects you to be perfect,” Jensen rubbed a hand tiredly over his face. “But I don’t think people will be very inspired when I start dropping things.”

 

“You could always excuse me for the day,” Jared suggested half jokingly.

 

“I could,” Jensen said thoughtfully, moving round to stand in front of Jared, slipping between his legs and gripping his hips. “But then I wouldn’t get to see you.”

 

He leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on Jared’s lips before resting their foreheads together.

 

“Wouldn’t I just be a distraction?” Jared smiled, and Jensen considered that for a moment.

 

“I think I’d be more distracted thinking about you if you’re not there than if I can look at you when ever I want,” Jensen said seriously, his voice bathed in affection.

 

“Well, we can’t have that, can we?” Jared grinned, his heart felt light, and he didn’t think he’d ever been this happy before in his life. He lifted his head a little so he could kiss Jensen again; it was fast becoming his favourite thing to do. When Jensen groaned and pulled away from the kiss Jared frowned.

 

“What is it?” he asked.

 

“If I’m gonna get home and back in time for class, I’m going to have to go,” Jensen groaned again and snuggled into Jared’s neck.

 

“Oh, okay,” Jared mumbled, he knew Jensen was going to have to leave sometime; they had been together the entire night, after all. But he couldn’t help the disappointment that clouded over him.

 

“Hey,” Jensen looked him in the eye. “I would much rather stay here with you.”

 

“You would?” Jared beamed, and Jensen laughed.

 

“More than anything,” Jensen assured him with a kiss. “Unfortunately, I have a bunch of people expecting me to turn up and teach them how to throw things.”

 

“And you can’t let them down,” Jared finished for him, nodding understandingly.

 

“So—I’ll see you in a few hours?” Jensen asked, the hope in his voice so clear it warmed Jared inside.

 

“You bet you will,” Jared confirmed. They kissed again, slow and sensual, gradually making their way to the front door while trying not to stumble over each others’ feet and pausing briefly to retrieve Jensen’s jacket. When they got there, Jared pushed Jensen against the door, effectively pinning him there and kissed him deeply, not wanting to let him leave, yet.

 

“Jay,” Jensen whispered between kisses. “I—have to—go.”

 

“I know,” Jared replied but didn’t stop kissing him, _couldn’t_ stop kissing him.

 

“Maybe—uh—maybe I could—cancel for today,” Jensen moaned, gripping Jared’s arms moving to kiss his neck.

 

“You can’t do that,” Jared argued, gasping as Jensen bit into his pulse point.

 

“I know,” Jensen said as his kisses trailed back up to capture Jared’s lips again. “But, God, I so want to.”

 

“You have to go,” Jared reminded him.

 

“I have to go,” Jensen agreed.

 

Jared reached behind Jensen and fumbled with the door handle, not once halting their kisses. He pulled the door open slightly and manoeuvred them around it.

 

“Go,” Jared said, pushing Jensen away slightly only to pull him back again.

 

“I’m going,” Jensen told him, making his body flush with Jared’s briefly before ripping himself away and taking a few steps back. His lips red and swollen, his eyes lidded, and his breath heavy with want. Jared had never seen a more amazing sight.

 

“Three hours,” Jared told him.

 

“Don’t be late,” Jensen ordered him, slowly walking backwards down the hall, keeping his eyes on Jared the whole time, his face pulled into a blinding smile.

 

“I’ll be early,” Jared promised, his own smile threatening to split his face.

 

“Bye,” Jensen said holding up a hand in a still wave.

 

“Bye,” Jared mirrored his movement.

 

Then Jensen was gone, slipping through the door to the stairs. Jared stood in his doorway and watched where Jensen had disappeared, as if thinking he was going to come back through.

 

After a few minutes, Jared went back into his apartment. A thrum of excitement charged through him, and he had a burst of energy that almost had him leaping for joy. He went to the kitchen and for the first time in his life, enjoyed doing to the dishes, because they were dishes that he and Jensen had used.

 

He couldn’t quench the smile the stretched across his face, even though his cheeks were aching with it. As soon as he’d finished his dishes, he grabbed his phone and hit speed dial one; it rang a few times and Jared bounced on his feet anxiously waiting for it to be answered.

 

“Jared? Are you okay?” Sandy’s voice asked desperately.

 

“We kissed,” Jared blurted loudly as he let out an honest to God giggle.

 

“You—are you okay?” she asked again.

 

“I am way better than okay,” Jared said gleefully. “God, Sand. It was amazing; he’s amazing. I’ve never felt anything like it. We kissed, and not just once, lots of times. And not just little kisses, I’m talking about full on kisses, with tongues and everything.” Jared was well aware that he sounded like a twelve year old getting their first kiss, but he really didn’t care.

 

“That’s great, Jay. I’m really happy for you, but—” Sandy yawned. “—did you have to call me at seven-thirty in the morning to tell me?”

 

“Oh shit, I’m sorry, Sand; I forgot how early it was.” Jared smacked himself in the head. “It’s just that he just left, and I was so desperate to tell you, especially after calling you last night; I didn’t want you to be worried.”

 

“What do you mean he just left?” Sandy asked, surprised. “He was there all night?”

 

“Yep,” Jared said happily. “We talked and talked; he’s so nice, and he likes me, he really does like me.” There was silence on the other end of the phone and Jared got worried for a moment. “Sandy?”

 

“I’m really pleased for you, Jay, really. I haven’t heard you this happy—well, ever.” Jared could almost hear the smile in Sandy’s voice.

 

“I haven’t ever been this happy before,” Jared admitted, sighing and finally starting to come down off his high. “I’m really sorry I woke you.”

 

“Nah, that’s okay,” Sandy said, and Jared could imagine her shrugging with one shoulder and wrinkling up her nose. “I’ve got to get up for class soon anyway.”

 

“Okay, well I’ve got to shower and figure out what I’m going to wear,” Jared said, making his way to the bathroom and turning on the water.

 

“Wear? For what?” Sandy asked, confused.

 

“For when I see Jensen again in class today,” Jared explained and grinned at the thought of seeing Jensen in two and a half hours.

 

“Um, Jay?” Sandy said.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You’re not going to be all over each other in front of the other class members are you?” she asked carefully.

 

“What? No, of course not,” Jared said loudly. “That would be—well, embarrassing for one thing.”

 

“Good, it’s just; I don’t want people thinking you’re getting any special treatment or anything.”

 

“I know what you’re thinking, Sand. But this is nothing like that,” Jared assured her. “It’s not like he can change my grade or give me the answers. I can either do it or I can’t.”

 

“I know that, Jay. I just meant that I don’t want the others to think he’s spending more time on you than he does with everyone else, they are paying for the course after all,” she explained her concerns.

 

“Yeah, I see your point. Don’t worry; I’m sure it’ll be fine,” he said trying to sound confident, but Sandy had put a little seed of doubt in his mind.

 

“All right. Have a good day okay?” Sandy said.

 

“I will; you too,” Jared replied. “Oh and Sand?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Am I gonna see you at Tom’s tonight, or are you still glued to Chris?” he teased.

 

“I’ll be there; I want all the juicy details,” Sandy laughed.

 

“You’re not the only one; you don’t get to keep secrets from me. I’m going to be waiting to hear all about your weekend,” Jared told her sternly, but he smiled when she laughed and promised to tell him everything in excruciating detail.

 

They said their goodbyes and Jared stripped down and climbed into his steaming shower. His apartment might not be much but his shower was to die for.

 

He didn’t know how long he stood under the spray but he opened his eyes when the water started going cold. Shivering, he quickly washed and got ready, his memories and thoughts constantly on Jensen.

 

 

Jensen had been on a high ever since leaving Jared’s. Once he’d gone through the door to the stairs, he’d stayed there for what seemed like forever, just contemplating the idea of going back. Then he’d heard Jared close his door and smiled at the thought of Jared waiting to see if he’d do just that, or maybe he’d been thinking about coming after him himself.

 

Either way, Jensen couldn’t believe how well the night had gone. He hadn’t really planned on kissing Jared like that, Jared had always seemed a little skittish, and Jensen didn’t want to scare him away. But when he’d looked into those green-brown eyes, he couldn’t help but need to get closer, to taste him, and once he’d had that first taste, well, who could blame him for wanting more?

 

He had a definite bounce in his step as he approached the studio—as he liked to call it—and was slightly disappointed that Jared wasn’t waiting outside for him, but then, he was a little early.

 

He looked around before going inside, just in case he could see Jared, but when he couldn’t, he went in to set everything up. As he started placing bottles and shakers on the tables Jensen grinned, he couldn’t get Jared off his mind and kept glancing to the door, waiting for him to come through it. He had to admit, he was nervous about seeing Jared again, it had only been three hours, but he was missing him like crazy; he really hoped it wouldn’t be awkward between them, and he hoped to God that it hadn’t been a one time thing, that Jared would want to continue seeing him. He was pretty sure he did want to, but that didn’t stop the cyclone in his stomach from whipping up a storm.

 

“Hey,” said the quiet voice from behind him. His breath caught in his throat and a slow smile spread across his face. Gradually, he turned until he was facing Jared, who leaned casually against the doorframe, but the expression on his face betrayed how nervous he was.

 

“Hey,” Jensen said just as softly. He put the bottle he was holding on the table and moved to stand in front of Jared.

 

“Still awake I see?” Jared said, pushing himself off the doorframe as Jensen came closer.

 

“Barely,” Jensen admitted. He could see that Jared’s eyes were bloodshot with dark circles under them. “I wasn’t sure you were gonna come today.”

 

“I said I would,” Jared said, his lips twitching into a smile.

 

“I just thought you might’ve fallen asleep, that’s all,” Jensen said. He cautiously took a step closer to Jared, lifting his hand to take his waist.

 

“I think I did, in the shower,” Jared chuckled. “Had to wash with cold water when I woke up.” Jensen couldn’t hide his relief when Jared let him tug him closer and returned the touch by placing one of his big hands on Jensen’s hip.

 

“I’m glad you did come,” Jensen told him.

 

“Wouldn’t have missed it,” Jared murmured as Jensen leaned up and pressed their lips together. Jared whimpered into his mouth and Jensen smiled against his lips, deepening the kiss and pulling Jared firmly against his body.

 

“I missed this,” Jensen whispered when they broke apart.

 

“I saw you three hours ago,” Jared chuckled.

 

“I know,” Jensen shrugged and backed away slightly. “But I still missed it.”

 

He chuckled to himself when Jared blushed and was tempted to slam him against the wall and kiss him breathless, he was so gorgeously irresistible. But just then a couple of his other students walked through the door, they stopped their conversation to say hello to him and went to their tables.

 

Jensen mouthed the word ‘later’ to Jared and smiled; Jared’s cheeks reddened further making Jensen’s grin widen.

 

 

Jensen found that he could actually still catch things, despite his weariness and kept the class going easily. Jared had no such luck and was more of a klutz than he normally was.

 

Jensen went over to him and helped guide him in the right direction.

 

“You’re just doing this to get my attention, aren’t you?” he whispered in Jared’s ear as he adjusted his grip on the shaker before letting him try and spin it on his hand.

 

“You wish,” Jared smirked at him. “Unfortunately, I really am this bad.”

 

“You’ve almost got it; you’re just tipping your wrist a little too much that way, you’re putting it all off balance,” Jensen instructed, falling easily into teacher mode. Jared appeared to appreciate this and relaxed. Jensen noticed Jared’s eyes flicking to the rest of the students briefly. “Try and keep it a little steadier and as soon as you feel it slowing down, catch it again.”

 

“I think that’s part of the problem,” Jared huffed. “I’m trying to catch it, but when I do, my timing must be off or something ‘cause all that happens is that I knock it off my hand.”

 

“Keep trying, you’ll get it,” Jensen promised giving his hand a quick squeeze before letting go. “All it takes is practice and then one day, things will all just fall into place.”

 

He smiled as he backed away, wondering if Jared knew he was talking more about them meeting than he was about spinning bottles. Everything had fallen into place when he’d met Jared, he was so unique and gentle, and Jensen could see what he was feeling just by the expression on his face. It was true that he could tell Jared was keeping secrets, and Jensen feared that Jared had been hurt in the past, but that was something he was prepared to deal with if it meant he got to be with Jared, and he hoped that Jared would tell him in his own time.

 

The class ended quickly, and Jensen sighed with relief. He was seriously on his last legs and desperately needed sleep.

 

Jared hung behind as the rest of the class left, still trying to spin the shaker on the palm of his hand. He almost had it when Jensen came up behind him and slipped his arms around his waist, pressing a kiss into his neck. The shaker went clattering to the floor and Jared leapt out of his grasp.

 

“Whoa, hey,” Jensen soothed. “Where’s the fire?”

 

“Sorry, you startled me, that’s all,” Jared said breathlessly. He looked around the room nervously, but visibly relaxed when he noticed they were alone.

 

“You okay?” Jensen asked.

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I just, don’t think it’s wise to be—together—in front of everyone else,” Jared explained, and when Jensen frowned, he continued. “I just don’t want them to think you’re showing favouritism, that’s all.”

 

Jensen nodded understandingly, Jared was right; it could cause problems if the class knew they were together.

 

“Yeah okay,” Jensen told him. “Not in class; I get it.” He stepped closer to Jared and grinned suggestively. “Class is over now; everyone’s gone.” He waggled his eyebrows and was relived when Jared laughed and took Jensen in his arms.

 

“That class was way too long,” Jared complained and leaned down, placing a long slow kiss on Jensen’s lips.

 

Jensen let himself get swept up in the kiss, his body melting against Jared’s. He licked at Jared’s lips, requesting access deeper into his mouth; with a little moan Jared opened up for him, and Jensen didn’t waste anytime delving into that delicious warmth.

 

“When do you have to work?” Jensen asked breathlessly after the need for oxygen had made them part.

 

“Tonight, I was planning on sleeping the rest of the day,” Jared told him, laying gentle kisses over his face.

 

“Me too,” Jensen said and closed his eyes, enjoyed the attention. “Maybe we could—you know—sleep together?”

 

Jared stiffened, and Jensen worried he’d said the wrong thing.

 

“I dunno,” Jared said tentatively.

 

“Just to sleep, Jared. Nothing else,” Jensen assured him, not letting him back away.

 

“Just to sleep?” Jared questioned uncertainly.

 

“Just to sleep,” Jensen confirmed and tugged Jared closer. “And maybe a little more of this.” He kissed him again, slipping his fingers into his hair and caressing his scalp gently.

 

“Okay,” Jared breathed, his eyes still closed, and Jensen kissed him before he could change his mind.

 

 

_What am I doing?_ Jared asked himself as he let Jensen into his apartment. _This is so wrong._

 

“You want a drink or something?” Jared asked, fairly certain he was trying to stall actually going to bed.

 

“No thanks, I think I just wanna crash,” Jensen said with a yawn, and of course the yawn was contagious, and Jared was soon joining him, covering his mouth. They caught each others eyes and burst out laughing.

 

“I think sleep is a good idea,” Jared agreed, the easy laughter relaxing him a fair amount.

 

“Jay?” Jensen stood in front of him, looking as though he were studying him. “Are you sure it’s okay for me to be here? I can go if—”

 

“No,” Jared said quickly. “No, I want you to stay.” And it was true, he didn’t want Jensen to leave; if he did Jared might wake up and find it had all been a dream, and he didn’t think he could handle that.

 

Jensen grinned. “Okay.”

 

Jared led the way into the bedroom, the shades were drawn, and it was pretty dark, with very little sunlight creeping in.

 

“That’s one hell of a big bed, Jared,” Jensen commented, his eyes goggling Jared’s king sized bed.

 

Jared simply looked down at himself and shrugged. “I’m a big guy, and I hate having my feet hanging over the edge.”

 

“I guess that makes sense,” Jensen laughed. He shifted from one foot to the other as though he didn’t know what to do next, so Jared kept on talking while he went to his dresser.

 

“I saved for months to be able to afford this beauty, best money I ever spent,” he told Jensen. Then he pulled out a large t-shirt and handed it to Jensen. “If you wanted something to sleep in.”

 

Jensen took it and smiled. “Thanks,” he said. After that he didn’t hesitate, he stripped off his tops and slipped the shirt over his head. It was large on him, but Jared figured it would do.

 

They both pulled off their jeans, leaving their boxers on, of course. Jared kept his t-shirt on, and they climbed into the large bed. Now, _Jared_ wasn’t sure what to do, he’d only ever shared a bed with Sandy, and that was usually when he was curled into her arms crying himself to sleep.

 

Luckily, Jensen took the initiative and rolled on his side to look at Jared. Jared mirrored his movements, and they stared at each other for a few minutes.

 

“Oh, do you have to be up by a certain time?” Jared asked suddenly, not wanting them to over sleep.

 

“I have to be at the bar by seven, and I’ll need to go home first, so I guess around five?” Jensen suggested.

 

Jared nodded and turned to his bedside table to set the alarm.

 

“Okay, all set,” he said, but before he could turn back around, he felt a solid presence behind him and an arm slipped over his waist.

 

“Thanks,” Jensen whispered in his ear before he pressed a kiss to it. Jared made himself turn around, and Jensen shifted to give him room.

 

“You’re welcome,” Jared said, very conscious of Jensen’s hand on his side. “Night Jen.”

 

“Morning Jay,” Jensen countered and closed his eyes.

 

Jared let out a slightly relieved sigh and finally let his exhaustion overtake him.

 

 

Jared’s eyes flickered open. He snuggled down into his warm bed and wondered what the time was, but he couldn’t be bothered to move to find out.

 

He smiled at the warmth of the body behind him, the arm around him. He was used to waking up with Sandy holding him. _Wait, that’s not Sandy._ Then he remembered. It was Jensen.

 

Immediately, he stiffened. Having Jensen stay with him probably wasn’t the best idea he’d had; he couldn’t remember for the life of him why he’d agreed to it. The only person he’d ever shared a bed with was Sandy; he didn’t know how he was supposed to act, what he was supposed to say. What if he messed things up?

 

_Maybe I can slip out without waking him,_ he contemplated and started to shift his body.

 

“Hey, you’re awake,” Jensen mumbled in between his shoulders.

 

_So much for sneaking out_ , Jared thought deflated.

 

“Just about,” he said out loud. Jensen’s arm around him pulled him firmer against Jensen’s body, and his lips pressed kisses into the back of Jared’s neck, trailing down to meet his shoulder. Jared closed his eyes; it felt really good, safe even.

 

“C’mere,” Jensen whispered, tugging on Jared, trying to make him rollover. Jared complied and rolled over until he was facing Jensen.

 

“How come you’re awake?” Jared asked, taking in the sight of Jensen in the darkened room. His hair was mussed up, sticking out in places; his eyes were half closed and puffy with sleep. He smiled sleepily at Jared, and Jared’s stomach flipped. Even dishevelled like this, Jensen was still beautiful.

 

“You talk in your sleep,” Jensen complained with a yawn, rubbing his eyes. Jared froze again; he knew the sort of things he said in his sleep sometimes; he’d forced Sandy to tell him a couple of times, and it was nothing he wanted Jensen to hear.

 

“What did I say?” he asked cautiously terrified.

 

“I dunno, I couldn’t make it out.” Jensen brushed Jared’s hair out of his face and leaned over to kiss him. “But you can really kick when you want to,” he teased.

 

“I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” Jared winced; he guessed Jensen was lucky, sometimes Sandy had to literally get out of bed when he started thrashing around.

 

“Nah, might have a bruise on my shin, but I’ll be fine. You seemed to settle a bit better when I cuddled up to you,” Jensen smiled, his hand running down Jared’s side leaving his thumb to rub circles into his hip. “What were you dreaming about?”

 

“I don’t remember,” Jared said honestly, he didn’t remember, and he usually liked it that way.

 

“So,” Jensen said, his eyes drifting down, away from Jared’s eyes. “I guess I won’t see you tonight, if we’re both working?”

 

“Oh,” Jared frowned, realising he was disappointed by this. “No, I guess not. I could see you tomorrow?”

 

“Can’t. I’ve got to do an inventory at the bar during the day, and then I’m working all night,” Jensen said, picking invisible bits of thread off Jared’s t-shirt. “But you could come to the bar in the evening?”

 

“I’m working too,” Jared told him, not looking forward to not seeing Jensen for a while.

 

“Well, at least I’ll see you on Wednesday in class,” Jensen grinned, and Jared returned it.

 

“Yeah, you will,” he said quietly.

 

“Good, ‘cause I think if I had to wait any longer, I’d go crazy not being able to do this,” Jensen’s words turned into an almost whisper as he moved closer and sealed their lips together.

 

Jared closed his eyes and concentrated on the feel of Jensen’s lips against his, the way they moved to caress him, slowly lavishing attention in a way that was impossible not to want more of.

 

Jared moved his hand up to slip his fingers through Jensen’s hair, tugging him closer and groaning into his mouth. Jensen tipped his head to get a better angle, and when Jared felt him licking for entrance he opened his mouth automatically. Jensen pushed against him slightly, pressing their mouths together more firmly, and Jared was forced to lie back against his pillow while Jensen leaned over him, kissing him more deeply.

 

Jared felt Jensen’s hand run over his stomach to grip his waist; he shifted position a little, so he was laying more on top of Jared. Jensen slipped a leg between Jared’s and Jared pulled their mouths apart to gasp as Jensen’s thigh rubbed against his erection.

 

Jared squeezed his eyes shut, he knew the feeling was pleasurable, and yet his insides trembled. Jensen moved to kiss down his neck while his hands worked their way up under Jared’s t-shirt, clever fingers teasing their way over his skin.

 

 

“Jen,” Jared wasn’t even sure he was speaking out loud. He could feel Jensen’s length pressing and beginning to thrust against his hip, Jensen’s breath heavy against his neck before he sunk his teeth in. Jared yelped and unconsciously bucked up against him.

 

“Jay, uh, Jay,” Jensen moaned into his skin as he continued to rub his body against him, stimulating both their erections.

 

Jared’s head swam, the turmoil under his skin growing more ferocious. Jared tried to will it away, tried to put all his focus on enjoying being with _Jensen_ , on the amazing sensations Jensen was causing his body to go through. But no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was going to go terribly wrong, that this wasn’t right, that it was forbidden.

 

“God, Jay,” Jensen groaned and took his mouth again. Jared just held on tight, riding it out until it was over. A sense of betrayal eating at him. He shut his eyes tight. He wasn’t betraying anyone; he didn’t answer to anyone; he wanted this, and he was going to have it!

 

His body shuddered, not with release, but with fear. He wasn’t allowed to think things like that; he wasn’t allowed to want and need. He was to do as he was told and enjoy it.

 

He didn’t want it like this, not with Jensen; he wanted it to be perfect, like their first kiss. Jared was going to ruin everything; it was all going too fast for him to adjust. Jared could feel the tension building in him, about ready to snap, but his well trained body gave none of this away and Jensen continued to stimulate him, unaware of the internal battle going on in Jared’s mind.

 

The alarm on the clock went off wrenching them both out of it. Jensen groaned against Jared, flopping his body down and resting his head against Jared’s shoulder.

 

Jared opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling for a moment. A sense of relief washing over him, but the fist curling in his belly kept its painful grip, refusing to let him go yet.

 

Jared wiggled out from under Jensen and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He pressed the button to turn the alarm off and leaned his face onto his hands for a moment, just trying to catch his breath and calm his mind.

 

Jensen shifted behind him, then his arms were looping around Jared and pulling him against his chest.

 

“We don’t have to get up just yet,” he murmured against Jared’s ear. Jared swallowed thickly, a lump forming in his throat and threatening to choke him.

 

“No, we really should get up,” Jared croaked and stood, pulling his jeans on quickly, but keeping his back to Jensen, afraid he’d see the despair on Jared’s face.

 

“Jay, are you okay?” Jensen asked as he got off the bed and stood behind him; holding Jared’s hips and resting his head against his back.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just don’t want you to get in to trouble for being late because of me,” Jared said, thinking on his feet.

 

Jensen laughed, “I’m not going to get into trouble, Jay,” he assured him.

 

“Maybe not, but I will if I’m late, and I need my job,” Jared stated. Then he took a deep breath and made himself turn to face Jensen. “But I will see you on Wednesday, right?”

 

Jensen smiled. “You bet you will, maybe we could have lunch after class somewhere?” he suggested, his eyes shining with hope in the dim light.

 

“Yeah, sure. I’d like that,” Jared agreed and let Jensen kiss him softly.

 

“I guess I’d better go,” Jensen pouted, normally seeing those plump lips pouting like that would send a wave of want through Jared, but that controlling fist in his gut prevented him from feeling anything. He schooled his features into a smile, not even sure if he pulled it off or not.

 

“Yeah, I guess. I’m gonna jump in the shower.” Jensen’s eyes flashed with mischief, and Jared rolled his eyes. “Go on, get out of here.”

 

He gave Jensen a playful push, and Jensen chuckled as he gathered his clothes, changing into them as Jared left the room and got himself a large glass of water. When Jensen came out of the bedroom he was fully dressed and Jared was grateful. He needed some time away from Jensen, time to sort his head out.

 

He knew starting a relationship was going to be hard, but he was beginning to doubt he was strong enough to cope with everything that was going to be demanded of him, and that just wasn’t fair on Jensen.

 

“Right, well I’m gonna go then,” Jensen fidgeted adorably.

 

“Okay,” Jared nodded. “I’ll see you on Wednesday.”

 

“Yep, and then lunch right?” Jensen reminded him.

 

“Lunch, can’t wait,” Jared said flatly and led Jensen to the door.

 

Jensen followed him, standing very close as he opened the door to let him out. Jensen stepped out into the hall before turning to Jared.

 

“Don’t I get a kiss goodbye?” he pouted slightly, but there was a hint of worry in his eyes.

 

“Of course, yeah, of course you do,” Jared cleared his throat, leaned down and kissed Jensen twice, fairly quickly, before stepping back. “Bye.”

 

The look on Jensen’s face almost killed him; he looked like someone who’d just been fucked and was now being kicked out with a ‘thanks that was great’ to see them go. Jared’s heart clenched, knowing he had put that look there. Swallowing his fears for a moment, he grabbed Jensen’s head between his large hands and pulled their faces together.

 

He smashed his lips against Jensen’s, quickly taking advantage of Jensen’s gasp to shove his tongue into his mouth. He kissed him hard, pushing him back so he was leaning against the wall of the corridor, Jared’s body pinning him so he couldn’t escape, although Jensen didn’t appear to have any intention of escaping. Jensen gripped Jared’s hips, digging his blunt nails through the material of his t-shirt and allowed Jared to plunder his mouth for everything he had, neither one of them caring if anyone came along to see them.

 

One of Jared’s hands moved to fist in Jensen’s hair, pulling it slightly to get Jensen’s head into a better position, while his other hand trailed down his arm until it could hold his hand. Jensen let Jared link their fingers, then Jared pulled their arms up so he could pin Jensen’s hand against the wall by his head.

 

Jensen’s free hand slipped around to Jared’s back and hauled him closer, their bodies flush with each other, and Jensen’s hard-on pressing into Jared’s hip. Jared pushed against him and only stopped kissing him for a second as they both gasped for breath before diving back for more.

 

Jensen’s fingers tightened on Jared’s, squeezing his hand for all he was worth as Jared continued to press bruising kisses to his lips. Jared shoved a thigh between Jensen’s legs, lifting him slightly from the ground, and held him while Jensen rode his leg, rubbing his cock over and over. Then Jensen threw his head back, taking deep gulps of air and panting Jared’s name.

 

Jared forced him into the wall, not caring if the shoddy plaster dented. With the hand still in his hair Jared yanked Jensen’s head to the side and sunk his teeth into the soft flesh where Jensen’s neck met his shoulder. Jensen yelled, his free hand grasping at Jared’s shoulder, desperate for something to hold on to. Jared released the bite to suck a deep bruise into the skin instead, his body moving in waves in time with Jensen’s, stimulating Jensen’s cock harder and faster.

 

“J-Jay,” Jensen panted. “God, I need to— more, I need more, please?”

 

Without thinking Jared released Jensen’s hair, undid Jensen’s jeans and delved his hand into Jensen’s pants, he felt under his boxers until he hand curved around the flesh of Jensen’s hard, weeping cock. He knew what Jensen needed, and he knew how to give it to him; he had been taught well.

 

With a twist of his wrist and a squeeze of his fist, Jared had Jensen babbling incoherently. To stop the continual ramble of half words, Jared took Jensen’s mouth with his again, his hand never stopping its work. The hand that held Jensen’s hand pinned against the wall pushed up, dragging Jensen’s hand over the dirty white paint work until it was high above Jensen’s head.

 

Jared felt Jensen’s whole body shudder under him and he knew he was close; he doubled his efforts, releasing Jensen’s mouth so he could breathe. The moans that came from Jensen were loud and strained, and Jared growled against his ear.

 

“Come for me, baby,” he hissed. “Come on, fucking come for me.”

 

Jensen came, hard and fast, a scream on his lips that Jared did nothing to smother. Jared stroked him through his orgasm, holding him up against the wall when his legs gave way. Jensen’s head fell to rest against Jared’s shoulder, and slowly he got his breathing under control.

 

When Jensen lifted his head to gaze at him, Jared raised his hand and licked Jensen’s come from his fingers, not once breaking eye contact.

 

“Wow, Jay,” Jensen said breathily. “That was—wow.”

 

“I’ll see you on Wednesday, Jensen,” Jared backed away, leaving Jensen to hold himself up against the wall, his fly still open.

 

“Wait, don’t you want me to—?”

 

“Nope, I’m good,” Jared said emotionlessly, as he slipped into his apartment and stood half behind the door. “You’d better go, or we’re both gonna be late.”

 

“Yeah,” Jensen agreed, still dazed from the intense orgasm he’d just had. “I’ll see ya later, Jay.”

 

“Bye Jensen.”


	7. Chapter 7

  
Author's notes: This chapter contains dub-con/sexual abuse of an under-age Jared.  


* * *

Part 7

 

Jared shut the door and leaned his back against it. He looked down at the lack of erection in his jeans, and didn’t stop the tears from falling from his eyes as he slid to the floor. That hadn’t been him; he didn’t act like that. He was so aggressive, so demanding; he hadn’t even gotten slightly hard, even from the noises Jensen had made. And the worst thing was that Jensen had enjoyed it, he’d thrived on Jared taking control, dominating him.

 

If that was what Jensen wanted then he was looking in the wrong place; Jared couldn’t do that; he didn’t even know where that had come from.

 

His stomach rolled, and Jared quickly pushed himself to his feet and ran to the bathroom. He could taste Jensen’s come in his mouth, but no matter how much he gagged he couldn’t bring it up. He was contemplating sticking his fingers down his throat when a voice entered his head.

 

 

_“Come on, baby boy, swallow it down. You should be able to do that by now; it’s not new anymore. Don’t you like the taste of me? Don’t you want to drink me all the time?”_

_Jared swallowed, trying not to gag on the hot seamen as it shot down his throat. He managed it; he swallowed the load and finally the cock was pulled from his aching mouth._

_As he watched it move away, a strip of spit linking them together, Jared’s stomach clenched, and before he could stop it, he was doubled over, throwing up all over the floor._

_When he was done, he heard the heavy sigh from above him. **He** crouched in front of him, and Jared tentatively raised his eyes to meet the piercing blue ones that bore into him._

_“Now that just hurts my feelings, Jared. That you find me so repulsive you have to puke me up.” Jared shook his head desperately. Why did he have to throw up? Why couldn’t he have just kept it down like he was told to? It didn’t matter that the taste was revolting or that the smell lingered in his nose for hours after. All he had to do was keep it down, but he couldn’t even do that._

_“Well, we’ll just have to keep trying until you get it right, won’t we?” Jared nodded, tears falling down his face. “Oh now, what’s this? You’ve gone and upset yourself, haven’t you? Don’t worry, baby boy, you’ll get it. I won’t stop trying, I’ll give you all the help you need, okay? I’ve taught you how to make it good, and baby boy, you make it really good; I’m so proud of you. Now you just have to learn to do this.”_

_All Jared could do was nod. This wasn’t going to end until he got it right, until he could swallow and like it. But even then, there would be something else to learn, something else to perfect. It would never end._

_“Okay, baby boy. I’m ready; let’s try again.”_

_Jared closed his eyes and opened his mouth._

 

 

Jared just sat there on the cold bathroom floor, slowly rocking back and forth, staring into space. His arms wrapped tightly around his legs, holding them close to his body. The tears that dripped from his eyes fell hot on his bare arms, but Jared didn’t wipe them away.

 

What had happened to him? Who had he become? All he had meant to do was give Jensen a decent kiss goodbye, not give him a hand job in the hallway of his apartment building, where anyone could have walked by. What had come over him?

 

Slowly, Jared climbed to his feet, and with shaky hands he pulled off his clothes and climbed in the shower. First, he ran the hand that he’d licked Jensen’s come from under the hot water, feeling the sticky residue wash away. Next, he opened his mouth and let the water fill it up and run out the sides until he could no longer taste the bitter, salty come.

 

Then, he concentrated on washing his body. He had a good physique; he knew he did. Jared worked out when he could, went running sometimes, and always did exercise at home. Never again would he be the skinny loser he had been, the kid everyone thought it was okay to push around and punish when he didn’t do what he was told.

 

 

_After Jared choked on the come as it spurted down his throat and puked into the trashcan again, **he** got mad._

_“You know, this is really disrespectful,” was snarled at Jared. “I’m giving you a huge gift, and you aren’t even man enough to stomach it. Well, I guess we’re just going to have to make a man out of you, aren’t we?” Jared stared into those blue eyes, fear clutching at his heart. He’d tried; he’d really tried. He didn’t know why he couldn’t keep it down, it was like it just got stuck in his throat and refused to go any further, and it just stayed there, choking him._

_Now he was going to suffer for it; he always did when he didn’t please. Every time Jared would be told that he had to be made a man, that he had to grow up and learn what being an adult was all about. It didn’t matter that he was only sixteen years old—fifteen the first time—he still had to become a man, and yet he was still called ‘baby boy’ all the time._

_“Take your clothes off,” he was told. His stomach still aching; he did as he was told, stripping until he was naked. “There’s my baby boy. Oh Jared, you’re beautiful, you know that?”_

_He let those blue eyes drag over him, let himself be examined and scrutinised. He watched as those eyes became feral, he couldn’t help but back up as the man stalked towards him. His back hit the wall and the sneer he received was terrifying. He wondered how much it would hurt this time._

_Suddenly, he was being pinned against the wall, hands roaming all over his naked flesh, eyes eating him up and Jared’s lips were licked in anticipation._

_“You’ve been keeping me busy today, haven’t you?” It was true, three blowjobs and yet still more was expected from Jared. He could feel breath ghosting over his skin, hands rubbing over his nipples, kisses pressed into his neck._

_One of those hands came up to grip his long hair, he’d wanted to cut it so many times, but was told that it was forbidden, that he looked beautiful with long bangs, and that it would be upsetting to cut them off. His head was yanked to one side and teeth dug into his skin. Jared bit his lip to keep from crying out, even though he knew that the more noise he made, the more he pleased._

_“Undress me,” he was ordered, and immediately he began to undo the man’s shirt buttons, pushing it back so it fell off broad shoulders and puddled on the ground. He didn’t need to undo the trousers as they were still half hanging off from before. Instead, he just slipped them over the round ass cheeks until they were gathered around strong ankles._

_“Now, get yourself hard; there’s no point if you don’t enjoy it too. I can’t be the one to have all the fun.” It had taken Jared a long time to train himself to have an erection on command, but now when he was told to, he could bring himself to arousal even when he was repulsed._

_He tried to keep his hands steady as he grasped his cock; he closed his eyes and began to pull on himself._

_“Oh no, baby boy. You look at me; you always look at me. You know I like it when I can see your beautiful eyes.” Jared opened his eyes and stared into the blue ones, though there wasn’t much blue left to be seen; they were black and dripping with lust._

_Once Jared’s erection was curled towards his belly, strong hands wrapped around his wrists and his arms were shoved above his head. It only took one hand to keep him there, he didn’t dare struggle. He kept his eyes glued where he was told, right up until he was spun around and slammed, face first against the wall. His chest hit it with such force that he lost his breath for a moment._

_His hands were pinned above him once more, and his legs were stretched apart. His heart pounded in his chest as he felt the blunt end of a cock against his opening. He wasn’t going to be prepped this time; he knew it shouldn’t surprise him, prepping was something that rarely happened anymore, but this meant it was going to hurt, a lot._

_Now that he didn’t have to keep eye contact, Jared felt safe to squeeze his eyes closed as the large cock was pushed inside him. He took his lip between his teeth and tried—he really tried—to keep from crying out in pain when the burn split him in two._

_“Now, now, baby boy. You’re learning to become a man, and as a man, you can take it, can’t you?” Jared could taste his tears falling down to his lips. “I said can’t you?” The cock was thrust all the way in, and Jared’s legs buckled, a scream escaping from deep within him. Frantically he nodded, knowing that if he didn’t agree the pain would most likely get worse._

_As it was, it didn’t matter. The next thrust was just as hard, just as deep. His ass was on fire, every movement ripping him open just that little bit more. The pain didn’t subside, it never did, and yet the same words were whispered in his ear._

_“Isn’t that good, baby boy? Doesn’t that feel amazing?” Jared nodded, clenching his teeth together so hard it hurt, but it wasn’t enough to distract from the now brutal thrusts into his broken body._

_“Louder, I want to hear how much you’re loving it. Tell me how good it is?” Jared opened his mouth to speak but the next thrust was so hard only a wail came from his lips._

_“Oh I know you like it hard, baby boy. And don’t worry, I’ll fuck you hard before I finish.” Jared couldn’t imagine it being any harder. He was being torn apart. “Now tell me how much you love it!”_

_“I-it’s so good,” Jared sobbed. “I l-love the—feel of you i-in me.” He really tried to make it sound honest, but at this point, it didn’t matter._

_“How do you want it, baby boy? Tell me what you want?” Jared knew what he was supposed to say, but he still wondered what would happen if he said he wanted it to stop, that it hurt, and he didn’t like it, not one bit._

_“Harder,” Jared screamed and forced himself to press back against the violent thrusts. It always pleased the man when Jared did that and often made it over quicker. “God, please, harder. I-I want you to f-fuck me—so hard I feel y-you for days._

_“Your wish is my command.” Jared was surprised that the pushes into his body did actually become harder; he hadn’t thought it possible. His hands were still being held above his head against the wall, fingers bruising into his wrists, but now they were released._

_“Keep them there,” he was told, and he didn’t dare disobey._

_Two hands grasped his hips, and he was pulled back against the man’s thrusts, making each one go as deep as it could. Jared’s voice had long since abandoned him, his mouth was open in a constant scream, but after having his mouth fucked so many times and throwing up after and the sobbing and screaming, he had nothing left; he was completely broken, and the only thing to betray his agony now was the silent waterfall that cascaded from his eyes._

_Then the man’s hand was a hand on his cock. The thrusts were becoming erratic, but as always he knew he would have to come first. The hand on Jared was large and experienced, it stroked him well and by force of habit, he memorised each move to use back on the hand’s owner, knowing that everything that ever happened, he was expected to learn from it._

_“Now, come for me, baby boy,” the man’s voice was ragged, so near to its own climax. “Come on, fucking come for me.” Jared concentrated, willed himself to let go, to spurt his release. As he came, he felt nothing, no pleasure, no thrill; he was completely numb._

_A cry came from behind him, hips stuttered, and then he was being pushed against the wall by an almost dead weight._

_“There’s a good boy,” he was praised, making him feel like the family pet. “Look at me.”_

_The cock was pulled from his body, and he could feel the release dripping from his ass. He turned his head and raised his eyes to meet the blue ones and watched as the come-covered hand was lifted to meet the man’s long pink tongue so that he could taste it._

_“Mmm, you taste so good, baby boy. Now, see how I like the taste of you? It’s not too much to ask that you return the compliment is it?” Jared shook his head as much as he could. Jared had left his hands above his head, pressed firmly into the wall, as he hadn’t been told he could lower them yet._

_“Now, taste it.” The man’s hand was pushed into his face and hovered there, waiting. Tentatively, Jared reached out his tongue and licked along one finger; suddenly the finger was forced inside his mouth._

_“Suck it clean,” he was told; so that’s what he did. He sucked the finger, and every following finger, until they were clean of his come. He swallowed it all down and prayed silently that he didn’t gag this time. His stomach rolled, he took deep breaths through his nose and somehow managed to keep control._

_The body that was leaning against him moved back slightly, and without the pressure holding him up, Jared slipped down the wall, collapsing on the floor. His eyes drooped and his body trembled; he didn’t know how much more of this he could take, but the thought of saying ‘no’ was almost more terrifying than going through with it every time._

_“Are you cold, baby boy?” he was asked. Jared nodded and wrapped his arms around himself. He wasn’t cold; if anything he was hot, his skin warming him in waves and adding to the sheen of sweat covering his naked form. But he couldn’t say that he was shaking from the shock of what had been done to him, couldn’t say that his mind was slowly giving up on him and that the idea of it terrified him._

_“Don’t worry, I’ll keep you warm.” Strong arms wrapped around him, and Jared was pulled against a similarly naked body. Jared leaned in, letting himself be held, kissed on his neck and shoulder. “I always take care of you, don’t I? I always protect you. Don’t I?”_

_Jared nodded, a tremor shoving its way through him as he remembered how this all started._

_“So, what do you say?” Jared swallowed, his throat protesting at the movement._

_“Thank you,” Jared said in as strong a voice as he could manage._

_“For what?”_

_“For being so good to me. For making me feel so good. For giving me what I need. For teaching me to be a man.” Jared reeled off the things he’d learned he was supposed to say._

_“You’re welcome, baby boy. I’m always here when you need me, you know that.”_

_Jared nodded again, his eyes falling closed. His mind reminded him that he couldn’t fall asleep, that he had to get home, do his homework. But he couldn’t stop the exhaustion from getting the better of him, so he curled into those arms, and let his eyes close._

_He hated that he found comfort in the arms of this man, the man who caused him so much pain. But when it was like this, all soft kisses and gentle hands, Jared knew he could let go and just be himself, sometimes he was even allowed to cry it all out, and he would be rocked and shushed until he’d cried everything he had. He’d be told that he’d always be safe there, that no one was going to get to him while he was there. And he knew it was true._

_“I love you, Jared,” he was told. “I do all this because I love you so very much.”_

_“I love you, too,” Jared replied, and in some sick and twisted way, he meant it._

 

 

Jared fell to his knees under the hot spray of the shower. The realisation of what he’d done dawning on him in horrifying clarity.

 

_I’d become **him**_. His entire body shook violently, his mouth hung open in a silent scream. Jared sat there for God knows how long, memories swirling around in his head, memories of that time when he was sixteen, and many other times besides that, and what had happened with Jensen just outside his door. He’d pinned Jensen to the wall, just as he’d been pinned as a kid; he’d been relentless, forceful. He’d ordered Jensen to come, like he’d trained himself to do. He’d licked Jensen’s come from his hand and he’d liked it, just as he’d been told to. He’d been a strange combination of himself and his training and _him_. Jared had spent so long memorising everything _he_ did; learning everything there was to learn.

 

“Oh God, oh fucking hell,” Jared sobbed, reaching his hand up to turn off the water. “What’s happening to me?”

 

He crawled out of the shower and dragged a towel off the rail, wrapping it around him. He stayed curled up on the floor, his legs unable to hold his weight and his mind to far gone to form thoughts about getting dressed.

 

He became lost in his memories of moments of tender love and hours of violent pain. All images and feelings bombarding him as he shivered on the bathroom floor.

 

 

Now, his head was pounding, replacing the constant ringing in his ears, he tried to shut it out. All he wanted was peace, for his mind to go blank. He could still feel hands on him, moving him, shaking him. He curled tighter in on himself, and tried to block out the words whispered breathily in his ear as the psychological pain wracked through his body.

 

_“Jared, Jay,”_ the voice wouldn’t stop, the hands kept touching.

 

“Jay, it’s Sandy, come on honey, snap out of it.” Jared frowned, Sandy wasn’t supposed to be here; she should leave before she got hurt too. “Jay, you’re safe. You’re safe, honey. You’re in Seattle; he’s not here; he can’t hurt you anymore. Come on, Jay, come back to me?”

 

Her voice was panicked, but her words made no sense. _He was_ hurting Jared, all the time; it never stopped. She should leave, Jared’d cause her to get hurt too, if _he_ ever found out she knew, God knows what _he’d_ do.

 

Through bleary eyes Jared could make out the shape of Sandy. He reached for her, forcing himself to his feet he made her move, made her get away from him.

 

“Go Sandy, you can’t be here; it’s not safe,” Jared told her, his voice barely about a whisper.

 

“Jared, Jay, stop. You’re hurting me; Jared let go,” Sandy begged, her voice sad and scared.

 

“What?” Jared blinked. He was hurting her? No he was protecting her!

 

“Jay, look at me?” she pleaded.

 

Jared blinked again, his eyes focusing on the blurry form in front of him, on his hands gripping Sandy’s arms bruisingly tight.

 

“Sandy?”

 

“Yes Jay. We’re in Seattle, remember? You’re in your apartment, and you’re safe, okay, you’re safe here.” Sandy’s words brought new images to his mind, images of him and Sandy sitting on his sofa, throwing popcorn at each other, drinking beer, dancing in clubs.

 

“Oh God, Sand,” Jared whimpered and released his hold on her. She didn’t run, she didn’t back away, she simply caught him in her arms as he sank to the floor; Sandy didn’t care that he was completely naked, the towel he’d wrapped himself in left and forgotten on the bathroom floor.

 

“It’s okay, Jay. I’m here; it’s okay now,” Sandy soothed him, rocking him gently and stroking his now-dry and messy hair.

 

“What have I become, Sand?” he asked her, begging her for answers he knew she couldn’t possibly possess. “What’s happening to me?”

 

Sandy just held him, calmed him. He didn’t know how long they sat huddled together on the floor, but eventually Jared’s shivers were from the cold and not the fear.

 

“You ready to get dressed?” Sandy asked quietly.

 

Jared nodded and let her lead him into the bedroom. She sat him on the bed and collected some clothes for him, some boxers, a pair of sweat pants, and an old comfortable t-shirt. He nodded to let her know that he could dress himself.

 

“How did you know?” he asked her softly.

 

“You didn’t show up at work, and Tom said he couldn’t get hold of you. You weren’t answering your phone,” she explained.

 

Jared nodded in understanding. Sandy had let herself in; she’d always had a key to his place, for moments just like this one. It was a comfort to Jared to know that she could always get to him when nothing and no one else could reach him, when he was too far gone.

 

“You get dressed, I’m just gonna phone Tom, and tell him you’re sick and won’t be at work tonight, okay?”

 

Jared watched her go, flipping her phone open as she went. He could hear her as he pulled on his clothes, telling Tom she’d found him in the bathroom, and that he was really sick, that she was going to stay with him and make sure he was alright. He smiled a little, this wasn’t the first time she’d lied to Tom for him, telling Tom that Jared was sick and couldn’t come to work.

 

Jared’s eyes drifted over his bed; he remembered Jensen laying between his sheets, felt his body against him. That had been him, the _real_ Jared—the thrill in his bones as Jensen had kissed him, the erection he’d formed as a result of Jensen’s touch, of touching Jensen, that was how he wanted it to be, if only he could get past his fears, get past the torment that entered his mind when he tried to be happy.

 

He’d always avoided this, never getting involved with anyone, never meeting anyone he’d want to take the chance with. But Jensen? He made Jared feel safe just by holding his hand; he saw the affection in Jensen’s eyes and could drown in them.

 

“Hey, how you feeling?” Sandy asked gently as she came back in the room.

 

“Better, thanks,” Jared said honestly. He stood from the bed, and he and Sandy went to curl up on the sofa.

 

“You want to talk about it?” Sandy leaned back against the arm of the couch, and Jared curled up over her, resting his head on her belly as she stroked his hair. “What did you mean, ‘what have you become’?”

 

Jared sighed and stared at the blank screen of the television. “Jensen stayed here this afternoon, he came back with me after class and slept in my bed,” Jared started with the easy bit. Sandy didn’t comment, she just carded her hand through his hair while her other hand gripped his shoulder lightly, letting him know it was alright.

 

“When we woke up, he kissed me, and it was amazing, Sand. It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.”

 

“Kissing can be like that,” Sandy said with a smile in her voice. She knew Jared didn’t have the experience to compare to.

 

“Then it got pretty intense,” Jared paused and felt Sandy squeeze his shoulder more firmly. “But it was still good, you know? I liked it, until—until it started feeling wrong on the inside, like all these amazing things I was feeling, what my body was going through was forbidden, that I was being unfaithful,” his voice started to crack.

 

“You know that’s not true, Jay. You don’t belong to anyone but yourself,” Sandy stated firmly.

 

“I know, I do know that, but—it’s like, with kissing him, kissing Jensen, it feels right, you know? It feels perfect. Like I’ve come that far, that I can allow myself to have that. But when it comes to having more, I just haven’t gotten that far yet, and I don’t know if I can keep up with the speed things are moving. I was about to break, Sand, and I had no idea what would happen if I did.”

 

“And that’s what triggered this?” she asked kindly, no judgment or accusation in her voice.

 

“No, it’s what came after. Fuck, I became another person; I was out of control,” Jared told her, tears falling from his eyes as he remembered what he’d done.

 

“What do you mean, Jay? What did you do?” Jared could hear the worry she was trying so desperately to hide.

 

“It was only supposed to be a kiss, to say goodbye,” Jared said meekly, turning his head into her stomach more, trying to hide from the horrible truth of it all. “But it was more, I—I wasn’t me, Sand, I was more like— _him_.” His body shook, and Sandy stopped brushing his hair to hold him tight against her.

 

“But he liked it, he asked for more and I—I gave it to him. I made him want it. I touched him until he came apart in my hands, until I told him too. That’s not me, Sandy, that’s _him_. I was becoming _him_.” Jared broke down, tears soaking into Sandy top.

 

~~~

 

Sandy shuffled down a little until she was laying under Jared, holding him close to her and letting him get it all out.

 

Even though she knew that this is what _he_ used to do, she also knew that sometimes it was the only thing that calmed Jared down. So she held him, pressed kisses into his skin and told him everything was okay.

 

Eventually Jared fell asleep, his face still streaked with tears, his body exhausted. Sandy stayed, she quietly called Chris and cancelled their date for the night, told him something had come up and she was sorry, that she’d make it up to him.

 

Sandy didn’t move until Jared’s dream made him thrash so badly, his arms and legs swinging around wildly, she had to get out of the way for her own safety; she called to him from a distance, waited for him to come out of it, and then she held him again. She didn’t sleep that night. Four times Jared woke up screaming, and each time she was there to calm him down.

 

She knew he’d be full of apologies in the morning, just like she knew she would shake them off. She’d do anything for Jared; she loved him more than anyone else in the world. He was her brother in so many ways that blood could never create, and she would die to protect him.


	8. Chapter 8

Part 8

 

Jared insisted on going to work the next night, Tuesday. Sandy tried to talk him out of it, begged him to stay home with her and watch some crap on TV, but he told her he couldn’t let Tom down again and that he needed the air anyway. Jared felt like the walls of his apartment were starting to close in on him.

 

He paused once when he left his place to stare at the wall where he’d pinned Jensen, where he’d brought him off and—no, he wasn’t going to think about it.

 

When he got to work, he assured Tom that he felt much better and thanked him for not being mad. 

 

Tom had laughed at him and said that Jared couldn’t help it if he was sick.

 

When Tom went into the back for some more stock, Jared poured himself a shot of tequila, quickly followed by another one. It calmed his nerves, and he started work.

 

Normally when people offered to buy him drinks, Jared refused, but tonight he accepted each and every one of them. He let some guy chat him up until Sandy arrived, and when the guy saw an excited Jared grab her and kiss her, he figured he’d read everything wrong and left. Jared didn’t care, he wasn’t really interested, but it had been fun to see how the guy looked at him.

 

Sandy frowned at him when he served her a drink, and asked if he was drunk. Jared winked at her and explained that he felt great, better than he had in a while, and that she shouldn’t worry.

 

In reality, Jared was crumbling inside, fighting so hard to keep a grip on himself. He had thought that having a few drinks would’ve kept his mind off his problems, but they’d only made things worse, and the worse the problems became the more he drank.

 

Eventually, Tom sent him home, said he couldn’t serve drinks when he was spilling more than he was leaving in the glasses. Sandy assured Tom she would make sure Jared was okay, and yet again she called and cancelled on Chris.

 

When they started towards Jared apartment, he froze and grabbed her arm.

 

“No, Sand. I don’t want to go back there, not tonight,” he slurred at her.

 

“Alright, Jay. You can come back to mine, come on,” she told him and held him up while he staggered down the street with her.

 

Jared was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow; he slept through the night, no dreams haunting him. He woke in the morning with his stomach cramping, and he had to run to the bathroom to empty his guts of all the alcohol he’d consumed on an empty stomach.

 

Sandy brought him a glass of water and told him what he’d done the night before; Jared rested his head on the toilet seat and groaned; he felt awful, not just physically, but because of what he’d done too. Sandy helped him back to bed where he fell asleep again, but this time his dreams returned, and he woke up screaming.

 

~~~ 

Jensen sat on the table watching the door. He’d long since tidied away the equipment, and his last student had left over twenty minutes ago.

 

He looked at his watch. _Where is he?_

 

Jensen had been so excited about today, the last time he’d seen Jared had been amazing. Admittedly, Jared giving him the best hand job of his life in the hall of his apartment building had been the last thing he had expected to happen. Jared didn’t seem like the type to be an exhibitionist, but he’d swept Jensen away on a tsunami of pleasure, and it had been impossible to get off the ride once it had begun. And God, when Jared had licked the come from his hand, his eyes locked with Jensen’s the whole time, Jesus, it was almost enough to make Jensen hard all over again.

 

Waking up next to Jared on Monday had given Jensen such a thrill, and it was something he was hoping he’d get to experience again.

 

He’d left Jared’s with a smile and had been giddy all the way through work that night and every second of Tuesday, unable to stop thinking about where they could go to lunch on Wednesday.

 

He’d felt a little sorry for being in such a good mood when Chris had turned up at The Lithe for a drink on Monday, saying that Sandy had ditched him without a proper explanation, and he was flying solo that night. What made it worse, was that she’d done the same thing last night as well, Chris had turned up again, complaining that he’d got nothing other than something had come up and she couldn’t make it. It had been strange seeing Chris so down about it, normally he wouldn’t care and would just move on, but he seemed to really like Sandy. So, Jensen had promised himself he’d ask Jared if he knew what was wrong, and if Sandy was actually giving Chris the brush off.

 

But, Jared hadn’t shown up for class today; Jensen hadn’t been prepared for that. He looked at his watch again. Forty minutes since his class had ended, and he knew he had to clear the room so it could be used by someone else soon.

 

Defeated, Jensen left the building. He’d really thought Jared would show up. So what that he missed the class, Jensen didn’t really care about that, but ditching him for their lunch date? That hit him harder than he would’ve thought it would.

 

_Guess I have to admit I’m falling for the guy,_ he thought to himself, and honestly, he didn’t have a problem with that, except when Jared didn’t show up for dates. Jensen cursed himself for not exchanging phone numbers with him, and the only contact number he’d been given when he’d been enrolled was for Tom’s bar.

 

_He’s probably just sick or something, and he doesn’t have my number, so he couldn’t call and let me know._ Yeah, that sounded reasonable enough. Jensen grinned at himself and made his way to the coffee shop.

 

 

With coffee and rolls in his hand Jensen stood outside Jared’s apartment and waited for an answer. There was none. He knocked again. Still nothing. He called Jared’s name, but got no reply. With slumped shoulders, he left the apartment building and went home.

 

He had nothing else to do today; he’d made sure his schedule was clear so he could spend the afternoon with Jared.

 

Jensen sat at home and flicked through TV channels, but not one single program caught his interest. He tried to put on a movie, but couldn’t concentrate on it. Finally, he gave up and called Chris to see if he and Steve wanted to do something, and within an hour he was sitting at Steve’s place, nursing a beer with Chris’s sympathetic arm over his shoulder.

 

“I know how you feel, buddy,” Chris told him. “But at least I got called before I got ditched.”

 

“Yeah man, being stood up? That sucks,” Steve added and Jensen rolled his eyes.

 

“Gee, thanks, guys. You’re really making me feel a whole lot better,” he complained.

 

“S’what we’re here for, dude,” Chris said, slapping him on the back before going and getting himself another beer.

 

“I was just looking forward to seeing him, you know?” Jensen mumbled.

 

“Oh, Jen, you’ve got it bad, don’t ya?” Steve whined. “Well, I hope this isn’t a sign of how he’s going to treat you in future, ‘cause, as your friend, I’m not sure I can take another bitch in your life.”

 

“Thanks for your support, Steve,” Jensen grumbled but knew he was right.

 

“It’s true, Jen. And I don’t think you can take it either. But honestly, I didn’t think Jared was the type to be an asshole,” Steve told him.

 

“Nah, me neither,” Chris agreed. “From what Sandy said, he’s the best guy in the world, wouldn’t hurt a fly type.”

 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought, too,” Jensen nodded and drank his beer.

 

“Right, well,” Steve blurted, slapping his thigh as he sat forward in his chair. “None of us are working tonight, so I suggest we make a night of it, go out, have a few drinks, maybe get you two laid.”

 

“Sounds good to me, except the getting laid part,” Jensen agreed.

 

“I second that,” Chris said and raised his beer in the air; it was quickly joined by two others as the three men clinked bottles and grinned at each other.

 

 

Jensen laughed as they made their way down the street. It had been a good night so far, and they were on their way to find another bar. He and Steve were wrestling as they walked, seeing who could pin the other to the sidewalk or surrounding buildings.

 

They ignored it when Chris’s cell rang because Jensen had Steve in a headlock that he was floundering to get out of.

 

“Hey, Chris. What’s up?” Jensen called, knowing he only had a few more seconds to hold on before he was declared the winner.

 

“Change of plans, guys,” Chris called. “That was Sandy; we’re all going to Tom’s.”

 

Jensen released Steve, and stared at Chris like he’d just told him he was pregnant. Had he seriously said they were going to Tom’s?

 

“We’re what?” he questioned, the thought of going to Tom’s had never occurred to him.

 

“Going to Tom’s. Sandy called; she said she’s there and wants to meet up; I said we’d go,” Chris explained.

 

“Okay, why not,” Steve shrugged; he didn’t care as long as there was alcohol and women. Jensen hesitated.

 

“Jared’s there,” Chris told him, like he was hanging the idea in front of his face, like bait. “Could be time to get those answers.”

 

Jensen wasn’t sure if the thought that Jared was actually working tonight made him mad or if he was relieved. It meant he wasn’t on his death bed, but it also meant that Jensen would actually get to see him.

 

“Yeah okay; let’s go,” Jensen agreed with a smile.

 

 

Sandy came bouncing toward them as soon as they entered Tom’s; she launched herself into Chris’s arms and kissed him on the lips.

 

“I’ve missed you,” she said softly, her eyes shining as she stared into his. Chris just grinned at her and kissed her again. Jensen knew that if he and Steve hadn’t been there, Chris would have been confessing that he’d missed her too.

 

Smiling at the adorable couple, Jensen and Steve headed to the bar. Just as they approached, Jensen saw the tall, floppy haired figure of Jared coming out from the back, a crate of bottles in his arms. Jared didn’t notice Jensen and Steve, in fact, he didn’t look around at all, he just kept his head down and started filling the fridge. Jared was pale, and Jensen wondered if he _had_ actually been sick that morning.

 

They were greeted by a tall, dark-haired man; his big blue eyes smiled at them as he took their order. The guy was handsome, Jensen had to admit that, but he had nothing on Jared.

 

Jensen watched Jared work, wondering how long it would take for the man to notice him.

 

“Hey Sandy, put him down and introduce me to the man already,” the dark haired guy yelled across the bar to the entrance where Chris and Sandy were still necking.

 

“Shut up, Tom, I’m just saying hello is all,” Sandy yelled back, but she grabbed Chris’s hand and pulled him across the room, Chris trailed behind, a happy smile on his face.

 

At the sound of Sandy and Tom’s banter, Jared looked up, straight into Jensen’s eyes. He had that deer-in-the-headlights look, before Jared was standing and walking over to them.

 

“Tom, this is Chris, Steve, and Jensen. Everyone, this is Tom, he owns the bar, but we try not to let it go to his head,” Sandy was making the introductions and Tom started shaking hands.

 

“Ah, Jensen. The guy that runs the flair bartending class I sent Jared to, right?” Tom smiled a big, wide, friendly smile.

 

“That’s me,” Jensen smiled back. “So, you’re going to be the competition?”

 

“Oh, I doubt I’ll be able to contend with the Lithe, but I hope my regulars stick around. I’m still going to have everything I have here, but the whole place it going to be re-done and the cocktails are going to be the main event,” Tom explained excitedly From Sandy’s fond smile, Jensen figured that Tom always got like that when he talked about upgrading.

 

“So, are you going to have any entertainment?” Steve asked, and Jensen zoned him out he hoped that Tom would think about hiring them, not that they needed the extra business; they were a pretty popular local band, doing lots of gigs around Pioneer Square. Instead, he focused on Jared, who was standing in front of him, shifting from one foot to the other.

 

“Hey,” Jensen said quietly. Jared raised his eyes to meet Jensen’s and offered a weak smile.

 

“Hey,” he replied.

 

“You stood me up,” Jensen told him, as if he didn’t already know. He tried to hide how upset it made him but he was sure it didn’t work.

 

“I know, I’m really sorry. I—kinda—got a bit too drunk last night and ended up spending the morning attached to Sandy’s toilet,” Jared said sheepishly, obviously embarrassed, but Jensen was pleased that Jared had told the truth and didn’t try to make up some lie that would make him look good—like what, Jensen didn’t know, but Jared could’ve said he saved some kid from getting run over and spent the night in hospital, or something equally as stupid.

 

“Ouch, are you feeling better now?” Jensen asked, taking in Jared’s pale face.

 

“Yeah, I’m okay, just a bit tired. But I gotta earn the bucks, you know?” Jared shrugged. “I would’ve called you, but I didn’t have your number.”

 

“Yeah, I’ve been kicking myself over that all day,” Jensen laughed and was happy when Jared chuckled, his smile lighting up his whole face. “Well, hey, let’s do it now.”

 

“Oh yeah, okay. Just let me get my cell,” Jared agreed and headed out back, presumably to retrieve his phone.

 

Jensen looked around and caught Tom looking at him with a strange expression; he smiled at him and Tom nodded in return, before turning his attention back to his conversation with Steve and now also Chris.

 

Then Jared was heading back, so Jensen took out his cell and set it up to save a new number.

 

“Here,” Jared handed him his phone. “Type it in?” Jensen took Jared’s cell and handed him his own, before typing in his number. They exchanged their phones back.

 

Jared looked at the number for a second and smiled, before slipping his cell into his back pocket. He was about to say something when he was called away by waiting customers.

 

Jensen watched Jared work; when he had the chance he leaned over the bar and chatted with him, he and Tom also kept his, Chris, Steve, and Sandy’s drinks filled without asking for any money; they just replaced them when they were empty and moved off to serve someone else.

 

Jensen laughed and joked with everyone, shots were spread around, and the night flew by pretty quickly.

 

When things slowed down, Tom tossed Jared a beer and Jared held it up in a salute before popping the cap and taking a long drink.

 

“Ah, nothing like the hair of the dog, as the Brits would say,” Jared grinned at Jensen, taking another swig.

 

“Okay Jay, you can clock out now if you’d like,” Tom called over. Jensen looked around the bar; he hadn’t noticed the place getting quieter; it was later than he thought.

 

“Awesome Tom, thanks,” Jared called back, and before he went around to the front of the bar, he grabbed another couple of beers and handed one to Jensen. He slipped onto the stool beside Jensen and smiled sheepishly at him.

 

“Hey,” Jensen smiled.

 

“Hey,” Jared replied. “I’m really glad you came tonight.”

 

“Yeah, me too. I was afraid you’d ditched me,” Jensen said honestly.

 

“What? God no,” Jared assured quickly. “I just—I’ve gotta say sorry—about the other night,” Jared said, his shoulders rising around his neck and his eyes avoiding contact.

 

“Sorry? What have you got to be sorry for?” Jensen asked, surprised. “Jay, the other night was amazing; I’ve never—it was—God Jay, it was awesome.”

 

“Yeah,” Jared said, but he didn’t seem too happy about it. “You really liked it, huh?”

 

Jensen took Jared’s hands and made him look him in the eye. “Of course I liked it; I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t,” he told him, hoping that he was reassuring him. “Hey, c’mere?”

 

Jensen pulled on Jared’s hands until he slipped off his stool and was standing between his legs.

 

“Kiss me?” Jensen requested, when Jared bit his lip Jensen decided to take the initiative and leaned towards him. When their lips met Jared appeared hesitant at first but when Jensen tugged him closer, keeping his kisses soft, Jared seemed to relax and lean into the kiss. Jensen smiled against Jared’s lips when he felt Jared’s hand slide against his waist and him step a little closer.

 

“Wow, okay you two,” Tom’s voice broke into their moment. “I’ve got enough of those two making out in front of everyone; I don’t need you doing it too.”

 

Jensen shot Tom an annoyed look but had to smile when Tom winked at them. Jared was chuckling quietly and rested his head against Jensen’s. Jensen could hear Sandy giving Tom an earful and had to laugh, Jared obviously heard it too and they grinned at each other.

 

They sat together for a while, hands intertwined, having a few more drinks and a couple of shots. Suddenly, Chris’s arm appeared around Jensen’s neck and his friend pulled him backwards.

 

“Me and Sandy are gonna take off, you two gonna be okay?” Chris grinned at them.

 

“Yeah sure, where’s Steve?” Jensen said, looking around for his other friend.

 

“Man, you’re so out of it, Steve left ages ago, sick of feeling like a fifth wheel,” Chris smirked. Sandy joined him, and Chris slipped an arm around her waist, she leaned in happily and kissed him under the chin.

 

“Okay man, you two have fun,” Jensen grinned.

 

He noticed Sandy looking at Jared over his shoulder and was tempted to look back and see the look Jared was giving her, but he let them have their moment and saw Sandy nod. Her expression was a little unsure, even worried but she said goodbye and let Chris lead her away.

 

“You want another drink?” Jared asked Jensen before he could bring up Sandy’s behaviour.

 

“Yeah sure,” Jensen agreed, even though he was pretty damn drunk already.

 

“Okay, why don’t you grab a table and I’ll be back in a minute?” Jared suggested. Jensen figured it would give them more privacy so he agreed and went to a table in the corner, away from prying eyes.

 

When Jared returned, he carried a tray with two beers and four shots. He set them down on the table and slipped into the seat across from Jensen. For a moment Jensen wondered why Jared was putting the table in between them but when he put his hand on the table, palm up and Jared took it without hesitation he didn’t worry.

 

“So, I’m really sorry I missed our date today,” Jared said softly.

 

“Hey, that’s okay, no harm done,” Jensen assured him. “And now that I have your number, it won’t happen again.”

 

“I wanted to talk to you about the other night,” Jared said hesitantly.

 

“Hey, I already told you it was okay,” Jensen told him, gripping his hand tightly. “It was good, Jay, don’t worry so much.”

 

Jared opened his mouth as if to speak again but instead he closed it and downed one of the shots.

 

“I really like you, Jensen,” Jared said while staring into the bottom of his empty shot glass.

 

“I really like you, too, Jared,” Jensen said seriously. “I mean, you’re the first guy I’ve been with in a long time.” Jared snapped his gaze up to him suddenly.

 

“What do you mean by that?” he asked, a slight frown on his face, and Jensen suddenly realised what he’d said.

 

“I mean—I haven’t been with another guy since high school,” Jensen admitted, he half kicked himself for letting that slip but he wanted to be honest with Jared.

 

“Really?” Jared asked, disbelief in his voice.

 

“Well yeah,” Jensen shrugged a little.

 

“How come?” Jared questioned curiously.

 

Jensen took a breath, trying to decide what to tell him, eventually he decided on the truth.

 

“We’d been going out a while; we were really serious about each other. I’d been with other guys before him, you know, just fucking around, but he was the first guy I was serious about. So, we talked about it, and I decided it was time to tell my parents about him,” he paused, remembering that day so clearly even though it had been a long time since he’d thought about it.

 

“What did they say?” Jared asked quietly.

 

“My dad was awesome; he was so understanding. He said that they’d love me no matter what, and he was really happy that I could trust them with that part of my life. But then—” Jensen frowned, picturing it in his head. “My mom flipped out, said she forbade me to be with other guys, said that she wouldn’t have that kind of filth in her house. I tried to tell her that I had a boyfriend, and that I had no intention of breaking up with him, and she went crazy. She actually started throwing things, first around the room and then at me.

 

“Didn’t your dad stop her? Try to get her to come around?” Jared asked as though he couldn’t believe Jensen’s dad had done nothing.

 

“No. There wasn’t a chance that my dad would’ve contradicted my mom. She had him so far under her thumb; he would do and feel anything she said. After that, when I asked him he said that he agreed with my mom, and that what he’d said before was wrong, and I shouldn’t think of it again. Anyway, she scared the crap out of me, I wasn’t sure what she’d do, so, I eventually promised that I wouldn’t see other guys anymore, and broke it off with my boyfriend. God, he was so mad, called me a cock tease. He said he never wanted to see me again, that I’d broken his heart.” Jensen stared at his and Jared’s combined hands, he couldn’t believe he’d just told him all that; he hadn’t spoken about this stuff in years.

 

“It was my dad that flipped out at me,” Jared said so quietly Jensen had to strain to hear him. Jared’s hand shook in Jensen’s so Jensen squeezed a little tighter, hoping to show support. “He was—well, he was pretty violent about it. I had to leave town to get away from him.”

 

Jared avoided Jensen’s eyes, his skin paled slightly. Jensen picked up his hand and pressed his lips against his knuckles.

 

“How did your mom take it?” Jensen probed gently. Jared shrugged.

 

“I dunno, I wasn’t allowed to talk to her; I don’t even know what my dad told her, if she knows why I left,” Jared admitted, the quiver in his voice betraying how upsetting a memory it was.

 

“Well I hope she would’ve taken it better than my mom. My mom said she wouldn’t be parent to a kid who took it up the ass. Which was funny really, ‘cause I’ve never bottomed in my life,” Jensen laughed bitterly.

 

“I have,” Jared murmured quietly.

 

“What?” Jensen asked. Jared looked up, as though he was shocked that he’d said it out loud.

 

“Oh, well; I’ve never topped,” he confessed, a deep flush darkening his cheeks, and Jensen smiled endearingly. “I—I was always the one who—I had to—be the bottom.” Jared looked so embarrassed; Jensen just wanted to hug him.

 

“Well that works out well then,” Jensen joked, hoping to lighten to suddenly dark mood that covered their conversation.

 

Jared huffed out a laugh, “Yeah, I guess,” he said humourlessly.

 

~~~ 

 

Four Years Ago

 

Jared burst through the door, calling out as he hoped for someone, _anyone_ to be home. Within seconds, his dad, Jerry, was rushing out of the kitchen and meeting him where he’d been searching in the living room.

 

“Dad, I need to talk to you—need to tell you something. I don’t know what to do, I need your help. I thought I could handle it but—” Jared couldn’t stop his rambling; he just wanted to pour everything out in one go but he couldn’t get it into a coherent mix of words.

 

“Whoa, Jared. Calm down.”

 

“Please don’t be mad, dad. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before—”

 

“Jared, you can tell me anything, you know that.” Relief flooded Jared’s bones and he slumped forward into his fathers arms. He tried to concentrate on slowing his breathing, but as soon as he opened his mouth to explain, the babbling took over again.

 

“I was stupid, dad. But I fell in love—”

 

“Hey, shhh, it’s okay. We all do stupid things when we’re in love.” Jerry’s voice was so soft and understanding, Jared soaked it up and used it to fuel the strength he needed to finally tell the truth. “What happened?”

 

“We— well we— you know?” Jared mumbled shyly into his dad’s chest, his heart pounding as strong arms held even tighter, comforting him.

 

“You had sex?” he asked kindly. Jared nodded, his mind suddenly running through everything he still had to tell, because compared to everything else that piece of news was nothing.

 

“I thought he loved me; he always said he did, but now he -” Jared was pushed roughly back, and Jerry stared into his eyes.

 

“Wait. _He_?”

 

Jared looked at his dad in shock, taking in the look of disgust on his face and cringing.

 

“ _He_ , boy?” Jerry demanded heatedly.

 

Jared could only nod, the movement causing his unshed tears to fall down his cheeks. Jerry separated from him as though repelled by some infectious disease.

 

“You disgusting little— You’re telling me you let some filthy fag do you up the ass?”

 

“Dad, please?”

 

Jared didn’t even see the backhand coming; he just felt his lip splitting as he was sent sprawling into the china cabinet. His head crashed through the glass doors, and the shelves of his mom’s best china broke around him.

 

Before Jared could react to the dozens of cuts slicing through his body, his dad was hauling him to his feet with a tight hand to his throat, effectively cutting off his oxygen supply. Then, he was being slammed painfully against the wall, Jerry not even flinching at the tears mixing with blood splattered all over Jared’s face.

 

Jared had never seen such a look of hate in his dad’s eyes, his lips pulled into a vile snarl as he stared into his son’s terrified eyes.

 

“Dad—” Was all Jared could manage to force past the burning fingers choking the life from him. Jerry leaned in and growled in Jared’s ear.

 

“I’m not your dad. I have no son. You murdered him the moment you let someone shove their dick up your fucking ass.” He pulled back to look Jared squarely in the eyes. “Now, I’m going to go meet my wife from work, I want you gone before we get back.” His words were spoken with a deadly calm, but his eyes betrayed a violent flare that burned Jared’s heart to ashes.

 

With a final shove to the throat that sent Jared’s head hard into the wall behind him, Jerry released his grip. Jared watched his father head towards to front door, following weakly behind him.

 

“Dad?” he called out, but it was as though he no longer existed. “Can’t I at least talk to mom?”

 

Jared suddenly found himself on his back with the stairs digging bruises into his spine.

 

“If you so much as say one word to her—” Jerry’s hand made a vice-like grip on Jared’s balls, through his jeans, and Jared yelled in agony. “I will rip you dick off and shove it down your throat, just the way you like it, before I make you choke on it. Now get the fuck out of my house.”

 

As soon as he was let up, Jared ran stumbling for the door, not even caring that he was abandoning every possession he owned. All he knew was that he was leaving behind the only life he’d ever known and loved.

 

***

 

“Come on guys, time to make a move,” Tom interrupted their deep conversation, taking away their empty glasses.

 

“It’s closing time already?” Jared asked, reaching for Jensen’s wrist and twisting it so he could look at his watch. Jensen let out a little yelp when he twisted his arm a little far but chuckled at the apologetic look Jared shot him.

 

“Yep, come on, I wanna go home,” Tom grinned before walking away.

 

Jensen looked around, the bar was empty except for them, and he hadn’t even noticed people leaving. He and Jared had been talking about all sorts of things, laughing and joking. He figured time really did fly when you had fun, and that sucked.

 

Reluctantly, they left Tom’s and started down the street. Jensen took Jared’s hand in his as they walked, smiling as they bumped shoulders.

 

He hadn’t even been paying attention to where they were going, until they were climbing the stairs and stopping on front of Jared’s front door.

 

His eyes fell to the wall where Jared had given him that amazing orgasm, and just the memory of it turned him on.

 

“Shit,” Jared cursed, getting Jensen’s attention again.

 

“What is it?” he asked.

 

“I left my keys back at Tom’s,” Jared complained.

 

“Oh, what are you going to do?” Jensen asked, trying not to laugh, the alcohol making it a whole lot funnier.

 

“It’s okay, I have a spare around here somewhere,” Jared mumbled and started searching around his front door. He eventually found a key behind a broken piece of a light fixture. “Lucky they never fix anything around here,” Jared laughed and let them inside.

 

“You want another beer?” Jared asked, going into the kitchen.

 

“Thanks,” Jensen called. He was already pretty damn drunk, but if meant he got to stay longer he was game for anything. All he really wanted to do was kiss Jared.

 

Jared returned and handed him a beer; Jensen popped the top and took a swig. It was cold and refreshing, and it slid down his throat just right.

 

“So,” Jensen said, nervous now that the flow of conversation had stopped. He moved closer to Jared, wanting to feel his warmth.

 

“So,” Jared mimicked as he drank his beer down.

 

“So, it’s been a long night,” Jensen said, stating the obvious.

 

“It’s been a long couple of days,” Jared said absently.

 

“And I’ve only kissed you once since Monday,” Jensen said and bit his lip as he took another step towards Jared.

 

Jared’s eyes flicked to Jensen’s lips, the hazel in them darkening as he watched Jensen worry the skin with his teeth. “That’s true,” he said and placed his beer on the counter.

 

Jensen’s heart started to beat harder as Jared’s hand came to his hip, and he stepped into his personal space, space he was more than willing to share.

 

“I’m gonna forget what it’s like at this rate,” Jensen teased, his voice just above a whisper.

 

“That’s just not allowed,” Jared replied as his other hand cupped Jensen’s face and tipped his head up slightly. Jared smiled down at him, his eyes tracing Jensen’s features. Then his lips were lowering to Jensen’s, the hand on Jensen’s hip tugging him closer. Jensen parted his lips and closed his eyes in anticipation.

 

When Jared’s mouth finally touched his, Jensen caught his breath. Sliding a hand around Jared’s neck, he opened his mouth, hoping Jared would take the offering. He groaned when Jared slipped his tongue inside, relishing the feeling of it sliding against his own in a long, slow caress.

 

Jensen allowed himself to swim in the sensations Jared’s kisses caused, feeling every nerve tingle as Jared’s hands slid down his back and pulled him until they were as close as they could get. Then he was being walked backwards, Jared guiding him until his legs came in contact with the sofa. As Jared tipped him—holding his weight in impressively strong arms until Jensen’s back was lying against the couch—Jensen stretched out his arm to place his beer bottle as far away from them as he could.

 

Jared leaned over him, breaking their kiss to gaze down at him, a small, meek smile tipping at the corners of his mouth.

 

“I’ve missed you,” Jensen said suddenly; he hadn’t meant to; he’d been thinking it sure, but he never meant to say it out loud.

 

“I missed you, too,” Jared whispered before closing their mouths together again.

 

His kiss was slow, deliberate, nothing like it had been out in the corridor, but Jensen thought he liked this better. It was like Jared was putting all his emotions and feelings into that kiss, trying to tell Jensen things he couldn’t voice on his own.

 

Slowly, Jared pressed his body against Jensen’s, pulling a moan from Jensen’s lips. Jensen ran his hands over Jared’s back, arching his body into him, needing to be closer. Gradually he slipped his fingertips under the hem of Jared’s t-shirt; Jared shivered above him when he connected with his skin, and Jensen smiled against his lips. Keeping with the slow movements Jared was taking, Jensen carefully moved his hand up Jared’s back, feeling the muscles under his skin flex as they were used to stop Jared crushing him.

 

Jared moved his kisses down over Jensen’s cheek until he was nuzzling at his neck. Jensen opened his mouth and closed his eyes. The speed was torture, an over stimulation of pleasure that was causing his breathing to become heavy with want. Jared continued to press against him, increasing the pressure before backing off again, then putting it back, all the while caressing Jensen’s neck with his lips.

 

Jensen couldn’t take much more; he pulled on Jared’s t-shirt, tugging it over Jared’s head. The move seemed to stump Jared for a moment, but then he got with the program and let Jensen remove the piece of clothing. Jensen gasped when Jared’s torso was revealed to him; his skin was tanned and rippled with muscles.

 

“My God, Jay. You’re beautiful,” Jensen whispered in awe. Jared tensed for a moment, stopping all his movements. “Jay?”

 

“Thank you,” Jared said timidly and hid his face in Jensen’s neck.

 

“I’m just speaking the truth, Jared,” Jensen told him. When Jared raised his head his eyes were shining. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

 

Jared shook his head. “Nothing, it’s just—being with you, the way you make me feel, the way you see me—I’ve never, no ones ever—it’s amazing,” Jared tried to explain.

 

“That’s because _you’re_ amazing,” Jensen smiled and brushed back Jared’s hair. Jared bit his lip and lowered his eyes. “Hey,” Jensen called softly and waited for Jared to look back at him. “Kiss me?” It was a request, not an order and Jared smiled as though he’d been given permission.

 

This time when their lips met, there was firmness and an authority that took Jensen’s breath away. He ran his hands over Jared’s naked back and over his shoulders to glide down his chest, feeling every indentation he could find, teasing his nipples until Jared had to stop kissing him to gasp.

 

“Jen, I wish—if only—” Jared panted against his ear, rubbing the skin of their cheeks together as he nuzzled against him.

 

“What, Jay? What do you wish?” Jensen replied breathlessly.

 

“Uh—a lot of things,” Jared murmured, moving to kiss up Jensen’s neck until he was hovering over his lips. “I wish a lot of things.”

 

“You don’t have to wish with me, Jared,” Jensen told him, his lips becoming moist as they shared breath. He stared into Jared’s lidded eyes, there was something haunted in them and he wished—not for the first time—that he could take that look away and just leave the sparkle that hid in the background.

 

As Jensen shifted and moved to sit up, Jared slipped back a little, straddling Jensen’s legs. Jensen’s dipped his head to lay a soft kiss against Jared’s chest, licking around Jared’s nipple as Jared gripped at the back of Jensen’s head. Above him, Jensen heard the sharp intake of breath as he dragged the hard bud of flesh through his teeth before sucking it into his mouth.

 

“Oh fuck,” Jared yelped and grasped Jensen’s hair almost painfully. While Jensen stimulated Jared’s nipples with his mouth, his hands moved down to meet the button on Jared’s jeans; he flicked it open and slowly drew the zipper down.

 

When he slipped his hand inside Jared’s pants, Jared started. Jared’s free hand caught Jensen’s by the wrist while the hand that was in Jensen’s hair pulled him away from his body.

 

Jensen gazed up at him, taking in Jared’s wide eyes and furrowed brow.

 

“Let me touch you, Jay?” Jensen requested. “You know what I feel like. I just wanna feel you in my hands.”

 

They were statues, eyes locked together. Slowly, Jared released his hold on Jensen’s wrist; his eyes fell closed as Jensen’s hand wrapped around his hard length.

 

“Oh Jesus,” Jared gasped, as he dropped his body over Jensen’s and buried his face in Jensen’s neck, his hot breath panting against Jensen’s skin while Jensen pumped him slowly.

 

“Uh, Jay, you feel amazing,” Jensen praised him, revelling in the silky smoothness of the skin in his hand.

 

He’d forgotten what it was like to hold another mans dick in his palm, but he couldn’t imagine holding anyone else. Jared just fit perfectly in his grasp, and the little moans coming from his mouth, right into Jensen’s ear were almost enough to have Jensen coming there and then.

 

“Jen, I—don’t know if I can—” Jared shuddered over him.

 

“Shhh, it’s okay, baby,” Jensen whispered to him. “I’ll make you feel good; I promise.”

 

Jared’s body continued to shudder; his hands holding onto Jensen’s arms, digging his nails in hard enough that Jensen knew he’d have bruises.

 

Jensen sped up his movements, twisting his wrist around Jared’s cock. He slipped his thumb over the head, spreading the pre-come there around in circles. He sucked the fingers of his other hand into his mouth before running them down Jared’s back soothingly; he flexed his fingers as they ran over the curves of Jared’s ass under his jeans.

 

“Jen, I—” Jared chocked and pressed his face into Jensen’s shoulder.

 

“Don’t worry, baby,” Jensen promised. “I’m gonna take care of you.”

 

He dipped his finger between Jared’s ass cheeks before pressing a single digit against his hole. Jared whimpered, and his whole body stiffened. Jensen shushed him, curling his finger before gently pushing in—

 

Jared leapt from on top of him backing away quickly grasping at his jeans to hold them closed until he fell backwards onto his ass, his back hitting the kitchen counter.

 

“No,” Jared hissed, gathering his legs tightly into his arms. “Get out.”

 

“Jay?” Jensen said alarmed and bolted from the sofa to crouch in front of a trembling Jared. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

 

“I said get out,” Jared said through gritted teeth, his eyes firmly fixed to the floor.

 

“Why? Jared, tell me what’s wrong, what did I do?” Jensen begged reaching out a hand to touch Jared’s arm.

 

Jared flinched away violently. “Don’t fucking touch me; get out; leave me alone,” Jared’s voice cracked and tears fell from his eyes.

 

“No,” Jensen said firmly. “Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”

 

“I can’t do this; it’s all wrong; everything is wrong,” Jared muttered, still staring at the floor. “I never should’ve—I just can’t. Please leave?” Finally Jared turned shimmering eyes to Jensen, pleading with him. There was so much pain there; Jensen’s heart broke for him.

 

“Okay, Jay,” Jensen said quietly. “I’ll go, but I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

 

“No,” Jared said sharply, shaking his head. “No, just stay away from me.”

 

“What do you mean?” Jensen asked, afraid that he already knew the answer.

 

“I can’t do this anymore,” Jared said meekly. Then his face went stern; he stared into Jensen’s eyes, determination shinning from every pore. “I can’t be with you; we can’t be together.”

 

“You don’t mean that,” Jensen swallowed around the baseball blocking his airway. “Tell me you don’t mean that?”

 

“I’m sorry, Jensen, but I never should have let this start in the first place,” Jared told him, his voice now emotionless.

 

“Jay, if you need time, I can give you time,” Jensen said desperately, his chest was constricting painfully, his hands were shaking; he was about to lose the best thing that had ever happened to him. “Just let me in; I can do what ever you want; just don’t throw this away? Don’t throw _us_ away?”

 

“What I want is for you to do as I ask and leave.” Jared’s said, his eyes boring into Jensen’s, his face impassive. When a tear escaped down Jensen’s cheek he could’ve sworn Jared twitched, that the coldness melted for a second, but then the moment passed and Jared looked away.

 

Slowly, Jensen got to his feet; collected his jacket and stumbled blindly to the door.

 

“Don’t call me,” Jared said just as he opened the door. Jensen’s face crumbled and he quickly threw himself out the door, pulling it shut behind him before he allowed himself to collapse on the ground, leaning up against that fateful wall that instead of soaking up his joy now absorbed his sorrow.

 

He let the sobs wrack his body. It hurt, God, it hurt so much. Why was Jared pushing him away? What was it that he wasn’t telling him? Was it touching him like that? Was that so wrong? Why?

 

He wanted to be angry at Jared, but he just couldn’t. The haunting pain he’d seen in Jared’s eyes was burned to the back of his eyelids. Whatever it was, he was certain it wasn’t Jared’s fault. But that didn’t make _his_ agony any less.

 

He pulled out his cell, pressed his speed dial and waited for it to connect. When it did a tired and slightly annoyed, but also wary voice answered.

 

“Steve? Can you come and get me?”


	9. Chapter 9

Part 9

 

Jared listened to Jensen, he curled up next to his door and drowned in the sorrow he heard from the other side. He’d caused that; he was the one responsible for the painful sounds he heard.

 

Eventually, he heard some shuffling and knew that Jensen was moving away. He wanted to rip open the door and beg him not to go, explain that he’d made a terrible mistake. He wanted to pour his heart out to Jensen and tell him everything, to curl up in his arms and let him make it all better.

 

Suddenly he was standing in the hall watching Jensen’s back move slowly away.

 

“Jen?” he called quietly.

 

Jensen turned, red-eyed, his face streaked with tears.

 

“Give me some time?” Jared asked weakly, he couldn’t let Jensen go, he just couldn’t.

 

Jensen’s face crumbled, he raced back to Jared and took him in his arms, holding on for dear life.

 

“Be my friend for a while? Just give me some time, Jen, please?” Jared sobbed, returning Jensen’s hug and pulling him into a crushing embrace.

 

“All the time you need, Jay,” Jensen swore. “And when you’re ready, I’m here okay, I’ll always be here.”

 

“Thank you,” Jared squeezed him once more before forcing himself to pull away.

 

“You’ll call me?” Jensen asked, hope filling his features.

 

“Yeah, when I—I call when I—”

 

“Whenever you’re ready, Jay. There’s no pressure from me.” Jensen hesitated for a moment, and he stepped in and placed a chaste kiss to Jared’s cheek. Then he backed away quickly, shot him a lopsided smile and disappeared as if he was afraid Jared was going to change his mind.

 

Jared took a breath before heading back inside, he didn’t know whether he’d done the right thing or not, maybe it would’ve been better if he’d let Jensen go, hurt him now so he didn’t hurt him worse further down the line.

 

As he looked around his apartment, the memories of the night flooded back.

 

He’d really thought he could handle it. He wanted to be with Jensen so badly and he knew Jensen wanted more from him, he wanted to give him that, he wanted to give himself over to him, even though he was scared to do so. He thought if he took it slow he’d be okay, he’d have time to get used to everything, to train his mind into the here and now and not let it drift into the past.

 

It didn’t work out like that. At first it was amazing, perfect. The way their bodies aligned, the way they moved together, the sounds Jensen made, that Jared caused him to make, it filled Jared with pride that he could do that to him.

 

So, he’d moved slowly, deliberately. Making sure that he put every single bit of himself into every kiss, every touch. He didn’t allow anything else to enter their time together, it was him and Jensen and it was perfect.

 

Even when Jensen had touched his skin, the pleasure that seared through him had made his head spin as it jolted up his spine, for a second he thought it was going to be too much, but he’d kept control and let himself go. Then Jensen’s had removed his top, he thought he was going to lose it then, but then he saw Jensen’s eyes. Jensen was looking at him, seeing Jared as he was, right there before him, and the wonder he’d seen in his eyes had brought a lump to his throat.

 

He’d said Jared was beautiful, for a second Jared heard someone else’s voice telling him the same thing and he’d had to force himself to focus, to hear only Jensen’s voice and Jensen’s words. The way Jensen’s voice could sooth him, keep him grounded, even Sandy didn’t have that much power.

 

God Sandy, he needed her right now. He started to look for his phone but then he remembered she was with Chris. She’d already cancelled on him two days in a row to come and take care of Jared, he couldn’t ask her to do it again; he didn’t want to ruin things for her, not this time.

 

Jared stared at the sofa, images of him and Jensen writhing together flashed before his mind, he could still feel Jensen’s hand on him, pulling on him. He knew he should’ve stopped him, he’d tried, but he wanted to trust that Jensen had the power to make everything okay; he’d wanted to feel what it was like to be touched by him. So he’d let it go, he’d given consent. And God it had been wonderful, Jared had been floating on a cloud of pleasure and everything was alright.

 

But then the cloud had turned grey and he no longer saw bright green eyes, smiling at him. They were replaced by blue ones, piercing into his soul, the hands on him painful and harsh. The gentle caresses of Jensen’s touch was gone, Jensen was gone, there was nothing left but agony and fear and it tore into Jared’s heart and ripped out his insides.

 

Jared couldn’t cope with that, it had killed him to see the look in Jensen’s eyes and that’s when he knew he had to make the break, he had to end things. He should’ve known things wouldn’t end well, he should’ve seen this coming, he never should have given in to his desires and let Jensen in in the first place.

 

But then he’d been weak and selfish, unable to let Jensen go, to cast him from his life.

 

He tore his eyes away from the sofa and dragged himself into his bedroom, even the sight of his bed brought memories and images into his head, him and Jensen together, wrapped in ecstasy.

 

Jared didn’t bother undressing, he collapsed onto his bed and finally let himself cry, he let the pain and despair wash over him and resigned himself to the fact that even with Jensen in his life he would most likely never be free, he’d never be let go, even though he was safe in Seattle, he’d never be safe in his mind and in his body, they didn’t belong to him, they never had and he’d been a fool to think otherwise.

 

Jared cried himself to sleep, not fighting the dreams as they attacked his unconsciousness; he wallowed in his nightmares and let them rip him apart.

 

***

 

Jensen was close to cracking. It had been nearly two weeks, and still Jared hadn’t given him the okay. They talked a little after classes and occasionally on the phone. But they hadn’t socialized, they hadn’t been out for a drink, they hadn’t hung around with each other at all.

 

But Jensen was determined to give Jared the time he needed, even if he had to force himself not to kiss him every time they were close; he had to hold himself back so he didn’t just reach out to touch him.

 

Even when Jensen had to help Jared in class, he could feel Jared tense at any physical contact, and as much as it hurt, he kept his distance as much as he could.

 

But today was Monday, and Jensen was currently setting up the classes tables; he was going to see Jared today, and even with things as they were, just that thought made him smile and brought a giddiness to his step.

 

“Hello Jensen.”

 

Jensen froze. That couldn’t be who he thought it was, not now. Slowly he turned around and his heart sank. She was still as beautiful as she’d been the last time he’d seen her; her long red hair framed her face perfectly and her pouty lips stretched into a wide smile when she had his attention. Jensen felt that familiar stirring in his stomach, that unique yet sickening feeling of arousal that only she could cause. 

 

“Danneel, what are you doing here?” Jensen asked; his tone was not pleasant.

 

“Oh, don’t be like that, honey,” she said as she made her way across the room, her hips swaying in that oh-so-seductive way, and Jensen had to force himself not to stare. “I heard you were miserable, that’s all; I came to see what I could do to cheer you up.” She grinned up at him, her tongue sweeping across her bottom lip as she eyed him hungrily.

 

“You heard I was miserable? Who told you that?” Jensen frowned. The only people who knew about Jared were Chris, Steve, and Sandy, and possibly Tom, but no one who would speak to Danneel.

 

“Chad saw you at the bar. Said this past week you’ve been lacking your usual spark, and he figured you were missing me,” she said sympathetically.

 

“Chad! I should’ve known you were still hanging around that loser,” Jensen rolled his eyes.

 

“You have missed me though, haven’t you?” she said confidently, and didn’t wait for an answer before continuing. “Because I’ve missed you. We left it so nasty last time, but I think we can still work it out, don’t you?”

 

Without any mind for personal space she stepped close to him and ran a well manicured finger over the buttons of his shirt. Her sweet-scented perfume wafted into Jensen’s face, God she smelled good; she always smelled good.

 

With great effort, Jensen stepped backwards, away from her temptation, away from the yearning he still felt for the woman he’d fallen in love with, the woman he was sure was still in there somewhere, underneath the bitch that had emerged to take control of her.

 

But Jensen wanted _Jared_. Jared was a hundred times better than Danneel. Being with Jared had made Jensen happier than he’d ever been with Danneel.

 

“Maybe I don’t want to work things out this time,” Jensen said harshly. “Maybe I’ve found something better.”

 

Danneel laughed, as though Jensen had told an award-winning joke. “Come on, sweetie. Just hear me out okay, no strings attached, I promise.” She batted her eyelids at him, and Jensen felt his resolve failing. That power Danneel had always had over him taking control again.

 

“Alright, I’ll listen, but I warn you, I’m not—”

 

Danneel squealed with happiness and victory and launched herself into Jensen’s arms.

 

“Thank you, Jensen, you won’t regret this, I promise.” She grinned up at him, and Jensen felt a reluctant smile pull at his lips. Then Danneel threw herself forward and planted her lips against Jensen’s.

 

Jensen squeaked in surprise and tried to pull away, but Danneel’s grip was like a vice, her lips soft but demanding, she kissed him eagerly moaning into his mouth and licking at his lips.

 

It was so familiar, it was so easy to fall into the past and open up to her like he always did. As soon as he showed that moment of weakness, her tongue was in his mouth and they were kissing in earnest.

 

Then the moment was over, and Jensen snapped back to reality. He wanted to be with Jared, not Danneel, what the hell was he doing?

 

Jensen ripped Danneel from his lips and stepped way from her.

 

“I knew I still had you,” she said with predatory conviction. Jensen swiped the back of his hand over his mouth, disgusted with himself. He opened his mouth to tell her to get lost, to leave him alone, that he didn’t want her but someone else, but out of the corner of his eye he saw a tall figure, standing just inside the doorway.

 

Cringing, Jensen faced the entrance, and there was Jared, his face pale, his mouth open and his fists clenched at his sides.

 

“Jay,” Jensen whispered.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb anything,” Jared said in a shaky voice; then he turned and walked away. Jensen went to follow him but was stopped by a surprisingly strong hand on his arm.

 

“I’m not finished with you yet,” Danneel sneered happily. “Dinner, tonight. Cancel work if you have to; just be there, you know the time and place.” Jensen’s mind was so caught in worrying what Jared was thinking he could even word the refusal he knew he should.

 

***

 

Jared stopped outside and leaned against the wall to catch his breath. He’d run as soon as he hit the hallway, his chest constricting painfully.

 

Had he seen that right? Jensen—Jensen was kissing—a woman? She was all over him, and he seriously didn’t appear to mind, in fact to Jared, it looked like he was enjoying it. And what she’d said about still having him, what did that mean? Who was she?

 

Jared was angry. He was upset and incredibly jealous, but did he really have a right to be? He was the one who had rejected Jensen, left him hanging out to dry for nearly two weeks now with no sign or word of what Jared was thinking or if he even still wanted Jensen. They’d made small talk, but kept it away from relationship chat.

 

_Guess Jensen finally got sick of waiting_ , Jared thought bitterly, and really, who could blame Jensen for moving on? But Jared had been so sure, so convinced Jensen was willing to wait as long as it took, he had really believed that what they had was special enough to survive until he got his head sorted out. Jensen had said he would wait, as long as it took, he’d said.

 

Jared felt stupid; if only he wasn’t so messed up, he could’ve had what he really wanted, he could’ve been happy for once in his life. Guess it was too late for that now.

 

The door beside him opened and the beautiful redhead came out, her head held high and a contented smile on her face. She looked over at Jared briefly, studied him for a second like an insect, before dismissing him and walking away, something akin to triumph surrounding her.

 

Jensen suddenly appeared beside him, he looked around frantically until his eyes settled on Jared.

 

“Jay, that wasn’t—what you saw—I—” Jensen tried to explain but Jared knew there was nothing he could say? He couldn’t take back the kiss; he couldn’t even say he hadn’t enjoyed it because Jared had seen that he had.

 

“Is she your girlfriend?” Jared asked boldly, terrified of the answer.

 

“No—yes—she used to be,” Jensen stumbled over his answer, and Jared felt his heart crumble. “She kinda has this habit of just turning up.”

 

“I thought you were gay?” Jared mumbled, frowning slightly.

 

“I’m bi, but Jay—”

 

“It’s okay, Jen,” Jared told him, trying desperately to keep his voice calm, to keep the shake out of it.

 

“It is?” Jensen asked, obviously confused.

 

“Yeah, of course it is,” Jared shrugged. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me; we’re just friends after all, right? You can do what ever you like, _be_ with whomever you want.”

 

“But Jay, I—”

 

“She’s real pretty, Jen. You’re a lucky guy, I hope you two will be very happy together,” Jared said even as his heart broke. He had to get out of there; he didn’t want to break down in front of Jensen; he didn’t want to show how weak he was. Jensen had made his choice, and it hadn’t been Jared, now Jared had to live with Jensen’s decision.

 

“It’s really not—”

 

“You know, I’m really not feeling up to class today, I feel kinda sick,” Jared said, and it was true. His stomach was tied up in so many knots, it was agony. “I think I need to go home.”

 

Jensen stared at him, concern written all over his face.

 

“Jay, are you okay, you’re not looking so good?” Jensen asked, taking a step towards him, hand outstretched.

 

“No Jen, I’m not okay,” Jared looked into Jensen’s eyes. “Please just leave me alone?”

 

With a hand clenched to his stomach Jared staggered away. For a moment, it looked like Jensen was going to follow him, but then someone called his name, the students were all arriving, and Jensen had a class to teach. Reluctantly he went back inside, looking back at Jared as Jensen disappeared from sight.

 

Jared pulled out his cell, and hit speed dial one.

 

“Sand,” Jared whimpered into the phone as soon as she answered.

 

“I’ll be right there,” was all Sandy said, and she hung up.

 

~~~

 

Sandy found Jared collapsed halfway up the stairs to his apartment; he was a mess: his face was pale, and he was drenched in sweat. She helped him to his feet, holding his tall shaking form over her tiny shoulder, his arm draped around her neck.

 

Once she’d gotten him inside, he practically tumbled off of her and onto the floor, where he lay shivering and sweaty. Sandy pressed a hand to his forehead before pulling it off quickly.

 

“Jesus, Jay. You’re burning up,” she gasped. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

 

Sandy tried to get Jared to his feet again, but she just didn’t have the strength to lift him.

 

“You’re gonna have to help me a little here, or I’m gonna have to call in some help,” she warned. That seemed to put a boost of energy in Jared; Sandy knew he hated people to see him like this, and she knew she was the only one he trusted.

 

Eventually, she managed to get him into bed; she pulled off his jeans and shirt and wrapped him up in the covers.

 

“What happened, Jay? Come on, you have to talk to me,” she begged, Jared’s vacant eyes were really beginning to worry her.

 

“Jensen,” Jared said weakly, and Sandy’s breathing stopped to listen. “He—has a girlfriend.”

 

“He what?” Sandy almost shouted. “I’m gonna fucking kill the bastard.” Her blood boiled, she was fuming hotter than Jared’s temperature.

 

“Saw them—kissing,” Jared whispered before his eyes closed, and he passed out.

 

“Oh, Jay,” Sandy said softly, stroking his hair and gazing at his beautiful, young face as he slept.

 

Sandy spent the next hour wiping Jared’s forehead with a damp cloth, trying to get him cooler, she’d woken him and forced him to take some Tylenol, but he was still too hot. Eventually she relented and called Jim. He was a doctor friend of Tom’s who Jared and Sandy had become quite friendly with over the years. Sandy knew Jared would probably kill her for it, but she needed an expert’s advice.

 

Finally there was a knock at the door and Sandy rushed to answer it. She flung the door open and was just starting to thank Jim for coming so quickly when she realised she was staring at Jensen.

 

“What do _you_ want?” she said hotly, quickly glancing over her shoulder to make sure Jared hadn’t heard the door

 

“Oh, hey Sandy,” Jensen said, he attempted to smile, but he obviously figured Sandy knew everything and his nerves shone through. “Um, is Jared here?”

 

“Yes,” Sandy said bluntly. Jensen looked at her expectantly.

 

“Can I speak to him?” he asked when she didn’t say anything else or move aside.

 

“No,” Sandy told him.

 

Jensen rolled his eyes. “Listen, Sandy. I know it doesn’t look good, but really it’s none of your business; can I just please speak to Jared?” he pleaded, a little annoyance creeping into his voice.

 

Sandy lowered he voice, but it was still as harsh as before. “Don’t you think you’ve done enough? You’ve already broken his heart, now the least you can do is leave him alone,” she hissed at him. “He’s not in any condition to talk to you right now.”

 

“What do you mean? What’s wrong with him?” Jensen asked in alarm.

 

“He’s sick, okay?” Sandy said in her hushed voice.

 

“Sick? How sick? When?” Jensen wanted answers.

 

“I don’t know, alright. I’ll know more when—” Sandy stopped and looked over Jensen’s shoulder. “Oh thank God,” she said as she saw Jim coming down the hallway. “Thank you for coming so quickly, Dr. Beaver.”

 

“Sandy, how long have we known each other? It’s Jim, please?” Jim scolded gently. “Now where is he?” he added with a more concerned tone.

 

“He’s in the bedroom,” Sandy told him and moved aside to let him through.

 

As soon as the gap was there Jensen forced his way inside.

 

“Hey,” Sandy growled and grabbed Jensen’s arm.

 

“I just wanna see if he’s okay, that’s all,” Jensen promised.

 

“Well he’s not okay, no thanks to you,” Sandy told him and tried to pull him away, but Jensen broke her grip and went to the bedroom, he stopped in the doorway and Sandy saw his face pale. She stepped up beside him and forced herself to calm down.

 

“Listen, just go wait outside; I’ll tell you how he is; I promise. But you can’t be here right now, okay? Please? For Jay’s sake,” she pleaded. Jensen tore his eyes away Jared’s unconscious form where it lay on the bed and set his pain-filled eyes on her.

 

“I never meant to hurt him,” he said quietly.

 

“I believe you,” Sandy said, and she meant it. “But you should’ve thought about that before kissing someone else, even if you guys were on a break. You end things properly before you move on; it’s only fair Jensen.”

 

She didn’t let Jensen say anymore, just hurried him away, and he promised to wait in the living room to which she reluctantly agreed. Then Sandy went into the bedroom and closed the door.

 

“How is he Doc, I mean, Jim?” she asked hesitantly.

 

“His temperatures pretty high,” Jim said worriedly.

 

“I gave him some Tylenol earlier, but it doesn’t seem to be working,” Sandy told him. “You know how sensitive Jared is. And things have been kind of tough on him recently. He’s shutting down like when things get too bad, but I’ve never seen him this bad before.” She knew she sounded as worried as she felt.

 

“Well, this could very well be caused by stress, I couldn’t say anymore without running some tests,” Jim explained gently. “I’d say continue doing what you’re doing, keep him hydrated, try and get him to eat, but if he can’t just make sure he drinks plenty. If his temperature doesn’t come down to a more acceptable level by tomorrow we’ll have to think about taking him into hospital.” Sandy’s eyes widened in alarm. They couldn’t afford hospitals. Jared had basic health insurance through his job at Tom’s bar, but it didn’t really cover expenses like that! They could be stuck with bills of thousands of dollars that they just didn’t have.

 

“Don’t worry,” Jim added quickly, noticing her panic. “I’m sure he’ll be fine, you’re most likely right, and that this is stress related. If that’s the case you’re going to have to keep him calm, no drama around him, alright? He needs to stay relaxed if he’s going to get better.”

 

“That might not be easy, Jim; his nightmares can get pretty bad,” Sandy admitted sadly. Jim placed a hand on her shoulder and smiled reassuringly. He’d been there when Tom had first met Jared, and had helped him a lot, Sandy knew he understood.

 

“You just have to try your best, Sandy, but if you don’t see improvement or anything worries you, don’t hesitate to call me again, alright? Don’t take any chances,” he told her and Sandy nodded in understanding.

 

“Thank you,” Sandy said, relieved Jared wasn’t dying or something equally as drastic.

 

“You’re welcome. You were right to call,” Jim said, smiling kindly as she led him to the door. “You take care of yourself too, don’t let yourself get run down taking care of him, you’re no good to him if you get sick yourself.”

 

“I will, thanks Jim.” Sandy let Jim pull her into a hug, relaxing into her friends embrace for a moment before saying goodbye. She turned back to see Jensen leaning against the bedroom doorframe, staring at Jared.

 

“How is he?” Jensen asked.

 

“He’s sick, Jensen, that’s how he is,” Sandy snapped. “The doctor thinks it’s been brought on by stress, you wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?” She raised an eyebrow and Jensen had the decency to look ashamed.

 

“But he’s going to be okay, right?” Jensen questioned.

 

“He should be fine, as long as he gets to rest and relax, no dramas around him, and I’m sorry Jensen, but that means you,” Sandy informed him in no uncertain terms. “You get him all riled up; he really doesn’t need that right now.”

 

“I understand, I’ll keep my distance,” Jensen promised but he didn’t look happy about it. “Sandy?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“What’s wrong with him?” Jensen ventured. Sandy frowned; pretty sure she knew what he was asking.

 

“I just told you,” she said avoidably.

 

“No, I mean him, not this,” Jensen said gesturing with his hands as if that could explain things better than he did.

 

Sandy took a deep breath and levelled her gaze with his. “There’s nothing wrong with him, Jensen. He’s as normal as you or me. Now please, can you go so I can take care of him?”

 

Jensen frowned slightly but nodded and went to the door. Once he was outside he regarded Sandy for a moment.

 

“Can you keep me updated? Just so I know he’s okay? Tell Chris if you don’t want to speak to me, just—let me know, please?” Jensen asked, his eyes pitifully begging.

 

“I’ll keep Chris informed, you can go through him,” she told him. “Now go back to your girlfriend because Jared just can’t take you right now.”

 

With that said Sandy shut the door in Jensen’s face and returned to Jared’s side, a fresh bowl full of cold water in her hands. She sat on the side of his bed and mopped his brow, brushing back his dark bangs.

 

Jared shifted in his sleep; Sandy knew the signs well enough. The nightmares were starting.

 

“I wish I knew what was going on in there,” Sandy whispered, leaning over Jared to place a soft kiss on his head.

 

***

 

Jensen sat at the table stabbing his steak with his fork. It was beautifully cooked, accompanied by the best steamed vegetables around and yet Jensen couldn’t bring himself to eat any of it. All he could think of was how Jared would love steak cooked like this.

 

Danneel sat opposite him, talking away about how good they are together and that they should never have parted company, Jensen just let her talk, it was what she was good at, she had a way of making everything make sense, and a little sense was just what Jensen could do with right now.

 

Suddenly, his cell rang. Everyone in the restaurant turned to look at him, Danneel scowled at him and he flushed a deep red, embarrassed that he’d forgotten to turn it to vibrate. He excused himself and stepped outside to take the call.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Dude, what they Hell did you do?” It was Chris, he’d been expecting this.

 

“Don’t Chris, I feel bad enough as it is.” Jensen rubbed his eyes tiredly.

 

“Kissing some girl in front of him? Jeez, Sandy’s never going to forgive me,” Chris ranted.

 

“Wait? What? _Sandy’s_ never going to forgive _you_? What the Hell, dude?” Jensen said incredulously.

 

“Yeah man, Sandy. I vouched for you, Jen. I told her what a great guy you were and—and get this—how you’d _never_ , in a million years, hurt him,” Chris emphasised his point. “And what do you do? Act like a complete asshole and send the poor guy into a coma!”

 

“A coma? What the fuck?” Jensen panicked; he only had a fever when he’d left him.

 

“Well, okay. Not an _actual_ coma, but he’s pretty out of it from what Sandy’s told me. She can’t leave him alone, which means I don’t get to see her for God knows how long, all because you couldn’t keep your tongue in your mouth.” Chris was pissed, that much was obvious, and Jensen figured he had every right. “What happened, Jen?

 

“Danneel happened,” Jensen told him.

 

“The Hell Beast? I thought you said she was history!” Chris accused.

 

“Don’t call her that. She just turned up, she wants to make it right,” Jensen defended her out of habit. Chris and Steve had never liked Danneel and she in turn had never liked them, they didn’t even tolerate each other for Jensen’s sake, so he tended to try and keep them apart.

 

“Make it right? That’s what she always says, dude. And then she screws you all over again. Look Jen, I know you’ve got some weird weak spot for the girl but please, just don’t go there, not again, I’m begging you.” Jensen could literally see Chris on his knees. “Wait, where are you?”

 

“Um, out to dinner,” Jensen tried to sound casual.

 

“Oh no, you’re with her aren’t you? What are you doing man, you’re never going to get Jared back if you go out with her again,” Chris tried to drum some sense into his thick head.

 

“I think I’ve already lost him, Chris,” Jensen said quietly. “You were right from the beginning, the guys got issues and if he’s not going to let me help with them, then what am I supposed to do?”

 

“So what he’s got issues, he’s a good guy, he’s nice and he treats you a Hell of a lot better than the Beast,” Chris told him seriously.

 

“Look, I’m just out to dinner with her, we’re not back together or anything, I didn’t make her any promises,” Jensen assured him waving at an annoyed looking Danneel through the window. “Look man, I’ve gotta go.”

 

“Why? She getting pissed she doesn’t have your undivided?” Chris drawled and Jensen winced, he knew the situation too well.

 

“I gotta go; I’ll talk to you later, okay?” Jensen said quickly. “And call me when you hear anything about Jared.” He didn’t wait for Chris to say anything more; he felt bad enough himself and he didn’t need Chris dragging him down further.

 

He went back into the restaurant and sat back down, just looking at his now cold steak made him feel sick, so he pushed his plate aside.

 

“So, who was that kid today?” Danneel asked innocently.

 

“What kid?” Jensen said absently.

 

“The one who caught us kissing,” she elaborated.

 

“Oh, he’s—he’s one of my students. He’s sick at the moment, I’m a little worried about him,” Jensen answered as honestly as he could.

 

“My Jensen. Ever the caring one,” she smiled but underneath it all she sounded bored. “So, anyway, I thought tomorrow I could come over to your place, we could talk some more,” it wasn’t a request, she was telling him what she was going to do and Jensen was expected to go along with it, and to be honest, Jensen just didn’t have the energy to argue with her.

 

***

 

Jared slowly opened his eyes, his head pounded as soon as the dim light hit his pupils and he groaned, burying his head in his soaked pillow.

 

“Hey, you awake?” Sandy’s soft voice filtered through the pain. “Here, lift up and take these, it’s just Tylenol, it’s okay.”

 

Jared felt a hand behind his head and he let himself be fed the pills. Just before he lay back down his pillow was taken away and a dry one put in its place.

 

“Drink some more, Jay. You’ve been sweating buckets, you need the fluids.” Sandy tipped the glass to his lips again and he swallowed as much as he could.

 

“What happened?” Jared asked weakly, his throat rasping as he spoke.

 

“You’re sick, that’s what happened. Doctor thinks it’s because of stress,” Sandy told him, helping him settle back down again.

 

“You called the doctor?” Jared frowned.

 

“Yes I did, that’s how bad you were,” Sandy told him in her no nonsense voice.

 

“Were? I’m better now? ‘Cause I really don’t feel it,” Jared groaned again when he tried to sit up more so he abandoned the attempt.

 

“Well, your temperature’s down a bit so I’m not thinking of rushing you to the hospital anymore,” Sandy said and smiled slightly when he looked at her in alarm. “In other words, you’re going to be just fine, you’ve just gotta take it easy for a while. And _no_ stress!”

 

“Yeah right, that’s easy to say in my life,” Jared joked weakly.

 

“Do you remember? What started it?” Sandy said cautiously. Jared frowned and thought for a moment. The memories flooded his brain so quickly he was dizzy, Jensen and that redhead, kissing; her hands over his body, touching where Jared was supposed to touch.

 

“Yeah,” Jared croaked, his face creasing. “I remember. Jensen—and _her_.”

 

“I can still kick his ass for you if you want me to,” she offered and Jared shook his head.

 

“It’s probably for the best anyway, I mean, once he found out about me he wouldn’t want me anyway,” Jared said glumly.

 

“Hey, don’t you speak like that, you hear me,” Sandy snapped harshly. “I will not have you thinking less of yourself, Jay. I just won’t, so you get those thoughts out of your head this instance.”

 

“Yes mom,” Jared teased, which brought a small smile to Sandy’s lips. “But still, I was stupid to let my guard down. All these years I’ve been fine, I didn’t need to be with anyone, what makes him so special? I should’ve known better.”

 

“It’s not the same thing, Jared,” Sandy said softly.

 

“Yeah?” Jared’s voice cracked. “Then why does it hurt just as much?”

 

Sandy pulled Jared into her arms without a moment’s hesitation, she held him as he wept into her, her own tears falling for him and soaking into his hair.

 

“We’re gonna be just fine, Jay. You and me, like always,” she promised, and she’d die before she let that be untrue.

 

***

 

As it turned out, when Danneel said she would come to his place the next day to talk some more, what she actually meant was that she was bringing a box of her stuff for when she stayed over, seeing as she was sure Jensen didn’t have any of her other stuff from last time. He actually did, but he wasn’t going to tell her that.

 

She hadn’t gone away like he’d hoped she would, and she seemed pretty sure about sticking around this time. Jensen was in a daze. Things had turned around so quickly and he’d had no control over any of it. Now he had Danneel draping herself over him. She was there when he went to work, Chris and Steve snarling at her from the stage as she waltzed behind the bar and kissed Jensen deeply, knowing that it would piss them off.

 

She made arrangements for them to go out as a couple, she stay some nights at his place, in his bed with him. When she woke up in the morning she would be all over him, wanting him to touch her, to make her feel good. Jensen went through the motions, but he rarely felt anything.

 

Finally Jared came back to class, he was better, and he looked amazing. But when Jensen tried to talk to him Jared shut down, he was polite and spoke about things that needed to be said, like anything to do with work and Tom’s plans for the bar, and things about the class, but other than that, Jared appeared to have no interest in Jensen what so ever.

 

When one day Danneel came to meet Jensen from class Jensen saw the first flicker of real emotion he’d seen in Jared for weeks. It was jealousy, hate even, and it was directed at Danneel, who in turn smiled sweetly and told him she was glad he was feeling better but that she had to take her boyfriend to do more important things now.

 

All in all, Jensen was miserable, but he couldn’t see a way to make things better. He barely saw Chris and Steve anymore because Danneel was always around and they just could tolerate her, which Jensen really couldn’t blame them for. Gone was the fairly nice woman who’d walked back into his life all those weeks ago, and in her place was the vile, shallow and spiteful woman Jensen had parted from all that time ago.

 

All Jensen could do with his time was to think of Jared, of how he looked when he laughed, loud and strong, his dimples winking at Jensen as his whole face lit up along with the room. How he would bounce when he was happy or excited. Even now Jensen saw a glimpse of that man sometimes when Jared accomplished another move in class; he was really getting good now. Jensen missed him, so hard it hurt.

 

Now, as Danneel writhed under him, panting his name as he pumped into her he felt nothing. The only way he could maintain his hard on long enough to bring her off was by thinking of Jared, of how it would feel if it was him under Jensen, him in Jensen’s hands, him Jensen was kissing. How it would feel to make love to him.

 

Danneel screamed and Jensen stopped. He pulled out and ripped off the empty condom. Danneel didn’t even notice he hadn’t come, didn’t even notice he was like a machine, she simply rolled over and went to sleep while Jensen went to wash the smell of her off him in the shower.

 

Once he was under the hot spray, he thought of Jared again. He closed his eyes and pictured him licking come from his fingers. He was rock solid within seconds. He changed to the image of Jared panting under him while he thrust against him, how his mouth hung open and his eyes squeezed closed in bliss.

 

Jensen slid his hand down his chest, imagining it was Jared’s hand. He wrapped his fingers around his cock and groaned into the shower spray. As he pulled on himself he remembered the feel of Jared panting against his neck, saying his name breathlessly.

 

Slowly, the heat began to curl in his stomach, he moved his hand faster, slipping his thumb through his slit and moaned Jared’s name quietly. He remembered Jared’s hand on him, jerking him against the wall. As his balls tightened he could hear Jared’s voice in his ear, _come for me, Jen._

 

Jensen came, Jared’s name leaking from his mouth and being swept away with the noise of the shower. As Jensen panted, he opened his eyes to watch his come being washed away down the drain, when the last drop was gone Jensen felt that familiar pain in his gut. It was Jensen’s fault Jared wasn’t with him, he’d tried so hard to blame Danneel, but it wasn’t really her fault, Jensen hadn’t said no, not once had he stood up to her and now Jared wouldn’t even be his friend. Well, that had to change.


	10. Chapter 10

Part 10

 

Jensen wiped his hands on his jeans again, the nervous sweat gathering there refused to go away. He knew it was late but he could hear male and female laughter on the other side of the door and he figured Sandy was probably there. Great, that was going to make things more difficult if she decided to play guard dog.

 

Finally the door opened and a smiling Jared stood before him. Jared’s face dropped as soon as he set eyes on Jensen and Jensen winced. He hadn’t been expecting a warm welcome, but he hadn’t expected it to hurt like that.

 

“Um, hey,” Jensen said stupidly, he shoved his hands in his pockets to keep from fiddling with them.

 

“Hi,” Jared replied. He glanced over his shoulder but he didn’t move away, which Jensen decided to take as a good sign.

 

“Can I talk to you?” Jensen asked hopefully. He waited while Jared looked at him, there was a lot going on in those green-brown eyes of his, Jensen couldn’t really tell what he was thinking but he was sure it wasn’t all bad.

 

“Okay,” Jared said finally, he moved to stand in front of the door, leaning against the doorframe so he didn’t get shut out.

 

“Thank you,” Jensen sighed. Unfortunately he’d been so sure he was going to be told to get lost he hadn’t planned any further. “Okay, um. Listen, I know I fucked up but what you saw with Danneel that day wasn’t—”

 

Jared opened his mouth to speak but Jensen cut him off, knowing he didn’t want to hear about Danneel.

 

“Okay, I’m sorry, that’s not why I’m here,” Jensen said quickly. Jared shut his mouth and waited; Jensen closed his eyes for a second and breathed out a deep breath. “I miss you, I miss talking to you, I miss joking around with you. I miss you just being in my life, I miss you being my friend.”

 

Jared’s eyes softened and Jensen watched as he swallowed thickly, but he didn’t say anything.

 

“I’m not asking anything of you, Jay. I’m not expecting anything from you. I—I just don’t wanna, I just wanna be in your life, that’s all,” Jensen stopped, he gazed at Jared, his heart racing a hundred beats a second. Jared stared back at him, seemingly examining Jensen. Jensen just stood there and let him look.

 

“Do you, maybe, wanna come in and watch a movie with us?” Jared said finally.

 

“Really?” Jensen blurted in disbelief. Jared was inviting him inside? He wasn’t telling him to fuck off.

 

“Yeah, you’re missing out on a good night, it’s not the same without you,” Jared’s lips picked up at the edges and his eyes shone with some of that sparkle that Jensen had missed so badly. “You coming or what?”

 

Jared moved away from the door and left it open for Jensen to let himself in. Jensen couldn’t help but grin as he walked over the threshold. He followed Jared into the living room.

 

“Look what the cat dragged in,” Jared announced as he plonked himself down on the sofa next to Sandy. “You’re gonna have to sit on the floor though, sorry.”

 

Chris was sitting there with his arm around Sandy; he looked up in surprise, but a large smile spread across his face when he saw Jensen.

 

“Hey man, where you been?” Steve called from behind the kitchen counter where he was returning with an armful of beers.

 

“Around,” Jensen said in wonder. “It’s good to see you guys.”

 

“We’ve missed you, dude,” Chris unfolded himself from Sandy and stood with his hand out to Jensen. Jensen took it gladly and was pulled over the back of the sofa for a half manly hug.

 

“Yeah, I’ve missed you guys too, you have no idea,” Jensen smiled, suddenly feeling a contentment he hadn’t felt in weeks.

 

“Oh I bet, where is the Beast tonight anyway?” Steve poked.

 

“Tell you what, I’ll make a deal with you guys,” Jensen said, accepting the beer from Steve and sitting himself on the floor in front of Jared while Steve sat in the arm chair. “When she’s not here, she doesn’t exist.”

 

“Sound good to me,” Jared said and toasted Jensen with his beer.

 

“Good to have you back, Jen,” Sandy smiled kindly, Jensen sent her a nod and smiled back.

 

“So, what are we watching?” Jensen asked, looking to the TV screen.

 

“Underworld,” Sandy told him. Jensen raised an eyebrow and turned to look at Jared.

 

“What?” Jared blushed. Everyone else looked confused and Jensen knew that nobody else knew that Underworld had been the movie he and Jared had put on but never watched because they’d spent the entire night talking.

 

“Nothing,” Jensen grinned. “It’s a good film.”

 

Jared looked at him, their eyes met and slowly a wide smile appeared on Jared’s face.

 

“Yeah, yeah it is,” Jared agreed, holding Jensen’s gaze for a moment longer before they both turned to watch the screen.

 

 

By the end of the movie—and a few heated arguments on how werewolves and vampires really turn humans—Sandy was asleep against Chris, curled into his body while Chris played with her hair and gazed into her face. Steve was building a tower out of the empty beer bottles that he never managed to get past three high.

 

Jensen was leaning back between Jared’s legs, his head resting against Jared’s knee as he slowly dropped off to sleep.

 

Suddenly, a shrill ring startled Jensen from his slumber and Steve’s tower collapsed once again. It was coming from his pocket and he fought to get it out as Sandy kicked him irritably in the head for waking her.

 

Jensen quickly answered, more to shut the thing up that caring who was calling.

 

“Yeah?” he said groggily, slapping away Jared’s hand as he flicked his ear repeatedly. “Stop it,” he hissed at Jared, which only made him do it more until they were both giggling like school girls.

 

Then Jensen heard the voice on the other end calling for his attention. He pushed it to his ear and his good mood fell through this floor.

 

“Danneel,” he said bluntly. Jared’s hands stopped pestering him and Steve rolled his eyes before going back to his bottle tower.

 

“Where the fuck are you?” Danneel was screaming in his ear and Jensen had to hold the phone away slightly. “I wake up at God knows what time in the morning and you’re no where to be found? What the fuck are you doing?”

 

“I’m at a friends place,” Jensen told her, very aware that everyone was listening.

 

“And you didn’t think to tell me you were going out?” she demanded.

 

“I’m sorry, you were asleep and—”

 

“I don’t want excuses Jensen, just come home,” Danneel ordered loudly and from the look on every ones faces he could tell they could hear her loud and clear.

 

“But I’m—” Jensen tried.

 

“Don’t fuck with me Jensen, I am so not in the best of moods with you right now,” Danneel warned. “I’ll see you soon.”

 

Jensen stared at the phone, his cheeks flaming as the dial tone answered any comment he may have wanted to add. The room was silent; Jensen swore his heart was pounding loud enough for everyone to hear. Slowly he climbed to his feet, his arm brushing against Jared’s leg as he did, but he didn’t look at anyone, he was way too embarrassed.

 

“I guess I should get going,” Jensen said quietly. “It’s really late.”

 

“Yeah,” Steve said and Jensen didn’t even want to know what look he’d get if he met his stare.

 

“It was really good to see you guys again, but I guess I—” Jensen stopped. What was he going to say? I guess I won’t be allowed out for a while ‘cause I’ve been a naughty little boy? “I’ll just see ya around,” he finally said and made a dash for the door.

 

He hated that Danneel could control him like that, make him feel worthless and idiotic. Angrily he grabbed the door handle and yanked it open.

 

“Jen,” Jared’s hand fell on his arm and stopped him from bolting out the door.

 

“I’m sorry, Jared,” Jensen closed his eyes. “I didn’t know she’d call.”

 

“Hey, that’s okay,” Jared soothed, his hand still on his arm. “Just, don’t be a stranger, okay?”

 

Finally Jensen risked looking at him and saw only a hopeful smile.

 

“I won’t be, don’t worry. Not again,” Jensen promised.

 

“So, she didn’t know you were coming here I take it?” Jared asked awkwardly.

 

“Nah,” Jensen said, scratching the back of his neck self-consciously. “She tends to be the one to organise things, she doesn’t really like it when I don’t run things by her.”

 

“Oh, okay, um—” Jensen could tell Jared wanted to say more, but he didn’t, he kept his comments to himself and Jensen appreciated that. Although he knew that as soon as he left they’d all be talking about how under the thumb he was. He hated that.

 

“I’ve gotta go, Jared. Thanks for having me though, it was a great night,” Jensen said, he went to move away but Jared kept a grip on his arm.

 

“Jen, I—” Jared faltered. He took a step closer to Jensen and stared down at him. Jensen gazed up at Jared, getting lost for a moment in his eyes. “I—” Jared tried again. “I’m really glad you came by,” he said finally, letting go of Jensen and stepping back.

 

“Yeah,” Jensen said, he tried to smile but for some reason it felt twisted on his lips. “Me too.”

 

“Bye Jen.”

 

“Bye Jay.”

 

***

 

As Jared caught the bottle on his bent elbow and then flicked it off to catch it in his hand he smiled, he knew Jensen’s eyes were on him and he knew he was showing off a little, but he was really getting good at most things in the class now and more to the point, he was really enjoying it.

 

He’d never really had anything he was good at, besides school work, he was always good with math and he always got good reviews for things he wrote in English Lit, he liked to create worlds for people to live in, when he was a kid it was pretty much the only escape he’d had.

 

But he’d never actually had a visible skill, something he could perform for people to see. He’d wanted to do drama with Sandy; he loved the idea of stepping into someone else’s shoes, bringing them to life and just being someone else for a little while. But he knew that if he did it, it would only bring unwanted attention on himself, and he just wasn’t willing to risk it.

 

Jared was so lost in thought he didn’t notice the class end, he just kept tossing the glass in the air, catching it on his out stretched fingers, happy to see it land there firmly, without any sign of falling.

 

“You’re really good now, Jay. You won’t have any trouble when Tom makes the change to the bar,” Jensen praised, leaning against the table with his hip and waving to the last of his students as they left.

 

“Thanks to you,” Jared admitted. He threw his bottle to Jensen who caught it on reflex before tossing it back. When Jared caught it Jensen took another couple of bottles from the surrounding tables and they began to juggle them between each other.

 

“So, how _is_ the juggling going?” Jensen enquired, picking up the speed.

 

“It’s going really well, I haven’t broken anything in weeks now, I think I’m ready to start on the actual bottles,” Jared grinned proudly.

 

“Yeah?” Jensen said, impressed. “Try it now.”

 

Jared caught all three bottles and smirked when Jensen raised an eyebrow at him. Then he focused, took a breath and started to juggle with the bottles. He started slow, but gradually he got the hang of it and soon he was juggling like a pro.

 

Jensen clapped and cheered when Jared stopped.

 

“That’s awesome, well done,” Jensen said, clapping him on the back.

 

“Thanks. Wow, that was so much fun,” Jared grinned. Juggling those bottles had somehow given him such a feeling of freedom, it was exhilarating.

 

“There are so many little tricks I could show you, ways to spice it up—if you wanted, that is,” Jensen added quickly. Jared could tell he was still a little nervous, their friendship was still a little fragile, but Jared smiled reassuringly at him.

 

“I’d really like that, Jen,” he said, a little shyness creeping back into him.

 

Jensen’s face lit up and he took a step towards him.

 

“Really? Well, I could—come by your place, later,” Jensen suggested tentatively.

 

“That would be great,” Jared agreed. He moved to hand Jensen the bottles back, Jensen took them but Jared didn’t let go, their fingers brushing each others. “I have the whole afternoon free; I don’t have to work till tonight.”

 

“Okay, I’ll come by after lunch?” Jensen suggested, staring up at Jared. Jared watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed and desperately wanted to kiss it. He stepped closer to Jensen biting his lip nervously.

 

“We could always, you know, get lunch together,” he said shyly. Jensen smiled, a light shining in his eyes as he opened his mouth to speak.

 

“Jensen.” Danneel’s shrill voice came from the doorway and Jared immediately broke his hold on the bottles. Jared watched as Jensen closed his eyes and curse under his breath before plastering on a fake smile and turning towards his girlfriend. “If you don’t hurry up we’re going to be late,” she told him testily.

 

“Late for what?” Jensen asked with a frown.

 

“For what? For lunch idiot. Now get a move on,” she ordered him. Jared felt a flare of anger surge through him at the way she spoke to Jensen. He looked to Jensen and raised an eyebrow. Jensen pressed his lips together.

 

“Actually I was going to—”

 

“Yeah what ever honey, now put all that crap away and let’s go,” Danneel waved a hand dismissively and cast a disgusted look at all the equipment on the tables.

 

“But I—” Jensen tried again, a slightly desperate look on his face.

 

“Now Jensen,” Danneel said impatiently.

 

“I’ll give you a hand,” Jared offered and started picking things up.

 

“He can manage,” Danneel said stiffly, her eyes settling on Jared sharply, her lip curling up in distain.

 

“It’s okay, Jay. I’ll see you later, okay?” Jensen said quickly before Jared could say anything.

 

“We still on for later?” Jared asked quietly.

 

“Absolutely. I’ll come by your place after lunch,” Jensen smiled before quickly moving to gather the equipment together.

 

“Alright, see you then,” Jared said and reluctantly went to the door.

 

“You’re doing what later?” Danneel asked sharply and Jared paused outside the door to listen.

 

“I’m going to Jared’s to help him learn some new tricks,” Jensen said honestly.

 

“Isn’t that what this stupid class is for? I don’t know why you teach it in the first place, it’s not like you need the money, it’s just a waste of time,” Danneel snapped, and Jared’s fists curled into tight balls.

 

“I do it because I enjoy it,” Jensen said tensely. “And I’m teaching Jared things I don’t teach in the class, he has the potential to be really good but he needs the extra guidance to achieve it,” Jensen explain and Jared felt himself blush at the praise.

 

“Why can’t he just go to your advanced class?” Danneel said suspiciously.

 

“Danneel, look. Jared’s on a time limit, he needs to learn this stuff quickly so he can keep his job. It’s my job, Danny, and I intend to do it properly.” Jared was proud of Jensen for standing up to her, although he was a little disappointed at being put in the category of his _job_.

 

“So I see,” Danneel said in a low voice and Jared didn’t like the sound of it one bit. That woman was dangerous, conniving and definitely not to be trusted.

 

 

Jared rushed around his apartment, tidying everything he could find. He didn’t know exactly when Jensen was going to get there and he knew Jensen had been there before, but he still wanted the place to look nice.

 

He stopped and looked around the room, good, it was acceptable. Jared pulled his t-shirt from his body. _Fuck, I stink_ , he thought. Groaning, he quickly dashed into the shower and washed as fast as he could.

 

He was just climbing out and rubbing a towel around his body when he heard a knocking on the door.

 

“Jay? You in there?” It was Jensen. _Shit_. Jared looked down at himself, dripping wet and naked. _Shit_.

 

“Um, yeah. Just let yourself in, Jen, I’ll be there in a minute,” Jared called making a dash for the bedroom.

 

“Okay,” he heard Jensen shout back and after a few seconds he heard the spare key going into the lock.

 

With lightening speed Jared pulled on some clean jeans and a t-shirt, he checked himself in the mirror, brushing back his wet hair; he gave it a shake like a wet dog and brushed it back again. _Okay, good enough,_ he thought and braved exiting the bedroom.

 

“Hey,” he called to Jensen who was busy juggling with the bottles he’d brought with him.

 

“Hey,” Jensen said back and stopped juggling to smile at Jared. His eyes took in his damp appearance, and he swallowed before looking away, a blush darkening his cheeks.

 

“How was your lunch?” Jared couldn’t stop himself from asking.

 

“Don’t even,” Jensen rolled his eyes. “Turns out it was with these two other women, some deal Danny’s making for whatever new scheme of hers she’s working on now. She just wanted me there to make her look good.”

 

“Eye candy, huh?” Jared chuckled, even though his heart wasn’t really in it.

 

“I spent the entire lunch being groped by this one woman who, I swear, was old enough to be my mom. She kept looking at me like she wanted to eat me.” Jensen shivered, his face pulled into a grimace at the memory.

 

“Well, you are very tasty,” Jared teased and poked Jensen in the ribs.

 

“Just please, wipe it from my memory?” Jensen begged.

 

Before Jared could change his mind he quickly moved into Jensen’s space.

 

“My pleasure,” he whispered just as he caught Jensen’s lips with his own.

 

Jensen let out a surprised whimper but didn’t pull away. Jared felt Jensen’s body relax into him as they kissed. God, Jared had missed this. He constantly thought about what it was like to kiss Jensen, and every time he saw him is was so hard not to just jump him there and then.

 

He pulled Jensen against him and slipped his tongue into his mouth, desperate to relearn his taste. Jensen moaned softly and opened up willingly to Jared’s probing tongue, greeting it with his own.

 

Gradually Jared slowed the kiss, taking it smaller until they were just pecks on Jensen’s red and swollen lips.

 

“Memory wiped?” Jared asked quietly. Jensen’s eyes were still closed, his mouth hung open slightly.

 

“Uh-huh,” Jensen nodded and slowly opened his eyes to find Jared’s gazing down at him. “So you haven’t—you’re not—seeing someone new?” Jensen asked hesitantly.

 

“No, there is no one else, Jen,” Jared smiled and stroked Jensen’s cheek lightly with his thumb. “It’s only you.”

 

After all the fears Jared had, all the pain those fears caused him, nothing compared to the agony of not being with Jensen. Just knowing that he was with someone else, with _Danneel_ , it cut Jared up inside.

 

“But what about—what you said last time—?” Jensen asked, worry and confusion filling his every word.

 

Jared sighed; he took Jensen’s hand and led him to the sofa. They sat and Jared turned to face Jensen.

 

“There are things about me—that you don’t know,” Jared said hesitantly. He didn’t know what he was going to tell Jensen, but he had to say something.

 

“I know,” Jensen nodded; his face was an open book. He was ready to listen.

 

“I can’t tell you everything, I wish I could but—I’m—I’m just not strong enough,” Jared started, his heart racing as his hands began to shake. Jensen gripped his hand tightly, giving silent support. “There are some—things—in my past, and sometimes, they don’t like to stay there.” Jared tried to explain without actually having to tell him anything. He couldn’t look at Jensen, not until he was finished. “Some things—happened and—” Jared broke off, he couldn’t, he just couldn’t say it, he squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head.

 

“Hey, it’s okay, you don’t have to tell me anything,” Jensen said, he was right there, his hand on Jared’s face, gently brushing away the tears Jared hadn’t even notice fall.

 

“I’m pretty messed up, Jen,” he admitted, his voice cracking as his throat closed up on him. “You’re the first guy, the first person; I’ve been with since high school. There was only ever one other person and we—he—” He stopped and closed his eyes again.

 

“Oh God, I pushed you too far, didn’t I?” Jensen breathed. “I’m so sorry, I should’ve noticed, I should’ve seen—”

 

“No, it’s not your fault; none of this is your fault. It’s mine, okay? It’s my fault; I’m the one to blame,” Jared insisted, looking Jensen firmly in the eye. He couldn’t stand it if Jensen thought he’d been in the wrong when Jared had given him no indication that there was anything going on. He’d been hiding it for so long and he was pretty damn good at it.

 

“What do you need, Jay? Anything, okay?” Jensen swore.

 

“It was a little too fast—before. I need, time to adjust?” Jared tried to explain but he was pretty certain he was making no sense.

 

“Of course, Jay. We can take things any speed you like. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, I promise,” Jensen told him, their eyes were locked and Jared could see the sincerity in Jensen’s, he meant every word he said, that much was obvious.

 

“Kiss me?” Jared asked, needing to be close to Jensen again.

 

Jensen smiled brightly, obviously pleased by the request. He leaned forward, slipping a hand around Jared’s neck and pulled their faces together.

 

“Anytime,” Jensen whispered against Jared’s lips before brushing them together tenderly. It wasn’t enough, Jared needed more than that. He pushed against Jensen, forcing their lips more firmly together. Jensen just went with it; he let Jared take the lead. Holding them close, Jared plundered Jensen’s mouth almost desperately. He forced his way inside and took everything he wanted from Jensen’s willing mouth. He pulled back, tugging Jensen with him. He rested against the back of the sofa and practically lifted Jensen into his lap. Jensen parted his legs until he was straddling Jared, they didn’t break their kiss once.

 

“Take this off,” Jared ordered; tugging at Jensen’s t-shirt, he needed to feel Jensen, to feel his skin, to run his hands over him as if to prove to himself that he really was there. Jensen didn’t argue for a second, he ripped the top over his head and was back at Jared mouth within seconds.

 

Jared shuddered at the feel of Jensen’s skin under his fingertips, his pale, smooth flesh rippled under his touch as Jensen moved above him. Jensen broke the kiss for a moment as he pushed his groin down into Jared’s, his eyes questioning, silently asking if it was okay.

 

“God yes,” Jared said out loud. Just that one push had sent a thrill through him, and he wanted more. He hands wandered Jensen’s body, feeling and exploring every centimetre of naked flesh as Jensen ground down into his again.

 

Jensen’s breath was becoming harsher, his eyes were closed and Jared just stared at him in wonder.

 

“You’re gorgeous, you know that?” Jared whispered. Jensen opened his eyes to stare down at Jared, he appeared surprised by the comment and his cheeks flushed adorably.

 

“I—” Jensen went to speak but was interrupted by his cell ringing in his pocket. His entire body deflated; grinding his teeth together he reached into his back pocket and retrieved his phone. Jared saw on the caller ID that it was Danneel and was violently snapped back into reality. Jensen wasn’t his anymore, he shouldn’t be doing this, Jensen belonged to someone else.

 

He was surprised when Jensen turned off his phone and tossed it over onto the arm chair.

 

“I fucking hate that bitch,” he growled, when he looked back to Jared his eyes widened. “What?” he asked at the look on Jared’s face.

 

“You stood up to her,” Jared stated, he was shocked. He’d been expecting Jensen to answer the phone and rush away to do her every bidding.

 

“Yeah,” Jensen agreed in surprise. “Now all I gotta do is do it to her face.”

 

Jared chuckled; maybe he did have Jensen back after all.

 

“So, what do you want to do?” Jensen asked. “You wanna stay here like this, or go juggle some bottles?”

 

Jared smiled, he loved that Jensen was giving him a choice, giving him an out. He thought about it seriously for a moment.

 

“Um, don’t take this the wrong way, but—” Jared couldn’t believe he was going to say this. “Could we do some juggling for a while?” It wasn’t that he didn’t want to stay there and enjoy kissing Jensen, he did, and he could kiss him for ever. But they’d only just got back together, and he was afraid that if they carried on like they were they might take things too far and Jared just didn’t think he could handle things blowing up in his face right now.

 

“How could I take that the wrong way?” Jensen grinned. “At least you’re not kicking me out.”

 

“As if I’d do that,” Jared grinned right back. He leaned up and kissed Jensen again, it was a passionate kiss but they stopped before either could take it any further.

 

Jensen climbed off Jared’s lap and held his hand out too him. Jared accepted the hand, slipping his fingers over his warm skin. When Jensen reached for his top Jared wrapped his arms around his waist and pressed into his back.

 

“You don’t have to put that back on, you know,” he murmured against Jensen’s neck, kissing the skin there, moving down over the back of his naked shoulders.

 

“You really think we’ll get anything done if I leave it off?” Jensen chuckled, but groaned slightly dropping his head down and closing his eyes to enjoy the sensation of Jared’s kisses.

 

“You probably right,” Jared agreed. Reluctantly he moved away and watched Jensen pull his t-shirt back over his head, mussing up his hair slightly.

 

“I’ve got so many awesome tricks to show you,” Jensen grinned, a new bounce in his step as he went to pick up the bottles. Jared loved how excited Jensen got when he started teaching. He had this glint in his eye and his smile was never false.

 

Jensen spend the best part of the afternoon teaching Jared all sorts of amazing tricks, they had so much fun they didn’t notice time slipping away from them.

 

“Oh shit,” Jared said suddenly noticing the time. “I’ve got to be at work in twenty minutes.”

 

They exchanged glances before bursting into to laughter. Jensen slipped an arm around Jared’s waist and smiled up at him. “I’m off work tonight; I could come with you, if you like?”

 

“Don’t you already have plans?” Jared asked cautiously.

 

“To be honest?” Jared nodded. “I have no idea and I really don’t care.”

 

“In that case, I would love it if you came,” Jared grinned and leaned down for a kiss.

 

 

Sandy, Chris and Steve turned up at Tom’s about half way through the night; they clapped Jensen on the back and waved to Jared.

 

“Man, I’ve been trying to call you all day, where you been?” Steve said, nodding to Jared in thanks for the drink he was given.

 

“Oh, sorry. I turned my phone off,” Jensen apologised and laughed at the wide eyed looks he received from his three friends. “What?”

 

“You? Turned your phone off?” Chris asked incredulously.

 

“Isn’t that like, forbidden or something?” Sandy asked, making an obvious dig.

 

“Probably, but I lost my list of rules so I improvised,” Jensen shrugged.

 

“You blanked her?” Steve said in awe. “Way to go, there may be hope for you yet.”

 

“So, if you weren’t with the Beast, where have you been all day?” Chris raised an eyebrow questioningly.

 

Jensen looked at the bar in hopes to hide his flush, but before he spoke he look up and smiled into green-brown eyes. “I was at Jared’s,” he said, loving the way Jared blushed as well, like they’d been caught out or something.

 

“Were you really? Well, that’s alright then,” Steve nodded and drank his beer to try and hide his smile.

 

“It is, is it?” Jensen chuckled.

 

“Yep, you totally have our permission to blow off the bitch in favour of hanging out with Jay. He’s obviously a good influence on you,” Chris agreed and slapped Jensen on the back.

 

“Well, that calls for some shots,” Sandy announced and Jared had them all lined up before anyone could disagree, not that anyone was going to. “Come on, Jay, you too.”

 

Jared looked to Tom who raised an eyebrow. “Only if I get one too,” Tom grinned and came over. They all downed their shots as one, all cringing slightly against the burn and agreeing they needed more.

 

By the end of the night they were all pretty wasted, even Jared. They left the bar laughing, arms slung over each others and Steve complaining he was the fifth wheel again. Jared grabbed him and plastered a sloppy kiss to his cheek while he tried desperately to push him away.

 

“Urgh, if that’s the way you normally kiss, I feel sorry for Jen,” Steve complained, wiping his hand over his face in an attempt to get the slobber off.

 

Jensen stepped in front of Jared and slipped his arms around his waist.

 

“I dunno, I can’t remember,” he said slyly.

 

“I’ll have to remind you then won’t I?” Jared grinned and pulled Jensen against him.

 

“I was hoping you’d say that,” Jensen grinned back and leaned up for a kiss.

 

Jared kissed him deeply, slipping in his tongue. Jensen could taste the tequila on his breath and opened his mouth wider for more.

 

“Okay, okay, that’s enough you two; take that sort of thing home with you okay?” Steve tried to break them apart but they chased each others lips until they had no choice but to fall apart laughing.

 

Jensen noticed Sandy watching closely, a small smile on her lips but her eyes betrayed her worry. Jensen caught her gaze and tried to portray in one look how much he felt for Jared and that he had no intention of hurting him again. Sandy seemed to get the message and smiled a little wider.

 

“Mmm, taking it home sounds like a good idea to me,” Jared slurred against his ear, nibbling on his lobe.

 

“Well, there isn’t a hope in Hell I can go home in this state, not unless I have a death wish,” Jensen stated seriously.

 

“Then you’ll just have to come with me,” Jared grinned and tugged him away from the others and towards his place. They others just laughed and waved them off.

 

 

As soon as Jared had the door closed he couldn’t keep himself off Jensen any longer. He flicked the lock on the door and dragged Jensen into the bedroom.

 

Then their lips were attacking each others and their tongues caught in a frantic dance for dominance.

 

“Jay, Jay, are you sure—” Jensen started to ask.

 

“I just wanna be close to you, Jen, that’s all, nothing more,” Jared said as he pulled at Jensen’s top until he let him remove it.

 

“Just tell me when to stop, okay?” Jensen told him, running desperate kisses over Jared throat.

 

“I will, I promise,” Jared swore. “Now, c’mere.”

 

Jared smashed their lips together again and walked them back to the bed. He pushed Jensen backwards until he flopped onto the mattress then he crouched at his feet. Jensen looked at him in alarm but Jared just grinned and pulled off Jensen’s boots before tugging off his own.

 

“You’ve got a filthy mind,” Jared accused and he crawled over Jensen’s body to lie on top of him.

 

“That’s entirely your fault,” Jensen accused right back.

 

Jared dipped his head and kissed across Jensen’s exposed chest, he was a little unsure of how far he was willing to take this, he just knew he wanted to kiss as much of Jensen as he could get to, he wanted to worship the beautiful body below him.

 

Jensen’s fingers slipped into Jared’s hair and he threw his head back and enjoyed the attention Jared lavished on him. Carefully, Jared slipped an arm under Jensen’s body and lifted him from the bed, he gently moved them up so Jensen’s head was resting against the pillows, then he retuned his attention to Jensen’s body.

 

He licked around Jensen’s nipple, enjoying the way Jensen arched his body up into him. As he kissed his way over to the other nipple, he ran his hands down Jensen’s sides and undid the button of his jeans. As he undid the zipper he moved to meet Jensen’s wary eyes.

 

“You’re not going to sleep in these,” he told him with a wink and helped Jensen pull them off so Jensen was in just his boxers.

 

“And what are you sleeping in?” Jensen countered and eyed Jared’s fully clothed body.

 

“I dunno, that depends on what you leave me in when I pass out,” Jared replied and they both laughed.

 

Jensen reached up to claim Jared’s lips and then they were kissing again. Jared’s body tingled and his mind traced the movement of Jensen’s hands as they slid down to play with the hem of his t-shirt. Slowly, those hands felt their way to Jared’s skin and Jared shivered, closing his eyes.

 

“Okay?” Jensen asked cautiously.

 

“Perfect,” Jared replied, gasping as Jensen’s hands slid higher up his back and around his sides.

 

“Can we get rid of this?” Jensen asked, pushing the t-shirt until it was bunched around Jared’s chest.

 

“God yes,” Jared breathed and let Jensen slip the shirt over his head. When the offending material was gone, Jensen gently pushed Jared onto his back, now it was his turn to lavish the attention. He kissed down Jared’s neck while his hands ran down his chest. Jared closed his eyes and held onto Jensen’s muscular arms.

 

Gradually Jensen went lower, pressing soft kisses in a circle around Jared’s belly button and down his naval. When his hands met Jared’s jeans he looked up, asking permission to go further. Jared’s heart started to race faster, his fingers gripped onto the sheets and with a deep breath he nodded, giving Jensen the go ahead.

 

Excruciatingly slowly, Jensen flicked open the button and pulled down the zip, he kissed along the waist band of Jared’s boxers as his fingers hooked in Jared’s belt loops. He tugged on the jeans and Jared lifted his hip to aid their decent.

 

Finally they came off and Jensen was crawling his way back up to Jared’s face.

 

“Everything okay?” he asked, and Jared’s pulse slowed down slightly, Jensen’s concern soothing him.

 

“Yeah,” Jared smiled. “Everything’s really good.”

 

“Good,” Jensen grinned and pressed their foreheads together.

 

Jared stared into his bright green eyes; he drowned in the way they washed over him.

 

“I’m glad we did this,” Jared suddenly admitted, his fingers coming up trace over the freckles dusting Jensen’s cheeks.

 

“Yeah, so am I,” Jensen agreed, leaning his head into Jared’s hand.

 

Jared felt so content at that moment; he leaned up to kiss Jensen, smiling against his lips. His hands slid over Jensen’s shoulders and down his back lightly, smiling wider when Jensen shivered against him.

 

“Cold?” Jared asked quietly.

 

“No,” Jensen shook his head and kissed Jared again. He licked for entrance which Jared granted immediately. Jensen deepened the kiss, shifting to straddle Jared. Their chests slipped against each other, sending jolts through Jared’s body. He groaned into Jensen’s mouth, gripping him behind his head he pulled Jensen closer, kissing him desperately.

 

He could feel his erection pressing against Jensen’s as Jensen ground down against him. As Jensen rolled his hips, stimulating him Jared had to break the kiss and gasp for breath.

 

“Good?” Jensen asked, panting against Jared’s lips while staring him in the eyes.

 

Jared couldn’t speak, Jensen kept up the pressure, sending wave after wave of pure pleasure through Jared’s body, every time their erections brushed firmly against each other. Frantically he nodded his head, blocking out every fear the tried to worm its way into his mind. This was Jensen, Jensen who he cared about and who would never hurt him.

 

“Uh, Jay you just—” Jensen gasped against him, kissing along his jaw to his ear. “You feel amazing, Jay. I thought I’d lost you, I thought I’d never get to do this again.”

 

“I know,” Jared nodded, he’d felt exactly the same way. “God, Jen, it hurt so much to be apart from you,” he admitted, pushing up against Jensen’s down thrust and moaning loudly.

 

Jensen’s movements sped up, his hand gripping onto Jared’s arm tightly.

 

“Uh, I’m so close, Jay, I’m so close,” Jensen bit off a moan, burying his head in Jared’s shoulder. All Jared could do was nod, he was right there, the heat in his belly curling down, getting hotter, his balls were tightening.

 

“I need some thing more, can I, please?” Jensen begged, biting into Jared’s neck, Jared yelped and bucked up into him. “Please, Jay, I need to touch you.” Jensen was practically sobbing against him, his need was pushing him so close to the edge but he couldn’t quite go over.

 

“Jen,” Jared tried to speak. He needed to come so badly, he needed Jensen to make him come. “Jen, please. Touch me?” Jared cried desperately.

 

Jensen didn’t waste any time, he yanked Jared’s boxers down to his thighs, giving his own the same treatment, then he crashed their lips together and he folded his hand around both their cocks at once.

 

Jared threw his head back and cried out, every nerve in his body wanting to explode with pleasure. Jensen groaned and grunted against him, jacking them both at the same time.

 

The feel of their dicks touching was astounding, being held firmly against that hot, hard length.

 

“Oh fuck,” Jared shouted, squeezing his eyes closed and his climax build to almost unbearable levels. “Jen, fuck, Jen.” He was panting hard, thrusting up into Jensen’s hand.

 

“Jay, oh God,” Jensen gasped. “I’m gonna come,” Jensen told him, Jared nodding in response.

 

Then Jensen was spilling his hot cream over Jared’s stomach, moaning loudly in Jared’s ear.

 

“I need to—” Jared sobbed, he couldn’t let go. His cock was so hard, so full, it was overly ready to burst, but no matter how much he willed it, he just couldn’t let go.

 

Jensen’s hand still stroked him, still stimulated him, but it was only making it more painful.

 

“Jen, can I? Please let me?” Tears fell over Jared’s face, his cheeks burning with shame. He couldn’t come without permission, without being told to and he didn’t want to have to go into his mind to get that order.

 

“Hey, hey, hey,” Jensen came back to himself, staring in horror at Jared’s tears. “What is it? Can you what?”

 

“I can’t—” Jared cried, more tears spilling over from his eyes. “I need you to tell me to.”

 

Realisation spread over Jensen’s face, his eyes filled with water and he stared at Jared’s flushed cheeks. He dipped his head until his lips were against Jared’s ear.

 

“Come for me, Jay,” he whispered as he tightened his grip on Jared’s cock.

 

Jared screamed, he head flew back and his body shook almost violently as he climaxed, his come joining Jensen’s on his stomach. His vision went white and stream after stream of come pulsed from his body. It was so intense his head spun, he’d held on too long, waited too long. Gradually the hot white before his eyes gave way to darkness and he passed out.


	11. Chapter 11

Part 11

 

“Oh fuck, Jay. Jay, are you alright?” Jensen called desperately. Jared’s eyes had closed and his body went limp and now he wasn’t moving. Jensen shook him gently, then a little harder when there was no response.

 

Finally Jared’s eyes flickered open and Jensen breathed a huge sigh of relief.

 

“Hey,” he said softly. “You okay?”

 

“What happened?” Jared croaked.

 

“You passed out, but only for a minute. You’re okay, right?” Jensen searched Jared’s eyes. He could see the moment it all came flooding back, Jared’s eyes widened and his face flushed a deep red.

 

“Oh God, I’m so sorry,” Jared groaned.

 

“What? God no, I’m the one who should be sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. I got wrapped up in my own stupid orgasm—I’m sorry, I should’ve been more careful.” Jensen felt awful. Jared had been crying, actually crying and Jensen hadn’t noticed.

 

“It wasn’t your fault, Jen. Like you said, you didn’t know, and how could you have. I didn’t really know until just then,” Jared tried to placate him.

 

“Here,” Jensen said, he reached over the side of the bed and came back with his t-shirt. He used it to wipe up Jared’s stomach. “I think I may have to borrow one of yours tomorrow,” he laughed, pleased when Jared laughed with him.

 

“Thank you,” Jared smiled at him as Jensen snuggled down next to him.

 

“Jay, can I ask you something?” Jensen ventured, not sure if he should bring it up or not.

 

Jared’s features darkened, he knew what Jensen wanted to ask, but he nodded.

 

“Why?” Jensen asked, when he received no answer he took a breath and elaborated, “Why did you need me to tell you to come?”

 

“Force of habit,” Jared shrugged; he avoided Jensen’s eyes and Jensen readied himself for a lie. “My boyfriend in high school, it was kind of a kink of his. He liked to be in control and he liked me to hold on till he told me to—told me that I could let go.”

 

Jensen studied Jared, he figured that was partly true but he had a sneaking suspicion that Jared hadn’t had much choice in this so called _kink_. He was slowly starting to understand what it may be that Jared’s been hiding about his past and it made Jensen feel sick. He knew there was something, but it was becoming more and more obvious that Jared was sexually abused by this so called boyfriend.

 

“How old were you when you started dating?” Jensen asked, trying to keep it casual.

 

“I was fifteen,” Jared told him, that haunted look coming back into his eyes.

 

“And how was he?” he pushed. For some reason he wanted as much information as he could get on this asshole.

 

“He—he was o-older,” Jared said. “Can we go to sleep now?”

 

“Yeah, yeah sure we can,” Jensen agreed and watched as Jared turned his back on him. What did he mean by older? How much older?

 

Jensen looked at Jared’s back; he didn’t want to leave it like that, not on a bad memory of Jared’s past.

 

“Hey,” he said gently and tugged slightly on Jared’s shoulder. Jared rolled back and looked up into Jensen’s eyes. Jensen smiled at him, brushing away Jared’s hair from his eyes. “Do you regret we did that? Was it too soon?”

 

“No,” Jared said immediately and Jensen could tell he meant it. “It was amazing, Jen. Really. I’d never regret it.”

 

Jensen smiled and kissed Jared softly. “It was pretty amazing wasn’t it?” he grinned and Jared chuckled.

 

“Yeah, it was.” Jared kissed him back and this time when they snuggled down under the covers, Jensen rested his head against Jared’s shoulder and Jared’s wrapped his arms around him tightly. “I like holding you like this,” Jared said quietly.

 

“Mmm, I like you holding me like this,” Jensen agreed and nuzzled into him a little. Jensen placed a kiss on Jared’s chest. “Night Jay.”

 

“See you in the morning, Jen,”

 

***

 

When Jared woke up the next day, Jensen was curled against his body, holding him tightly around the waist. Jared shifted a little so he was on his side and could see Jensen’s face.

 

He watched him sleep for about ten minutes, lightly touching his freckles and his hair. Jensen was beautiful. Sure, Jared had been called beautiful before, once even by Jensen, but he was nothing compared to the man next to him. Jensen had an innocence about his features, and Jared was captivated by it.

 

“You’re staring at me, aren’t you?” Jensen mumbled, shifting closer to Jared.

 

“Can you blame me?” Jared countered placing a kiss on Jensen’s head.

 

“Mmm, morning,” Jensen nuzzled against Jared until he rolled onto his back and Jensen could rest his head on Jared’s chest.

 

“Morning,” Jared smiled. Jensen was adorable when he was sleepy. “You’re quite the cuddler aren’t you?”

 

“No, I just like cuddling you,” Jensen grinned against Jared’s skin.

 

“You want some coffee?” Jared offered.

 

“Does that mean you have to move?” Jensen asked.

 

“Unless you can move things with your mind, yes,” Jared chuckled as Jensen held him tighter.

 

“Then no, not yet.”

 

Jared smiled and wrapped his arms more firmly around Jensen’s body, running his thumb over the little bumps on his spine; he closed his eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep again.

 

The next time he woke, Jensen wasn’t there, he could smell coffee wafting from the kitchen and smiled.

 

He and Jensen spent the day lazing around Jared’s apartment. Sandy called, just checking in she said and asked what they were doing that night. Jensen was working and Chris and Steve were playing so Jared and Sandy said they’d go to the Lithe and keep them company.

 

Jared went with Jensen back to his place so Jensen could get a change of clothes, and they were both relieved to find that Danneel wasn’t there. Jensen had turned his phone back on and there had been a string of loud and abusive voicemails that Jensen refused to listen to, so he just deleted the lot.

 

They went to the Lithe, Jared helped Chris and Steve set up. He messed about behind the bar with Jensen. Jensen taught him the ingredients to put in Sandy’s cocktail and let him make it himself, much to Sandy’s delight. She clapped a hollered and Chris and Steve congratulated him on his first solo cocktail, with all the moves to accompany it.

 

Finally the night was in full swing. Jared sat at the bar and watched Jensen work, the two exchanging smiles with each other and Jensen occasionally pulling Jared behind the bar to make some drinks.

 

Everything was perfect, right up until Danneel made her entrance. She didn’t say a word, just stood at the bar until one of the bartenders made her a drink—they obviously all knew what she drank.

 

Jared exchanged glances with Jensen, who looked worried, but he shook his head and suggested that Jared go dance with Sandy, who was looking bored.

 

Jared reluctantly agreed. He went to Sandy, put a hand on her back and led her to the dance floor.

 

***

 

Meanwhile, at the bar, Danneel had been joined by Chad. He followed her stare and found she was looking at the object of his dreams and the one of his nightmares.

 

“She’s something isn’t she?” Chad said, nodded in Sandy’s direction as she swayed to the music against Jared. “Shame she takes her lanky boyfriend with her everywhere she goes. God, I’d like to punch that guy. If only I could get some time alone with her, I could show her what a real man’s like.”

 

Danneel turned her piercing stare on Chad. “That’s not her boyfriend,” she said sharply.

 

“Yeah? And how would you know?” he asked raising an eyebrow.

 

“Because I happen to know that he,” she pointed at Jared. “Is gay.”

 

Chad wrinkled up his nose and looked at Jared in disgust. “He’s a fag?”

 

“Well at least that proves that you’re not, your gaydar is non-existent,” Danneel sighed, gradually she smiled. “You know, I think I know how I might help you get your wish” she said slyly and leaned over to whisper in his ear.

 

***

 

Jared continued to dance with Sandy, liking watching her have a good time. He’d almost forgotten Danneel was even there until he saw her walk right behind the bar, straight up to Jensen and kiss him, full on the lips.

 

Jared froze, watching Jensen’s hand wrap around her arm. Sandy also stopped and followed his gaze.

 

“I thought he—” Sandy started.

 

“Yeah, so did I,” Jared said tightly. “You going home with Chris tonight?”

 

“Yeah,” Sandy confirmed, still not taking her eyes off Danneel pressing Jensen against the counter.

 

“Good, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Jared leaned down and kissed Sandy on her cheek.

 

“Wait, you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” she called after him.

 

“No, I want to be alone,” Jared replied before walking out of the bar.

 

He didn’t see Jensen pushing Danneel off, seeing her slap him in the face and start an argument while he wiped his mouth in disgust.

 

No, Jared’s heart was breaking once again by the sight of Jensen kissing Danneel.

 

 

Jared was a little over half way home when he heard a noise behind him. He stopped and frowned, hearing nothing he carried on walking. When he heard the sound again he turned around—just in time to get smacked in the face with a piece of wood.

 

Jared fell to the ground and groaned; instinctively putting a hand to his face, when it came away it was covered in blood. He blinked and tried to stand up but received a foot to the gut, keeping him on the ground.

 

“That’s it, stay down, fucking faggot,” a voice snarled at him. When a kick hit him in the back, Jared knew there was more than one person. He lashed out wildly, keeping his arms swinging until he managed to get to his feet. When he was standing he faced his attackers.

 

He was surprised to see the blonde guy who he’d punched that one time at the Lithe; surely this wasn’t retaliation for that?

 

“What the fuck are you looking at, cocksucker?” the blonde guy literarily spat at him.

 

“What do you want?” Jared asked, forcing himself against the pain in his stomach and back to stand to his full height. He tried to school his face into someone you didn’t mess with, but he knew he looked as terrified as he felt. He wasn’t a fighter; he didn’t know how to defend himself. The only thing he could do is try to talk his way out of what ever this was.

 

“What do I want?” the blonde guy looked thoughtful. “I want you away from my woman, that’s what. You pretending you’re that little hotties boyfriend, not giving us real men a chance to get close to her and show her what she’s missing.”

 

“You stay the Hell away from her,” Jared warned, real anger coming out now. No one messed with Sandy, not if he had anything to say about it.

 

“Oh, you don’t get to give the orders around here, butt fuck.”

 

Jared wasn’t prepared for someone to come behind his and wrap large strong arms around him, pinning his arms against his body.

 

“Get the fuck off me,” Jared shouted, hoping someone would come to his aid.

 

“I don’t think so. You’re not welcome around here; you need to be taught a lesson.”

 

Jared doubled over as a fist collided with his stomach, he would’ve fallen to the ground if the arms around him hadn’t held him up. The next blow was aimed at his face, crashing into his jaw and snapping his head painfully to the side. The blows didn’t stop. The piece of wood was taken to his knees, knocking the strength out of them. Jared screamed in agony, yelling for someone to help him as he fell to the ground.

 

“Shut him the fuck up,” someone shouted and Jared got a kick to the face.

 

“Kill the fucking queer,” someone else yelled.

 

Jared saw a foot by his head and blinked to focus on it. He reached out and grabbed it around the ankle; he pulled as hard as he could, rolling away for extra momentum. The body attached to the leg fell to the ground with a satisfying crack.

 

“Chad, are you okay?” Chad, he had a name. Jared smiled and raised his fist; he brought it down on Chad’s face. He knew he had muscles, and he knew he’d hit this guy before and he was a wimp. He heard another crack as Chad’s nose broke.

 

Suddenly, he was receiving continual kicks to the chest by at least two people. A couple of the blows went to his groin and Jared screamed trying to protect himself with his hands only to have them stamped into the ground.

 

“Fucking fuck him up, fucking queer faggot,” Chad was yelling.

 

_Queer faggot, that’s clever, he’s obviously the brains,_ Jared thought through the pain, trying anything to take his mind off what was happening and the agony coursing through his body.

 

The pain in his chest was getting worse, and they weren’t letting up. Jared curled around his body, bringing his arms up to protect himself.

 

Being in this position, hearing the obscenities that were being screamed at him, Jared could hear other voices, older ones, voices from his past. _No_ , Jared though. _I don’t want to go there again, please._

 

“Please, stop,” he begged out loud but they couldn’t hear him. His hands and arms were pulled away from his body, they were held out to the side and he was forced onto his back. Someone straddled him, he tried to buck them off but the pain prevented him from putting any force behind it.

 

“Are trying to fucking fuck me?” Chad’s voice bellowed in his face. He could just make out the fist that flew into his cheek, followed immediately by another. The hits kept coming. Jared could feel the blood running down his face and in his eyes and mouth, he chocked on it. Still the blows came. At this point Jared begged for it to be over, begged not to feel anymore, the pain was too intense. Even in school he’d never received a beating this bad. Was he going to die? Finally the darkness claimed him and Jared welcomed it.

 

 

Jared cried out when he came too. His entire body was screaming in agony. He remembered what had happened to him, he remember Chad and his friends beating the crap out of him, calling him names, hating him because he was gay.

 

But they were gone now; he couldn’t hear anything but distance music from the bars. Carefully Jared picked himself up and tried to stand on his feet. His legs were wobbly and his knees throbbed, but they held his weight. Slowly Jared staggered home, he just wanted to get off the streets in case they came back to finish him off.

 

He had to practically crawl up the stairs, his strength waning on him. He fell through his door, using his legs to kick it closed behind him. Then he curled into a ball and let his tears flood his face, mixing with his blood.

 

It was painful to move but somehow he got his hand in his pocket and retrieved his cell, he flicked it open, and sighed in relief that it hadn’t been broken. With shaking fingers he pressed speed dial one and then dropped the phone on the ground, his sobs wracking through his aching body again.

 

He heard Sandy answer, he could tell she was still at the bar, he could hear Chris and Steve playing in the back ground. He wondered how long he’d been out for. He could hear her calling him, and gradually the music got quieter and Sandy’s voice clearer, she must’ve gone outside to hear better.

 

“Sandy,” Jared groaned but he could barely get out a sound, he just let his cries take over, really unable to hold them back even a little.

 

“Jared? Jared?” Sandy was calling him. “Oh fuck, hold on honey, I’m coming, I’m on my way right now, okay. Shit, shit, shit. TAXI!! Hold for me, Jay, I’m on my way, alright, I’ll be there in a minute. Fuck.” The line went dead and Jared closed his eyes.

 

***

 

Sandy paid the cab and raced up the stairs to Jared’s door. She didn’t bother knocking; she just used her own key and let herself in. The door was stopped by something, she tried to force it open but as she pushed she heard a groan coming from inside.

 

“Jay?” Sandy called, pushing against the door again. Gradually she managed to push what ever it was with the door until there was enough room for her to squeeze through.

 

“Oh fuck,” she gasped when she saw Jared laying, a bloody mess on the floor. “Oh fuck, Jay?”

 

She ran to kneel at his side and looked at his face. There was blood everywhere, he was badly bruised and one eye was swollen so bad she knew he wouldn’t be able to open it.

 

“Come on, Jay. You’ve gotta talk to me, come on honey, wake up, please, you’ve got to wake up,” Sandy yelled at him. She tried to remain calm but the panic in her heart was getting too much.

 

“Sandy?” Jared’s voice was weak, but it was there.

 

“Yeah, it’s me; I’m here Jay, what happened?” Sandy asked, wanting to get as much information as possible right away in case he passed out again.

 

“Chad,” was all Jared said. He groaned and tried to push himself up, Sandy immediately moved to help him, trying to support as much of his weight as she could.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay to move?” she asked worriedly and Jared winced and hissed with every step.

 

Jared didn’t speak, he just nodded. He pointed to the bathroom and Sandy helped him in there. She sat him down on the toilet and began to pull his clothes off. She started with his jeans, finding bruises over his knees but other than that they seemed okay.

 

Next she peeled off his top, it was sticky with blood and Jared moved stiffly trying to get his arms up. She could tell he was holding back, biting his split lip against the pain. Eventually they got it off and Sandy winced at the bruises covering his abdomen.

 

“Jesus Jay, they really did a number on you didn’t they?” Sandy hissed, Jared pointed to the shower stall. “You wanna take a shower?” she asked and Jared nodded.

 

“Are you sure, what about going to the police? They’ll need the evidence.”

 

“No,” Jared croaked. “No police, no hospital.”

 

“But—”

 

“No!”

 

Sandy sighed. “Okay, Jay. What ever you want.”

 

Carefully she took his boxers off and gasped when she saw the bruises all around his groin area.

 

“Why, Jay,” Sandy whispered, tears falling from her eyes. “Why did they do this?”

 

“Gay,” Jared mumbled.

 

“This was a gay bashing?” she gasped in horror. Jared simply nodded and tried to stand. “Oh, Jay. I’m so sorry. I should’ve left with you.”

 

“NO,” Jared said firmly, grabbing her arm. “You’re safe. Not you’re fault.”

 

Sandy looked at him, her eyes soft and watery. Finally she nodded and went to turn on the water. As it warmed up she stripped herself until she was naked. Then she helped him into the stall and closed the door behind them.

 

 

After washing Jared down, he looked marginally better without all the blood splattered all over him but he was still badly bruised. Sandy put her underwear back on and grabbed a t-shirt from Jared’s drawers.

 

She helped him into a pair of boxers but he shook off any attempts to put anything else on him.

 

“I just wanna sleep,” Jared said, managing to speak more in one go.

 

“How’s the pain, do you want something for it?” Sandy asked as Jared crept under the covers.

 

“Yeah, thanks, that’d be good.”

 

Sandy nodded and went into the kitchen to get some Tylenol. Jared took them gratefully before laying back against the pillows.

 

Sandy climbed in beside him. “Did you want to talk about it?” she asked softly, brushing his hair back with her tiny hand.

 

“It was just like in high school,” Jared muttered. “Except this was worse. I thought they were going to kill me, Sand, I don’t know why they didn’t.”

 

Sandy watched the tears fall over Jared’s face and her heart broke for him. How much shit can one person take? Hadn’t Jared been through enough in his life?

 

“I’m sorry, honey, I wish I could make everything better for you,” she whispered.

 

“You do make everything better, Sand. You’re the best thing in my life, you always have been,” Jared slipped an arm around her and pulled her close. She tried to hold it back but eventually her tears became too much and she sobbed against Jared’s chest.

 

“You and me against the world, huh Sand?” Jared asked.

 

“Forever,” Sandy agreed. “Go to sleep sweetheart, I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

 

Jared nodded and rolled onto his side. Sandy took up her usual position, spooned against his back, holding him close against her, giving him all the support she could in the one move.

 

***

 

Jensen was worried. After he’d finished arguing with Danneel and finally managed to get her to leave—even though she wouldn’t accept that he was breaking up with her and had said she’d meet him at home—he’d noticed that Jared had gone.

 

A little while later Sandy had also disappeared; even Chris didn’t know where she’d gone. Neither of them were answering their cells and Jensen hated to think what it looked like to Jared when Danneel had kissed him.

 

He raced up Jared’s stairs, hoping he could explain what happened, that it wasn’t too late and cursing that he hadn’t been able to get away from work sooner.

 

Eventually he was knocking on Jared’s door, but there was no answer. That wasn’t a surprise, if Jared was mad at him he wouldn’t answer the door to him, would he?

 

Jensen looked in the broken light fixture and sighed with relief when he saw the spare key there. Taking it, he quietly let himself into the apartment.

 

Jared wasn’t in the living room or the kitchen. He made his way to the bedroom and pushed open the door. What he saw was the last thing he’d been expecting.

 

Jared, in nothing but his boxers, the covers barely covering him, and Sandy, draped over his back, her legs bare, one of Jared’s t-shirts covering her tiny body.

 

“What the Hell,” Jensen gasped, trying to understand what could possibly be going on.

 

In the bed Sandy stirred and rolled over to look at him.

 

“Jen,” she whispered. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I could ask you the same thing, Sandy,” Jensen said, he didn’t whisper, didn’t try to keep his voice down at all.

 

“Shhh,” Sandy hissed at him and climbed out of the bed. She started ushering him out of the room, forcing him back into the living room.

 

“What the Hell’s going on, Sandy? Has this all been some kind of sick joke?” Jensen’s voice was rising even more.

 

“Will you keep your voice down, you’re gonna wake him,” Sandy scowled at him.

 

“Yeah, that sounds like a damn good idea, let’s wake him. Then he can explain why he’s in bed with his best friend,” Jensen stated, getting more and more wound up. “Are you two fucking?”

 

“What? No,” Sandy actually looked offended. “Look, it’s not how it seems, okay.”

 

“Oh really? Does Chris know you sleep with other men?” Jensen accused. Sandy opened her mouth to retaliate but Jensen didn’t give her the chance. “So, has he just been leading me on this whole time? Seeing how much he can reel me in, is this something you two do?”

 

“Okay, get out, right now,” Sandy said sternly, her face was fuming as she pointed to the door.

 

“Oh, I don’t think so, I’m gonna go in there and see what he has to say for himself,” Jensen stated and started trying to push past Sandy. In a surprising show of strength Sandy shoved him away.

 

She started to say something but a sound from the bedroom silenced her.

 

It was Jared, he was talking, loudly. Suddenly he screamed.

 

“Fuck,” Sandy cursed and raced back into the bedroom. Jensen stayed close on her heels.

 

He was brought up short by what he saw. Jared was thrashing around in the bed; his face and body were covered in deep dark bruises.

 

“Jay, Jay honey,” Sandy called to him. Jensen went to say something but Sandy shushed him straight away. “Jay, wake up sweetie, it’s Sandy, come on, wake for me.”

 

Sandy didn’t get close to him; she kept her distance and just called to him.

 

“Should we hold him down?” Jensen asked in horror.

 

“No, don’t touch him,” Sandy shouted and Jensen stopped his movement.

 

“Jay, it’s Sandy. You’re in Seattle honey, you’re safe, nothing can hurt you here, remember. Come on sweetie, wake up for me?” Sandy begged, she was close to tears.

 

Suddenly, Jared shot up in bed, a scream on his lips, his eyes wide and terrified. Sandy was there a split second later.

 

“Sand?” Jared’s trembling voice called.

 

“I’m here, I’m right here, it’s okay, you’re safe,” Sandy reassured him.

 

Gradually Jared focused on her and when he did he fell into her arms and cried, enormous sobs heaving his body in a way Jensen had never seen before.

 

“Sandy, what happened to his face?” Jensen asked quietly, not daring to move any closer in case it set Jared off again.

 

Sandy looked to him, still shushing and rocking a weeping Jared. Jared hadn’t seemed to even notice Jensen’s presence.

 

“It was someone called Chad, and God knows how many of his buddies. It was a gay bashing, that’s all I could get out of him,” Sandy told him. “There wasn’t a fucking hope in Hell I was leaving him like this,” she snarled at him and Jensen realised his mistake. They weren’t sleeping together; Sandy was there to comfort him.

 

Jensen remembered when Jared had that bad dream the first night he’d stayed over. Jensen had held Jared just as he’d seen Sandy doing; it was obviously a comfort to him.

 

Jensen moved towards them, finally understanding how deeply their bond went. Sandy looked up at him sharply and held out her hand to stop him.

 

“Don’t you dare. He can’t take any of your jealously crap right now,” she warned him.

 

Jensen held up his hands. “I come in peace, I swear,” he promised and slowly Sandy lowered her hand.

 

Jensen moved to the other side of Jared and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. He could feel Jared’s body shaking under his touch.

 

“Jay, Jay, it’s Jen. It’s Jensen, can you hear me?” he said softly.

 

“Jen?” Jared’s voice quivered.

 

“Yeah, it’s me,” Jensen confirmed and Jared reached out a hand for him. Jensen took Jared’s hand and then Jared was in his arms.

 

“There were so many of them, they just kept coming, and then _he_ was there, _he_ came, like _he_ always does. It hurts Jen, it really hurts, why does it always have to hurt?” Jared clung to him, his rambles teetering off slowly.

 

“How many were there? What did they look like?” Jensen started to questioned but Sandy gently put a hand on his arm and shook her head.

 

“He’s not talking about today, Jensen,” she told him sadly.

 

“He’s in the past?” Jensen asked, starting to understand, the dream had been a memory. Sandy nodded, a tear dropping over her cheek. “God, Jay. What happened to you?”

 

“I’m not sure you want to know,” Sandy said quietly, more tears falling down her face. Jensen extended an arm out to her and then all three of them where in a tearful embrace.

 

***

 

Jared woke up to find himself trapped between two bodies, they were both asleep and both had their arms over him protectively. He went to try and wriggle out of their hold but pain erupted in his body and he winced, having forgotten for a moment what had happened.

 

As soon as he’d moved, both Sandy and Jensen woke with a start and looked at him through bleary and concerned eyes.

 

“Morning,” Jared said shyly, trying again to wriggle out of their embrace.

 

“Hey,” Sandy said softly and released him from her grasp. Jensen didn’t let go so easily, barging in with questions.

 

“Are you okay? Do you need any pain killers? Is there—”

 

Jared held up his hand and Jensen stopped. “I just need to go to the bathroom,” Jared smiled tightly, Jensen’s eyes widened and he pulled himself away from Jared.

 

Jared groaned in pain as he stood but waved away the help offered, he was quite capable of pissing by himself, thank you.

 

When he came back, he found Sandy changed into the clothes that she kept around for occasions just like this, and how depressing is that that they’d planned for this sort of thing? And Jensen was putting on the coffee.

 

“So, does Danneel know you’re here?” Jared asked before Jensen could say a word. Jensen deflated slightly before he spoke.

 

“I broke up with her, or at least I tried to; I’m not sure she really believed me, or if she even listened, but I meant it, and it’s over with her,” Jensen said and looked thoughtful for a moment. “I’m not actually sure it ever started, at least not on my end, I think—”

 

“You’re rambling sweetie,” Sandy smacked his ass as she passed him. She found her cell and flicked it open. After pressing it to her ear for a moment, she closed her eyes and listened to the person on the other end speak.

 

“Chris, I’m sorry, I know we were—” she stopped, obviously interrupted. “I know it’s not the first time but there was a real—” she stopped again.

 

Jared felt awful, if Sandy could just tell him the truth everything would be fine. Swallowing his pride he went over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him questioningly.

 

“You can tell him,” Jared told her and she smiled thankfully at him.

 

“Will you listen to me a second?” she said loudly into the phone. “Jared was attacked last night, that’s why I had to leave… I dunno, some guy named Chad and his buddies… what? You know him? ... Well fuck. No don’t come over, Jensen’s here… Did she? Ha, yeah I’ll tell him… Yeah I will… Me too, bye.”

 

Everyone looked at Sandy expectantly. “Oh, Danneel turned up again and was pissed you weren’t there, Jen,” she told him. “Apparently, she had to go to the hospital because her friend ‘Chad’ had a broken nose,” she said smugly. “Looks like you got in a good hit of your own, Jay,” she announced proudly.

 

“Wait, Chad? Shit, I knew that rang a bell last night,” Jensen said.

 

“Chad’s the guy you punched to defend my honour,” Sandy told Jared.

 

“I know,” Jared said. “Asshole’s taken quite a shine to you,” he told Sandy before he went back into the bedroom to find himself some clothes, managing to pull them on successfully through the pain. He was pleased that it didn’t appear that anything was broken, just a lot of bruising.

 

When he went back into the other room, Jensen had made some omelettes and Sandy was already digging into hers.

 

“Omelettes?” Jared grinned, wincing slightly at the pain that shot through his face.

 

“Breakfast of champions,” Jensen grinned back.

 

After breakfast Jensen sat on the sofa with Jared looking nervous.

 

“What is it, Jen?” Jared asked finally. Jensen looked up at him guiltily.

 

“I want you to tell me what happened,” Jensen told him, an apology in his eyes.

 

“You already know, Chad and—”

 

“No, I’m not talking about that,” Jensen interrupted. “I mean, when you were in high school, what happened? What is it you’re afraid to tell me?”

 

“No,” Jared said firmly. “If you know you’ll—you won’t want to be with me.”

 

Jared’s heart started racing. Why was Jensen asking these things of him?

 

“I will, there’s nothing that would make me not want to be with you, Jay,” Jensen told him, taking his hand.

 

“Sand?” Jared said desperately. Sandy was there in a second; Jared ripped his hand away from Jensen and buried himself in Sandy’s shoulder.

 

“I think you should tell him, Jay,” Sandy whispered quietly. “I think you can trust him.”

 

Jared looked at Sandy in alarm. “But, I’ve never—”

 

“I know, but, isn’t it about time you did?” Sandy said gently. “I’ll be right here,” she promised.

 

Tentatively Jared looked back at Jensen. He knew he looked terrified; he must look a mess, with his face all bashed up, and now tears mixing in with the bruises.

 

“What did you want to know?” Jared asked cautiously, letting Jensen set the basis for what he told.

 

“Um, okay, what were you dreaming about last night when I got here? The thing that woke you up like that,” Jensen asked quietly, like he didn’t want to spook Jared.

 

Jared took one last look at Sandy, who just nodded supportively, and he took a deep breath.

 

“I was bullied when I was in school,” Jared said easily, this was the easy part. “I’d get picked on ‘cause I was so tall and skinny, I had so many growth spurts the rest of my body hadn’t had time to catch up.”

 

Jensen nodded and put his hand on the sofa between them; an offer in case Jared needed or wanted it.

 

“There was this one guy, Michael, he protected me from the bullies, he kept them away from me—when I was good,” Jared frowned, remembering things as he spoke. He looked to Sandy who smiled sadly and nodded at him.

 

“At first he was just my friend, I could always go to him when I got attacked but I made him promise not to tell the Principle or anyone else. I could trust him because he kept my secret. One day he kissed me, I wasn’t sure but he said it was okay. So I kissed him back. He would tell me how special I was; he would look at me and tell me I was beautiful,” Jared stopped talking, his memories flooding his brain, he whimpered and clung to Sandy but he carried on talking, now he’d opened that door he didn’t seem to be able to close it again.

 

“I may have only been fifteen, but I fell in love with him. He started teaching me, how to be—a man, and how to— _please_ a man. But soon he started asking for things I didn’t want to give, but I tried to please him, I tried to give him what he wanted. Soon it got too much and I started avoiding him, making excuses why I couldn’t meet him and not turning up when I said I would—and then the bullies came back. I didn’t know what else to do so I went running to him; I went straight into his classroom and begged for him to help me.”

 

“Wait, you went into his _classroom?_ He was your teacher?” Jensen looked at him disbelief and Jared shrank away, turning further into Sandy.

 

“I’m sorry, I can’t, I just can’t,” he couldn’t stand the look of horror in Jensen face; this was bound to push him away.

 

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it, I just thought you were talking about another kid, that’s all, it’s okay,” Jensen tried to assure him.

 

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” Jared decided. He risked a look at Jensen, and was relieved to find that he was nodded and smiling supportively at him.

 

“Thank you,” Jensen said, taking Jared’s hand. “Thank you for trusting me.”

 

“I can, can’t I?” Jared asked shakily. “I can’t trust you, right?”

 

“Yes, Jay. You can trust me, I promise,” Jensen swore. He lifted Jared’s hand and kissed his knuckles softly.

 

“And you still—you still want to be, with me?” Jared asked, praying he’d get the answer he hoped for.

 

“Yes, I still want to be with you,” Jensen chuckled slightly. “Jay, I don’t think any less of you because of what you’ve told me. In fact, I happen to think you’re even more amazing and wonderful and special that I first thought you were. You’ve survived things most people never have to experience, and it’s awful and horrific, but none of it is your fault. And through it all, you still managed to come out the other end as someone so special, I’m honoured to be in your life.”

 

Jared’s stomach flipped at Jensen’s words, his shining emerald eyes told him he spoke the truth and Jared threw his arms around Jensen’s neck and hugged him tight.

 

“Thank you,” Jared whispered, squeezing Jensen so tight he probably couldn’t breathe, but Jensen just held him back and whispered soothing words in his ear.


	12. Chapter 12

  
Author's notes: This chapter contains dub-con/sexual abuse of an under-age Jared.  


* * *

Part 12

 

Six Years Ago

 

God, the pain was so intense; it spread through his body, consuming him and threatening to overcome everything he was, everything he knew. Jared didn’t know when it was going to end. Another foot struck his stomach, quickly followed by one to his back, and Jared found himself retching and gasping for oxygen. All around him the laughter swirled in his ears, consuming any sound that could be thought of as good, and replacing it with spite and loathing. They called him a loser, a faggot; they pulled his too-long hair until he swore his roots would bleed. The arms he circled around himself offered no protection and when ever they did, they were forced away, stomped on, and he was told not to do that again.

 

Why did they do this to him? What did he ever do to them?

 

Nothing! That’s what! He never did anything. He was just Jared, the too-skinny, too-tall, loser. He was the geek who always knew all the answers, who the teachers loved and doted over. And for that, he had to be punished! For that, he got to be the punching bag, the play toy, the weekly amusement for the boys and girls who weren’t as smart and were angry about it. After the pain and the beatings, came the threats: tell anyone and next time it would be worse; no one would believe a loser like him anyway; he was nothing but a piece of worthless shit, and he should think himself lucky they even paid him this amount of attention in the first place, but he had better keep his mouth shut or next time they might forget to stop.

 

Jared coughed, spraying blood on the tiled floor of the bathroom as sneakered feet left the room, each leaving behind one last kick to remember them by and laughter that echoed in his ears. Slowly, Jared tried to wipe the spit from his face, taking his tears with it.

 

On the other side of the door he heard a voice calling down the corridor, then those sneakered feet squeaking as they ran, laughing, away from the authority threatening to catch them. The door to the bathroom opened again, and Jared tried to force himself to his feet, he really tried. But strength refused to return to his abused limbs, and he was left embarrassed and broken on the floor, surrounded by his blood and vomit, and why couldn’t he just die right now?

 

A face appeared in front of Jared’s eyes, it was blurry, and he couldn’t quite make it out. Slowly a voice joined the face, it was calling his name.

 

“Jared? Jared is that you?” the voice asked. “Jesus, what the hell happened here?”

 

Strong arms pulled Jared up so he was sitting. Jared’s head swam and refused to keep him upright; luckily the arms surrounded him, and he was gently leaned back against a solid body, while hands cautiously brushed his long hair away from his face.

 

“Who did this Jared? Tell me who did this!” the person demanded.

 

“Mr. Weatherly?” Jared asked, peering up at the kind face that looked down at him. It was his English teacher, Mr. Michael Weatherly.

 

“Yes Jared, it’s me. Do you think you can move? We need to go see the Principal. Tell him who did this,” Michael said gently, trying to get Jared to stand.

 

“NO!” Jared blurted. “No please; don’t make me go there?” He grabbed Michael’s arm and stared into his face, his eyes pleading.

 

“Jared, you can’t let them get away with this; you have to tell someone or they’re just going to keep doing it,” Michael tried to change Jared’s mind, but Jared shook his head.

 

“It’ll just make it worse, please, don’t tell anyone?” Jared begged, still holding onto Michael’s arm, fisting his hand in the teacher’s shirt.

 

“I have to, Jared, I’m sorry but it’s my job,” Michael said sadly, his eyes running over Jared’s face, taking in the tears, the blood and the bruises. “You can’t just let them do this to you, and I know this isn’t the first time this has happened. You have to tell someone, even if it’s just so you don’t have to go through this alone.”

 

“Then I’ll come to you, just please; don’t make it worse than it already is?” Jared asked hopefully. It wouldn’t be too bad going to Michael, seeing as he already knew, just as long as no one tried to confront them.

 

Michael sighed; he wiped Jared’s tears from his face and looked at him, a troubled expression on his face.

 

“Alright Jared,” he said dejectedly. Jared threw himself at Michael, hugging him desperately and mumbling “thank you"’s over and over, relief washing over him. “But if it gets worse, I can’t promise I won’t take any action, you have to swear to me that you’ll tell me every time something happens, alright?” Michael said sternly, pulling Jared away from him and staring straight into his eyes.

 

Jared hesitated; it wasn’t like he enjoyed being beaten up all the time, he was just terrified that they’d follow through on their threats. Slowly, Jared nodded; he would do as Michael asked.

 

“Good boy, now, let’s get you cleaned up, and I’ll give you a ride home, okay?”

 

***

 

It was the third time this week that Jared had staggered through Michael’s classroom door. Blood dripped from his nose, and he knew he’d have some impressive bruises on his chest overlapping the old ones.

 

Michael looked up from his desk where he’d been grading papers; his face fell as soon as he saw Jared. He pushed his chair away from his desk and was by Jared’s side in an instant.

 

Jared fell into him, letting the teacher take his weight and lead him over to a chair. As soon as Jared was settled, Michael made sure the door was shut before kneeling in front of Jared and taking his face in his hands, clearing away the blood from his nose with his handkerchief.

 

School had been over for nearly an hour, and there weren’t many people around, but he knew Jared didn’t like people to see him being comforted by the teacher.

 

“Jesus, Jared, not again,” Michael hissed as he examined Jared’s face, his fingers lightly tracing every new mark. It had been three months since Jared had promised to come to him when he needed help. Sometimes Jared needed his help a lot, but there were times he could get away with not needing Michael’s comfort for almost a week.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jared croaked through his sobs. “I tried to avoid them like you said, but they still found me.”

 

Jared couldn’t look at his teacher; he clearly felt like a failure. Michael had tried to come up with ways for Jared to stay away from his bullies, but it just didn’t seem to be working.

 

“It’s not your fault, Jared,” Michael told him. He pulled the fifteen year old into his arms and let him cry against his shoulder. “I just can’t stand seeing you like this. I wish you’d let me do something. I could stop them.”

 

Jared pulled his head back and looked at the man in alarm. “No, you promised you wouldn’t, you said,” Jared said sharply, his eyes wide and nervous.

 

“I know what I said, but this can’t go on, Jared, it’s killing me not to do something,” Michael said gently as he brushed Jared’s long hair away from his face. “You’ve got such a nice face; it shouldn’t be covered in bruises.”

 

“Why are you so nice to me?” Jared asked. He looked at the teacher, staring into his kind blue eyes.

 

“Because I care about you,” Michael told him seriously, his thumb brushing against Jared’s cheek. “Very much.”

 

“I don’t understand. How can you like someone like me?” Jared questioned, more tears falling from his eyes.

 

“You listen to me, Jared. You are a very special young man, and I don’t want anyone to make you think any differently,” Michael said firmly. “You’re smart, smarter than most of the kids at this school. You’re kind; you have a good heart. And you’re beautiful, God, Jared, you’re just so beautiful, I just—”

 

Jared stared at Michael, his heart pounding loudly in his chest. Michael’s eyes swept over him, he was so sincere. His hand was gentle as it slipped back to lie against Jared’s neck.

 

“Jared, I—” he murmured, licking his lips. “C’mere.”

 

Michael tugged on Jared’s neck, pulling him closer until their noses were touching.

 

“Mr. Weatherly?” Jared whispered nervously, his hands trembled in his lap.

 

“Michael, call me Michael,” Michael breathed against Jared’s lips just before he brushed his over them just briefly.

 

Jared’s breath caught, he went to pull back but the hand on his neck was firm and kept him still.

 

“Michael?” Jared ventured. “What—”

 

“It’s okay. I just want you to know how special you are,” Michael told him quietly, looking him directly in the eye. “You deserve something good in your life, Jared. Let me give that to you?”

 

Michael didn’t wait for a reply; he just pressed his lips to Jared’s and kissed him. It was slow and gentle and it sent a thrill through Jared he hadn’t expected. A slight whimper escaped Jared’s mouth and Michael took it as encouragement and deepened the kiss.

 

Michael’s other hand slid up Jared’s leg to rest lightly on his hip while the hand on Jared’s neck pulled him more firmly against Michael’s mouth.

 

Jared jumped when he felt a warm, wet tongue on his lips. He’d never kissed anybody before and he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Tentatively, he opened his mouth to the probing tongue and was surprised when it immediately slipped its way inside.

 

It was wet and kind of slimy, Jared wasn’t sure he liked it, but Michael appeared to think it was good so Jared figured it just took some getting used to.

 

Jared’s body was completely still aside from the heaving of his chest. His hands still rested in his lap, his fists clenched as tightly as his eyes were squeezed shut.

 

Gradually, Michael slowed the kiss; his tongue was removed until he was just placing kitten kisses on Jared’s lips. Jared was grateful, he gulped down the air now his mouth was free but couldn’t bring himself to meet eyes with Michael, and he could feel his cheeks burning and knew he was blushing madly.

 

“Wow,” Michael breathed, not moving his face away from Jared’s. “You taste as good as you look.”

 

Jared blushed fiercer. “I’ve never—” Jared tried to tell him that he’d never done anything like that before, he had no experience with kissing or anything like that, with a girl let alone another guy.

 

“Shh, it’s okay,” Michael shushed him and kissed him lightly on the lips again. “You’re amazing, Jared, you’re perfect.”

 

“I don’t feel very perfect,” Jared mumbled, his high dropping through the floor.

 

“Hey, listen to me,” Michael took Jared under the chin and gently but firmly guided him so they met eyes. “I’m telling you the truth, Jared. Why would I have kissed you if I didn’t mean it?”

 

“I don’t know,” Jared confessed shyly. “I don’t know how to kiss. I don’t know anything.”

 

Michael smiled. His eyes were soft and he leaned forward and kissed Jared again. Jared’s eyes fluttered closed. He opened his mouth instinctively and let Michael in, allowed him to sweep his tongue around his mouth. He copied what Michael did, brushing his own tongue along side and moving his mouth in just the same way.

 

As soon as Jared started contributing, Michael moaned and used the hand on Jared’s hip to pull him forward. Jared slipped off the chair and had no place to go but to straddle Michael’s legs as he sat back on his heels.

 

Jared’s arms came up to steady himself, they landed on Michael’s shoulders and as Michael continued the deep kiss Jared found himself slipping his hands around to hold Michael, to allow himself to get closer to him until their bodies were touching.

 

Michael bucked up into him and Jared tore his mouth away, unsure how to react. As he panted Michael held him firmly so he couldn’t get up.

 

“That seemed pretty okay to me, you’re a fast learner,” Michael said, nuzzling against Jared’s cheek. “Don’t worry, Jared, I’ll teach you, everything you need to know and more, so much more.”

 

“You will?” Jared asked. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve this kind of attention, this praise.

 

“Of course I will, I’m a teacher aren’t I?” Michael smirked slightly. When Jared’s face fell at the thought of this only happening so Michael could teach his pupil and not because Jared was special in some way, Michael quickly spoke again. “But I don’t think I could stay away from you now even if I tried. You’re so amazing, Jared. So beautiful, I don’t think I could ever get enough of you.”

 

Jared blushed and looked down at where their bodies were flush against each other. Jared bit his lip and carefully squirmed until he could get off Michael’s lap.

 

“I should get home,” Jared said shyly, an embarrassed smile lifting his lips.

 

“Do you need a ride?” Michael asked, standing with Jared before slipping his arm around Jared’s waist and pulling him closer.

 

Michael was taller than Jared, but only just. Jared was tall and skinny and he still had some growing to do yet.

 

“I can walk,” Jared said shyly, even though he really didn’t want to walk.

 

“I’ll drive you, just in case those assholes are still around,” Michael said protectively. “They’re never getting their hands on you again, do you hear me? Not know I’ve got you, no ones ever hurting you again. I won’t allow it.”

 

Jared’s heart clenched. He buried his head in Michael’s shoulder and held on tightly to him. Here was a man who wanted to protect him, not because it was his job, not because he was obligated too, but because he cared, he really wanted to make sure Jared was okay. Jared clung to that, too scared to let it go in case he never found it again.

 

***

 

As soon as Jared entered Michael’s office, the door was shut and locked behind him, then he found himself pressed up against it and Michael’s mouth was on his.

 

Everyday Michael would tell him to meet him somewhere, in his office, the supply cupboard, or in one of the unused buildings in the old part of the school. Whenever Jared arrived Michael would pounce on him, kissing him hungrily like he was starved for it. Not that Jared minded all that much, he’d been getting used to kissing Michael. He preferred it when Michael was soft and gentle, but sometimes the kisses would become hard, aggressive even, like Michael was trying to climb inside Jared and consume him from the inside out.

 

“I’ve missed you so much,” Michael spoke against Jared’s lips before shoving his tongue back in his mouth. Michael pressed his body against Jared’s, pinning him against the door while his hands roamed over his body. “Have you missed me, Jared? Tell me you’ve missed me as much as I’ve missed you?”

 

“I _have_ missed you,” Jared said breathlessly, gasping for air as Michael moved his attention to Jared’s neck. As usual in these situations, Jared could only hold on tight, his hands gripping on to Michael while his mind tried to catch up with what was going on.

 

This time however, Michael seemed even more desperate to get closer to Jared, his teeth nipped at his skin and whereas Michael’s hands would normally rest on Jared’s waist, his thumbs rubbing against his hips, today they didn’t stop moving, running down his sides, over his chest and through his hair.

 

“I can’t get enough of you, Jared. You have no idea the things you do to me. You’re driving me crazy,” Michael told him, his voice a harsh whisper.

 

Suddenly, Jared could feel Michael’s hands slipping under his shirt and running over his skin. Jared gasped, his body flinching away from the touch.

 

“Shh,” Michael calmed him, letting his hands move up Jared’s chest, pulling his shirt with them.

 

“Uh, Michael,” Jared’s voice tremored.

 

“God, Jared. You feel so good,” Michael told him, moving his kisses back to his lips and swallowing any of Jared’s comments or protests. “Do you know how much you mean to me? You don’t do you? You have no idea how special you are.”

 

Jared’s heart did a flip; it always did when Michael complimented him like that. He closed his eyes and allowed Michael to lift his shirt over his head. Jared immediately brought his arms over his body to hide his naked torso but Michael caught him by the wrists and moved them away.

 

“You don’t have to hide, baby,” Michael told him softly. He tipped Jared’s head up so he could look in his eyes. Jared slowly let his gaze meet Michael’s and bit his lip nervously. He really wanted to put his arms back over his body, he felt exposed and vulnerable. “You’re beautiful. You should never hide from me, okay?” Jared nodded and Michael smiled. “Good boy.”

 

Michael kissed him gently and Jared forced his now free hands to hold onto Michael and not to cover himself. Jared closed his eyes and concentrated on the kiss, on what he knew. Yet he couldn’t prevent the shiver his body shook with when Michael touched his stomach with a large, warm hand, he tried not to jerk away which was helped by the solid door, cold and hard against his bare back.

 

“That’s it, baby. Mmm, I love how you taste, I just want to taste every part of you,” Michael whispered in his ear before moving to kiss over his neck and across his shoulder. Michael’s hand moved up until he had Jared’s nipple between his finger and thumb, he squeezed suddenly, and Jared yelped.

 

Michael clamped a hand over Jared’s mouth.

 

“Shh, baby,” he hissed. “You don’t want the whole world to know what we’re doing do you?”

 

Jared shook his head against Michael’s hand. Michael had explained to him that people wouldn’t understand what they had together and that they had to hide it. Jared was forbidden to tell anyone about what he and Michael did together. To the outside world they were merely student and teacher, nothing more, nothing less.

 

Jared hadn’t told Michael that he had spoken to his best friend Sandy about them, that he had been so excited and happy, and Sandy had noticed the change and asked him about it. Jared just hadn’t been able to keep it in anymore and had blurted the whole thing out to her.

 

Sandy had not approved, but she had promised not to tell anyone. In a way she was glad Jared was happy, and whatever Michael had done had kept the bullies off Jared’s back. Since their first kiss Jared hadn’t had any problems from them, not once and Sandy was so happy to see Jared without new bruises every week. Even Jared’s parents had commented that they were happy he was staying out of trouble.

 

Michael smiled. He took his hand away from Jared’s mouth and took a step back, his eyes raking over Jared’s body.

 

A deep blush spread over Jared causing Michael to smile wider as he continued to back away. Finally he stopped, perched on the end of his desk and leered at Jared’s shyness.

 

“C’mere, baby,” he said and held out his arms.

 

Jared’s hands shook as he reached them out to take Michael’s. He swallowed thickly and licked at his dry lips. Michael had never asked for anything more than kisses and now that he wanted more Jared wasn’t sure he wanted to give it, but how does he say that to a man who has been nothing but amazing to him?

 

So, Jared took Michael’s hands and allowed himself to be pulled against the man’s body. Michael wrapped his arms around Jared, effectively trapping him within his embrace. Jared placed his hands on Michael’s arms and shyly met his eyes.

 

“You seem nervous,” Michael pointed out, his eyes sweeping over him. “What’s the matter, Jared?”

 

“N-nothing,” Jared insisted, shaking his head quickly. “It’s just—it’s new, you know?”

 

Michael leaned down and placed a soft kiss against Jared’s chest. “But it’s nice, isn’t it?” he questioned quietly, smiling against Jared’s skin as Jared gasped.

 

“Uh—” Jared tried to speak but Michael suddenly licked around one of his nipples before sucking it into his mouth. A jolt of pleasure shot through Jared’s body and his legs went weak; luckily Michael was prepared and simply turned them around so Jared was the one against the desk, his legs no longer needing to take his weight.

 

“You like it, don’t you, baby?” Michael asked gently, blowing chilling breath over the wet skin. Jared shivered and dug his fingers into Michael’s arms, blunt nails pressing through the thin material of his shirt. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

 

Michael continued to lavish attention to Jared’s chest, nipping and licking, kissing over every spot of flesh available to him.

 

Jared was hard in his jeans, he was panting harshly against the sensations his body was enduring. He barely noticed as Michael nudged his legs apart and stood between them, not until he pushed against Jared’s groin, rubbing his own hard length against Jared’s.

 

“Fu-” Jared started to shout but Michael was quick to swallow the sound with his mouth, kissing Jared deeply as he pushed against him again.

 

Jared’s body started to shake. Part of him wanted to push up onto the pressure, to get more from it, needing more from it. But a bigger part of him was freaking out. He wasn’t ready for this, it was all moving to fast and his body was set to explode on him. Jared was loosing control and he didn’t like the feeling.

 

Forcefully, he pulled his mouth away from Michael’s, gulping down as much air as he could before he tried to speak. Michael just moved on to suck into his neck, firmly but not hard enough to leave a mark.

 

“Jared, uh, Jared, you’re so good. You feel amazing,” Michael spoke first, rubbing harder against his body. “Tell me it’s good for you, baby. I need to know it’s good for you too. I need to know you feel like I do.”

 

Jared opened his mouth but all that came out was a squeak. How could he say that he didn’t like it, that it was too much and he wanted it to stop? How could he take this away from Michael after everything he’d done for him? Simple answer? He couldn’t.

 

“Is it good, baby?” Michael panted against Jared’s neck.

 

“Yes,” Jared hissed and shut his eyes tight. He felt himself being pushed back, he held on so he didn’t fall, until he felt the hard desk on his back. Pens and pencils and God knows what else dug into his spine, stabbing into him as Michael forced him down, a solid weight pressing above him.

 

“That’s good, baby. Uh, that’s so good,” Michael moaned into his mouth before kissing him roughly, all the while never ceasing his thrusting against Jared’s painful cock. “My good boy. Uh, Jared, my good baby boy.”

 

Michael’s movements became more and more erratic, the friction against Jared’s cock becoming more intense. Jared could feel warmth seeping into his gut, a curling fire moving down into his groin.

 

“Look at me, Jared. Let me see you,” Michael groaned, biting into his chest again, sucking Jared’s nipple into his mouth so hard it hurt and Jared had to bite his cheek to keep from crying out. “Come on, baby boy, open your eyes.”

 

Jared forced his eyes open. He saw Michael above him, writhing and sweating. His face flushed with exertion and his mouth hanging partly open. Jared found Michael’s eyes, gone was the startling blue he liked so much, instead they were wide and black. Jared sucked in his breath in shock, he’d never seen Michael like that before and it scared him. This wasn’t the man he knew and craved to be with, it was like something had taken over his teacher and replaced him with this lustful animal.

 

Jared’s body started to tingle all over, his head swam and he blinked rapidly, trying to bring himself back down. He didn’t like this feeling, he wished he could tell Michael to stop, to slow down but he already knew it was too late for that.

 

He felt water leaking from his eyes and vaguely wondered if he was crying. At the realisation, his body began to heave with sobs as his mind ran away from him and he lost control.

 

“Let it go, baby. Come on, let it go for me,” Michael told him, not talking about his tears, thrusting harder and faster, his hands gripping onto Jared’s shoulders for a better hold.

 

Jared’s head tipped back, his eyes rolling in his head but Michael stuck a hand in Jared’s hair and pulled his head back down.

 

“I want to see you when you come,” he told Jared firmly and Jared had no choice but to fix his eyes on those dripping black ones.

 

Jared’s mouth opened but just as he started to scream his release Michael clamped his hand over it, stifling his cries as he came in his pants. The warm wet release spread over his groin, soaking into the material.

 

Above him Michael gritted his teeth and grunted harshly, his black eyes boring into Jared’s. All movement stopped. Just for a moment. Then Michael slowly rocked against Jared, a smile spreading over his lips.

 

Michael dropped his head to Jared’s shoulder, his hand falling from his mouth and finally Jared let his eyes fall closed. His shaking body was stiff under Michael, his hands still holding on for dear life on Michael’s arms and his back in agony from the abusive contents of Michael’s desk.

 

Jared felt dirty, his wet jeans testament to what had happened. Jared gritted his teeth when Michael began to dust tiny kisses into his neck, they didn’t feel nice anymore, they felt wrong, sickly.

 

“Wow, Jared. That was something—I don’t even know how to describe it,” Michael whispered softly, not lifting his head. “I’ve never felt that intense before, you just make me so crazy. I feel like I need to be touching you all the time or I’m going to go insane.”

 

Finally Michael did raise his head, his eyes meeting Jared’s. They were still dark, but slowly the blue was beginning to return to them and he was starting to look like the Michael Jared knew and liked.

 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Michael asked urgently. His hand came up and wiped away the tears that still fell from Jared’s eyes. Jared looked at him, confused by the concerned question. Michael looked so worried, searching Jared’s eyes and face, brushing his sweaty hair back. Jared didn’t know what to say, he didn’t want to hurt Michael, so he just shook his head, wincing when Michael looked at him disbelievingly.

 

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Michael quickly pulled himself off Jared, gently helping him up before taking him in his arms. His touch was so tender, so loving and Jared leaned into it.

 

“The desk was slightly uncomfortable,” Jared quipped weakly, feeling a pencil un-stick itself from his skin and fall to the desk.

 

“Oh God, baby, I’m so sorry,” Michael said in alarm, his eyes wide with fear and guilt and Jared’s heart broke, he never wanted to see Michael like that, not knowing he caused that look in his eye.

 

“It’s okay,” Jared said quickly and placed his hand on Michael’s face, letting through a little reassuring smile.

 

“I’d never hurt you, you know that, don’t you?” Michael said seriously, looking directly into Jared’s eyes, enforcing his words. “I care about you too much.”

 

“I know, it’s okay, really,” Jared nodded.

 

“But you liked it, didn’t you? I mean, it sounded like you liked it.” Michael’s eyes bore pleadingly into Jared’s. “Please tell me you enjoyed that, I didn’t push you to fast, did I? I couldn’t bare it if I did something you weren’t ready for.”

 

Jared’s heart pounded in his chest, here was his chance to slow things down, to tell Michael how it had felt. But the fear in Michael’s eyes stopped him. He’d said he couldn’t bare it, it would hurt him to know how Jared really felt, and Jared couldn’t do that to him.

 

“No,” Jared spoke quietly and Michael’s breath hitched. “No, you didn’t push too fast,” Jared reiterated quickly, trying to make himself sound truthful.

 

“So, you liked it?” Michael asked, his face lighting up into that wonderful smile Jared loved to see. Jared found himself smiling too.

 

“Yes, Michael, I liked it,” Jared lied. “I more than liked it.”

 

“Oh thank God,” Michael breathed in relief. “Oh Jared, you have no idea how happy that makes me to hear. I wanted to share that with you so much, but I’d been too afraid to before, I hadn’t been sure you were ready. But the way you look—you’re so beautiful, Jared. I just couldn’t hold back any longer. I’m so pleased it was good, I’m so glad you liked it. I can’t wait to show you more, God, Jared; I’ve got so many things I want to show you, to teach you. And we’ll do it together, right?”

 

Jared stared at Michael. _More? He wants to do more?_ But the eager, excited look in Michael’s eyes swayed Jared’s decision once again.

 

“Yeah,” Jared smiled. “We’ll do it together.”

 

“You want me to show you, right?” Michael nodded as if answering for Jared.

 

“Of course I want you to show me, I want you to show me everything,” Jared heard himself saying and he knew it was only because it was what Michael wanted to hear. He didn’t want to stop being with Michael, he was too attached to the older man to let him go, to give him up. But he did wish they could slow down, could go back to how things were.

 

Jared felt like he’d just climbed on a rocket train and there were no stops till the end of the track.


	13. Chapter 13

  
Author's notes: This chapter contains a small scene of attempted rape.  


* * *

Part 13

 

It had taken over a week for Jared to feel confident about going outside again, his bruises were healing really well and he wasn’t in much pain anymore.

 

Jensen finally got through to Danneel that he didn’t want to be with her anymore—mainly because he packed up her stuff, left it outside his door and changed the locks while she was out, but the message got through.

 

Chad had been barred from the Lithe and everyone kept telling Jared to stop being silly when he felt a little guilty about breaking the guys nose, but the guilt didn’t last long when he remembered what Chad had done and the things he’d said.

 

Jared still refused to go to the police. He firmly believed that when you turned tell-tail things got worse for you. Sandy always looked sad when he said those things and Jensen figured it had something to do with when he was a kid.

 

He still had a hard time thinking about all the things Jared had told him. How a teacher, trusted to protect your children could take advantage of a kid like that, could manipulate him into sexual favours under the guise of love. Poor Jared hadn’t stood a chance.

 

But as he watched him dancing with Sandy, dressed in black jeans and a fitting black shirt, looking gorgeous, laughing and smiling, just like he used to, Jensen felt his heart swell. Jared truly was an amazing person, and Jensen was the one who got to be with him, who got to hold him, and kiss him. He’d stayed with him as often as he could, trying to prove that he’d meant what he’d said and that he was willing to stick with Jared, despite everything.

 

He’d woken Jared when he’d had his nightmares, sometimes Jared had told him what they were about, but mostly he didn’t want to talk about it, he cried himself back to sleep in Jensen’s arms. Sandy joked that she felt obsolete but they could tell she was grateful for the break, and Chris certainly appreciated getting more time with her.

 

Jared had understood about Danneel, Sandy had backed up Jensen’s story that he hadn’t kissed her back and that they had argued and Jensen had broken up with her, the relief Jensen had felt when Jared had smiled grimly and called her a bitch left him so relaxed, like a huge weight had been taken off his shoulders.

 

Jared waved at him across the dance floor. Jensen waved back and grinned widely. Things were good and he hoped they would keep getting better.

 

***

 

Jared was exhausted. Sandy had kept him dancing all night, his feet were killing him and he just wanted to go home and go to sleep. He sat at the bar finishing off his beer. Sandy was talking to Chris over by the stage while he and Steve were packing up their equipment.

 

Suddenly, arms enveloped him from behind, and a warm kiss was pressed into his neck.

 

“Hey you,” Jensen whispered in his ear.

 

“Hey yourself,” Jared smiled; he linked his fingers with Jensen’s and held them against him chest.

 

“You have fun tonight?” Jensen asked him, nuzzling against his throat.

 

“Yeah, I did.” Jared tipped his head to the side, urging Jensen to continue his kissing.

 

“You were great behind the bar.” Jensen took up the offer and began to nip and kiss over the exposed skin.

 

“I can’t believe you had me doing that,” Jared said, remembering him and Jensen juggling the bottles between them and making a cocktail for Sandy, performing a little routine they’d practiced.

 

“They loved it, didn’t you see their faces?” Jensen moved around to stand in front of Jared and smiled down at him.

 

“It was pretty awesome,” Jared agreed, smiling at how it had felt to actually perform in front of people.

 

“So, Tom starts work tomorrow on the bar?” Jensen questioned and Jared nodded.

 

“Yep, so I am officially on vacation for the next two weeks, at least.” Tom was paying him for his time off while the bar was being done up ready for the big change. “So, do you think I’m ready?”

 

“You’ll be the star of the show,” Jensen told him proudly. “Didn’t I tell you I’ve never failed to teach anyone before?”

 

“Yeah, you did,” Jared grinned and gave Jensen a kiss.

 

“So, I was thinking. While you’ve got the time off—have you thought anymore about calling your mom?” Jensen asked gently. He’d been trying to get Jared to get in touch with his mom for a while. Jared had told him about how much he missed her and he wished he knew how she felt about him being gay, if she even knew. He wondered if she missed him as much as he missed her.

 

“Jen,” Jared whined. “I just don’t think I’m ready, okay. I will call her, one day, just—stop pushing okay? Please?”

 

“Okay, yeah, okay. I’m sorry. I just—”

 

“Jen,” Jared warned, a fond smile on his face. Jensen just wanted to make Jared’s life better and he appreciated it, he really did, but Jensen had to learn when to back off.

 

“Shutting up now,” Jensen laughed and pretended to zip his mouth closed with his fingers.

 

“Hey,” Sandy said as she appeared beside them. “I’ve gotta head off, I’ve got class in the morning.”

 

“I’m pretty beat, I’ll walk you if you like?” Jared offered and laughed at Jensen’s pout. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he told him, pressing a kiss to his lips.

 

Just then Jensen’s cell rang. He was still smiling when he answered it but as soon as he heard the voice on the other end his smile dropped.

 

“Danny?” Jensen frowned into the phone and Jared’s jaw clenched. Jensen listened to Danneel talk for a while, his face set in concentration. “Yeah, okay. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

 

Jensen flicked the phone closed and turned to face Jared. Jared felt anger fuming up inside him at the fact that Danneel even tried to speak to Jensen anymore.

 

“What did she want?” he asked tightly.

 

“She’s been locked out of her apartment,” Jensen explained. “She needs someone to help her get in.”

 

“And so she called you?” Jared said incredulously. “And you’re just going to ask high how she wants you to jump this time?”

 

“It’s not like that, Jay. I’m just going to help her out, nothing more to it,” Jensen explained.

 

“With her there is always more to it,” Jared insisted.

 

“Jay, I’ll wait outside,” Sandy said softly, Jared nodded, glad Sandy was leaving him to deal with this.

 

“I can’t just leave her locked out,” Jensen insisted. “What kind of asshole would that make me?”

 

“The kind that’s learned not to trust her. What if she asks to stay at your place? You’ll probably wake up with her in your bed trying it on with you,” Jared said hotly, picturing it in his mind.

 

“I would never—”

 

“I know, but that’s not going to stop her from trying, is it?” Jared said. “I thought you’d left her behind, but you’re still under her thumb, she’s still controlling you, even now.”

 

“That’s not true,” Jensen said quietly, but Jared could tell he wasn’t so sure anymore.

 

“You’re not with her anymore, Jen. You don’t have to answer to her beckon call anymore.”

 

“I—” Jensen was silent. Jared’s heart hurt, what if he could really lose Jensen to her all over again? He couldn’t handle that right now, things were going so well.

 

“I’ve got to go,” Jared said finally. He turned on his heels and walked out of the bar, nodding to Jeff as he went and waving goodbye to Chris and Steve.

 

He almost slammed the door closed behind him, but restrained his anger long enough to not take it out on the poor door. He looked around for Sandy but he couldn’t see her anywhere.

 

“Sand?” he called. He walked a little way down the street, hearing something just around the corner from the bar. What he saw made his anger boil over.

 

“SANDY!” he shouted, barging forward. Chad had his hand over Sandy’s mouth, stopping her from screaming while he ripped at her clothes, exposing her breasts, and kissed her violently, biting her skin. Tears streamed down Sandy’s face, her eye makeup running. Her skirt was lifted and her panties lay ripped on the ground. Chad’s pants were undone and falling half down his legs. He was rubbing his cock against Sandy’s hip, groaning against her as he pinned her to the wall.

 

Jared wasted no time in ripping Chad off her, punching him in the face as hard as he could. He could hear Sandy screaming now the pressure was released from her mouth, he started to go to her, but this gave Chad enough time to pull up his pants and launch himself at Jared in a flying tackle. Jared managed to stay on his feet, throwing Chad off his back. There was only one of him this time, and he wasn’t as tough without his buddies getting his back.

 

Jared grabbed Chad by his collar and punched him again. Somehow Chad managed to get a purchase on the ground and he swung Jared around, slamming his back against wall. All the breath went out of Jared’s lungs for a moment and Chad to the opportunity to punch Jared in the gut, sending pain shooting through him. Jared tried to get his breath back, to push Chad off him before he could hit him again, memories of his beating flooding back into his mind.

 

***

 

Jensen felt like an asshole. Jared was right; Danneel did still have some power over him. Well, he had to change that, to prove to Jared that he wasn’t going to go running to her every time she called.

 

He flicked his phone open to call her back and tell her to get someone else to help her when he heard Jared bellow outside. It was quickly followed by Sandy’s screams. They shot through the bar like a knife and got every ones attention in an instance.

 

In a flash, he, Jeff, Chris and Steve were racing outside. They followed Sandy’s screams until they found her, her cloths torn, her breasts exposed, black mascara and eye makeup spread over her face by her tears. Chris went to her immediately, taking her in his arms and firing panicked questions at her; Steve shrugged off his shirt and wrapped it around her half-naked form.

 

Jensen looked around for Jared, finding him just around the corner, pinned to the wall by Chad. Jensen charged at Chad, but Jeff got there first, pulling Chad away and throwing him to the ground expertly. No matter how much Chad struggled; he couldn’t get out of Jeff’s vice-like grip.

 

Jensen turned his attention to Jared; he was looking dazed and still leaning against the wall, trying to catch his breath.

 

“Fuck, Jay. Are you okay?” Jensen asked urgently.

 

“Sand? Sandy?” Jared asked desperately.

 

“I’m okay,” Sandy said, rushing to hug Jared tightly, Chris and Steve staying close by. “You saved me, thank you.”

 

“Anytime,” Jared said holding her, his head resting on her shoulder tiredly.

 

Sandy pressed a kiss to Jared’s cheek and smiled at him before turning back to Chris.

 

“Fuck, Sandy,” Chris blurted and grabbed her by the arm, dragging her to him.

 

“I’m fine, thanks to Jay,” Sandy insisted.

 

“You’re a real hero,” Jensen said, feeling sick when he saw Sandy’s torn panties on the ground by Jared’s feet. “God knows what might’ve happened if you hadn’t gotten there in time.”

 

“Yeah, I got to be the saviour for once,” Jared smiled weakly, just then he legs gave way, and Jensen lunged forward to catch him.

 

“JAY?” Sandy screamed. Jensen looked up at her, and she ran over to them. Jensen was about to tell her he had him, that everything was fine. Until he noticed the blood covering Sandy’s chest, soaking into her bare skin and Steve’s shirt.

 

He looked back to Jared in alarm, pulling away from him slightly, so he could check him out.

 

Jared peeled his hand away from his stomach; it was caked in blood, barely noticeable through his black shirt.

 

“What the fuck?” Jensen gasped in horror. He pulled Jared’s shirt away from his body, lifting it up until he could see the blood, which was pulsing thickly from a wound in Jared’s stomach. “How?”

 

“With this,” Jeff said grimly; Jensen looked to see him holding up a bloody knife, even as he was still restraining a struggling Chad with one strong arm.

 

“Oh Jesus,” Steve whispered, pulling his cell from his pocket and dialling 911.

 

“Fuck,” Jared cursed as he slid the rest of the way to the ground, resting back against the wall.

 

“It’s okay; you’re gonna be okay, Steve’s calling the ambulance right now,” Jensen told him desperately.

 

“Jen,” Jared said weakly, taking Jensen’s hand. “I’m sorry I—went off on you. I was just so scared of—losing—the best thing that’s—ever happened to me.”

 

“Shh, don’t worry,” Jensen shushed him, watching the blood drain from Jared’s face and his eyes roll slightly in his head. “You were right, okay, you were right. But I’m not going to let her push me around anymore; I promise. You’re all that matters to me Jay; you’re everything.” Jared’s eyes lolled even more. “Jay, stay with me, Jay. Come on baby, keep your eyes open for me, you’ve gotta keep your eyes open.”

 

Jared’s eyes closed, his head falling back against the wall, and Jensen’s heart almost stopped.

 

“No, no, no. Come on Jay, don’t do this to me,” Jensen cried. “You’ve gotta wake up, Jay, you’ve gotta wake up. Where the _fuck_ is that ambulance?”

 

Jensen’s face was drenched in tears, his hands soaked in blood. He suddenly realised that nothing was stopping the bleeding. _Oh how stupid am I?_ Quickly he pulled off his shirt and stuffed it against he wound, holding it tightly, trying to stem the flow of blood.

 

“Steve,” Jeff called. “Keep hold of this piece of fucking shit, would ya?”

 

Steve was there in a second, leaving Sandy to cry in Chris’s arms while he tried to hold her up. Steve took over restraining Chad. Jensen glared at Chad, taking in his dishevelled appearance.

 

“If he dies, I’m going to rip you to fucking shreds, I swear to God,” Jensen growled, meaning every single word.

 

“I might just do that anyway,” Chris sneered at Chad. “You tried to rape my girlfriend you sick fuck, I should have you fucking castrated.”

 

Chad’s eyes widened. “She’s your girlfriend? Well fuck, no one told me _that_. I never move in on another man’s girl, man. If I’d known—” Chad’s head was shoved into the ground and Steve spoke harshly in his ear.

 

“If you want to stay alive I suggest you stop speaking,” he warned and Chad nodded, fear evident in his eyes.

 

Meanwhile Jeff was at Jared’s side, Jensen couldn’t remember anything that happened, he just did as Jeff instructed, understanding him when he told him he’d seen wounds like this in the Marines and to do as he said.

 

Then Jensen was sitting in the ambulance, watching the paramedics working on Jared, but everything was a daze. All he could see was Jared’s pale features, his closed eyes, and blood, blood everywhere.

 

Jared got wheeled away from him, taken deeper into the hospital, and Jensen could only watch him go, terrified that was the last time he was ever going to see him.

 

 

Tom arrived first, explaining that Sandy had called him, and he’d come right away. Eventually everyone else got there, but Jensen didn’t have a clue how much time had passed before they did. He told them he hadn’t heard anything yet. They all sat in the waiting room, most of them covered in blood. Sandy hugged Tom, crying into his shoulder as soon as she saw him.

 

The police turned up to take every ones’ statements. They took Sandy away to do a rape kit, and to take a private statement from her. Jensen told them how Chad and his friends had beaten Jared not that long ago, but that Jared had been too scared to go to the police about it.

 

They waited; they waited for what seemed like eternity. Finally a doctor came out and greeted them all with a smile, and seeing as Sandy was the one who had medical proxy, he asked to speak to her, but Sandy said they should all hear whatever the doctor had to say.

 

Jared was alive. He had lost a lot of blood, but the knife had missed all his internal organs, the doctors had patched up the wound, and he should make a full recovery.

 

Everyone relaxed; smiles were passed around with hugs and kisses. The doctor explained that it was probably Jeff’s quick actions that had saved Jared’s life. Jensen hugged Jeff hard and swore to give him a pay rise.

 

Then the doctor cleared his throat and looked at them apologetically.

 

“I’m very sorry to bring this up, but, it looks like the front desk still has some questions for you, since no one filled out Mr. Padalecki’s admittance paperwork when he came in. I believe they need some insurance information, medical history, that sort of thing,” the doctor concluded.

 

Sandy looked panicked, “Jared’s insurance doesn’t cover much hospital-wise. We’re going to have to pay a lot and—”

 

“I’ll take care of it,” Jensen said addressing Sandy and the doctor; he took the doctors hand and shook it firmly. “You just give him everything he needs, and I’ll take care of the rest.”

 

“Alright then,” the doctor replied as Sandy sighed with relief, and Jensen guessed that the doctor hated having to remind patients’ families about mundane details like paperwork and money, when they were so clearly distressed over their loved ones’ well being. “Just see the nurse at the admitting desk, and she’ll deal with your payment information and other paperwork.”

 

“Thank you. Can we see him now?” Jensen asked, and he felt Sandy come up beside him nodding.

 

“Yes, but only a couple at a time; he’s still unconscious,” the doctor told them before smiling and moving away.

 

Jeff said he had to leave, but expected a full update so Tom and Sandy went to see Jared first, while Jensen went to sort out the paper work. Some of the questions he figured he’d need to get Sandy to answer, but he did as much as he could. Chris and Steve went next while Sandy helped Jensen, when they came back, Jensen finally took his turn.

 

He walked into Jared’s room. Strangely, he felt scared about seeing Jared, but he pushed it aside and sat by Jared’s bed.

 

Jared was as pale as a ghost, and Jensen chocked on how close he’d come to actually becoming one. He took Jared’s hand gently, kissing the back of it.

 

“You really gave me a scare, you know?” he told Jared’s sleeping form. “I really thought I was going to lose you.” A tear escaped Jensen’s eye, falling onto the back of Jared’s hand. “I’m not letting you go, you know that right? I can’t let you go. You came into my life and everything else paled in comparison. You are the light in my life Jared; you’re everything to me.”

 

Jensen leaned up to kiss Jared gently on his lips, then he dipped his head so he could whisper in Jared’s ear.

 

“I fell in love with you so fast it scared me. But I’m not scared anymore, Jay, you’re what I want. You’re who I love” Jensen kissed Jared’s cheek briefly. “I love you, Jay. And I want to spend the rest of my life proving it to you.”

 

***

 

When Jared opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was Jensen, his head resting on the bed, his hand firmly grasping Jared’s. Jensen’s eyes were closed, and he snored softly. Jared smiled, lifting his other hand to brush against Jensen’s hair.

 

Jensen sat up like a shot, blinking rapidly as he looked around. When his eyes fell on Jared he grinned widely and kissed Jared’s hand.

 

“Hey,” Jared said, his voice hoarse.

 

“Hey, how you feeling?” Jensen smiled at him.

 

“A bit dopey actually. What happened?” Jared remembered the fight with Chad but everything else was a bit of a blur.

 

“Chad stabbed you,” Jensen explained. Jared’s eyes went wide, he remembered blood covering his hands, and he could see blood on Jensen’s clothes.

 

Jared frowned, looking at his surroundings. “I have to get out of here; I can’t afford hospital bills.”

 

“You just stay right there; that’s all taken care of. You just concentrate on getting better,” Jensen told him firmly.

 

“But, how?” Jared asked, confused.

 

“I’m taking care of it, so don’t worry,” Jensen said.

 

“No, I can’t expect you to pay for me,” Jared refused; he wouldn’t allow Jensen to use his hard-earned money on him.

 

“Jay, I can afford it, okay? I’ve got enough money, so don’t worry. I want to, okay?” Jensen reassured him.

 

“What do you mean you’ve got enough money? How?” Jared was getting more confused.

 

Jensen chuckled. “Well, the Lithe isn’t the only club I own; it’s just the only one I work in,” he informed Jared.

 

“Own? You _own_ the Lithe?” Jared said in disbelief, how had he not known this?

 

“For starters. It’s not something I like to advertise; people start thinking of you as less of a person when they know you’ve got money. Sandy was a bit shocked too,” Jensen smiled.

 

Sandy! That’s when it all came flooding back, Chad had been attacking Sandy.

 

Jared tried to sit up quickly, but hissed loudly as pain shot through his stomach.

 

“Hey, hey, hey, take it easy. You’ve got a hole in your gut,” Jensen said while firmly holding him down.

 

“Sandy, is she okay?” Jared asked frantically; Jensen smiled at him.

 

“She’s fine,” Jensen reassured him. “Chris took her home to get some rest; she’s coming back first thing in the morning.”

 

Jared relaxed. As long as Sandy was okay, nothing else mattered.

 

“She’s saved me so many times. I never should’ve let her go outside on her own, I should’ve told her to wait,” Jared closed his eyes, seeing Chad against Sandy’s small frame, rubbing himself against her as she cried against his hand over her mouth. “He didn’t—tell me he didn’t—”

 

“You got there in time,” Jensen said soothingly. “He didn’t rape her. You saved her, Jared, you stopped him.”

 

Jared deflated, relieved by Jensen’s words.

 

“I couldn’t bare it if something like that were to happen to her. She’s been my strength for so long, she’s seen me through all my nightmares, even when I’ve lashed out so bad I’ve hit her, she never once blamed me, she’s always loved me, no matter what. It’s bad enough things like that happened to me, but she doesn’t deserve it, she’s the best person in the world.” Jared knew he was crying, he knew he was babbling, but he didn’t care. His emotions were on total overload and he just needed to get things out.

 

“You didn’t deserve it either, Jay. None of it, and don’t you ever think that you did. And you didn’t owe him anything, he took advantage of you, he abused your trust in him and I wish he could pay for what he did to you,” Jensen said firmly.

 

“I did leave him you know?” Jared said suddenly. “When I told my dad I was gay, I was going to tell him what had happened; I was going to ask for his help. But as soon as he found out I’d been with another guy he just flipped.”

 

“So, nobody’s ever known but Sandy?” Jensen clarified.

 

“No one. It’s just been me and her for so long. Me and Sandy against the world. We didn’t even tell Tom even though he’d done so much to help me before Sandy got here. Sandy left her entire life behind to come here to be with me, she lied to every one she’s ever known to protect me. It took her a year, but she travelled out here and eventually enrolled in college,” Jared continued to speak, telling Jensen everything. He told him how the abuse started, how he’d changed his mind but couldn’t stop it. He told him how he left, how Tom had taken him in, he told him everything and he didn’t stop talking until he’d fallen asleep, exhausted and making Jensen promise to get Sandy to come see him as soon as she got there.

 

***

 

“Jen?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Jen, can you stop a second, please?”

 

Jensen stopped. He’d been trying to get Jared’s t-shirt over Jared’s head, even though Jared had insisted that he could do it himself, Jensen hadn’t wanted him to pull any stitches.

 

“I’ve been thinking,” Jared continued so Jensen sat on the edge of the bed and listened. “I think I’d like to call my mom.”

 

Jensen stared at him, not believing he was hearing those words from Jared’s mouth.

 

“Really? You’re sure? ‘Cause you were pretty adamant before that you weren’t ready,” Jensen asked, wanting to know that Jared had actually thought about it.

 

“I know, and well, I guess getting stabbed and nearly dying kinda brings things into perspective,” Jared explained. “I might’ve died, Jen, I might’ve died never knowing if my mom still loved me. That’s something I need to know, I need to speak to her, even if she tells me to fuck off and to never call her again, at least I’d know.”

 

“I’m really proud of you, you know that?” Jensen smiled leaning over to kiss Jared gently.

 

“Mmm, I should make you proud more often,” Jared hummed, so Jensen kissed him again. When Jared’s hand came to the back of his head, holding him there, he took the hint and deepened the kiss.

 

“God, I can’t wait to get you home,” Jensen mumbled against Jared’s lips, it had been nearly a week in the hospital and Jared was getting irritable. He was getting released today with strict instructions to rest and let himself heal properly. Jared insisted that he felt fine, he felt strong enough to go home and he promised to come back to get the stitched out in a couple of weeks.

 

“Then let’s get out of here,” Jared said, biting Jensen’s bottom lips and sucking it into his mouth.

 

Jensen whole heartedly agreed with that plan and continued to help get Jared dressed. Just as he was ready, Sandy and Tom arrived to pick them up. Shortly after that the nurse arrived with a wheelchair and the doctor with his discharge papers and his prescription pain meds.

 

Jared tried to tell them he could walk but no one would listen to him, talking about hospital policy and them watching their own asses.

 

Finally Jensen helped Jared into the back seat of Tom’s car and they were on their way back to Jared’s.

 

“Now, you’re sure you don’t want to come and stay at my place where I can keep a better eye on you?” Jensen asked for about the twentieth time, but he already knew the answer.

 

“No, I want to be in my own home,” Jared stated firmly and Jensen didn’t push it.

 

Jensen carefully got Jared up the stairs and Sandy opened the door for him. Once they’d gotten Jared seated Sandy knelt in front of him and placed a kiss on his cheek.

 

“I’ve got to go to class, but I’ll see you tonight, okay?” she said.

 

“Yes, go. I’m fine, will people please stop fussing?” Jared laughed and lightly shoved Sandy away.

 

“Enjoy it while it last, buddy. ‘Cause once you’re better I’ve got a bar to run,” Tom joked with a wide grin.

 

“How’s that coming?” Jensen asked.

 

“There have been a few delays but it should be done in a couple of weeks,” Tom beamed, obviously thrilled about it.

 

“I look forward to the grand opening,” Jensen said honestly.

 

“It’s going to be awesome,” Tom said enthusiastically. “Speaking of which, I’ve got to get back, make sure the builders aren’t fucking my place up. Take care, dude, I’ll see ya later, okay?”

 

“Yeah, thanks Tom,” Jared called from the sofa, sending him a wave.

 

“Come on squirt, I’ll give you a ride to class,” Tom said to Sandy who eagerly accepted the offer.

 

When they’d gone, Jensen went to where Jared was seated on the sofa flicking through the TV channels.

 

“There’s nothing on,” Jared grumbled turning the TV off and chucking the remote onto the coffee table.

 

“We’ll just have to make our own fun then won’t we?” Jensen grinned and leaned over Jared to kiss him.

 

“I like the sound of that,” Jared grinned back and tipped his head up for the kiss. “I’ve missed not being able to do this.”

 

“Think of the things we’ll be able to do once you’re fully healed,” Jensen waggled his eyebrows and Jared half laughed half growled, and pull Jensen down for another kiss.

 

“Uh, I wish I didn’t have these stitches,” Jared moaned as Jensen stared kissing his neck, while holding his body away from Jared’s so as to not irritate his wound.

 

“Well, you know, there are other ways for us to have fun,” Jensen suggested, slipping his hand under Jared’s t-shirt and moving it up so he could kiss Jared’s chest.

 

“Really? ‘Cause I feel pretty useless right now,” Jared said grumpily then gasped as Jensen dragged his nipple through his teeth. “Oh you’re so teasing me.”

 

“You’ve had a rough time, you should get to just sit back and relax,” Jensen told him, moving to kneel on the ground and continuing to lay kisses down Jared’s stomach and in a gentle circle around his stitches.

 

Jensen lifted his hand and ran it slowly up Jared’s thigh while he licked a hot, wet trail down Jared’s naval to the waistband of his sweats.

 

“Jen?” Jared’s shaky voice called and Jensen looked up to find him staring at him, an unsure look on his face.

 

“Has anyone ever done it before?” Jensen asked softly, slowly moving his hand to rub against Jared’s hard length, Jared’s breath stuttering at the touch. “Taken you in their mouth?”

 

“O-once, a long time ago,” Jared told him unsteadily, his eyes slowly dilating as Jensen stimulated his erection.

 

“Do you want me to refresh your memory?” Jensen bent his head and kissed Jared through his sweats, causing Jared to gasp.

 

“No,” Jared whimpered. Jensen pursed his lips and closed his eyes, cursing himself. He was pushing too hard, too fast. But he wanted Jared so badly, sometimes it was killing him to restrain himself and after all that time in the hospital—he’d just hoped too much, too soon.

 

“Okay,” Jensen nodded understandingly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—” Jared caught his face in a large palm and turned it to look at him.

 

“I don’t want you to _refresh_ my memory,” Jared told him softly. “I want you to create a new one. Replace the nightmare with a dream?”

 

Jensen just stared at him for a moment, taking in what he’d said. As it sunk in, Jensen’s chest burst with joyful anticipation, he moved up until their faces were level.

 

“You’re sure? You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Jensen said seriously, he needed to know that Jared wanted to do this and wasn’t just trying to make Jensen happy or appease his desires.

 

“I’m sure,” Jared confirmed, still a little breathless. Jared’s eyes bore into Jensen’s, pupils blown wide but their adorable innocence shone through and Jensen felt tears prick behind his eyes at the trust he saw shining in those beautiful orbs.

 

“And you’ll stop me if you need to, right? You won’t try to ride it out? ‘Cause you know I won’t get offended. I would rather you enjoy it,” Jensen insisted, praying Jared would stop him if he needed to.

 

“I promise, I’ll stop you if it gets to be too much,” Jared smiled nervously, running his thumb softly over Jensen’s cheek, causing Jensen to lean into the touch. “I just want to be close to you, Jen.” Jared's voice cracked a little at the admittance.

 

“We don’t have to do this to be close, Jay. This is what happens when you’re close, not the other way around,” Jensen told him, their eyes locked until Jensen leaned in to kiss him. Jared opened his mouth to the kiss, taking Jensen’s tongue inside and sucking on it, drawing a quiet moan from Jensen’s throat.

 

Slowly, Jensen moved his hand to again cup Jared through his sweats. Jared groaned against his lips, shifting his hips slightly but unable to move much because of his wound. Jensen kept kissing him as he slipped his hand inside Jared’s pants, wrapping his fingers around him.

 

Jared pulled his lips away to gulp down some air, throwing his head back against the sofa and panting slightly. Jensen moved to kiss down Jared’s jaw, pausing to lick over his earlobe.

 

“Tell me you want this?” Jensen begged, his own hard-on pressing painfully against the confines of his jeans.

 

“I do,” Jared gasped, nodding his head before fixing his eyes on Jensen’s, resting their foreheads together.

 

“I promise you,” Jensen whispered to Jared. “That I’ll make it perfect.”

 

“I know,” Jared breathed before he groaned and tipped his head back again as Jensen pulled on his dick, twisting it just right. Jensen kissed down Jared’s body, tasting as much skin as he could, eager to get to the real meal. As Jensen licked along Jared’s waist he used his hands to pull Jared free, he felt Jared’s stomach quiver under him and quickly looked up to see Jared staring down at him, his eyes black with want.

 

Keeping his eyes on Jared, Jensen flicked out his tongue and slid it across the head of Jared’s cock. He smiled as Jared’s breath stuttered and a large hand came to rest on his head.

 

“You’re sure?” Jensen checked one last time, eyeing Jared intensely.

 

“I want you to,” Jared said, stroking his thumb over Jensen’s cheek.

 

Jensen smiled, pressing a kiss to Jared’s stomach before taking the head of his cock and sucking it into his mouth.

 

“Oh fuck,” Jared yelped, his fingers tightening in Jensen’s hair. Jensen sucked a little harder and listened as Jared fell apart.

 

He opened his mouth and took Jared deeper, revelling in the breathless gasps that came from above him. He swiped his tongue around Jared’s head as he pulled up and rubbed it firmly against his thick vein as he went down again.

 

“Jesus, Jen,” Jared hissed, his fingers tightening in Jensen’s hair, almost to the point of pain.

 

Jensen smiled around his mouthful and doubled his efforts, hollowing his cheeks and sucking harder. With one hand he held the base of Jared’s cock, jerking it slowly in time with his mouth, while his other ran soothingly up his thigh and tickled over his hip.

 

Jensen could feel Jared quivering under his touch, hear his breath shortening. He raised his eyes to spy on Jared’s blissed out face, his mouth hanging open, his eyes squeezed shut, his other hand making a fist in the cushion of the sofa, desperately trying to find a purchase in the unhelpful material.

 

It had been a long time since Jensen had done this to another man, but he revelled in the salty bitterness of Jared’s pre-come and the silky softness of the tight skin stretched over the contradictory solid muscle that pulsed and throbbed with the need for release.

 

“Jen,” Jared gasped, his chest moving rapidly along with his harsh breaths. “I need…”

 

Jensen took Jared as deep as he dared, working harder to give Jared all the pleasures he believed the beautiful man beneath him deserved.

 

“Jen,” Jared whined, his other hand coming to fist in Jensen’s hair, gripping so hard it brought tears to Jensen’s eyes. “Please?”

 

Jensen frowned. Jared sounded so desperate, his body arching away from the sofa so much so that Jensen feared Jared would pull his stitches.

 

Then he remembered.

 

Pulling off, Jensen licked his lips and watched as Jared opened his eyes, looking down expectantly at him.

 

“It’s okay, Jay,” Jensen told him softly, smiling reassuringly before pressing a kiss into his hard shaft. “Let it go.”

 

Jensen caught the relief that flooded Jared’s face just before he encased him with his mouth again. It only took a couple of seconds of Jensen sucking firmly, before Jared was coming hard.

 

“Holy shit,” Jared cried, his hands flexing in Jensen’s hair as his release spilled down Jensen’s throat. “Oh, fuck.”

 

Jensen swallowed everything down, gulping quickly to keep up with the copious amounts Jared shot, the hot liquid filling his mouth and his senses with its potency.

 

Jared finally slumped back against the sofa. After taking a few deep breaths and tucking Jared back into his sweats, Jensen crawled up his body to peer into Jared’s lidded eyes.

 

“Okay?” Jensen asked uncertainly.

 

“More than,” Jared grinned and pulled Jensen in for a kiss.

 

Jensen smiled happily against Jared’s lips, letting him take the lead in their kiss and set the pace and intensity. Slowly he settled himself next to Jared, so as not to irritate his injury but continued to allow Jared to take everything he needed from his mouth.

 

Jensen flinched when he felt Jared’s shaky hand over his still very interested cock. Quickly he moved his hand to still Jared’s movements.

 

“What’s wrong?” Jared asked, pulling away from their kiss. His face was full of emotion. Confusion, hurt, concern but the strongest of all was relief.

 

“Nothing’s wrong, Jay,” Jensen assured him, running a hand over his face before pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. “It’s just… this wasn’t about me. I wanted to do this for you, give it to you. I don’t expect anything in return.”

 

“You don’t want me to…” Jared nodded his head in the direction of Jensen’s crotch, blushing slightly as he did so.

 

“God Jared, you have no idea how much I want you to,” Jensen admitted, groaning slightly at the thought. “But not today.”

 

Jensen kissed Jared quickly, before he could protest or ask anymore questions. Jensen didn’t think it necessary for him to explain that he didn’t want to push Jared, as much as he wanted to be with him, in every way possible, he wanted Jared to feel comfortable with everything they did and not do anything because he felt obliged to.

 

“Thank you,” Jared murmured against Jensen’s lips. They smiled at each other before Jensen tucked his head under Jared’s chin, feeling safe and content with Jared’s arm around him. Together they allowed themselves to doze, comforted by each others presence.


	14. Chapter 14

  
Author's notes: This chapter contains dub-con/sexual abuse of an under-age Jared.  


* * *

Part 14

 

Six Years Ago

 

 

“Look at you. If only you could see yourself, writhing under me,” Michael said in wonder. “Just looking at you is enough to send me over the edge.”

 

Jared was laying on his back with Michael above him, one of the old gym mats cushioning him from the hard concrete ground. His shirt had been removed almost as soon as he’d stepped through the door and Michael had practically tackled him to the ground.

 

Michael’s chosen venue was in one of the old buildings in the unused part of the school. Classes were over and they had nowhere to be. Jared’s parents were used to him coming home late, Michael had said that Jared was taking extra study classes with him because he was capable of far more than the rest of the class and it was unfair to hold him back.

 

Of course Jared’s parents were thrilled with this news and overjoyed that one of Jared’s teachers had seen so much potential in him. This left Jared and Michael with as much time as they wanted together.

 

Michael ground down onto Jared, their erections stimulating each other through their clothes; he rubbed their chests together, Michael having made Jared undo each of his buttons painfully slowly before slipping it off.

 

This wasn’t the first time Jared had seen Michael without his shirt on, but he was still amazed every time he saw the older man’s physic. His had strong muscles that Jared could only ever dream about possessing; his skin was tanned and beautiful. Jared had taken quite a liking to kissing over it, but only when Michael said he wanted him too, Jared was still far too nervous to initiate anything himself.

 

Michael stopped his grinding to move down and drew a long lick down Jared’s body, from his chest to the waist band of his jeans. Jared gasped at the sensation, wishing he could hold on to Michael but he’d moved out of his reach. All he could do was to clench his fists or claw at the smooth mat beneath him.

 

“Talk to me, baby boy,” Michael drawled. “Tell me how it feels.”

 

Jared had found that Michael liked him to be fairly vocal about how amazing everything was, about how good Michael made him feel. Jared tried to do as he wanted but found that his voice failed him and Michael more often than not had to guide him in what he was expected to say.

 

“I-it feels—um,” Jared stammered, suddenly yelping as Michael bit the soft skin on his hip.

 

“Does it feel good, baby?” Michael probed.

 

“Yes,” Jared breathed. “Yes, it feels good.”

 

“How good is it?” Michael pushed for more.

 

“Really good,” Jared said lamely, but his brain really wouldn’t help him out in this department. “It feels really good, Michael.”

 

“Do you want more?” Michael asked, teasing him with gentle kisses up his navel to swirl his tongue around his belly button.

 

“Please?” Jared moaned. He’d found that Michael loved it when he begged, he loved it when he said please whether he meant it or not.

 

“Please what, baby boy?” Michael grinned up at him, knowing what he was doing.

 

“More. Please, Michael, more,” Jared moaned, pushing his groin up, begging for friction.

 

It wasn’t a case of Jared enjoying his time with Michael all that much, he still trembled every time they had to meet, but he really liked to please Michael, to give him what he wanted, he felt it was the least he could do for the man who had improved his life so much.

 

He could move freely around the school, he wasn’t afraid to put his hand up in class anymore, there were no repercussions to being smart anymore and Jared knew that it was all thanks to Michael.

 

But Jared had learned that the more he encouraged what happened between them, the more Jared played along, the quicker things were over. Michael would get him off and then get off himself and then it was over and Jared could be a kid again. He’d even taken to carrying a spare pair of jeans around with him, never knowing when he was going to need them.

 

“Of course, baby boy. I’ll give you more,” Michael growled and launched himself up to claim Jared’s lips.

 

Jared eagerly kissed him back; knowing that when Michael got aggressive like this it didn’t take too much more to satisfy him.

 

But this time, instead of Michael thrusting against him, Jared found a hand on the button of his jeans. Jared froze as the button was undone and the zipper pulled down.

 

Jared moved his mouth away from Michael’s probing tongue and turned his head to the side. What was Michael doing? Where was he taking them now?

 

Michael shoved his hand into Jared’s jeans, under his boxers and suddenly Jared felt the skin of Michael’s fingers on his dick.

 

“Oh Jesus,” Jared cursed, forcefully suppressing the ‘no’ that tried to follow.

 

“That’s right, baby boy.” Jared could feel Michael smiling against the skin of his neck. “You asked for more, I’m giving you more. You still want it, don’t you?”

 

“Um—” God Jared wanted to say no, he wanted to tell Michael that this wasn’t what he meant.

 

“You weren’t lying to me were you?” Michael’s tone became stern and Jared physically flinched. Frantically he shook his head.

 

“No,” he croaked. “No, I wasn’t lying. I do want it.” It was almost reflexive to say those things, to just agree with everything and keep Michael happy.

 

“Good,” Michael voice went soft and loving again and Jared felt himself relax slightly. “Because if I don’t touch you soon, Jared, I’m not going to be responsible for my actions.”

 

Those words send a shiver through Jared, more than the hand that now wrapped around his cock and squeezed until he moaned. Jared was getting the impression that he didn’t have a choice in anything anymore.

 

Michael pulled on his cock, his movements experienced and confident. Jared felt himself grow even harder in Michael’s grip and unconsciously bucked up into his fist.

 

“Yeah, baby boy. Feels good doesn’t it?” Michael hisses in his ear before licking it. “You trust me, don’t you, Jared?”

 

“Yes,” Jared spoke immediately; his body starting to tremble as the pressure in his balls grew tight. “I trust you.”

 

“And I always make you feel good, don’t I?” Michael asked, his voice dripping with control and the power it gave him.

 

“It always feels amazing,” Jared told him, his breath coming in shallow gasps.

 

“You like it when I touch you, don’t you, baby?” Michael sounded like he was telling him the answer, whether it was true or not. Jared didn’t disappoint.

 

“I love it when you touch me,” he sobbed, unable to stop his treacherous body from responding to Michael’s touch.

 

Michael moved his hand faster, twisting his wrist and squeezing in ways that had Jared charging over the edge.

 

Suddenly, Jared was coming over his chest, his eyes shut tight and his hands fists by his sides. His head swam as the waves of his orgasm swept over him. Finally he opened his eyes but he didn’t like the sight that met him, not one bit.

 

Michael’s eyes were fierce, angry even. Jared shrank away, whimpering as Michael squeezed his now flaccid dick.

 

“Was that good? Did you enjoy that?” Michael snarled at him.

 

Cautiously, Jared nodded his head. Michael had never looked at him like this before and Jared honestly didn’t know the right answers to his questions this time.

 

“You liked me getting you off did you? You want me to do it again?” Michael said, his voice dripping with contempt. Again Jared nodded his head, fear curling in his belly, replacing where his orgasm had developed.

 

“Well, let me give you something to think about, _baby boy_ ,” he spat the last two words. “Next time I give you something like this, you will wait until I tell you to come, you will wait until I’m ready for you to shoot your load, do you understand me?”

 

Jared gulped nervously. He hadn’t known, he hadn’t known he was supposed to wait, he hadn’t known he needed permission. But now he thought about it, every time he’d ever come before, Michael had always told him to let it go, that it was okay, that he wanted to see him come.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” Jared said quickly, hoping to plicate Michael somewhat. Michael’s eyes did soften for a moment and Jared breathed a little easier.

 

“Maybe not, maybe you hadn’t caught on,” he said gently before his eyes closed into harsh slits once again. “But one thing you did know and I know you knew this, Jared, is that you _never, ever_ , come unless you’re looking in my eyes. I get to see everything you’re feeling in that moment and you will see my face every single time you go through pleasure like that, do you understand me, Jared?”

 

Jared nodded frantically, his heart pounding in his chest as a new found fear spread through him. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he said desperately. “I’ll never do it again, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I’ll never do it again, I promise.”

 

Michael’s face calmed and relaxed until he was the same old Michael Jared knew before, but this time Jared didn’t feel comforted by it, he’d seen a side of Michael he hadn’t know existed and it terrified him, he never wanted to see it again.

 

“Hey, it’s okay, baby. I should’ve been more clear, it was my fault,” he said softly, stroking Jared’s face with his come soaked hand, seemingly not noticing—or not caring—that he was drawing lines of come on Jared’s cheek, it dripping into his hair. “But you see; now we have a problem.”

 

Jared stiffened. His heart clenched at the possible meaning of those words.

 

“Do you know what that problem is, Jared?” Michael asked as though he were teaching an idiot.

 

“Um, I—” Then it dawned on Jared. Michael hadn’t come yet, he was unfulfilled, while Jared was sated and Jared knew that that just wouldn’t do, not at all. “You haven’t come yet,” Jared stated, trying desperately to keep the quiver from his voice.

 

“That’s right. I haven’t and that’s a little unfair, don’t you think?” Michael said with a slight annoyance in his voice. “So, what are you going to do about it?”

 

Okay, now Jared didn’t have an answer to this question, he’d never had to be the one to get Michael off before, not under his own steam anyway.

 

“I—” Jared started to speak but the look in Michael’s eye stopped him. Obviously, now wasn’t the time for words. Tentatively, Jared raised his hips, trying to rub against Michael’s groin, to stimulate his erection. Michael looked at him sadly and shook his head.

 

Jared gulped, what was he supposed to do?

 

“I don’t know, I’m sorry, I don’t know,” he whimpered, tears falling from his eyes.

 

Michael looked at him softly, the old, kind Michael shining through.

 

“Would you like me to tell you, baby?” he asked softly, pressing a gentle kiss on Jared’s lips. Jared closed his eyes and tried to imagine that things were okay, that they were still the way they’d always been.

 

“Teach me?” he heard himself say, not sure where the words came from, but at that point in time it didn’t matter because they were obviously the right words to say.

 

Michael kissed him, firm and strong and passionate, the way that Jared was used to being kissed by him.

 

“Always,” Michael’s breathed against his lips.

 

Jared let out a jagged breath; he felt so relieved that Michael was going to take control again, was going to tell him what to do. He knew that as long as he took Michael’s lead everything would be alright, he couldn’t do it wrong if he was doing what he was taught, and Jared was good and learning things.

 

“Give me your hand,” Michael spoke softly as he rolled onto his side, pulling Jared to lay opposite him. Jared lifted his hand and placed in Michael’s out stretched palm.

 

Michael moved his hand so he was holding Jared by the back of his hand before he pulled is down to touch his crouch.

 

“Take me out, baby boy, nice and gentle,” Michael instructed and Jared had no choice but to do as he was told. Slowly he unzipped the fly of Michael’s slacks before popping open the button. His eyes flicked to Michael’s before reaching inside to pull his dick from his pants. Michael’s eyes were fixed on Jared’s, soaking up every emotion they emitted.

 

“I don’t know what to do,” Jared murmured helplessly.

 

“Don’t worry, baby boy, I’m going to teach you,” Michael smiled softly and kissed Jared on the lips. “But pay attention, okay baby? I don’t want to have to keep telling you, and I know you’re smart enough to catch on quick.”

 

Jared nodded and kept his eyes on Michael’s, too afraid that looking away would be the wrong thing to do.

 

Michael took Jared’s hand and wrapped it around his cock, sealing his fingers tightly before squeezing firmly.

 

“Feel that?” he asked and Jared nodded in confirmation. “That’s how you start off, okay? Now, follow my lead.”

 

Michael stared into Jared’s eyes and his hand manoeuvred Jared’s exactly how he wanted. Jared felt Michael expand in his hand, he understood when Michael guided his thumb over his slit and quivered at the pre-come he felt there. He paid wrapped attention to every movement Michael made him do, committing it to memory, knowing that next time, he’d probably have to do this by himself.

 

“Uh, that’s it, baby. You’re so good, so talented,” Michael moaned, his eyes falling shut. “Kiss me, Jared. Kiss me.”

 

They weren’t requests, he wasn’t asking for pleasure; he was demanding it and Jared daren’t turn him down.

 

Michael’s head was tipped back so Jared couldn’t reach his lips, so instead he concentrated on kissing Michael’s neck, mimicking everything Michael had ever done to him.

 

Michael groaned and made Jared’s hand work faster against him. Jared’s arm screamed at him, begging him for a rest against the ache thrumming through it, but Jared daren’t stop, or ask for a break. Suddenly, Michael’s hand fell away from Jared’s and left him to carry on alone.

 

“Oh God, that’s it, baby. Oh fuck, you’re doing so fucking well,” Michael groaned and cursed, his hips bucking into Jared’s hand. Jared forced himself to continue, he worked his hand faster and firmer, jacking Michael off as best he could. All the while he kept his lips at work on Michael’s neck, kissing every bit of skin available to him.

 

“Oh fuck, Jared, oh fuck,” Michael practically screamed. Suddenly, Jared was being pushed onto his back, his hand removed from Michael’s cock. A hand grasped Jared’s hair, pulling his head up. “Watch!” Michael growled in his ear and Jared forced his eyes to watch as Michael jacked himself to completion over him.

 

Then Michael was coming, he was coming hard and hot, strips of his release coating Jared’s stomach, mixing with his own drying come. Some of it hit Jared’s neck, even splattering his chin. The strong smell assaulted Jared’s nostrils and he tried really hard not to gag at it.

 

Then Michael was collapsed over him, smearing their combined come between their naked chests.

 

Jared lay there, as silent as he could be while Michael’s heavy breathing steadied over him. Pinned by Michael’s weight, Jared couldn’t move, nor did he try.

 

When it was obvious that Michael had fallen asleep, Jared allowed himself to give in to his tears, the weight of where this relationship was going boring into his mind. Jared sobbed as quietly as he could, not daring to wake Michael.

 

A sickening realisation hit Jared in that moment. He was terrified of the man he was in love with. He knew that such a reality was severely twisted, but he saw no way to alter it or a way to deal with it. He didn’t want out, but he didn’t want in. He was trapped, and would have to ride this situation wherever it took him.

 

Jared closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep along with Michael, at least that way he wouldn’t have to deal with the crap his mind was trying to lay upon him.

 

Sleep didn’t come and Jared’s mind continued to torture him, and he knew this wasn’t going to be the last time and part of himself was given over to that reality.

 

Jared sighed and wrapped his arms around the form of his sleeping torturer, pressing a gentle kiss to his temple.

 

*** 

 

 

“Just tell him it’s over, tell him you don’t want to do it any more,” Sandy was almost begging at this stage.

 

“I can’t do that, Sand,” Jared said weakly, unable to meet her intense stare.

 

“Yes you can, Jay. You need to stand up for yourself,” Sandy insisted. “Jay, listen to me, please. This is so wrong, on so many levels. It’s abuse, Jay. He’s abusing you, and you’ve got to fight back. You can’t let him get away with it anymore.”

 

“It’s not,” Jared said harshly, standing and walking away from Sandy.

 

Sandy jumped off the school bench and followed him quickly, running to catch up with his long legs.

 

“No? What would you call it then? Love? Mutual respect? Cause let me tell you, Jay, there is no respect coming your way from this man.” Sandy grabbed his arm and made him stop. “I know you think you love him, Hell, maybe you even do in a way. But he is using you and I’m so scared you’re going to get hurt. He’s unpredictable and he’s damn well dangerous.”

 

Jared slowly raised his eyes from the ground to meet Sandy’s. Sandy’s heart lifted, maybe this time she’d finally gotten through to him.

 

“He would never hurt me,” Jared stated firmly, pleading with Sandy to understand. “He’s the one who protected me. He swore he’d never hurt me.”

 

“Yeah, so he got those assholes off your back, but at what price? He’s using that against you, Jay. He’s our teacher, you don’t owe him anything, it was his job to protect you!” Sandy grabbed Jared’s arms before he could walk away again. “Please, Jay. Just trust me, trust me over him, please?”

 

“Jared!” Michael’s voice carried over to them and Sandy squeezed her eyes shut.

 

“Don’t go to him, Jay. Come home with me, please?” she begged him.

 

For a moment Jared looked torn, he looked down at Sandy, his petite best friend, who’d been there through everything, even back when the bullying started. Then, over her shoulder to where Michael waited impatiently by the door of the school.

 

“Please, Jay,” Sandy tried again but Jared shook his head.

 

“I’ll see you later, okay, Sand,” he said quietly. His shoulders slumped in defeat and he left his friend standing alone with tears falling down her cheeks as he trudged over to Michael who smiled widely at him.

 

“Miss McCoy? Is there something I can help you with?” Michael called to Sandy’s back as she just stood there.

 

The possibilities ran through Sandy’s head, ‘you can stop fucking with my best friend,’ ‘you can stop your mind games and leave him alone,’ ‘you can go drown in your own bile you sick fuck.’

 

But what came out was, “No sir.”

 

Miserably, Sandy walked away and left Jared to what ever torture he was going to endure today, knowing that she’d hear about it when it all got too much for Jared to take.

 

That was always the way. Jared would put up with it for a long time, then eventually he would break down and come crying to Sandy, blurting out everything Mr. Weatherly had made him do and how much he hated it.

 

But that’s all it was, a release, Jared getting it all off his chest. So many times Sandy had tried to make Jared see sense, to understand that things shouldn’t be that way. But once Jared had cried it out he would clam up again, shutting down his emotions so he could deal with it again, even going as far as to defend the sick son of a bitch.

 

Time and time again Jared would choose him over her, but Sandy wouldn’t give up, she’d keep trying. There was no way she would turn her back on him, not in a million years.

 

~~~

 

Jared watched Sandy walk away. A painful stab in his gut telling him he’d probably just made a mistake.

 

In truth, Jared had been trying to avoid Michael as much as possible. Taking his lunch off the school grounds with Sandy; darting out of class as quickly as possible. But whenever Michael was right there, in front of him, asking him to go with him, Jared was powerless to say no.

 

Silently, he followed Michael into his office where he listened to the door lock behind him. He didn’t turn around, he kept his back to Michael and tried to not cringe when he felt the warm presence press up against him and hands start to roam over his body.

 

“I keep missing you, baby,” Michael whispered as he pressed light kisses to Jared’s neck. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks.”

 

“I know, I’ve missed you,” Jared said automatically as he tipped his head to the side to give Michael more access.

 

“God Jared, I’m so desperate for you,” Michael growled in his ear, his voice low and dripping with lust. “Take off your clothes, I need to see you, touch you, right now.”

 

Without thinking, Jared pulled his shirt over his head and undid the fly on his jeans, letting them fall passed his knees. Suddenly, Michael spun him around and captured his lips, pulling him against him tightly and attacking his mouth with enthusiasm.

 

“It’s been too long, baby. Way too long,” Michael told him as he forced Jared back, letting his step out of his shoes and jeans, until he was standing against the desk. “So, I’m going to make this a special day, I’m going to teach you something new.”

 

Those words filled Jared with such a sense of dread he froze on the spot. Michael chuckled and kissed him softly on the lips.

 

“Don’t worry, baby boy. You’ll love it, I promise,” Michael swore and grinned at Jared. “Now, first I want to watch you get yourself hard for me.”

 

Jared frowned. Michael had never asked him that before. What was he supposed to do?

 

Michael just looked at him expectantly, so, with a slow, trembling hand, Jared reached into his boxers and held his dick in his palm. Michael’s eyes followed the movement and darkened as he licked his lips.

 

Knowing he was doing the right thing, Jared proceeded to jerk himself until he was holding his long hard length in his fist.

 

“My God, now that’s a beautiful sight,” Michael drawled and palmed himself through his trousers. Jared’s face heated and he knew he was blushing fiercely. “Okay, baby. Stop.”

 

Jared removed his hand and waited with baited breath to see what would happen next. Michael ran his eyes over the sight of Jared, naked aside from his boxers, his hard cock on display. Michael advanced on him, pressing his still clothed body against him.

 

“Alright. Now, I want you to pay very special attention, baby. I expect you to learn from this and remember everything, okay?” Michael said, making his voice clear but soft.

 

“Okay,” Jared nodded; his hands gripping the table to prevent him from bolting.

 

“Good boy,” Michael smiled slyly. “Now remember, you’re not to come until I tell you too.”

 

Jared nodded again, taking a deep breath, and waited. He didn’t have to wait long, suddenly; Michael was on his knees and had taken Jared’s cock all the way into his mouth.

 

“Holy fuck,” Jared hissed, digging his finger nails into the desk in an attempt not to cry out. The warm, wet cavern of Michael’s mouth surrounded him and Jared had to force himself not to come there and then. But he remembered Michael’s warning and he remembered the last time he’d broken the rules, he didn’t want to see Michael like that again.

 

Jared’s legs shook and he was grateful for the desk behind him, keeping him upright. Jared focused on his breathing, on keeping calm, but when he felt Michael’s tongue sweep around the head of his dick a shaky moan escaped him.

 

How the Hell was he supposed to remember everything Michael was doing when he couldn’t even breathe?

 

Jared forced himself to pay attention, knowing that if he didn’t, the consequence could be steep. He memorised every lick, every swirl, when Michael sucked harder and when he hummed around him. Michael fucked his tongue into Jared’s slit before taking him deeper than Jared would’ve thought possible. How could he not be chocking?

 

Jared’s body was shaking so badly, he was desperate to come and trying to hold it off was pure torture. He could taste blood from biting his lip against the screams that threatened to escape him and he knew Michael had chosen to do this in his office purely for the reason that Jared had to force himself to be quiet.

 

“I can’t—” Jared blurted. He felt like he was about to explode. “Michael, I can’t—please?”

 

Michael groaned around him and sucked him harder, Jared’s legs gave a little and he began to pant so hard he was sure he wasn’t getting enough oxygen.

 

“Please, oh fuck, please?” Jared begged. He needed to come; he needed to come right then. Tears fell down his face as he tried so hard to hold on while Michael worked him like a pro.

 

Jared whimpered when Michael suddenly pulled off and cold air rushed to greet his moist and aching cock. Michael clamped a hand around the base of Jared’s dick and squeezed firmly, helping to hold off his orgasm, as he rose to his feet and looked Jared in the eye.

 

“Do you need to come, baby?” he asked sweetly.

 

“Yes, please Michael, please,” Jared begged through his sobs.

 

“Fine, but I get to taste you,” Michael grinned, licking his lips. Jared frowned, not knowing what Michael meant but so desperate to come he would agree to anything at this point, so he nodded frantically and Michael’s grin got wider. “And then I’ll let you taste me, would you like that, baby boy?” Michael licked a long wet stripe up the side of Jared’s face.

 

“Yes,” Jared almost yelled and Michael tightened his grip.

 

“Good boy,” Michael said and fell back to his knees. He licked the top of Jared’s cock before looking back up at him. “Oh, and you can come now.”

 

With that said Michael released his grip on Jared’s cock and sucked him down to the hilt.

 

Jared tried to suppress a wail and had to shove his fist in his mouth to stop the sound, but he came, he came damn hard. Michael swallowed around him, taking it all down with a pleased groan. Jared held onto the desk for as long as he could, but as his orgasm shot through him, his strength waned and his arms went to jello along with his legs.

 

Jared collapsed to the ground, his vision darkening as his head lolled. Michael was there like a shot, taking Jared into his arms and supporting his head gently.

 

“There’s a good boy,” he praised. “Oh baby, you were so good and you taste delicious.”

 

Jared couldn’t speak, not that he could think of anything to say. He just sat back in Michael’s arms and let the man card his fingers through his hair and place gentle, loving kisses over the side of his face.

 

Jared was just starting to come back to himself when Michael turned his head and kissed him deeply, shoving his tongue in his mouth. Jared screwed up his face at the taste of his release on Michael’s tongue, it was revolting, but Michael didn’t let up, he just kept kissing Jared until he had to break for air.

 

“Okay, baby,” Michael said sweetly. “Your turn.”

 

Jared looked up at him in alarm. His turn? His turn for what?

 

Michael got to his feet and pulled Jared with him. He guided Jared around to the other side of the desk before dropping himself into his black leather chair.

 

“Alright. You need to get on your knees,” he told Jared, a calm smile plastered over his face.

 

“I what?” Jared blurted, surely this wasn’t happening.

 

“You can’t taste me from up there, can you?” Michael smirked. “Now, get on your knees.”

 

“No,” Jared choked on the word, but he said it. There was no way he could do what Michael had just done. Just the thought of it made Jared feel sick.

 

Michael’s face darkened. A scowl formed over his handsome features and he rose from his chair in one swift movement.

 

“What do you mean, no?” he growled incredulously. “Is this some kind of game, Jared? After everything I’ve done for you, not telling your little secret, protecting you from those who wanted to hurt you and now I’m offering this to you and you don’t even have the decency to take it?”

 

Jared tried to back away but the desk was behind his legs and he daren’t take his eyes off Michael to see where he was going.

 

“Do you know why I did those things, Jared?” Michael asked, but he didn’t wait for Jared to reply. “I did them because I care about you. Because you mean so much to me. All I ever wanted to do was make you happy, Jared. And I do, don’t I? I make you happy, don’t I? I make you feel good?”

 

“Y-yes,” Jared stammered nervously. He wanted to please Michael, but he just wasn’t ready to do something like this, not yet.

 

“Don’t you want to make me happy too, Jared? Do I mean that little to you?” Michael looked truly hurt and Jared shook his head violently.

 

“You do, you do mean a lot to me,” Jared said quickly, not wanting Michael to think him ungrateful and unfeeling. “And I do want to make you happy; I try, all the time, just to make you happy.”

 

“Yeah? Well, right now Jared, I just feel hurt and used,” Michael said, and he sounded it, he really sounded hurt and Jared’s chest clenched. He’d hurt Michael, after everything he’d done for him, he’d gone and hurt him by refusing to return what had already been given to him.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jared said as tears fell down his face. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I never meant to hurt you, I’m so sorry.”

 

Not knowing another way to make it better, Jared fell to his knees and placed his hands on Michael’s legs, applying slight pressure in an indication that Michael should sit back down.

 

Michael did sit, but he caught Jared’s hands as they reached for Michael’s fly.

 

“Are you sure, baby? I don’t want you doing anything you don’t want to do,” Michael said softly, looking right into Jared’s eyes.

 

“I’m sure,” Jared told him and tried to smile. He wasn’t sure if he accomplished it but it didn’t seem to matter, because Michael let go of Jared and allowed him to take Michael’s dick out of his pants.

 

Michael was only half hard, so Jared used what he had been taught to jerk Michael to full hardness. He watched as the dick in front of him grew in his hand until there was a bulbous head aching before his face.

 

Jared licked his lips and gazed up at Michael who was watching intently.

 

“It’s okay, baby boy. Go ahead,” Michael said gently and stroked his hand through Jared’s hair. Jared leaned into the touch slightly before focusing.

 

Tentatively, he flicked out his tongue and licked over the head of Michael’s cock. A salty taste erupted on his taste buds, and he slowly licked again.

 

Michael groaned above him. The hand in his hair tightening and Jared felt his head being pushed down firmly. He had no choice but to open his mouth and take Michael inside.

 

“That’s it, baby. Take me in, there’s a good boy,” Michael breathed a little shakily.

 

Jared just stayed there for a moment, not sure what to do. This hard length of muscle intruding on his mouth and begging for attention. Slowly, Jared moved his tongue around the intrusion, swirling it over the head as best he could, trying to mimic what he could remember of Michael doing this to him.

 

“Uh, that’s right, baby. That’s right,” Michael praised and his hand tightened in Jared’s hair. Jared found himself slowly being pulled up. He tried to keep his lips tight over the silky skin until he was suddenly shoved back down again.

 

Michael kept guiding his movements until Jared got the idea and kept the pace up by himself.

 

“Such a fast learner. Uh, so good,” Michael moaned bringing his other hand up to join it’s counterpart in Jared’s hair.

 

Jared sucked harder, hollowing his cheeks. Bobbing his head up and down, keeping a good rhythm as best he could. He could feel his saliva seeping past his lips and prayed this was allowed.

 

Michael was writhing above him, barely keeping still in his chair. His hands pushed Jared down roughly, Michael’s dick hitting the back of Jared’s throat, causing his to gag suddenly.

 

“Uh, it’s good baby, but it’s not enough,” Michael said.

 

Suddenly, he hauled Jared higher onto his knees as he stood. He pushed Jared’s head back until it struck the desk behind him and he was pinned between hard wood and hard flesh.

 

Jared winced as Michael’s grip in his hair tightened painfully and Michael began to thrust himself into Jared’s open mouth. Every time Michael’s cock rammed itself down Jared’s throat Jared had to force himself not to throw up.

 

“Fuck yeah,” Michael hissed above him as he fucked himself into Jared’s mouth. “That’s it, baby, take me all the way down. Swallow me like I’m the best thing you’ve ever tasted.”

 

Jared’s jaw began to protest, screaming against the abuse. His throat ached and burned where Michael’s cock kept banging against it repeatedly.

 

Jared tried to push Michael away, to get him to stop. He couldn’t breathe, it hurt so much, but he couldn’t stop it. Michael just kept coming back, again and again, never satisfied.

 

Jared head began to bang violently against the desk, Michael’s trusts were so aggressive even him holding Jared’s head still wasn’t enough to protect it.

 

Tears streamed down Jared’s face. The pain, the humiliation and an overwhelming fear that he was going to die doing this, he was going to suffocate on Michael’s cock fucking his mouth, all became too much and Jared felt himself cracking inside, on the verge of breaking.

 

Suddenly, hot liquid was being pumped into Jared’s mouth. He began to choke on it before a voice spoke harshly down at him.

 

“Swallow it baby. We don’t want to go making a mess and giving ourselves away now, do we?”

 

So, Jared tried to swallow, but he mostly choked and sent it spilling down his chin.

 

The next thing Jared knew, his hair was released and he fell to the floor, while Michael collapsed back into the chair.

 

Jared coughed and gagged and gasped for air while crying into the floor and praying he never had to go through that again.

 

Jared was so lost in his own misery he didn’t notice the body curling up behind him. Soft and gentle kisses were pressed into his neck and cheek while strong arms pulled him into a warm body. Jared welcomed the heat, welcomed the comfort it offered while he cried, his body wracked by violent sobs.

 

“Shh, it’s okay, baby. I’m so proud of you,” Michael whispered over his cries. He brushed Jared’s hair from his face and placed more loving kisses on his face. “I’m so very proud of you. You’re amazing, you know that? God, Jared, do you have any idea how much you mean to me? I love you, Jared. I love you so very much.”

 

Jared just cried, finding comfort in Michael’s arms, in his soft, kind words and his loving kisses. Jared fell asleep that away, on the floor of his teacher office, almost naked with his mouth and throat hurting so bad he knew he wouldn’t be able to talk even if he tried.


	15. Chapter 15

  
Author's notes: This chapter contains dub-con/sexual abuse and rape of an under-age Jared.  
Continues almost immediately on from chapter 14.  


* * *

Part 15

 

It was late when Jared stumbled down Sandy’s driveway. He wasn’t surprised when she met him at the door and led him inside.

 

“They’re out,” she told him when she saw his bloodshot eyes searching the kitchen. “Won’t be back till really late.”

 

Jared nodded and allowed himself to be led to a chair. In no time at all Jared was being presented with a cool glass of water, which he accepted gratefully, but winced when he tried to swallow anything.

 

His throat felt three times the size it should, his lips felt as though they would crack if he moved them more than a millimetre. His chest was aching from the amount of crying he’d done in Michael’s arms and even though he’d slept for hours, waking up to find a blanket draped over him and Michael watching him calmly, he was still exhausted.

 

Michael had offered him a ride home but Jared had shook his head and walked away, unable to say a word to his—boyfriend? Was that was Michael was? Or was he what Sandy called him, Jared’s abuser? He certainly felt abused right now.

 

“What happened, Jay? What did he do this time?” Sandy asked sadly as she crouched in front of him.

 

Jared opened his mouth to speak but winced as soon as he tried to make a sound.

 

“Jesus,” Sandy gasped, obviously realising what had happened. “And you’re going to tell me this isn’t abuse?”

 

Jared just looked up at her, even more tears falling from his eyes as he shook his head at her. Now wasn’t the time.

 

“Okay, alright, Jay. Not now.” It was like they could read each others minds. “You wanna stay here tonight?”

 

Jared smiled gratefully and Sandy nodded, leaving his side to fetch the phone. Jared listened to Sandy speak into the phone.

 

“Hey, Mrs Padalecki, it’s Sandy,” she said brightly, but her eyes were troubled as they fell on Jared. “No, nothings wrong. It’s just that Jared came by to help me study and he’s passed out over the books.” Sandy always was a good liar. “Yeah, I know, bless him. So, I’m just gonna set him up in the guest room, okay, I just thought I’d let you know so you didn’t worry. Yeah, okay, I’ll let him know, bye Mrs Padalecki.”

 

Sandy hung up the phone and tried to smile at Jared.

 

“You’re mom says not to forget that you’ve got to mow the lawn tomorrow,” she told him.

 

Jared huffed out a harsh laugh and shook his head wryly, the normal things of life - like mowing the lawn - seeming so mundane in the light of what happened behind locked doors.

 

Jared tried to drink more of the water but ended up coughing harshly, tears springing up in his eyes from the pain the action caused him. Sandy was there, patting him on the back, pain and fear in her eyes as she studied him.

 

“You wanna go to bed?” she asked softly and Jared nodded and leaned against Sandy as she helped him up the stairs.

 

Once in the guest room, Jared didn’t bother undressing, he just collapsed onto the bed and curled in on himself. Sandy sat by him and stroked his hair.

 

“I hate this, Jay. I really hate this,” Sandy’s voice cracked and Jared knew she was trying to hold back her tears. He felt guilty about putting Sandy through everything but he had no one else to turn to. She was his only friend, and he still couldn’t understand why.

 

Sandy was beautiful; she could be the most popular girl in school if she wanted to be. She had boys falling over their own feet to be with her but she rarely took up any of the offers. She said she wasn’t interested in the guys at school, they were all so shallow and only wanted in her pants, and she wasn’t going to get used like that.

 

Jared knew that she only thought like that because of him. She had grown up so much quicker than a normal teenage girl because she watched what Jared went through and was determined that no one would treat her anywhere close to that way. Jared couldn’t blame her.

 

“Sleep well, Jay,” Sandy said softly and placed a kiss on his head. She went to stand up from the bed but Jared caught her hand to stop her. Sandy looked down at him and Jared’s eyes pleaded with her. “Okay, Jay. I’ll stay for a little while, just until you’re asleep.”

 

Sandy settled down on the bed and curled up behind Jared.

 

“Thank you,” Jared managed to croak roughly as Sandy’s arms encased him.

 

“Go to sleep, Jay,” Sandy told him and Jared closed his eyes. He gently cried himself to sleep in Sandy’s arms and thanked the Lord he had such a special friend.

 

 

***

 

 

Jared moaned against Michael’s mouth as they kissed softly. Their naked bodies rubbed against each other and Michael’s hand slowly moved over Jared’s skin, caressing each tender part that made Jared shiver. They were in the abandoned building away from the main school, the old gym mat beneath them.

 

After Michael had made Jared give him that blowjob, Jared had been home sick for a week. His parents had thought he’d had the flu. He’d had a high temperature, a nasty cough; he could barely speak and was too weak to get out of bed.

 

Michael had called by while Jared’s parents had been at work and Jared had only just made it to the door to answer it, falling into Michael’s arms when his legs refused to take his weight any longer.

 

Michael had immediately carried him back to bed and spent over an hour wiping his head with a cool cloth and talking to him softly.

 

When Jared had returned to school Michael had been just as gentle. When Jared would turn up to meet him, trembling with fear that he would be made to repeat their last time together, Michael had surprised him by doing nothing but cover Jared in kisses and hold him for what seemed like hours. Just talking to him, telling him how special he was and how worried he’d been about him.

 

Back was the Michael Jared had fallen in love with and he looked forward to their meetings again.

 

Gradually, they began to do more things, kiss more intensely and their hands would roam more often. Michael didn’t need to tell Jared about things anymore, they were so ingrained on his mind that he would never forget again and it made their time together go by smoothly.

 

Now as Michael pushed his naked body against Jared’s and murmured endearments in his ear, Jared moaned happily, running his hands down Michael’s back and bucking up into him.

 

Michael pulled Jared so they were laying side by side, he looked into his eyes and smiled softly. His pupils were slightly blown but there was still a circle of blue that Jared focused on.

 

“I love you, Jared,” Michael whispered and cupped Jared’s face in his palm, his thumb caressing Jared’s cheek slowly. Jared leaned into the touch and smiled. He pushed away the fact that the last time Michael had told him that was when he was a sobbing, barely conscious mess on his office floor, and just embraced the moment they were sharing right then.

 

“I love you, too,” Jared confessed for the first time out loud and he meant it. His face flushed brightly when Michael beamed at him.

 

Slowly, cautiously, Michael leaned forward and kissed Jared chastely. Jared closed his eyes and smiled into the kiss. He truly loved it when Michael was like this; he felt safe and loved and never wanted their time together to end.

 

Jared followed Michael’s lips as they pulled away and Michael leaned back in to kiss him again. Michael shifted closer as they kissed so that their bodies were flush against each others, their erections brushing. Michael moaned and deepened the kiss, pulling Jared against him more firmly.

 

Jared gasped and had to pull away from Michael, the need for oxygen over powering the intense kiss. Michael didn’t mind. He nuzzled into Jared’s neck and dusted kisses over his shoulder while his hand ran down Jared’s side, sliding over his ass to hook under his thigh, pulling Jared’s leg over his hip.

 

“Baby,” Michael murmured, continuing his kisses. “I love you, God, I love you so much.”

 

Jared’s heart swelled and he clung onto Michael, his breath becoming a little more erratic as Michael slowly moved his hips against his and his kisses became more urgent over his skin.

 

Michael held onto Jared’s hip, holding him so they could get more friction up between them and Jared moaned loudly at the stimulation. Michael started to move faster, his breath hot against Jared’s skin.

 

“Uh, Jared. I want you, baby boy, I want you so badly,” Michael panted and gripped Jared’s ass firmly.

 

“You’ve—uh—you’ve got me,” Jared said breathlessly.

 

Their lips met again, Michael kissing Jared desperately and Jared enjoyed the closeness it brought to them. Michael’s hand on Jared’s ass flexed in the flesh, rubbing in circles. Gradually, Michael moved his hand until his fingers slipped between Jared’s cheeks. Jared jerked at the strange sensation but didn’t pull away. Michael was so far gone he probably didn’t even know what he was doing.

 

Suddenly, Michael pushed a finger inside Jared.

 

Jared yelped and now he did push Michael away, but Michael held on tight and kept his finger moving inside Jared.

 

“Don’t,” Jared said bravely, not liking the feeling of the intrusion in his ass.

 

“What?” Michael looked at him, confusion painted over his features. All the while his finger didn’t cease its rubbing.

 

“Please, don’t do that,” Jared squirmed and tried to get Michael to remove his digit. “I don’t like it.”

 

Michael pulled his finger out and stared at Jared as though he’d just been slapped.

 

“I thought you loved me,” Michael said incredulously. “You _said_ you loved me.”

 

“I do,” Jared insisted. “But I—”

 

“No, there is no ‘but’ Jared, you either love me or you don’t,” Michael said, hurt covering his face. “This is what people do when they’re in love.”

 

“I just don’t think I’m ready, not yet,” Jared tried to explain; hating the look Michael was giving him, like he was betraying him in some terrible way.

 

“Not ready? How much time do you want, Jared? I’ve been so patient with you, I’ve taken everything so slowly because I didn’t want to rush you but I’m starting to get the impression you’re just stringing me along, that I don’t mean as much to you as you say I do.” Michael pushed Jared away from him, rolling onto his back and covering his eyes with his arm.

 

“That’s not true,” Jared said desperately. “I love you, Michael. I do. I just—”

 

“I don’t think you do,” Michael said, not looking at him. “I think you’re too young to understand what love really is.”

 

“No,” Jared sobbed, he felt like he was loosing him. “I’m not.”

 

Michael looked at him, pain in his eyes. “Jared. You say you love me, but you won’t make love _with_ me. What am I supposed to think?”

 

Jared searched Michael’s eyes, desperate for a clue of how to make this better. Michael wasn’t angry with him, not like he’d been before. He was just hurt, betrayed, and as far as Jared was concerned, that was worse.

 

“I _do_ love you,” Jared said quietly, pleading with his eyes for Michael to believe him.

 

“Then show me, Jared,” Michael pleaded right back. “Prove it to me.”

 

Jared swallowed. _Can I really do this? Can I give him what he wants?_

 

“What if I’m not any good?” Jared said quietly, his hands starting to shake, his eyes begging Michael for some sort of reassurance. Michael’s eyes softened, he moved closer and placed a hand on Jared’s face.

 

“Is that what you’re worried about?” he asked with a slight chuckle. “Jared, that’s just not possible. And that’s not what this is about. It doesn’t matter about things like that, I just want to be with you, I want to share everything with you. I love you and I want to _make_ love _to_ you.”

 

Jared’s heart was beating so fast he was sure it skipped a few beats because it couldn’t keep up with itself; his whole body was trembling so bad he could’ve caused an earthquake.

 

“O-okay,” Jared spoke quietly and shut his eyes.

 

“Okay? Really?” Michael asked, sounding surprised. Jared opened his eyes and took in Michael’s hopeful smile.

 

“Y-yeah. Okay,” Jared nodded, but he didn’t smile, not that he would’ve had time because Michael’s mouth was on his in an instant, kissing the breath out of him.

 

Michael didn’t waste any time. His hand slipped down and his finger pushed back inside Jared’s ass. Jared flinched, screwing up his eyes and stopping the kiss.

 

“You have to relax for me, baby,” Michael told him. Jared nodded and tried to will his body to relax, which was much easier said than done. “Hey, baby boy, look at me.”

 

Jared opened his eyes and peered up at Michael, he was scared and he knew his face reflected that. Michael smiled and slipped another finger into Jared’s body. Jared opened his mouth, letting out a surprised sound, his ass burning uncomfortably as Michael’s fingers worked in him.

 

Jared kept his eyes on Michael’s, drawing confidence from him, taking the reassurance he saw there and feeding on it hungrily.

 

Then Michael leaned away and fumbled about in his trouser pocket for a few seconds. When he came back he had a small tube in his hand. He removed his fingers from Jared—who sighed with relief—and coated them with the contents of the tube.

 

“This will make it easier, okay?” Michael told him. Jared gasped as the fingers were reinserted, pushing roughly into his body. Jared tried to relax, he really did, but his body was shaking so badly he just didn’t think relaxing was something he was capable of doing. He hissed as Michael’s fingers spread apart inside him, Jared’s nails digging into Michael’s skin.

 

“Okay, baby boy,” Michael said softly and removed his fingers again. “I need you to lay on your front for me.”

 

Jared watched as Michael used the contents of the tube to coat his hard cock, making it glisten in the dim light. He looked up at Michael warily, his eyes wide and frightened.

 

“Will it hurt?” Jared asked, his voice catching in his throat as he sobbed softly.

 

Michael sighed; he leaned over Jared and pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

 

“I’m not going to lie to you, baby. Yes, it will hurt at first, but it will get better, I promise,” Michael told him. “You just have to relax.”

 

Tentatively, Jared took a deep breath and rolled onto his front, just as Michael had told him to. He gripped the end of the gym mat and waited, trying desperately to control his breathing.

 

He felt Michael’s hands on his hips, pulling him up so he was on his knees, his ass in the air. He felt a blunt pressure against his opening and sucked in a deep breath.

 

“You ready, baby?” Michael asked.

 

“No,” Jared replied honestly.

 

Jared screamed.

 

Michael pushed into him with one quick thrust, going the whole way into his body, burying himself to the hilt.

 

Jared’s insides cried out in agony as he was ripped in two. The pain was so intense Jared was surprised he hadn’t passed out, in truth, he wished he had.

 

“It hurts,” Jared cried, trying to pull away from Michael. But Michael held him firmly, not letting him get away. “Stop, please. Michael it hurts, I can’t, please?”

 

Michael pulled out, and Jared felt his body sigh with relief, only to scream again as Michael pushed back in, hard and full, his skin slapping against Jared’s ass as he hit home.

 

“It’ll get better, baby. Just relax,” Michael growled, like he was talking through gritted teeth.

 

Then he thrust again, forcing his way into Jared’s body as Jared wailed in agony.

 

“I knew you’d be this tight,” Michael continued to speak behind him, pushed faster into Jared’s tortured body. “Fucking beautiful.”

 

Jared cried, tears pooling into the mat below him. The pain wasn’t getting any better. He kept waiting, because Michael had promised, it would only hurt at first. But it wasn’t easing off, if anything it was getting worse.

 

“Michael, stop, please?” Jared begged as his ass was pounded into by a man who was no longer listening to him. “It hurts, please, get off me? I can’t take any more.”

 

Jared’s face hit the mat as his arms gave way beneath him. His legs held up only by Michael’s arms as he linked them around to hoist Jared higher and yank him against Michael’s groin, banging into him harder and faster.

 

Jared didn’t stop screaming, and Michael did nothing to silence him. The pain cut through Jared’s insides like a lightening bolt, slicing him in two, over and over and over again. A relentless blade stabbing him continuously, refusing to give up until he was well and truly dead.

 

Jared had never experienced pain like it and if he had been in any frame of mind to do so he would have been praying that he never would again.

 

With a burst of unknown energy, Jared tried to free himself. Kicking out with his legs and clawing with his fingers.

 

Suddenly the pain stopped. Jared was flipped over by too strong hands so he was on his back and then he could see Michael, towering over him, his eyes black and leering.

 

Michael looped his arms under Jared’s legs and lifted him to meet his cock, thrusting back inside and pounding him again, fast and hard, with no end in sight and Jared screamed again.

 

“You wanna look at me do ya?” Michael snarled in Jared’s face. “Cause I wanna look at you, baby boy. I wanna see your face as I fuck you.”

 

“Stop,” Jared begged, but his voice was barely audible. “Please?”

 

Michael leaned down and kissed Jared, forcing his tongue inside his mouth. Jared didn’t kiss him back, he tried to turn his head away but Michael chased his mouth and pressed so hard onto his that Jared couldn’t move away if he tried.

 

Suddenly Michael growled loudly, he sat up slightly and grasped Jared’s legs tighter. He thrust into Jared, impaling him over and over and Jared began to scream again, his agony renewed by this new attack.

 

“Look at me,” Michael demanded. “You’ll fucking look at me, baby boy.”

 

Through tear drenched eye Jared peered up at Michael. He looked like a demon, black eyed, a snarl on his lips and he was loving every single second of Jared’s pain, of his anguish, if anything, he was thriving on it.

 

How could Jared have been so wrong? Sandy had been right all along. Michael didn’t care about him. It was abuse, pure and simple, and this, right here and now, was rape!

 

“Oh, baby boy, I’m never going to get enough of fucking you, you can believe that,” Michael promised through his grunts. “You’ve got a lot more of this to come so I hope you’re fucking enjoying it.”

 

This wasn’t making love. This was nothing like how Jared could ever imagine making love could be like. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have been so naïve? Why hadn’t he listened to his best friend when deep down he’d known her to be right?

 

“Please don’t?” Jared tried one last time through his tears, his cries having died with his heart. All those cracks that Michael had made in him when he’d fucked his mouth now split open and Jared shattered. He stopped feeling. Nothing but the pain penetrating his body remained as he was well and truly fucked, and that was the only thing he could feel.

 

Michael yelled above him. Jared watched numbly as Michael’s body halted and shuddered over him. He could feel warmth spreading inside his ass and then Michael’s body fell over him, a heavy weight knocking the air from his lungs.

 

Jared lay there. Dead inside. His body a font of agony that he knew he would feel again and again, just like each relentless thrust from Michael’s cock raping his body.

 

“Wasn’t that good, baby boy?” Michael whispered in his ear.

 

“The pain didn’t go away,” Jared said numbly.

 

“You’ll get used to it,” Michael promised and Jared closed his eyes.

 

So this was to be his life now? Jared wished he’d die then and there!

 

 

***

 

 

_Damn it!_ Jared was late. He was suppose to meet Sandy nearly half an hour ago but he'd lost track of time in the library and now he was heading down the school halls after hours, something he had been avoiding doing.

 

Jared had been avoiding Michael ever since they'd had sex - since Michael had raped him - two weeks ago. He'd seen Michael in class but was always certain to be one of the first ones out and didn't stop when Michael called him.

 

Whenever Michael had tried to arrange a meeting, Jared had made up some excuse as to why he couldn't make it: his parents were expecting him home, he had an assignment due, Sandy was waiting and would come looking if he didn't show, doctors, dentist, anything he could think of.

 

After a week of avoidance, Michael had cornered Jared after class and basically ordered him to meet him in his office. Jared had tried to get out of it but Michael hadn't accepted an excuse.

 

Jared had almost gone, but after a quick conversation with Sandy, he'd decided he wouldn't do it. He wasn't going to go through that again so he just hadn't shown up.

 

After that, Michael hadn't been as nice. He'd asked ridiculously difficult questions of Jared in class, most of which Jared didn't have a hope of knowing the answers to, then Michael had teased him, saying how he obviously wasn't as smart as everyone thought he was, causing everyone - bar Sandy - to laugh at him.

 

As embarrassing as it was, Jared didn't care, as long as Michael couldn't get his hands on him physically, Jared viewed his life as pretty good. He didn't admit, not even to Sandy, how much he missed Michael, or at least the old Michael, the kind, gentle and loving one. But Jared knew now that that Michael only existed as a persuasion technique.

 

“Hey loser.”

 

Jared cringed. He hadn't heard that voice call him that for a long time. Ignoring it, Jared quickened his pace.

 

“Hey fag. I'm fucking talking to you.”

 

Jared halted as two figures ahead of him closed the exit doors and stood against them, leering at Jared as he looked for an alternative route. There was none, so Jared reluctantly turned to face him. His other high school nightmare. Jason.

 

“I don't like being ignored,” Jason snarled in Jared's face, praying spit over Jared's skin.

 

“Yeah, well, maybe you should stop giving people a shower when you speak to them,” Jared mumbled bravely, wiping his cheek dry.

 

He wasn't surprised when Jason's fist hit his face, but as soon as it connected, Jared felt that old familiar fear creep over him. It had been so long since he was last confronted with this situation, but now he was in it he felt like it had been just yesterday when he was last dealing with it.

 

Holding the side of his face, Jared turned wary eyes to Jason. Why was he suddenly starting this up again now, after so long?

 

“What do you want, Jason?” Jared asked, trying really hard to push his fears down as far as they would go so Jason and his friends wouldn’t see them.

 

“Oh, I just wanted to say hello,” Jason said with a smirk as he slowly circled Jared. “It’s been a long time; I thought we could catch up.”

 

“Catch up on what?” Jared asked but dreaded the answer.

 

“Well, we haven’t been able to chat since you’ve been such a teachers pet recently,” Jason said as though explaining it to a child. “Been kinda hard to get any of your time, but now, it seems you’re not quite so special anymore.”

 

“What’cha do to get in his bad books?” one of the other boys, Mark, asked.

 

“Confess your undying love or something?” the third boy, Reese quipped.

 

Jared flinched but tried to school his face as the words stung him, cutting so very close to the truth it irritated the raw wounds.

 

“Oh, what’s this?” Jason caught on to the slight movement and ran with it. “Jared have a little crush on the teacher? This is priceless.”

 

The three boys creased into laughter so Jared took the opportunity to try and slip past them. He walked briskly, heading for the main exit, there were always people around there and he would be safe.

 

Unfortunately, his brisk walk wasn’t brisk enough and he’d only taken a few steps before he found himself slammed face first against the wall of lockers.

 

“I’m sorry. Did I say you could go?” Jason snarled in his ear as he pulled Jared’s arm painfully behind him.

 

“Fuck off,” Jared said gruffly into the cold metal of the locker and tried to break Jason’s grip on his arm, but Jason simply pulled it up harder and Jared couldn’t help the cry of pain that escaped his lips.

 

“Didn’t your mother teach you to play nice with others?” Jason said harshly, giving another tug on Jared’s arm to discourage any more struggling.

 

“She taught me not to give the time of day to assholes,” Jared hissed.

 

He knew he shouldn’t be answering back, he knew he should stay quiet and not provoke them, but part of his mind knew it wouldn’t make any difference, they were going to do what ever they wanted no matter what he said or did. Jared just didn’t want them to know that deep down on the inside, he was shaking so bad his bones were going to detach from each other.

 

“Yeah? Well maybe she should’ve taught you to show your betters some respect, then you may’ve gotten off lightly,” Jason told him in a low, menacing voice before kicking him the back of the knee and throwing him to the floor. “But now you need to be taught a lesson, lets see how good you are at learning this time.”

 

Jared scurried back away from his three bullies until his back hit a vending machine. He tried to stand but as soon as he made the attempt he was forced down again by a foot in the gut.

 

“You’ve been rude to me, Jared,” Jason told him while he watched Mark and Reese lay into Jared with their feet. “I don’t like it when people are rude to me.”

 

Jared held his arms over his head to protect it from vicious feet attacking him. Pain ripped through his stomach and chest and no matter how much he tried to curl in on himself he couldn’t seem to escape the onslaught.

 

Jared wondered how long it would go on for, how bad it would be and what he would tell his parents. Would anyone come to his rescue? He hated his heart for crying out for Michael to be back, protecting him like he always promised he would.

 

Suddenly, the attack stopped and Jared risked opening his eyes. Jason crouched next to him, his face expressing sympathy but his eyes shone with excitement and spite.

 

“Now, have you got something to say to me?” Jason asked gently, peering at Jared and finding his eyes even though Jared’s sweaty, matted hair was covering them.

 

“Fuck you,” Jared spat but his shaking voice was drenched in pain.

 

Jason smiled. “Wrong answer,” he said calmly before punching Jared in the face, causing his head to collide with the hard floor. “Try again.”

 

“Fuck you, please?” Jared tried to laugh but ended up coughing and had to spit some blood out of his mouth.

 

“You just never learn do you?” Jason sighed and punched him again. “I’m trying to be nice,” another punch. “not that you deserve it.” Jason grabbed Jared by the scruff of his shirt, pulled him to his feet and then shoved him against the wall.

 

Jared’s head swam and he struggled to remain on his feet, having to use the wall as support. He forced himself to meet eyes with Jason’s but he knew his fear was showing through now, despite his brave—all be it shaky—words.

 

“So, let’s try this again, shall we?” Jason said, again spraying Jared’s face with spit before kneeing him in the gut and then slamming his head back against the wall. “You have something I wanna hear?”

 

Jared held his aching stomach, his face throbbed and his eyes filled with water. He tried to blink his tears away but that only caused them to drip down his face. He wanted to keep up his brave retorts, he wanted to spit in Jason’s face and tell him to fuck off and leave him alone. Jared wished he had the strength to fight back, to punch Jason in the jaw so hard he would have to eat through a straw for a week. But he didn’t. Jared wasn’t that strong, wasn’t that brave. With tears betraying his weakness, Jared couldn’t even force himself to keep Jason’s gaze.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jared said weakly, giving in and accepting defeat. He couldn’t stand up to these guys; he just didn’t have the strength. The sooner he gave them what they wanted the sooner it would be over.

 

“Huh? I didn’t quite catch that,” Jason put his hand to his ear and leaned closer to Jared.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jared said louder, choking on a sob. _God, what have I been reduced to?_ he thought, hating himself and wishing he could curl up somewhere safe.

 

“See, now I hear the words but I don’t think you mean them,” Jason said, grabbing Jared behind the head and throwing him into the corridor.

 

Jared looked up, the corridor before him was empty, at the end he knew there was another exit. Without looking back at the bullies, he staggered to his feet and ran.

 

He could hear Jason calling after him; hear their feet chasing him down. He knew that if they caught him it would all be over, no telling how far they would go to punish him for running away.

 

Jared rounded the corner, surprised that they hadn’t caught him up yet, but then he was halted by the sight of his escape, his exit, and the chains that locked it shut, trapping him.

 

“Fuck,” Jared hissed, his body crying out in pain, begging for rest that Jared couldn’t give, not yet.

 

“Oh, dear,” Jason called behind him. “That didn’t quite work out did it?”

 

Jared squeezed his eyes shut a moment, desperately trying to think of a way out of this situation.

 

“Too bad your protector isn’t here to safe you,” Reese laughed.

 

_Michael,_ Jared thought, his eyes scanned the corridor and came to rest on Michael’s office, a light shone under the door and Jared knew Michael was there. _He’ll protect me._

 

Without a second thought Jared raced to the door and threw it open, falling inside. His chest heaved, the pain making it hard to breathe. He struggled to his feet and frantically searched the office.

 

Michael was there, sitting behind his desk looking up at Jared in surprise. When he took in his bruises and the blood around his mouth his eyes darkened, his jaw clenched and he stood so quickly his chair fell back against the wall behind him.

 

“Jared, what the fu-”

 

Outside the door Jason and his buddies ran, screeching promises that this wasn’t over and that Jared would get what was coming to him.

 

As soon as they were gone Jared broke down, his tears fell like crashing waves, soaking his face in an instant shower, while his body was wracked with convulsions. Then Michael was at his side, drawing him into his arms and shushing him gently, telling him everything was okay and that he was safe now.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jared sobbed, clinging to Michael desperately. “I’m so sorry. I should never have left you.”

 

“Are you back, baby? Have you come back to me?” Michael asked in a soothing voice.

 

“Help me?” Jared begged, he could go through those beatings again, not after all this time without them, anything was better than that; at least Michael was nice to him most of the time.

 

“It’s not as easy as that, baby boy,” Michael told him sadly. “You can’t just come running when you need me. It’s too painful to see you leave as soon as you’re done with me, I can’t go through that again, Jared, I just can’t.”

 

Jared stilled at Michael’s words. What did he mean?

 

“I never meant to hurt you,” Jared told him, and in some weird way it was true, he’d never done anything to intentionally hurt Michael, he loved him, but he was also scared of the man who was capable of hurting him so badly.

 

“But you did, baby, you hurt me real bad,” Michael told him. “All I ever did was love you, but it seems that wasn’t enough for you. And now here you are, begging for my protection. Is that what you want, Jared? You want me to protect you against them again?”

 

“Yes,” Jared said immediately, because right now all he wanted was to know that Jason and his friends wouldn't be beating the crap out of him everyday. “Please?”

 

“Alright, baby boy, I’ll protect you,” Michael said, pressing kisses into Jared’s neck. “But one thing you have to learn, Jared, is that protection comes at a price.”

 

Jared froze, the comfort of Michael’s arms beginning to feel more like a trap. He didn’t say anything, didn’t dare comment.

 

“Would you like to know what that price is?” Michael asked expectantly. Jared looked at him, absorbing his caring expression and wanting it to always be that way.

 

“What do you want me to do?” Jared asked, he knew he was defeated, he knew this was it, him finally giving in, but he didn’t feel like he had a choice. And who knew, maybe this time it would be different, he wouldn’t piss Michael off, he would have no reason to be harsh with him and everything would be okay, like it used to be.

 

“I want the same thing I’ve always wanted, baby,” Michael said simply, as though it should be obvious. “I just want your love… and for you to show that love to me. Can you do that, baby boy? Can you show me that you love me?”

 

“I do love you,” Jared said honestly. Even after everything that had happened, he had never stopped loving Michael, at least in some way, the kind, loving Michael who had been so tender and nurturing.

 

“And are you willing to prove that to me?” Michael asked gently, his hand running over Jared’s cheek, wiping away his tears and turning his head to face him.

 

They met eyes, Michael’s kind blue orbs gazing down at Jared and Jared found himself nodding.

 

“I’ll do anything,” Jared whispered. His eyes fell shut as Michael moved down to kiss him, he opened his mouth and let Michael inside, let his tongue taste what it hadn’t had in so long.

 

“Just let me close the door, baby,” Michael said gently, pulling Jared to his feet as he went. Jared shifted from one foot to the other, his hand still wrapped protectively over his pained chest. Michael closed and locked the door, the click of the lock sounding like a sentence to Jared, but one that he’d asked for so he couldn’t exactly complain about it.

 

Michael advanced on Jared, and Jared found himself backing up against Michael’s desk. Michael stopped in front of him, raising a hand to his face.

 

“Look at what they did to you, baby,” Michael said as he ran his fingers over the bruises coming up over Jared’s face. “The really did a number on you this time, huh?” Jared simply nodded, trying to quench the tears that begged to fall from his eyes.

 

“Don’t worry, I’m going to make you forget all about them,” Michael promised as he leaned down to kiss Jared deeply. Jared knew better than to shy away from Michael’s kisses, so he pushed up into it, opening his mouth to Michael and letting him inside to do as he pleased.

 

Suddenly, Michael grabbed Jared around the waist, pulling his close and Jared cried out as pain shot through his chest.

 

“Michael, that hurts,” he protested in a pained voice but Michael didn’t release his hold.

 

“You can’t expect me to hold back now, baby. Not after all this time,” Michael told him, plastering his face and neck with hard relentless kisses. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you, Jared. I was about ready to break down your front door and drag you home with me just to be with you again.”

 

Michael’s kisses didn’t stop and even though his hold on Jared hurt, Jared didn’t stop him, how could he? As Michael’s hands began to wander, pulling Jared’s shirt up over his head, pulling on Jared ass to grind their hips together, Jared just let it happen. He tipped his head to the side so Michael had a clear access to his throat and neck, which Michael accepted immediately, nipping and kissing and licking over every vacant expanse of skin available.

 

“God, baby, do you have any idea how much I want you?” Michael growled against Jared’s skin, his hands working on releasing Jared from his jeans. “I need you baby boy, right here, right now.”

 

Michael tore his own shirt over his head, leaving his impressive chest bare, pushing it against Jared’s, skin on skin. He went to crash their lips together again but Jared turned his mouth away.

 

“Michael,” Jared whined, praying Michael didn’t see what he was about to say as a rejection. “Michael, I’m really hurt. I can’t do this right now.” He looked down at his chest, where deep red marks were soon going to turn into dark purple bruises. Michael followed Jared gaze, taking in Jared’s injuries.

 

Michael ran a gentle hand over Jared’s chest, his eyes tracing every bruise, every sore and Jared’s heart lifted that Michael would give him a reprieve, at least for today. But when Michael raised his eyes to Jared’s, Jared knew he’d been wrong.

 

“You don’t seem to understand the concept of price, baby boy. I’ve given you what you wanted, I’ve protected you from those that would do this to you,” his hands continued to track along every one of Jared’s up and coming bruises. “And now it’s your turn to pay the price. Nothing in this life comes for free, Jared, nothing. And all I’m asking for is your love. You do love me, don’t you?”

 

“Yes,” Jared said immediately. “Of course I love you, I never stopped loving you,” Jared told him.

 

“And, now you have to prove that to me,” Michael said simply. “That’s how it works, baby.”

 

Michael’s hands when to Jared’s jeans, working them open and pushing them down Jared’s legs along with Jared’s boxers.

 

“Are you ready?” Michael asked, but he didn’t wait for a reply before he spun Jared around and pushed him over so that he was bent over his desk. He shoved two fingers up his exposed ass and quickly worked them around to open Jared up.

 

“Michael?” Jared sobbed, trying to keep his voice strong even though he was close to breaking down.

 

“What is it, baby?” Michael asked softly, pressing kisses into the back of Jared’s neck while his fingers pulled out of his body and his dick replaced them, pressing at the entrance.

 

“Please don’t hurt me again?” Jared begged, his entire being shaking at the feel of Michael’s imminent intrusion.

 

“Shhh,” Michael soothed, pressing gently into Jared body, just breaching the entrance. “Love hurts, baby boy.”

 

With that Michael slammed himself home and Jared screamed, realising what a stupid mistake he’d just made. He’d played right into Michael’s waiting hands. And now there was no escape.


	16. Chapter 16

Part 16

 

“Do you want me to stay with you?” Jensen asked quietly, as Jared stared numbly at the phone in his hand.

 

“Um, yeah. I think I could use your support,” Jared took Jensen’s hand and smiled nervously. Sandy had spoken to her folks and confirmed that Jared’s parents still lived in the same place. Jared’s fingers shook as he dialled the number, his body trembled, and a cold sweat broke out over his skin. Just as it started ringing, Jared shook his head; it was spinning so badly he thought he would fall.

 

“I can’t do it,” he sobbed; Jensen steadied his hand, preventing him from hanging up.

 

“Yes you can. I’m right here,” Jensen told him, his hand firm yet gentle on Jared’s.

 

“But what if my dad—” The phone clicked, and a female voice answered.

 

Jared looked at Jensen, eyes wide in shock, frozen in fear. Jensen nodded reassuringly at the phone. Taking a shaky breath, Jared tentatively pressed the phone to his ear and listened to the woman asking who was there. Tears welled in his eyes, and he felt Jensen’s hand squeezing his, but he couldn’t see him, all he could see was the beautiful face that went with the soft voice of Sherri Padalecki. Jared’s mom.

 

“Either say something, or I’m hanging up,” Sherri said a bit more tersely.

 

“Ma?” Jared said shakily, his voice barely audible.

 

There was silence for a moment; Jared thought maybe she’d gone. His body swam with emotion at the thought that she’d hung up on him, because he knew he’d never get up the nerve to dial the number again. Part of him was washed with a deep relief; he wouldn’t have to go through with it, but the bigger part of him sank into depression, he’d missed his chance and an aching fear that now he’d never know stabbed at his heart.

 

“Jared?” the voice on the other end suddenly asked breathlessly. “Jared, baby. Is that you?”

 

“Yeah ma; it’s me. It’s Jared,” he found himself saying, a terrifying joy swelling in his chest.

 

“Oh my God; oh my God. I thought you were dead. I thought you’d been laying in a street somewhere all those years ago.” She cried, distraught.

 

“I’m alive, ma,” Jared told her, wiping the tears from his eyes.

 

“Are you alright? Are you sick? Are you in trouble? Do you need money?” she rambled desperately.

 

“No ma, I’m fine. I don’t need anything.” Jared assured her.

 

“God, Jared. Where have you been all this time? Do you know how worried we’ve been about you?” her anger started to come out now, and Jared flinched slightly.

 

“I’m sorry. I wish I could’ve spoken to you before I left but—I-I just couldn’t,” Jared told her, his voice cracking as he spoke, practically begging her forgiveness with his tone.

 

“You could have. You could always speak to me, you _know_ that,” she scolded him. “Just tell me why, why did you leave?”

 

“Wait. What did dad tell you?” Jared frowned. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer.

 

“Tell me? How could your father tell me anything? You left without a word to anyone,” Sherri said incredulously. “Not even Sandy knew where you’d disappeared to. Your father and I just came home to find things broken and you gone. You didn’t take any of your clothes, you didn’t leave a note, you just ceased to exist. I thought maybe you’d been kidnapped.” She was beginning to get a little hysterical as she reeled off her memories of that day.

 

“Ma, Dad was the one who told me to leave; he wouldn’t let me talk to you,” Jared blurted. He wasn’t really surprised his dad hadn’t said anything; Jared definitely hadn’t expected him to tell her the truth.

 

“That’s ridiculous,” she said hotly. “Your father would never do such a thing, and that certainly doesn’t explain why you ran out without any of your clothes, why you never called all this time even just to let me know you were alright, how my china cabinet got broken—”

 

“Because he threw me into it,” Jared cried, hot tears staining his cheeks. He could still feel the phantom pain in his head where it had stuck the glass of the cabinet, shattering the contents.

 

“Don’t lie, Jared. Why would he do something like that?” Sherri gasped, sounding upset that Jared would accuse her husband of something so insane.

 

“Because he found out I’m gay,” Jared shouted. Then he gasped, staring into Jensen’s eyes in horror. He felt sick. His heart was beating too fast and his stomach started to throb under his stitches.

 

His mom was silent, and that only made Jared feel worse. She hated him; she was going to hang up and never want to hear from him again.

 

“Oh Jared. Tell me that isn’t true?” Sherri said brokenly.

 

“I’m sorry, ma, it’s not something I can change,” Jared sobbed, his heart breaking. Jensen moved behind him and circled his arms around Jared’s waist, letting him deflate against him.

 

“Oh baby. I’m so sorry,” Sherri wept, all heat gone from her voice making her sound impossibly young. “You should’ve told me, not your father. No wonder you ran away.”

 

“I didn’t know he was going to react like that,” Jared confessed, leaning his head back against Jensen’s shoulder, taking strength from his presence. “He just went mad, ma, he said some awful things to me.”

 

“Jared, listen to me. There’s something you have to understand. The way your grandparents raised your father, being—gay—it just wasn’t acceptable. He was taught that it was wrong, an abomination,” she explained. “I don’t think that way so I never allowed him to teach it to you. I didn’t want you growing up with that sort of influence on you beliefs.”

 

“That’s why dad didn’t want me to talk to you, because you’d take my side?” Jared said quietly, finally understanding.

 

“I think that’s very likely honey,” his mom agreed. “Listen, it’s okay. Come home, I’ll talk to your father, I’ll make him see sense.”

 

“No, no ma, I can’t,” Jared refused, physically shaking his head and standing up a little straighter. How could he go home? How could he face his father again after all this time and everything that was said and done? Fear spiked through him at the thought.

 

“Please Jared, it’s been so long and I’ve missed you so much. Please, I need to see you, otherwise I’m going to think this was all a dream, please baby, please?” she begged and Jared could hear her crying. All fight deflated out of him, his shoulders sagged and his heart broke at the desperation in his mom’s voice. He’d hurt her so much already, there was no way he could do it again.

 

“Okay ma,” Jared whispered, letting his tears fall freely. “Okay, I’ll come. But I want to bring someone with me.” Jared turning to look at Jensen, silently asking the question with his eyes.

 

“Of course,” Jensen whispered, kissing his jaw and holding him tightly. “Anything you need, Jay.”

 

“Who?” Sherri asked, interested confusion colouring her voice.

 

“My boyfriend,” Jared stated boldly, determined to not be ashamed of what he had with Jensen. Jensen held him that little bit tighter and Jared knew he was smiling.

 

“You have a boyfriend?” she asked, sounding surprised.

 

“He’s really great, ma, you’ll like him a lot,” Jared smiled, looking back at a blushing Jensen. His mom was quiet for a moment.

 

“Is he good to you?” she asked in such a motherly way Jared had to force himself not to laugh.

 

“If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be talking to you right now,” Jared told her truthfully.

 

“In that case I’d be upset of you didn’t bring him, I want to give this boy a hug,” Sherri said sounding happier than she had since the phone call started. “When can you come?”

 

“Oh, um, I’ll have to see about how to travel, I’m not sure—” Jared was stopped by a hand on his cheek; looking to Jensen with a questioning frown.

 

“I have a car, I can drive us there,” Jensen told him quietly.

 

“Since when?” Jared asked surprised. How did he not know about this?

 

“Since always, I just don’t use it much,” Jensen told him with a chuckle.

 

“Okay. When do you want to go?” Jared asked him.

 

“How quickly can you pack?” Jensen grinned and Jared’s heart lifted.

 

“We’ll be there in a few of days,” Jared said, a wide smile forming on his lips. He was going to see his mom again, his mom wanted to see him.

 

***

 

As they pulled into the familiar street, Jared’s heart clenched. He shrank as small as he could in his seat, wincing when he pulled a little on his stitches.

 

“It’s going to be fine,” Sandy told him from the back seat of Jensen’s Impala.

 

“Thanks for coming, Sand,” Jared said, taking her hand as she rested it on his shoulder.

 

“Will you stop thanking me already? Anyway, who am I to turn down a free trip to see my folks, they went crazy when I told them I was coming,” Sandy said with a grin in her voice.

 

“You sure you don’t want me to drop you off first?” Jensen asked from the driver’s seat.

 

“Nah, I can walk from Jared’s place, it’s not far,” Sandy said but Jared knew that she just wanted to be there for him during his reunion. His dad was going to be there and Jared didn’t know if he was ready to see him again, yet.

 

“Okay, we’re here,” Jensen announced, pulling the car over.

 

Jared froze. He stared up at his childhood home with wide, terrified eyes. His mind was flooded with memories: playing ball with his dad in the backyard, cooking with his mom in the kitchen, he and Sandy sprawled in front of the TV while Jared studied and Sandy rolled her eyes at him. All happy, innocent memories that crashed into oblivion when overtaken by recollections of the times Jared would sneak into the house and make it upstairs and into the bathroom to soak his sore, aching body; of pretending he was studying because his throat was too hoarse to speak after being fucked too hard and he’d used the excuse of a sore throat too many times already; and of Sandy trying to convince him to tell his parents what was happening, that they could help, and his mom walking in on them asking what they could help with, and Jared quickly making excuses that he needed help with his school work, and his mom laughing and telling him that he was way smarter than her and that he should ask his teacher for assistance, maybe that nice Mr. Weatherly who took such an interest in Jared’s education. And then finally the memory of running out that front door, covered in blood, terrified and alone, exiled by his own flesh and blood for being something he didn’t really understand.

 

“Hey.” Jared was snapped out of his thoughts by Jensen’s gentle call and a hand on his knee. “You okay?”

 

Jared turned watery eyes to Jensen, taking in his concerned look.

 

“What?” Jared mumbled.

 

“You spaced out a little, sweetie,” Sandy said softly from behind him.

 

“Sorry, it’s just…” Jared frowned. “It’s just… a lot.”

 

“I know, but you’re not alone, you know that, right?” Jensen assured him, squeezing Jared’s knee. He caught Jared’s eye before leaning in to place a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth.

 

“I know,” Jared said quietly, taking an enormous breath and letting it out slowly. “Let’s go.”

 

They all piled out and Jensen took one of Jared’s hands while Sandy took the other. They stared at the house and Jared knew he was shaking.

 

“I don’t think I can do this,” Jared whispered, taking a step back before receiving reassuring squeezes on both hands.

 

They didn’t have time to think or act because the front door was suddenly flung open. Jared flinched and had to resist the strong urge to turn and bolt, drawing strength from the supportive grasps of his best friend and his boyfriend on his hands.

 

Then Sherri Padalecki came bursting out the door, down the path through her perfectly manicured lawn and threw herself at Jared, wrapping him in her arms tightly. Jared immediately winced and tried to push her away.

 

“Ma, ma, careful,” Jared hissed and yelped in pain.

 

Sherri pulled back quickly and eyed him up and down cautiously.

 

“What’s wrong?” she asked, her voice sharp but softened by the concern drenching it.

 

“I just got a few stitches is all,” Jared told her, holding a protective hand to his stomach.

 

“My God, I knew you weren’t alright,” Sherri said in horror, pulling up Jared’s shirt to reveal his patched over stitches.

 

“No ma, I’m fine,” Jared insisted, gently brushing her hands away before she started searching for more—non-existent—injuries.

 

“He got hurt saving me, Mrs Padalecki,” Sandy said sheepishly. “I was… attacked and he saved me.” Sandy took Jared’s arm and smiled up at him proudly, Jared promptly flushed.

 

“Sandy?” Mrs Padalecki stared as if noticing Sandy there for the first time. Then realisation swept over her face before quickly being replaced by mild hurt. “You knew, all this time? You knew where he was?”

 

“I moved to Seattle to be with him,” Sandy confirmed but held her head high, refusing to admit to any wrong doing.

 

“And before you say anything, ma, I made her swear she would never tell a soul where I’d gone,” Jared added quickly and firmly. “She was just being the best friend she’s always been, I owe her a lot… and so do you.”

 

Sherri eyed Sandy. She looked as though she wanted to stay angry at being betrayed but there was a fondness in her eyes and slowly, Sherri smiled.

 

“You always were a good friend,” Sherri said softly before engulfing Sandy in a close hug. “Thank you for looking after my baby,” she whispered in Sandy’s ear.

 

Jared watched then hug, a smile pulling on his lips. It had never occurred to him that his mom may have been mad at Sandy for lying to them and not giving away his location, but his mom was a smart woman and he could tell she knew that Sandy had just been protecting him. After what his father had done, that could never be considered a bad thing.

 

“Uh, ma?” Jared called nervously and waited for Sherri to release Sandy and focus her attention back on him. “Where’s dad?” Part of him prayed his father wasn’t there, that he wasn’t going to have to see him again, or at least not yet, but the other part of him was sickened with disappointment that he hadn’t coming running out with his mom to greet him home.

 

“I asked him to stay inside, I didn’t want… Well, I was worried that…” Sherri trailed off and looked apologetically at her son.

 

“You thought I’d run if I saw him,” Jared said understandingly.

 

“I’m sorry, honey,” Sherri said and her entire being emanated how true that was, in so many different ways. “I just had to make sure I got to see you.”

 

“That’s okay, ma. You were probably right,” Jared said and sent his mom an understanding smile.

 

“Right, well, come inside all of you. You must exhausted,” Sherri said, shaking off the morbid moment.

 

“Wait, ma,” Jared stopped her. “I want you to meet someone first.” Sherri stopped and finally looked to Jensen.

 

“Ah yes, I’m sorry, I got a little carried away,” she said sheepishly.

 

“Ma, this is Jensen, my boyfriend,” Jared said, taking and squeezing Jensen’s hand, pulling him forward slightly.

 

“Well, it is certainly a pleasure to meet you, Jensen,” Sherri said, she eyed him up and down, her eyes squinting slightly. “You don’t have any stitches do you?”

 

“Um, no, I—” Suddenly she pulled Jensen in for a hug. Jensen just smiled and went with it while Jared stared open mouthed at the sight. He’d known his mom wouldn’t hate Jensen, but to openly hug him like that when they’ve only just met, well it was a sight to see.

 

“Thank you for bringing my boy home to me,” Sherri said, a choke in her words betraying the emotion she was feeling and Jared found his eyes prickling.

 

“He made the decision all by himself, ma’am. I just nudged him along a little,” Jensen said honestly, still grinning when Sherri eventually let him go.

 

Sherri took a moment to compose herself before she cleared her throat and spoke again. “Right well, dinner’s all prepared for you, bring your bags in. Jared you’re room’s still your room, we—we didn’t touch anything. But I’ve cleaned and dusted it, and there’re clean sheets on the bed for you and Jensen. Sandy, I assume you’ll be staying with your parents?” Sherri moved seamlessly into the role of mom, not showing any sign of being out of practice after all those years.

 

“Yes ma’am,” Sandy grinned while Jensen and Jared stood with open mouths at being told they could share a bed.

 

Sherri turned and headed back inside, disappearing through the door in seconds. Jared just stared at her in awe, his heart pounding at the announcement and yet an icy fear crept through his body. What would his dad think about him and Jensen in the same bed under his roof? Does he even know about it? Jared’s body started to shake again as his mind ran through the argument he was bound to have with his dad on the subject.

 

Slowly, Jensen’s arm slipped around Jared’s waist and pulled Jared against his side.

 

“We don’t have to share a bed if you’re uncomfortable,” Jensen whispered against his cheek. “I can sleep on the floor or the sofa and hey, if we need to we can always go and get a hotel room, what ever you want, Jay, okay?”

 

Jared turned his head and looked at Jensen, seeing his green eyes shine with acceptance at what ever Jared wanted, Jared felt in awe of the man, his boyfriend.

 

“Can we just see how it goes?” Jared asked quietly and Jensen just smiled and nodded.

 

“You ready?” Sandy interrupted their moment with a soft call, Jared turned to her to see that she’d taken their bags out of the car and they were currently piled up at her feet. “’Cause I’m not carrying these all in for you.”

 

“But I’m injured,” Jared protested playfully and received a gentle punch in the arm from her.

 

“Come on,” Sandy called as she grabbed a bag and headed inside. Jared still held back for a second.

 

“You ready?” Jensen asked softly.

 

“No,” Jared whispered. “No, not at all.”

 

Jensen slipped his hand into Jared’s and just held it for a second. Jared closed his eyes and breathed for a moment, then he nodded to Jensen and they took the remaining bags and headed inside.

 

They stopped just inside the door and Jared just drunk in the sight he hadn’t seen in over four years. It was so much the same and yet everything was different. Jared knew he was taller than when he left but he felt so small, the walls rising above his head and dwarfing him.

 

“Why don’t you boys take you bags upstairs,” Sherri suggested, appearing in front of them and causing Jared to start slightly.

 

“Yes ma’am,” Jensen said and tugged Jared’s hand, forcing his feet to remember how to move.

 

Jared paused at the bottom of the stairs, remembering the last time he’d been there, pinned by his father, his words echoing in his head.

 

“You can do this,” Jensen murmured in his ear. “You’re not alone.”

 

Nodding, Jared forced himself past that point on the stairs and led Jensen up to his old room. As his mom had said, nothing had changed since he was seventeen. His shelves were full of books, the pages full of his old dreams and wants now held his failures, every word from another lifetime.

 

His large bed was made; he remembered his dad making such a fuss about having to buy a new one because Jared just kept growing and his feet had started hanging off the end of his old one.

 

Jared slowly walked around the room, running his hands over old school books, a sadness hung over every touch. There was a photo of him and Sandy laughing together, back in happier times, before Michael. Jared had often thought of that photo in his first year in Seattle alone, he’d wished he’d been able to take it with him, to be able to hold something good in his hands to ward off the nightmares.

 

“Are you okay?” Jensen asked, coming up behind Jared and slipping his arms around his waist, pressing a soft kiss to Jared’s neck.

 

“Yeah, I think so, it’s a little weird, you know?” Jared leaned back against him, closing his eyes to the warmth that radiated off Jensen. “I’m just so nervous about seeing my dad again,” Jared confessed.

 

“I can understand that,” Jensen told him holding him a little tighter. “I bet he’s nervous about seeing you, too.”

 

“What if he’s still angry, Jen? What if he still hates me?” Jared tried to hold back the sob that threatened to break loose but he knew Jensen felt it shudder through his body. “What if he…” _Tries to hurt me again?_

 

Jensen moved to stand in front of Jared, taking his face in his hands. Jared met his eyes and saw strength and determination in them.

 

“He’s never going to hurt you again, you hear me?” Jensen told him firmly. “I won’t allow it and your mom won’t either.” Jensen kissed him, soft and calming, holding his face tight against his own. Jared let himself get lost in the kiss, opening his mouth to Jensen, a request for him to take things off his mind for a moment.

 

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Jared admitted after the kiss broke. He ran a hand over Jensen’s cheek to hold his strong jaw in his hand. “When I’m with you I feel like I can do anything.”

 

“That’s because you can,” Jensen grinned. This time Jared initiated the kiss, pulling Jensen against him, while being mindful of his stitches. Jensen went willingly, opening his mouth for Jared’s tongue and letting him take what he needed.

 

Jensen’s fingers dug into Jared’s biceps as the kiss deepened and became more intense, he moaned into Jared’s mouth, pulling away only for a second to gasp for air before Jared grabbed him by the back of the head and dragged him back to his lips.

 

A jolt of want coursed through Jared as he kissed Jensen hungrily, he imagined himself pushing Jensen back, onto the bed, towering over him and stripping his beautiful body naked. Jared forced himself to pull away, this was his parent’s house and somewhere in it his father was waiting to ‘greet’ him home.

 

“Jesus, Jay,” Jensen panted against his wet lips. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?”

 

“I’m sorry,” Jared panted back, slowly drawing himself away. “I just got…”

 

Jensen smiled and took Jared’s hand. “You are allowed to let go every now and then, and you never have to apologise to _me_ for it,” he said softly. “But—now probably isn’t the time—or place.”

 

Jensen smirked a little and Jared couldn’t help the grin that broke on his face.

 

“You drive me crazy, you know that?” Jared pressed one more kiss to Jensen’s lips. Then he let his smile fall and took a breath.

 

“Guess it’s time to face the rest of the day,” he sighed, nodding to himself slowly.

 

***

 

They headed down stairs to where Sandy was helping Sherri in the kitchen, when they walked in they were greeted with a wide smile from Sherri who bustled over giving Jared a kiss on the cheek.

 

“You’re too skinny, have you been eating properly?” she said with a wink at Jensen, who laughed with her, while Jared rolled his eyes.

 

“Are you kidding, this guy eats twice as much as me,” Jensen said, slinging an arm around Jared’s neck and tugging him closer. Jared flushed and pocked Jensen in the ribs.

 

“Yeah, never offer to pick up the tab after him cause you’ll need a second mortgage to do it,” Sandy piped up, chuckling and Jared sent her an evil glare that clearly said ‘traitor.’

 

“Oh, come on guys, I’m not _that_ bad,” Jared whined, but inside he was elated. His mom was smiling and laughing with them, her eyes shone with happiness, but she barely took them off Jared, as if she were afraid that if she looked away he would disappear again.

 

“Oh yes you are,” Sandy and Jensen said together.

 

This started a heated but playful argument about how much junk Sandy ate and how Jensen had managed to burn bacon while cooking breakfast that one time.

 

“Hey, that was totally your fault,” Jensen reminded him, stepping closer and placing a hand on Jared’s hip, grinning at him happily. Jared grinned right back; he felt at home in that kitchen, it was perfect.

 

“How was that my fault?” Jared exclaimed.

 

“You distracted me,” Jensen said slyly, biting his lips and looking up at Jared through his thick, long lashes.

 

“Oh, yeah,” Jared replied, gripping Jensen’s waist. “I remember now.”

 

Jared leapt away from Jensen when the sound of someone clearing their throat came from the doorway. The laughter stopped, all smiles fell and the tension in the air suddenly thickened, even Sherri looked uncomfortable.

 

They all turned to the doorway and were met by a tall, serious looking man.

 

“Dad,” Jared gasped. He unconsciously took a step back and reached to grip tightly to Jensen’s hand, his heart thundering in his chest. _He’d just seen that, seem me getting close to Jensen like that, oh God._ Jared’s mind started to panic, not even noticing the contradiction between his fears and his actions as he clenched Jensen’s hand.

 

“Jared,” Jerry nodded. He didn’t look happy but there was something in his eyes that Jared couldn’t place.

 

“I-it’s good to s-see you,” Jared ventured nervously and his dad nodded slightly.

 

“I’m glad to know you’re alright,” Jerry said flatly and Jared wasn’t convinced he was telling the truth. “But let’s try to act like adults shall we?”

 

Jerry fixed his piercing gaze on Jensen, as though considering him and not liking what he was seeing.

 

“Dad, this is Jensen…” Jared took a deep breath and tightened his death grip on Jensen’s hand. “My boyfriend.”

 

Jerry’s jaw twitched and Jared swallowed hard, trying to get the bile in his throat back down before he choked on it.

 

“So I see,” Jerry said finally, he took a step towards Jensen, still staring at him. “Sherri tells me it’s you we have to thank for bringing Jared home to us.”

 

Jared flicked his glance to Jensen and felt pride swell in his chest at the level gaze Jensen kept with Jerry, although he could see the contempt Jensen felt for the man burning in his eyes.

 

“I played my part,” Jensen said evenly.

 

“And so he brought you home too,” Jerry said, almost snarling.

 

“I was invited, and after I’d heard what a kind and accepting person your wife was, how could I refuse?” Jensen smirked at the flare of anger in Jerry’s features before he added, “You’re a lucky man, she’s amazing. I can see where Jared gets it from.”

 

“Oh yes, I was truly blessed,” Jerry snapped, looking sharply at Jared, his tone leaving no doubt that he didn’t find Jared a blessing at all, quite the opposite.

 

“Well, thank you, dear,” Sherri swept in to defuse the situation and Jared self-consciously stepped closer to Jensen until his father’s eyes left him. “Boys, do you think you could help Sandra set the table?”

 

Jared scrambled, grasping onto the excuse to get away from this conversation and practically dragged Jensen into the dinning room with him.

 

“God, Jared, I’m sorry,” Jensen began, squeezing his eyes shut in remorse. “I shouldn’t have spoken to your dad like that, it was just the way he looked at you, it made me so mad that I—”

 

“Thank you,” Jared whispered so softly he wasn’t sure Jensen heard it at first, but he stopped his ranting apology and stared at him. “I can’t believe you stood up for me like that, for us.”

 

“So, you’re not mad?”

 

“Mad? Did you see his face?” Jared barked out a laugh. “I don’t think anyone, other than his folks and mom have ever put him in his place like that before, it was awesome.”

 

Jared’s face dropped a little, and even though he tried to keep his smile on for Jensen it failed him rapidly.

 

“Hey,” Jensen called and pulled him closer.

 

“He really does hate me, doesn’t he?” Jared said brokenly, remembering the sharp glare of his father’s eyes. “It was a mistake to come here.”

 

“Don’t think that, not for one second,” Jensen told him sharply. “Have you seen the joy on your mom’s face? I get the feeling she hasn’t been this happy in years.”

 

Jared felt a tear escape from his eye and quickly buried his face in Jensen’s shoulder, even though he was sure it hadn’t gone unnoticed.

 

***

 

Dinner started with a flourish. Jensen and Jared gave a demonstration of a little routine they’d developed using Jerry’s spirit bottles, while the man cringed every time they went into the air but watched with a stony face while Sandy and Sherri cheered them on happily.

 

It wasn’t long before Jared winced and held a hand to his stomach. Jensen caught on to this movement straight away and insisted Jared sit down, helping him into his chair and asking if he’d pulled any stitches, causing Jared to tell him to stop worrying, that he was fine.

 

Sherri demanded to know what Jared had been doing and Jared told her about Tom’s and the plans to renovate it.

 

“And you’ll be doing all that, behind the bar?” she asked, waving her hands about in imitation of them and Jared nodded as they all sat down at a table overflowing with food. Jensen took a seat next to Jared, much to Jared’s relief; Sandy sat opposite him with Sherri and Jerry taking up their places at either end. Jared shifted a little uncomfortably as Jerry took the end of the table next to Jared.

 

“Jared’s picked it up really well, he’s very talented,” Jensen told her, pride dripping from every word.

 

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” Jared said sheepishly.

 

“So, Jensen…” Jerry trailed off and waited for a last name to be supplied.

 

“Ackles,” Jensen said, smiling tightly.

 

“Ackles,” Jerry repeated carefully, like he was dissecting the name for diseases. “This is what you do, is it? You teach people to throw bottles in the air to entertain the drunk? This is how you make a living?”

 

“Dad,” Jared pleaded, he really didn’t want to embarrass Jensen, but he was ignored other than Jensen’s reassuring hand on his thigh.

 

“It is part of how I earn my income, yes,” Jensen said, completely unfazed by the implication that his job wasn’t good enough for the likes of Jerry Padalecki. “But really I do it mostly for fun, and because I enjoy it.”

 

“Jensen, you don’t have to explain yourself—” Jared tried but was shot down.

 

“It’s okay, Jay,” Jensen smiled widely. “It’s only fitting that a father would want to know the quality of the people his son is around, I would feel the same in his position. As it is, Mr Padalecki, mainly I own and run four profitable businesses, while they are all licensed establishments, they are all very different.”

 

Jared’s mouth fell open. Jensen had said that the Lithe wasn’t the only club he owned but Jared hadn’t even considered it was that many.

 

_Why didn’t he tell me about this? Okay, so there_ were _other things going on._

 

Jared looked over at Jensen and caught his eye. Although on the outside Jensen was collected and cool, from his close distance Jared could make out the slight flush of Jensen’s cheeks and he knew that Jensen found it embarrassing. He liked to be known for being him, not for being the guy who owns such and such.

 

A flicker of worry flashed through Jensen’s eyes as he looked at Jared. Jared smiled widely and put his hand over Jensen’s where it still rested in his thigh under the table.

 

“Quite the business man,” he said proudly, grinning wider when he saw Jensen relax a little now he knew Jared wasn’t mad for not telling him.

 

“So, what’s the difference in the bars?” Jerry interrupted their moment gruffly.

 

“Well,” Jensen started, keeping his voice steady. Jared thought it must be the voice he’d put on to talk to other business people. “The Lithe is where all the bartenders have been trained in flair bartending; we have live bands some nights so it’s what I like to think of as my entertainment bar. Then I have members only club, which consist mainly of businessmen, bankers, lawyers, that sort of thing. I co-own a sports bar with a good friend of mine Michael Rosenbaum—”

 

“You know Mike?” Jared interrupted. “Wait, of course you know Mike, he was the one who gave us the number for your class. I didn’t know you were in business together.”

 

“Well, I don’t really have much to do with that place anymore, it’s more his than mine. I was actually thinking of selling my half to him, we joke about it all the time, he does all the hard work and I reap the benefits.” Jensen chuckled and opened his mouth to continue but Jerry butted in.

 

“So you didn’t know about any of this Jared?” Jared shook his head tentatively, not liking where this was undoubtedly going. “And this is what you call a healthy relationship? How many other things do you _not_ know about each other I wonder?”

 

“I don’t flaunt my wealth, Mr Padalecki,” Jensen said hotly. “And there were more important things that came first.”

 

“I’m sure there are a lot of things Jensen doesn’t know about _me_ ,” Jared added. “We’re still getting to know each other and I’d much rather know about Jensen as a person than his material things.”

 

“So, you barely know each other and yet you feel it appropriate to bring him home to meet your parents?” Jerry glared at Jared and Jared felt a flare of anger rise up inside him, pushing aside the fear that had been trembling under the surface since he’d arrived.

 

“Well maybe I figured I could do with the support,” he blurted, almost immediately wanting to slap his hand over his mouth, and yet he continued to speak. “If you don’t want me here, dad, why don’t you just say so, kick me out, _again_?”

 

“I never asked for you to come back and let filth into my home,” Jerry replied just as heatedly, bolting up to stand and knocking his chair on the floor at the same time.

 

“No, you didn’t,” Sherri said quietly, everyone fell silent and turned to look at the women’s watery eyes and distraught face. “You took my son away from me and then lied to me for years about it. I thought he was dead, I cried to you every night and you didn’t say a word.”

 

“Ma…” Jared tried but couldn’t think of anything to say.

 

“Now you see what you’ve done? Brought up the past and upset your mother,” Jerry snarled taking a step towards Jared, forcing Jared to stumble out of his chair.

 

Jared had seen that look in his dad’s eye before, they’d haunted his dreams for years, but Jared had prayed that his mind had made them more terrifying that they really were; now he knew his mind had been kind.

 

“I-I’m sorry,” Jared sobbed and bolted from the room, his body shaking so badly his legs barely managed to work. He could hear Sandy calling after him and Jensen saying something about a twisted son of a bitch but he shut them out, putting his hands over his ears to block out the sound of his mother crying.

 

He didn’t have a clue where he was going, so when he found himself desperately gasping down fresh air he looked up to find himself in his parent’s garden. They had quite a large garden; Jared had always begged them for a dog that he could run around it with.

 

“Jay?” Jensen came out behind him, placing a tentative hand on his shoulder. Inside Jared heard a door slam and then a car out front started a peeled away loudly. “Your dad’s gone, at least for a while. Your mom told him to go clear his head.”

 

Jared nodded and leaned on the railings of the porch. “I shouldn’t have come,” he whispered, but Jensen caught it.

 

“Why not? Because of your dad and what he said?” he asked gently, leaning his back against the railing so he could look at Jared. “What about your mom? She’s been as desperate to see you as you have her for years, are you really going to let your dad take that away from the both of you?”

 

“Jen, why does he have to hate me so much? I’m I _that_ wrong for wanting to be who I feel I am, for wanting to be with you?”

 

“No, God no,” Jensen said quickly. He turned Jared to face him, putting a hand through his thick hair and pressing their foreheads together. “Don’t let anyone tell you that, _ever_. There is nothing wrong with you, Jay. There’s nothing wrong with me, and I won’t take people telling us differently.”

 

Jensen kissed him, softly brushing his lips against Jared’s.

 

“Does this feel wrong?” Jensen asked against his lips before kissing him again, a little deeper this time. Jared’s heart started pounding in his chest as his head swam with the sensation of Jensen kissing him. Everything else washed away, the argument, the house, Texas, the world, there was nothing but Jensen and Jared felt that peace in him he felt every time Jensen kissed him or held him close.

 

“No,” Jared whispered, his eyes closed while his hands moved to slips around Jensen’s waist. “It feels like the best thing in the world.” Jared leaned in, taking Jensen’s lips again. He turned him slightly so his back was to the thick wooden railing and pushing him against it.

 

Jensen moaned, his fingers tightening in Jared’s hair, his legs parting slightly so Jared could fit better between then, so he could get closer to him.

 

“I could kiss you forever,” Jensen said breathlessly gazing up at Jared. Jensen looked at him like he was something to be in awe of; something he couldn’t quite believe was real.

 

“How did I get so lucky?” Jared asked all of a sudden.

 

“How do you mean?” Jensen asked.

 

“To get you,” Jared said simply, like it should be obvious. “What wonderful thing did I do to deserve someone as amazing as you?”

 

“I think you’ll find I’m the lucky one,” Jensen told him, stroking a hand over his cheek and down to his neck.

 

“Pff, I’m a walking bag of issues, you must’ve done something terrible to end up with me,” Jared said self-depreciatively, purposefully not looking at Jensen, knowing he’d argue with him.

 

“Um, Jay?” Sandy said from the backdoor before Jensen could say anything.

 

“I’m okay, Sand,” Jared answered before she could ask the inevitable.

 

“Yeah, but you know I’ll ask anyway,” Sandy replied with a smile.

 

“Yeah, I know,” Jared said. He backed away from Jensen as Sandy came closer and engulfed her in his arms, kissing her head.

 

“Your mom wants to talk to you,” Sandy said against his chest. Jared’s heart skipped a beat and he pulled back to look worriedly at her.

 

“What so you think she’s going to say?” he asked.

 

“I don’t know, honey. But I’m pretty sure she’s on your side,” Sandy said. “I’ll wait out here with lover boy, you go see her.”


	17. Chapter 17

  
Author's notes: This chapter contains scene's of rape.  


* * *

Part 17

 

Jensen watched Jared eye the backdoor, before hugging Sandy tight and nodding. Once he’d let her go he looked to Jensen.

 

“Right here,” Jensen told him, making sure he knew where he’d be if he needed him. Jared nodded again and went back inside.

 

“You’re really good for him, you know,” Sandy said, nudging Jensen with her shoulder

 

“You think?” Jensen raised an eyebrow at the compliment; he knew Sandy had been unsure of him a few times since he’d gotten with Jared, so it was nice to hear that from her.

 

“I do,” Sandy said simply.

 

“What makes you say that?” Jensen pushed for more and Sandy smiled.

 

“Because if that all had happened a few months ago… well let’s just say he wouldn’t have recovered as quickly as he did just then,” she explained. “And that’s because of you. He’s changed so much since being with you and they’re all good changes, some I never thought I’d see.”

 

“I just want him to be happy, Sandy,” Jensen said, trying to hide the croak her words had caused in his voice. “I want to make him happy.”

 

“That’s the thing, Jensen. You do. I’ve never seen him as happy as when I see him look at you.”

 

Jensen couldn’t say anything, but he also couldn’t hide the huge grin on his face. Sandy cocked her head to the side and regarded him.

 

“What?” Jensen asked eventually, squirming under her scrutiny.

 

“You love him, don’t you?” she said as though stating a fact, watching Jensen smile shyly as a blush coloured his face. “You totally do, you’re in love with Jared!”

 

“I haven’t told him yet,” Jensen admitted nervously. “Unless you count when he was unconscious in hospital. With everything that’s been going on it just never seemed the right time to say something like that.”

 

“But you will tell him, right?” Sandy urged, smiling brightly at Jensen.

 

“Yeah, I will,” Jensen sighed happily, wondering what Jared would say when he told him, if he felt the same way. The last thing he wanted to do was pressure Jared, make him feel uncomfortable.

 

“I’m pretty sure he’d like to hear it,” Sandy told him, as if she’d read his mind.

 

“I hope so.”

 

 

~~~~

 

 

“Ma?” Jared said shakily. He entered the living room and tried not to look at where the china cabinet used to be.

 

“Come sit with me, Jared?” Sherri patted the cushion of the sofa next to her. Obediently, Jared moved over and sank into the soft cushion but avoided her eyes.

 

“I’m sorry for shouting at dad,” he blurted quickly. “I shouldn’t have spoken to him like that, I—”

 

“No,” Sherri said sharply. Finally Jared looked at her. Her eyes were red and her face was a little puffy and she looked so sad Jared felt tears of his own prickle behind his eyes. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Jerry was out of line, he picked that fight and you had every right to stand up for yourself and Jensen. I’m proud of you, honey.”

 

Jared couldn’t stop his eyes from releasing the water they had gathered. He didn’t understand. She was _proud_ of him? Proud to have a gay son? Proud of a son who ran away and didn’t contact her for years, who argued with his dad and upset her?

 

“I don’t understand,” he said aloud without realising.

 

“What don’t you understand? Why I’m proud of you?” Sherri asked understandingly. Jared nodded slowly and waited for her to explain. “You left here when you were seventeen, you didn’t finish high school, you had no money, no friends, and yet look at what you’ve turned into. A handsome young man with a good head on his shoulder and a strong mind, who’s willing to stand up for what he believes in. And you’re happy. You have a wonderful partner who obviously cares a great deal for you and it’s clear you care for him too. These things are all I ever wanted for you, all I ever hoped you’d achieve, and I’m so proud that you managed to do that, I just wish I had been able to watch it happen, but that’s not your fault and I don’t want you blaming yourself. I have you back now and I love you, Jared. I love you so very much.”

 

Sherri’s calm speech finally broke down and her tears began to fall again. Jared didn’t hesitate. He pulled her into his arms, his own tears falling into her hair.

 

“I love you, too, ma,” Jared sobbed. “I’m so sorry that I hurt you, I didn’t mean to.”

 

“I know sweetheart, you don’t have to explain to me.”

 

“I missed you so much. I thought about you every day.” Jared was full out crying now, his chest heaving so much it was pulling against the stitches in his stomach, but Jared couldn’t stop. The years of pain and misery finally coming to the surface and Jared was powerless to stop the onslaught of emotions battling for dominance.

 

They stayed there like that, clinging to each other, for a long time, neither speaking but understanding each others pain never the less. When Jared finally let out a long yawn and Sherri laughed at him they released each other and smiled, feeling relieved to have gotten that all out, finally.

 

“You should get to bed, you’ve had a long journey and an emotional day,” Sherri said, patting his cheek like only a mother does.

 

“Ma, are you sure you’re okay with me and Jensen in the same room, the same bed?” Jared asked hesitantly.

 

“Of course I’m sure. If you’d come home with a girl I wouldn’t have made you sleep separately. I see no difference just because Jensen’s another man,” Sherri said matter of factually. Then she leaned in conspiratorially and Jared found himself doing the same thing. “And he’s quite a good looking man at that; you’ve done very well for yourself Jared.” Sherri wink at him before getting up and leaving a stunned and shocked Jared sitting on the sofa, still leaning in to listen to the secret.

 

“Jared?” Sandy’s voice broke him out of his stupor and she bounced into the room with a huge smile plastered on her face. “I’ve got to go honey, will you be okay?”

 

“I love my mom,” Jared said as if in shock. Sandy just smiled indulgently and hugged him.

 

“Alright, well I really have to go, it’s getting late. I’ve got my cell so you can call me if you need me, okay?” Sandy told him seriously, her smiled replaced by a concerned and worried frown.

 

“Okay, Sand,” Jared grinned at her fretfulness. “I’ll be fine, Jensen’s here.”

 

At that Sandy grinned again. “I know.”

 

Sandy refused the offer of a lift home from Jensen, so after hugs and kisses were exchanged, Jared saw her out and promised to call her tomorrow. Then he was heading to the kitchen where Jensen was showing Sherri how to catch a glass on the back of her hand. Jared just watched them for a moment, loving how easily they interacted.

 

“Hey,” Jensen said when he noticed him, smiling broadly. “You okay?”

 

“Yeah, although I’m beat,” Jared said, stifling another yawn.

 

“You wanna turn in?” Jensen asked, moving to stand in front of him.

 

“Yeah, you gonna come with?” Jared questioned, placing his hand on Jensen’s hip and looking at him with eyes that begged him to stay close.

 

“I’m ready to drop, so yeah,” Jensen nodded and sighed tiredly.

 

“You boys go get some rest, then,” Sherri said kindly. “We’ll talk more in the morning.”

 

“But—what about dad?” Jared asked, concerned at what Jerry will do when he gets back and finds Jensen and Jared in bed together.

 

“You let me handle your father, I’ve had many years practice and while he likes to think he’s the one that who wears the trousers, he’s gravely mistaken.” Sherri grinned at them before ushering them out of the kitchen and to the stairs.

 

“Night Mrs Padalecki,” Jensen said politely.

 

“Oh, call me Sherri, I insist. You make me sound like my mom,” Sherri rolled her eyes and leaned up to kiss Jensen on the cheek.

 

“Night ma,” Jared said, wrapping his long arms around her and whispering, “I love you.”

 

“Night boys,” Sherri said, smiling. “Oh and Jared… it’s really good to have you home.”

 

Four Years Ago

 

Jared had listened outside the bar to the count down, to the cheering. Now it was a whole new year and he prayed it brought with it a whole new life. Shivering against the cold wind Jared moved further into the alley beside the bar. He’d learned that the restaurant next door would often throw out food after a busy night and he was starving, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten.

 

His feet stumbled against the uneven ground and his legs almost gave way. Jared tried not to stand up too much any more; trying to preserve the little energy he had for searching for food.

 

He’d been in Seattle for two weeks. The money Sandy had given him hadn’t lasted long and he was getting desperate. No one would give him a job because he didn’t have a place to stay but Jared knew that in his t-shirt and jeans he would freeze to death over the winter if something didn’t give soon.

 

Jared looked up hopefully when he heard movement in the alley. He headed towards it, praying it was someone making a food dump.

 

He stopped when he saw it was just one of the bars customers, some guy staggering down the alley on his way God knew where. Jared moved towards the wall to get out of his way but the guy just stopped and looked at him.

 

With the man’s eyes on him, Jared felt very uncomfortable, he’d seen that look in Michael’s eyes, it was pure lust. Swallowing, Jared backed away as the guy appraised him hungrily. Slowly, the man nodded.

 

“How much?” he enquired, a small smile pulling at his lips.

 

“How much for what?” Jared asked stupidly, he knew exactly what this guy was after, and no matter how desperate he was, he’d die before he was reduced to that, he’d spent years being used, he wasn’t going to do it again, not for anything.

 

The guy took a step closer and Jared looked to either side of him, desperately searching for an exit.

 

“How much for me to fuck you, right here?” the man leered, palming himself through his slacks.

 

“I-I think there’s been some m-misunderstanding,” Jared stammered. He began to sweat despite his cold skin and his empty stomach rolled, bile rising into his throat. “I’m not a h-hooker.”

 

“Sure you are. Pretty boy like you.” The man licked his lips and Jared almost threw up right then. “Why else would you be out here in next to nothing?”

 

“I’m not. I’m sorry you go the wrong idea,” Jared said and bravely pushed past him and headed for the exit of the alley.

 

He didn’t make it very far before he was slammed face first into the wall, his head cracking into it with a sickening sound. Even though Jared was stunned it would’ve been impossible not to hear the man’s words hissed in his ear, the stench of alcohol on his breath making Jared gag.

 

“I don’t like being teased. It’s about time someone taught you a lesson.”

 

Jared’s blood ran cold. _Taught a lesson._ He’d had enough lessons in his life and never wanted to have a single one ever again.

 

“Don’t,” Jared whimpered as the material of his t-shirt went tight and then ripped, pulling away from his body to reveal his bare skin underneath. A sharp pain shot through Jared’s shoulder as the man sunk in his teeth, Jared yelled loudly and tried to push back, tried to force the man off him. The man wasn’t large, certainly not as tall as Jared, but weak from hunger and disorientated from the blow to his head, Jared just didn’t have the strength to fight the man off. He felt worthless, like something to be chewed up and spat away.

 

Suddenly, there were hands tugging at his jeans. They weren’t trying to undo them, more like they were trying to tear them off, destroy them so they’d be useless afterwards. The thought about them being Jared’s only pair of jeans shot through his head and started Jared into action.

 

“Please don’t, please, please don’t so this?” Jared begged, trying to get a purchase with his hands on the guy, trying to find any way possible to get him off him. “Stop, please stop?”

 

Jared’s cries got louder and more desperate. When the fly on his jeans finally gave and ripped open, his jeans and boxers forced down his thighs. Jared was shoved forward with a knee in his back; his hands were caught and pulled behind him, yanked painfully and secured in one hand while another curled around his neck and squeezed.

 

“Shhh,” his attacker told him, but there was nothing soothing about the sound.

 

Jared gasped for breath, his vision becoming hazy while a gargled sound came from his throat and his cries were lost. Then, all of a sudden, the pressure on his neck and the knee in his back were gone but the restraint of his arms continued. Jared gulped down the much needed air, his head going light at the sudden rush of deprived oxygen.

 

The relief was short lived however, when Jared felt it, a firm, and insistent pressure at the exposed opening of his ass.

 

“Oh God. Not this, please don’t,” Jared begged, sobbing as he was pressed into the wall, without the strength he needed to get away from what was about to happen. “Somebody help me?” he screamed as loud as he could, desperate for someone to come to his aid.

 

His cries for help soon manifested into screams of agony and the foul excuse for a human being forced his way into Jared’s body. Ripping him open to pleasure himself and not caring about the broken pleas for it all to stop, for everything to not be real.

 

No, the nameless, faceless guy shoved his cock inside, violently raping from him every achievement Jared had felt about escaping Michael. This was what he was good for, this was the only thing he could do. He was taught how to please a man, but dear God, Jared wanted to be able to choose the man he pleased.

 

Suddenly, the hand was back around his throat, suppressing the agonised screams coming for Jared’s mouth.

 

“You asked for this. Standing there, looking like you do. Practically begging for it and then refusing to deliver the goods,” the guy snarled in his ear as he thrust up into Jared’s body. “I was willing to pay good money for the privilege of doing you, but if this is the way you want it, I’m not going to say no.”

 

Jared’s arms wailed their pain through his body, meeting and combining with the agony radiating from his ass and yet it was all made fuzzy by the hand, choking the life from him.

 

“Hey,” a voice echoed through the alley. “What’s going on down there?”

 

“Fuck off,” the guy grunted, pushing harder into Jared. “Mind your own fucking business.”

 

Jared flicked his eyes to the small sliver of light adorning the alley and spied the dark figure silhouetted there.

 

“Help,” Jared rasped, not sure if his harsh, weak voice could be heard by the stranger.

 

“Shut the fuck up whore and do your fucking job,” the guy growled at him, smacking his head into the wall and speeding up his thrusts, grunting as his orgasm approached.

 

Jared just closed his eyes and waited for it to be over. He couldn’t do this anymore, he couldn’t live in a world where this was his life. What was the point of trying, of fighting back when you just got shot down every single time?

 

Suddenly, the presence behind him was gone. The intrusion in his body removed and with nothing to hold him up Jared collapsed to the ground.

 

“Get the fuck out of here before I call the police,” a voice yelled and Jared heard stumbling footsteps scrambling to get away down the alley.

 

Then there was a figure looming over him, he huddled into himself, trying to become as small as possible—which would have been laughable if the situation were different—and wishing he could just cease to exist. Then there were hands on him, fingers pressed onto his pulse point and something large and warm was draped over his exposed body.

 

“Are you okay?” a soft voice asked. Jared couldn’t look up, fear kept its tight grip preventing him from venturing that far, instead he simply nodded his head. _I’m fine, please go away_. He prayed this man would go; Jared had nothing to offer him.

 

“Jesus kid, you sure picked the wrong career,” the voice said, a sadness filling it that surprised Jared, but the implication the Jared was a hooker was just another slap in the face.

 

“Not a whore,” Jared croaked weakly. He swept the back of his hand over his face, it came away wet and Jared realised that he’d been crying.

 

“You mean he…” the man stopped with a gasp. Jared nodded the affirmative, yes he… As the fact that Jared had just been raped hit him, Jared’s body reacted and he shook violently, more tears drenching his cheeks. “Jesus, come on, let’s get you inside.”

 

Jared allowed himself to be helped to his feet, gathering his ruined jeans around his waist and leaning into the man without really wanting to but he was unable to stand by himself. As soon as he moved Jared sucked a hiss in through his teeth as pain spiked through from his ass up his spine. His legs faltered and he almost fell but the strong arms around him supported his weight and kept him upright, he adjusted what Jared could now see was a jacket around his shoulders, the warmth soaked into Jared’s chilled bones.

 

Soon Jared was being led up some stairs, then he was seated on a sofa and a glass of strong smelling liquor was placed in his shivering hands.

 

“Whiskey,” his saviour told him quietly. “It’ll warm the blood.”

 

Jared sipped at the whiskey, feeling the burn as it went down. The other man crouched in front of Jared and it was then that Jared had the nerve to raise his eyes to meet him. The first thing he noticed were his startling blue eyes, Jared would have recoiled, reminded of Michael’s eyes, but these weren’t cold like Michael’s often were, they shone with warmth and sincerity. The rest of the man before him was equally as startling, a boyish face with strong features and thick dark hair slightly curled on his head.

 

“Hey, my names Tom,” the guy told him, smiling kindly and making any movement he made small and careful. “Can you tell me your name?”

 

“J-Jared,” Jared answered nervously before taking another large swig of the whiskey.

 

“Hi Jared,” Tom said smiling wider at the cooperation. “I’m just gonna wrap, this blanket around you, okay? It’ll be warmer than my jacket.”

 

Tom held up the blanket, showing it to Jared so he saw it wasn’t a threat, eventually Jared allowed the jacket to be taken away.

 

“Ah, that’s gonna need to be cleaned,” Tom hissed as though it were something painful. Jared looked to where Tom was studying his shoulder and saw deep, bloody teeth marks ripped into the skin, it was like his attacker had being trying to take a chunk out of him.

 

Jared stared at the wound but he was numb to it, he watched the blood slide slowly down his skin but was unaffected. He didn’t even notice when Tom left the room, only to return seconds later with a first aid bag and settle next to Jared on the sofa. This caught Jared’s attention and he skirted across the cushions to the other side, putting space between them.

 

“I’m just going to clean your shoulder; we don’t want it to get infected, do we?” Tom said calmly, holding his hands up in a non-threatening manner. Jared looked from Tom, his hands, the bag and his shoulder, taking it all in, before slowly nodding.

 

“Okay,” he said softly and moved a little closer to Tom.

 

“So, is there anyone I can call for you, someone to come pick you up?” Tom questioned as he started work.

 

“No,” Jared said dully.

 

“You live near here?” Tom continued his interrogation. Jared just shrugged his uninjured shoulder. Tom sat back a little and stared at him, contemplating. “How old are you, kid?”

 

Jared eyed him for a moment before answering, “Seventeen.”

 

“And you’re on the streets!” It wasn’t really question but Jared nodded anyway. “How long?”

 

“’Bout two weeks, I think,” Jared told him, wondering to himself why he was trusting this stranger.

 

“Can’t go home, huh?” Tom said knowingly and Jared shook his head to confirm it.

 

Tom looked at him, studying him, Jared started shifting uncomfortably. “Guess you don’t want to go to the police about that asshole out there either, don’t wanna put yourself under the radar?”

 

Jared looked up in alarm. What if he’d been reported missing? What if Michael was still looking for him? Seeing Jared’s panicked expression Tom held up his hands again.

 

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna turn you in.” Tom stopped, seemingly thinking for a moment. Then he nodded to himself. “You can sleep on the sofa tonight if you like. You can’t go back out there like that; you’ll freeze to death with your clothes all falling off you like that.”

 

Jared took a moment to take in his ruined clothes, the t-shirt was useless, barely staying on, and his jeans would need a belt or something to keep them up, maybe he could find some rope around one of the dumpsters but he would need a new top for sure.

 

“You hungry?” Tom asked and now Jared noticed that he’d moved away and was going behind a counter into a kitchen area. He didn’t wait for Jared to answer him, he just started searching through the fridge and came back with some left over Chinese. “I had this for dinner earlier so it’s still good.”

 

Tom handed Jared the food, still in its container with a fork sticking out. He wanted to say no, that Tom had already done enough but the ache in his stomach made refusing the food an impossibility. Slowly, Jared reached out for the food, snatching it out of Tom’s hand like a frightened animal, before proceeding to stuff his face as fast as he could, afraid Tom was going to change his mind and take the food back. He didn’t.

 

Tom left Jared to eat, coming back to place a steaming cup of cocoa on the table next to him, telling him it would warm him up some more. Soon Jared was warm, his stomach satisfied and he was so comfortable that his eyes were beginning to droop. He shouldn’t stay, he knew he should get up and leave, but the tug of his body and the protective heat of the soft blanket around him prevented him making a move.

 

“Hey, Jared,” Tom was in front of him again, smiling kindly. “Do you wanna have a shower, get cleaned up a little?”

 

Jared thought about how good a shower would feel right now, washing that sick fucks paw print off him, washing away the accumulated dirt of the past two weeks. When he looked up at Tom his vision was blurred, he blinked away the water from his eyes and it fell as tears, overwhelmed by the kindness this man was showing him. Tom just looked sad but held out his hand to help Jared up.

 

 

When Jared staggered out of the shower, so exhausted he could barely stand any longer—he’d actually showered mostly sitting down, crying his heart out—he wrapped himself up in the towel Tom had handed him. When he was dry he searched for his clothes, but they were gone, in their place was a pair of black sweats and a pale blue t-shirt. With no other option Jared put them on.

 

Before leaving the bathroom, Jared noticed some toothpaste. Hoping it would be alright; he scooped it up and put some on his finger, then rubbed it around his teeth as best he could. Then, he sluggishly walked back out into the living room.

 

Tom was gone, but on the sofa was a pillow and another blanket, on the table next to the sofa stood a bottle of water. Jared’s clothes were folded neatly on the floor by the couch with his shoes sitting beside them. Jared could have cried again. It had been so long since someone had treated him like a person, since he had slept in a warm environment on a soft surface.

 

He couldn’t, no matter how much he thought he should, he just couldn’t turn this down. He dragged his weary body over to the sofa and climbed under the blankets. He sighed deeply as his body sank into the soft warmth, and no sooner had his eyes closed and he was asleep.

 

 

Jared woke the next day to the smell of coffee. It took him a few moments to remember where he was, but when the memory of what had happened in the alley came back to him, Jared just buried his head further under the blankets, hiding his face into the pillow.

 

“Hey, you’re awake,” Tom called cheerily, and Jared forced himself out from under the covers. Tom grinned and brought over a mug of coffee, handing it to Jared and indicating that he should move over to allow Tom to sit, so Jared moved and accepted the coffee with a mumbled “thanks.”

 

“So, Jared. What are your plans for the day?” Tom asked brightly, sitting down next to him.

 

“Um… I don’t know. I guess I’ll go to the shelter, see if they’ve got any clothes I can have,” Jared said quietly, sipping his coffee slowly.

 

“For your tall ass? I doubt it,” Tom quipped and Jared frowned, knowing Tom was probably right, they wouldn’t have anything in his size. Suddenly, Tom stood and turned to face Jared. “Stand up a sec.”

 

“What? Why?” Jared asked, but did as requested. Tom looked him up and down before grinning.

 

“Well, you’re about my height, quite a bit skinnier, but you’ll fill out,” Tom said with a grin.

 

“What are you talking about?” Jared questioned.

 

“I’ve got some old clothes you can have, I was just gonna give them to charity anyways, so I might as well give ‘em to you,” Tom explained and then chuckled at Jared’s dropped jaw.

 

“I can’t ask you to do that,” Jared said quickly, shaking his head.

 

“You’re not asking, I’m offering, and I’m not taking no for an answer,” Tom said seriously. “And anyway, it’ll save me the trip.”

 

“But you’ve already done so much.” Jared felt his throat closing up on him, overwhelmed by this man’s kindness. “I have no way to repay you.”

 

Tom adopted a serious expression and placed a hand on Jared’s shoulder.

 

“Did I ask for any type of payment?” he said, tipping his head so Jared had to look in his eyes. Jared swallowed thickly. He didn’t understand why Tom was doing these things for him, why he was being so nice to Jared, a complete stranger. Jared wished there was something he could do to say “thank you,” some way to show how much it meant to him.

 

Without thinking too much about it, Jared leaned forward and pressed his lips to Tom’s, stepping into his personal space to put their bodies flush against each other. No sooner had he begun the kiss than Tom’s hand came to his chest, gently pushing him away.

 

“Whoa, what are you doing?” Tom asked, his cheeks flushing red as he backed away a couple of steps.

 

“I’m sorry, I just thought… I’m sorry,” Jared mumbled, embarrassed that he had offended Tom after everything he’d done for him. “I’ll just… I’ll go.”

 

Jared made to grab for his clothes, but Tom’s hand on his arm stopped him.

 

“Hey, you can’t go; I haven’t given you your clothes yet,” Tom said quickly.

 

“But I—”

 

“It’s okay. You’re a great looking guy and everything, and I’m sure it would’ve been very nice, but Jared, I’m straight,” Tom told him with a chuckle and Jared flushed profusely.

 

“Oh,” was all Jared could say.

 

“You really wanna repay me that badly?” Tom looked thoughtful, and Jared just nodded vigorously. “Okay, well, I’ve got the whole bar to clear up before we open later, you could give me a hand with that if you’re feeling up to it?”

 

Jared’s eyes lit up. That was something he could do, he could help Tom, and that way he wouldn’t feel like he’d taken advantage of his generosity, he would’ve worked for what he’d been given. Jared smiled his first real smile in as long as he could remember.


	18. Chapter 18

Part 18

 

Jensen woke with Jared thrashing around next to him, his arms were flying wildly and Jensen had to move further away to prevent injury. Jared was letting out sudden shouts, it sounded like he was in agony.

 

“Jared,” Jensen called, not daring touch him in case it made things worse. “Jay, come on man, wake up, it’s just a dream.”

 

Jared screamed in his sleep and real tears escaped from under his closed lids.

 

“Please don’t,” Jared begged. “Please, I can’t, please?”

 

“Jay, wake up, it’s a dream that’s all, it’s not real,” Jensen carried on his attempts to wake him from his nightmare. “No one can hurt you here, Jared, come on man, it’s Jen, it’s Jensen, come back to me.”

 

“What on earth is going on?” Sherri burst through the door, an alarmed look on her face. She ground to a halt at the sight of Jared tossing and turning, covered in sweat and crying in his sleep.

 

“It’s just a bad dream, I just have to wake him up,” Jensen said quickly before turning his attention back to Jared. “Jay, you’re safe, okay. Listen to me, it’s Jen, wake up man, wake up.”

 

Jared tossed one more time too hard and ended up throwing himself off the bed. Jensen followed him over, scrambling to be there for when the shock woke him up, which it did, a scream dying on Jared’s lips.

 

“It’s okay, it’s over now,” Jensen told him tenderly, taking him into his arms.

 

“Jen?” Jared asked weakly, slowly focusing on Jensen and then clinging to him tightly, closing his eyes and burying himself as close to Jensen as he could get. Jensen could feel Jared’s body shaking badly, his breath harsh and filled with sobs.

 

“Yeah, it’s me, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere,” Jensen assured him, holding his tighter. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

 

“It was him again,” Jared whispered into Jensen’s neck, his fingers clawing into Jensen’s t-shirt. Jared shuddered but went quiet, Jensen took that to mean he was done talking and really, he didn’t need anymore explanation.

 

“What’s happened?” Sherri asked softly, reminding Jensen of her presence. Jared was still too out of it to realise she was even there.

 

“It was just a dream,” Jensen told her, not wanting to betray Jared’s trust by letting more out than Jared would feel comfortable with.

 

“Does he get those a lot?” Sherri continued to question, and really, who could blame her?

 

“Yeah, sometimes. I should really get him back to bed,” Jensen said and looked pleadingly at Sherri, praying she wouldn’t demand to know more.

 

“Why? What was he dreaming about?” Sherri didn’t take the hint.

 

“I’m sorry, Mrs Padalecki, but that’s not for me to tell you and I’d probably suggest that you don’t ask him, not yet,” Jensen told her and felt a stab of guilt at the hurt and concern on his face. He understood. She’d just found her son, but he was broken and she had no idea why and no idea how to fix him.

 

“Will he be okay?” Sherri asked, obviously catching on to the fact that Jared wasn’t part of the conversation for the moment.

 

“He just needs to sleep,” Jensen tried to explain. “Hopefully it won’t happen again tonight.” He wondered if maybe that was too much information, but often the dreams didn’t come solo and it would continue all night. Being back in his old room, his old house, it must be bringing up so many forgotten or suppressed memories and Jensen had no idea what was going on inside Jared’s head right now.

 

Sherri looked like she wanted to say more but luckily she didn’t. Her face distraught she nodded and backed out of the room, quietly closing the door behind her. Jensen turned his attention back to Jared.

 

“Jared. Jay, come one, let’s get you back into bed,” Jensen murmured, lifting Jared’s head to bring him around again.

 

“Jen?” Jared said sleepily.

 

“Yeah, come on sasquatch, help me out here.” Jensen stood, pulling Jared with him; luckily Jared got with the programme and crawled back into bed on his own.

 

“You okay?” Jensen asked once they were back under the covers and cuddled up against each other.

 

“Yeah,” Jared said meekly. “I just wish it didn’t control me so much, that _he_ didn’t control me so much. I wish I could get past it.”

 

“You will,” Jensen promised. “I’ll help you, what ever you need. And you know Jay, you’re more in control than you give yourself credit for, you’re stronger than you think.”

 

“Yeah? Then how come I can’t be with you properly like I want to be?” Jared asked gruffly and Jensen was taken back by the comment. They’d been taking things slow and Jensen was fine with that, but they hadn’t really discussed it beyond that, they’d just been feeling their way. Jensen had no idea that Jared had wanted to take things further, to take them all that way.

 

“You mean sex?” Jensen clarified.

 

“I mean… yeah I guess I mean sex,” Jared confirmed. “I wish you could make love to me with out me freaking out, without me remembering _him_.”

 

“You know, you don’t have to be the one to… well, I could always… what’s wrong with you making love to me?” Jensen asked hesitantly, hoping Jared understood what he meant. He’d never bottomed before but that doesn’t mean he’s against the idea, just that all his partners when he was in school wanted him to be top.

 

“No,” Jared said decisively.

 

“I don’t mind, Jay,” Jensen insisted, leaning up so he could see Jared’s face.

 

“No,” Jared said again but he wouldn’t look at Jensen. Slowly Jensen put a hand to Jared’s face and gently turned it to face him. “It’s just… you remember that time just outside my front door.”

 

How could Jensen forget? It had been amazing and yet a complete contrast to the Jared he knew today. Slowly he nodded and waited for Jared to explain.

 

“That wasn’t me. I don’t act like that, I don’t talk like that,” Jared said, his eyes looking around as though searching for the right words. “When I did that, it was like… like I was channelling _him,_ it was like I was becoming Michael. I did things and said things that were so like him, it scared the Hell out of me Jen, when you left I completely broke down.”

 

“Jesus, why didn’t you tell me?” Jensen asked, shocked and feeling so damn guilty that he had enjoyed it while Jared had been in internal turmoil.

 

“It wasn’t really something I wanted to admit out loud, if I said it, if I told you, it would make it real,” Jared explained, still refusing to meet Jensen’s eyes. “That’s why I can’t… if I were to try, to be on top, I’m scared that I would become him, that I wouldn’t have control of what I was doing. God, Jen, what if I hurt you?”

 

“That would never happen,” Jensen said with a certainty he wasn’t sure he felt. Now Jared did turn to him, a small smile gracing his lips.

 

“But I wouldn’t want to take the chance. Not yet at least, not until I’m better,” Jared said softly and bent to kiss Jensen. Jensen accepted the kiss as well as the explanation. He understood why Jared was scared and he wasn’t going to push him into doing something he was uncomfortable with. “So, you’ll wait for me?” Jared asked tentatively.

 

“Till the end of the world,” Jensen spoke without even thinking, his eyes still closed from the soft kiss. When he opened his eyes wide he found Jared staring down at him, a soft smile was there, just for him and Jensen just smiled back. “Let’s get some sleep, huh?”

 

Jared nodded and snuggled down, pulling Jensen against him so his head was on Jared’s chest.

 

“Hey Jen,” Jared almost whispered. “Thank you.”

 

“For what?” Jensen whispered back.

 

“For talking to my mom earlier.”

 

“You heard that, huh?” Jensen stiffened slightly; he hadn’t known Jared was listening.

 

“Yeah,” Jared confirmed.

 

“I was afraid I’d said too much, I didn’t want to tell her about your dreams,” Jensen said in a rush.

 

“You were perfect, thank you,” Jared assured him and placed a kiss on the top of Jensen’s head.

 

Jensen simply smiled against Jared’s chest and pressed a kiss into his skin.

 

“You think maybe you should tell her about Michael?” Jensen asked tentatively.

 

“One day, maybe,” was all Jared said and Jensen let it drop. He listened as Jared’s breathing evened out and became deep before letting himself be pulled under by sleep.

 

***

 

The rest of the night was uneventful. They slept all the way through without being disturbed by anymore dreams. Yet it was all too soon that Sherri was sticking her head around the door and telling them breakfast was cooking.

 

They took quick turns in the shower, Jared did offer to share but Jensen refused, afraid that Jerry might be about and he really didn’t want to do anything to upset the man further, plus it just felt wrong, doing things like that in Jared’s parents house.

 

Eventually, they were sitting down to hot coffee and bacon and eggs at the kitchen counter. Sherri looked tired and warn, Jensen figured she didn’t sleep all that well after finding out about Jared’s nightmares, she was most likely worried about what had caused them and why she’d been unable to stop him from getting them in the first place.

 

Sherri was just clearing the dishes when Jerry walking onto the kitchen. He took a mug and filled it with coffee before turning and regarding Jensen and Jared, he didn’t speak, he just watched them as if they were about to do something interesting or dangerous.

 

“Would you like some breakfast, dear?” Sherri asked him politely, Jerry turned to her and placed a kiss on her cheek.

 

“Yes please,” he smiled at her and she smiled shyly back. Jensen watched in amazement, thinking that this must be a glimpse of what they used to be like, or are like when Jared wasn’t there, a perfectly happy couple who were obviously in love. Then Jerry turned his attention back to Jared and his face became serious again. “You made quite a racket last night,” he stated flatly and Jensen felt Jared flinched beside him.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jared said meekly. Jensen turned slightly to see that Jared’s face was flushed red with embarrassment.

 

“Are you alright?” Jensen and Jared simultaneously turned shocked eyes to Jerry. That had been the last question they’d been expecting. Sherri just smiled slightly and went back to cooking her husband’s breakfast.

 

“Um, yeah,” Jared replied, obviously confused by this apparent sudden concern. “It was just a nightmare, that’s all.”

 

“You get that a lot?” Jerry asked as he moved to sit opposite Jared, placing his coffee on the counter and waiting for Jared to answer.

 

“Sometimes,” Jared said nervously, and all Jensen could do was watch, ready to jump in and defend Jared if he needed it.

 

“What was it about?” Jerry probed, his voice calm, but not filled with emotion like Jared’s shaky words.

 

“I—uh—I had a tough time when I first— _moved away_ ,” Jared said as explanation, and Jensen could have sworn he saw Jerry flinch.

 

“What do you mean by tough?” Jerry asked, a slight frown gracing his features.

 

“Some stuff—that I don’t want to think about,” Jared said in a rush and pushed his plate away from him. “Um, I need some air. Jen, you wanna come to the park with me?”

 

“Let me get my shoes,” Jensen said immediately, he could tell Jared needed an escape, Jerry’s sudden attention confusing them both. Jensen couldn’t blame Jared for needing to clear his head.

 

They both stood and started heading for the door. When they were by the front door, ready to go, Sherri and Jerry met them there.

 

“Will you be home for lunch?” Sherri asked, she was trying to be cheerful but there was an underlying concern she was trying to hide. The knowledge of these dreams obviously hitting her hard, hard enough for Jerry to take an interest.

 

“Um, probably, but don’t make anything just in case,” Jared told her, edging towards to door, desperate to get out where he could breathe again.

 

Sherri smiled and Jerry nodded to them as they left the house and Jensen’s mind boggled at what a strange morning it had been.

 

***

 

Sandy was shopping for some groceries—her parents seriously needed to be taught what a decent breakfast was—when she heard some people at the counter talking.

 

“Did you hear? The Padalecki boy’s back. Just turned up out of the blue,” one woman, who Sandy recognised as Mrs Gamble, said incredulously.

 

“He’s had his poor parent’s worried for so long and now, four years later he just waltzes back into their lives like nothing happened?” the woman behind that counter, Mrs Westing, commented.

 

“I know, all these years, he could’ve at least had the decency to call and let them know he was alright,” Mrs Gamble exclaimed and the hair on Sandy’s skin bristled.

 

“I know. That’s exactly what that Mr Weatherly said earlier this morning when I told him Jared was back at his parent’s place. He said he’d go by there and see how they’re doing, so maybe he can tell us more later,” Mrs Westing said hopefully.

 

Sandy dropped her shopping, her blood running cold. The women turned to stare at her opened mouthed as Sandy rushed towards the exit.

 

“Aren’t you going to clean that up dear?” Mrs Westing said tersely.

 

“Why don’t you quit your yakking and do it yourself?” Sandy said heatedly.

 

“I beg your pardon?” the two gossips said in sync.

 

“You’ve no idea what you’ve done,” Sandy told them, fighting the tears in her eyes as she raced out the door; she had to get to Jared’s place and fast, she only prayed she wasn’t too late. All these years she’d protected Jared, she’d never forgive herself if it all fell to pieces now, not after how far Jared had come, how strong he was now.

 

***

 

Jensen kissed Jared on the head as he leaned back against Jensen’s chest. Jensen sat on a bench and smiled at the sun shining down on them.

 

“You feeling better?” he asked Jared and Jared groaned happily.

 

“Yeah, I just had to get away for a while, gather my thoughts, you know?” Jared told him.

 

“Yeah, I get it. I’m just happy to have some time with you alone,” Jensen turned Jared in his arms and kissed him softly.

 

“Hey, this isn’t Seattle. People aren’t as tolerant around here,” Jared blushed but the slight worry in his eye stopped Jensen from pushing it further.

 

“So, what do you want—” Jensen stopped when he felt Jared stiffen in his arms. Jared was looking over Jensen’s shoulder, his eyes wide and terrified.

 

Jensen turned and saw a tall, older but handsome man strolling towards them.

 

“Jared Padalecki, you’re a face I didn’t think I’d see around these parts again,” the man said, focusing piercing blue eyes on Jared.

 

“No,” Jared murmured and started backing away from the man, which meant he backed away from Jensen too.

 

“Aren’t you pleased to see me? I’ve missed you, baby boy,” the man said, stopping beside Jensen where he sat on the bench.

 

Jensen’s eyes widened, suddenly realising who the man was.

 

“Michael,” he hissed, climbing to his feet, ready to lay the man out. Anger ran through every part of him, pulsing out of him in violent waves.

 

“You must be the wonderful boyfriend I’ve been hearing about,” Michael said appraisingly. “But I bet you can’t give my boy everything he needs. You have to have a strong hand with him; otherwise he forgets how to be a man.”

 

“You son of a bitch,” Jensen growled, stepping between Michael and Jared. “You get out of here right now or I’ll fucking kill you.”

 

“Oh, so he did tell you about us? Jared, that was a bad thing to do, how many other people have you told?” Michael fixed his gaze on Jared.

 

“N-no one, I haven’t told anyone,” Jared stuttered, tears falling down his face. Jensen wished he could go to him, hold him close and make everything better, but he wasn’t going to turn his back on this piece of shit, not for a second.

 

“Good, then I only have to deal with you two,” Michael said just as he pulled a gun from his jacket. Instead of firing it, he swung it to hit Jensen on the head, and Jensen fell to the ground, unconscious.

 

~~~

 

Jared went to move but Michael aimed the gun at him and he stopped dead. His entire body was screaming at him to fight, or to run, to do something other than stand there.

 

When he’d seen Michael appear behind Jensen he’d thought he was hallucinating, that his dreams were causing him to see things when he was awake, but then he’d spoken and Jared had died a little inside. When he’d made the decision to come home, to see his parents, it had never even occurred to him that he might run into Michael, for some reason he didn’t even think Michael would still be here. But he was, and he was standing in front of him, with a gun he’d just used to knock Jared’s boyfriend out with.

 

“Pick him up and put him in my car or I’ll shoot him dead,” Michael told Jared, snapping him out of his wildly running thoughts and indicating to his four by four that was just behind them.

 

Jared didn’t move, he couldn’t, he was literally scared stiff.

 

“I mean it, baby boy,” Michael growled. Jared had heard that tone before, many times, and knew it meant that Michael was deadly serious and pissed off beyond belief and it was this tone that jolted Jared into action.

 

Keeping one eye on the gun that remained trained on his head, Jared began to drag Jensen’s dead weight as well as he could, working against the pain in his gut as his stitches were pulled painfully. Jared’s hands were shaking violently and he had to fight the urge to throw up.

 

As he moved Jensen, Jared checked that he was still breathing, he was, thankfully, and Jared breathed just that little bit easier knowing that.

 

Once Jared had Jensen in the back of the car, Michael ordered him into the driver’s seat. Carefully Jared climbed in. When Michael was seated next to him, the gun still level but now out of sight from passers by, Michael handed him the keys and told him to start the engine.

 

Jared tried to keep his hands steady as he took the keys, but he couldn’t prevent the flinch that happened when their skin touched. Quickly, he grabbed the keys and shoved them in the ignition; Michael just smirked next to him and gave him directions.

 

“If you try anything, your boyfriend dies first,” Michael warned and Jared believed him.

 

***

 

Sandy was gasping for breath by the time she arrived at the Padalecki’s house. She burst through the door without bothering to knock, too terrified to think about the niceties.

 

“Jared? Jensen?” she shouted at the top of her lungs.

 

“Sandra? What’s all the shouting for?” Jerry asked as he came through from the living room.

 

“Where are they?” Sandy asked desperately. _Please tell me they’re okay,_ she silently begged.

 

“They went for a drive to the park, why is something wrong?” Sherri asked, appearing from the kitchen, a frown on her face.

 

Sandy closed her eyes for a moment and tried to calm herself down, she was no good to Jared if she was in a state.

 

“Has Mr. Weatherly from school stopped by this morning?” she asked, praying the answer would be no.

 

“Yes, he came by a little while ago, he wanted to greet Jared home,” Sherri said with a smile. “He’s been one of the most supportive through all these years, always checking in to see if we’d heard anything. I told him Jared had gone to the park with his boyfriend, he seemed very happy to know that he was alright and that he had someone in his life.”

 

“Fuck,” Sandy cursed, her heart racing. What was she going to do? What would Michael do?

 

“I beg you’re pardon young lady,” Jerry scolded but Sandy ignored him calling Jared’s cell immediately. There was no answer.

 

“We have to get out there, right now. We have to warn them,” she said desperately already heading for the door. If she could get to the park, get there before Michael, everything would be alright.

 

“What are you talking about? Michael’s been a good friend, what could you possibly have to warn them about?” Sherri laughed as if the whole thing were ridiculous.

 

“Because _Michael_ abused Jared all through high school and threatened to kill him when he said he’d tell,” Sandy shouted, and then fixed her glare on Jerry. “Why do you think Jared was in such a mess that day? He was desperate for your help, for your support. But you had to go all homicidal homophobic on him and make sure he never trusted another soul again.” Jerry’s eyes went wide and Sandy wanted to punch him—not for the first time. “Yeah, Michael was the guy Jared was trying to tell you about, he was coming to you for help and you threatened to cut his fucking dick off, you twisted fuck. He came to me covered in blood and crying for help. His teacher was out there looking to fucking kill him and his fucking dad had pretty much just threatened to do exactly the same fucking thing.” Sandy knew she was screaming at them but she wasn’t in any frame of mind to keep her emotions in check.

 

“Sandra, I think we would have noticed if Jared was being abused,” Sherri said harshly and Sandy rolled her eyes.

 

“You’d think, wouldn’t you? You were just so glad that he'd stopped coming home with bruises. You thought he’d stopped getting into fights. Well here’s news for you, Jared never got into fights, he was bullied and beaten up because he was smart and too skinny. Michael used that against him to win his trust and then he abused it, he abused Jared, for years. What do you think was going to at all those extra tutoring sessions that Jared didn’t need?” Sandy stopped for breath, knowing she’d said too much but she’d been silent long enough and she needed their help of she was going to find Jared in time.

 

“You’re serious, aren’t you?” It was Jerry who spoke now, his face pale and his jaw clenched in anger.

 

“Deadly,” Sandy growled. “Now we have to go warn them that Weatherly is looking for them before it’s too late.”

 

Jerry grabbed Sherri’s arm and pulled her out to the car. They all scrambled inside and Jerry peeled out of the driveway and toward the park, not caring that he was breaking the speed limit. Sandy figured it would probably be a good thing to get the police's attention anyway, they'd need them.

 

On the way Sherri and Sandy were constantly phoning Jensen and Jared’s cells but getting no answer.

 

Sandy’s dread only bore deeper when they got to the park and found Jensen’s car but no Jensen or Jared.

 

“Fuck,” Sandy shouted. “We’ve got to find out where Weatherly could’ve taken them and pray to God that they’re still alive.”

 

“You really think he’d hurt them?” Sherri asked, her voice laced with worry but Sandy didn’t care, she spun on the woman.

 

“He fucked your son when he was fifteen years old and told that it was payment for protecting him against the bullies, he hurt him repeatedly and after he would always tell Jay he loved him and make Jared say it back. He trained him to be the perfect fuck toy, to pleasure him without question, he had Jared so scared and so brainwashed the poor kid didn’t know which way was up,” Sandy snarled, advancing on a progressively horrified Sherri. “So yeah, I think he’d really hurt them. When Jared said he’d tell on him, Weatherly said he’d kill him first, my guess is that he’s here to finish the job.”

 

***

 

Four Years Ago

 

 

When Sandy opened her door Jared just stood and stared at her. Blood was dried in patches on his face and mouth, and matted in his hair where—she later learned—his head had collided with the china cabinet. His t-shirt was ripped at the neck, showing dark finger marks bruising the skin. 

 

“Fucking hell, Jay. What the fuck happened?” Sandy pulled Jared through the doorway and couldn’t help but look nervously at the street, just in case someone was watching, before closing it firmly behind them.

 

“You gotta help me, Sand. I’ve got nowhere else to go.” His voice was harsh, and he winced as though he were speaking through razor blades.

 

“Who did this to you, Jay?”

 

“I went to tell him the truth; I thought he would help me. I mean, he’s always supposed to be there for me, right?

 

“Your dad?” Jared nodded, tears rolling freely down his face. “He did this to you?”

 

Again all Jared could do was nod, and Sandy cursed repetitively under her breath. “You got to tell someone, go to…”

 

“No!” Jared’s eyes went wide with terror. “No. You can’t talk to anyone, not even your parents. Please Sand, promise me?” Jared took Sandy’s hands and gripped tightly as though he was afraid she would run off to blab his secrets to the world.

 

“But if…”

 

“I just need to get out of here; I thought dad would help me but…” His voice broke. “I just need some money, just enough to get me out of town.” Jared released her hands and sank onto the sofa to hold his head in his hands. Sandy fell to her knees in front of him and placed her hands on his thighs.

 

“Jay, you can’t just…”

 

“He’s going to kill me!” Jared didn’t look up when he spoke softly, but Sandy could tell by the fear and sadness in his lost voice that he wasn’t exaggerating, and it was taking everything Jared had not to give up and fall apart, to welcome the end to his nightmare.

 

“Your dad?” Jared shook his head. Now he did meet her gaze, and all the pieces fell into place. “Oh, Jay. What did you do?”

 

“I told him no. Not anymore. Never again. Said I’d tell.” Jared let out a humourless laugh. “He didn’t take it too well.”

 

“Fuck!” Sandy pulled Jared’s head to her shoulder and winced when he hissed at the pain in his head, but he held onto her like his life depended on it, and right now, it probably did.

 

“He’s out there now, looking for me. I need to go, get out of San Antonio, as far away as I can get.”

 

The silence went on for a long minute before Sandy dipped her head to peer into Jared’s eyes.

 

“Okay Jay, okay. I’ll help,” she promised. The hope that lit up in Jared’s eyes brought a small smile to her lips, but it was gone the instant it appeared. “Let’s get you cleaned up, then we’ll go.”

 

 

Fifteen minutes later Jared was hiding his head in Sandy’s car while she went and bought his bus ticket, his body flinching at the slightest sound. He almost screamed when Sandy climbed back into the driver’s seat.

 

“Here, this will take you as far as Seattle,” Sandy said, handing over Jared’s ticket. He took it with a shaky hand and stared at what was about to take him into an unknown future. “Jay. You’ve got to go,” Sandy prodded gently. “It’s gonna leave any minute.”

 

Sandy was trying desperately to keep it together, to be the strength she knew Jared needed her to be, but her voice trembled along with her body as she was overwhelmed with conflicting emotions. She didn’t want Jared to go, he was her best friend. She wanted to help him fight, make him go to the police, but she knew his life was truly in danger, that even his own family couldn’t be trusted. If he was caught in the wrong place at the wrong time… it didn’t even bear thinking about. So, no. She wouldn’t argue, she wouldn’t beg him to stay. Even if Jared _did_ stay Sandy wasn’t sure how much he could take, especially if the truth came out and everyone knew.

 

Jared nodded and slipped out of the car, eyes darting over every person he could see and searching for people he couldn’t.

 

They stopped by the bus and Jared turned to face Sandy. His eyes were red and brimmed with tears as they stared intently at her face, as though trying to memorise every inch of her, like he was never going to see her again. He looked so tired; Sandy couldn’t remember when he’d last been as full of life as he used to be.

 

“Hey,” Sandy said, taking his face in her tiny hands. “You call me when you get where you’re going, or I’ll hunt your ass down and kick the shit out of you, you get me?” Jared laughed for a moment, his dimples making an appearance and his face lighting up with the life and brightness she had hardly seen for months.

 

“I will. I promise.” Jared swept her into his arms and held her so tight she thought her lungs would pop.

 

“Take this.” Sandy shoved a handful of bills into his hand. “It’s not much, but it should keep you fed for a while.”

 

“I can’t…”

 

“You can, and you will,” she said sternly. “Now, get, before I drag you back home with me.”

 

“Thank you, Sand. Thank you so much.” They hugged again, and Sandy ran a hand over the bruise building on the side of his face.

 

“You just take care of yourself, okay?” Now the tears did fall, and Jared brushed them away with his thumb.

 

“You too.”

 

Before Jared could change his mind he touched a light kiss to Sandy’s lips and climbed up the steps of the waiting bus.

 

“I’m gonna come find you,” Sandy shouted after him. “As soon as I can; you’re not alone in this, Jay!”

 

When Jared looked out the bus window his face was drenched in tears. He placed his palm flat against the glass and they stared at each other, best friends torn apart, until the bus pulled away putting more and more distance between them; then Jared was gone, and Sandy’s heart broke for them both. Sandy cried for an hour in her car before heading home to pretend she hadn’t just said goodbye to the best person she’d ever known.


	19. Chapter 19

  
Author's notes: **WARNING AND SPOILER** : This chapter contains graphic rape.  


* * *

Part 19

 

Jared was lagging by the time he dragged Jensen into the small building. His side hurt, he thought he’d pulled a few stitches and his terror was so overwhelming he thought he would explode with it. Slowly Jensen started waking up, groaning in pain.

 

“Oh thank God,” Jared hissed in his ear. “Jen, baby, I need you to help me here.”

 

Eventually Jensen managed to find purchase with his feet and Jared finally got Jensen inside, helping Jensen to sit on the ground. Jared let his gaze run around the room. He recognised it; he’d been here many times with Michael. Right where he was standing was where Michael had first fucked him. Slowly, Jared turned to face Michael, trying to appear strong and not the weak and terrified little boy he now felt like.

 

“Please, just let him go,” Jared begged, indicating to Jensen. “You’ve got me, you don’t need him.”

 

Michael locked the door and pulled a bolt across. After fixing a padlock to it he tossed a pair of hand cuffs to Jared, completely ignoring Jared’s pleas.

 

“Lock him up, to that pipe,” Michael ordered raising his gun at them and nodding to the pipe that ran across the back wall.

 

“No, Jared, don’t,” Jensen said, still groggy from the blow to the head.

 

“I could always just shoot you,” Michael warned.

 

“Someone would hear the shot,” Jensen smirked bravely.

 

“Not likely, we’re in an old part of the school that hasn’t been used for years, plus it’s the weekend, there’s no one here but us,” Michael said smugly. “Now, tie him up, baby boy, I want him to see how to really handle you.”

 

Jared watched the exchanged like a tennis match. He knew Michael was right, no one would hear anything coming from here, they never had. Jared had screamed his lungs out in this room plenty of times, Michael had often encouraged it, and not once had anyone heard and come to his aid.

 

With tears in his eyes and a heavy heart, Jared slowly led Jensen to the pipe and guided him to sit on the ground, then he fixed the cuffs around Jensen’s wrists, looping the restraints securely around the pipe above Jensen’s head; there was no way for Jensen to get away.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Jared sobbed, not able to look Jensen in the eyes.

 

“Jay, listen to me, don’t let him do this. You’re stronger than this. He doesn’t control you anymore,” Jensen begged Jared to listen to him but Jared knew Jensen was wrong, he wasn’t strong enough and there was no way he was putting Jensen in anymore danger because of him, he just wouldn’t. Now was not the time to make waves.

 

“I think that’s where you’re wrong, isn’t he baby boy? He doesn’t understand what we share together,” Michael said surprisingly softly, coming up behind Jared a slipping his hand over Jared’s cock. Jared forced himself to remain still, to not flinch away from Michael’s touch, no matter how much it sickened him. “I think it’s about time we show him, don’t you?”

 

Now Jared’s eyes locked with Jensen’s. He could see Jensen pleading with him, trying to lend him his strength, but nothing was getting through, only Michael’s hand rubbing Jared’s cock.

 

“Come on, baby boy, get yourself hard for me,” Michael hissed in Jared’s ear. Jared closed his eyes, willing himself to get hard, opening himself up to the sensations Michael tried to stimulate in him.

 

Gradually, he felt himself hardening, Michael’s hand curled around him through his jeans and squeezing just on the side of too hard causing Jared to whimper quietly. Jared bit his lip trying to stay quiet, he didn’t want to give Michael anymore satisfaction than possible. “There’s a good boy, see, you can do it, I’m so proud of you Jared. Now, get on your knees.”

 

Slowly, Jared turned around and fell to his knees, his memories of the amount of times he’d done this as commanded taking over his brain and controlling his movements as if on autopilot.

 

“You know what to do,” Michael told him, slipping his hand through Jared’s hair.

 

Jared was acutely aware of Jensen watching, he forced himself not to look at him, to focus on the task at hand. Maybe if he did this it would all be over and he could go back to his life. Jared felt himself shutting down, cutting off his emotions as best he could, just like he used to, because if he allowed himself to feel he wouldn’t be able to hold it together.

 

“Jay, don’t,” Jensen whispered. Suddenly, a gun shot rang out and Jensen screamed in agony. Jared snapped his eyes to Jensen in alarm, he could see Jensen’s arm was bleeding badly and Jared’s heart nearly stopped. Michael had shot him, had shot Jensen. What if he’d killed him? Jared couldn’t breathe.

 

“Isn’t he lucky I’m such a good shot?” Michael said softly, tipping Jared’s head up to look at him and Jared fought to control his breathing, he wouldn’t freak out, not now, not when Jensen’s life would be the cost. “Aren’t you glad I didn’t just kill him?” Jared nodded quickly, not wanting to seem ungrateful. “Well, aren’t you going to thank me?”

 

“T-thank you,” Jared stuttered quietly, more tears falling from his eyes.

 

“That’s not the thanks I meant, baby boy,” Michael said sternly and yet he still managed to keep a softness to his voice. When Jared appeared to hesitate Michael frowned. “Do you love him?”

 

Jared looked up at Michael who just stared down at him. Jared knew that Michael would see if he tried to lie.

 

“Yes,” Jared confessed. He hadn’t wanted this to be the way Jensen found out, but he couldn’t not say it now. “Yes, I love him. I’m in love with him.”

 

“Then it’s up to you to keep him safe, just like I kept you safe,” Michael told him and Jared nodded. He understood. He knew what was expected of him and he knew that if he didn’t do it, Jensen would be killed and probably himself too. Slowly and with trembling hands, Jared opened Michael’s pants and pulled his dick out. It still looked the same, even after all these years and Jared cringed at the sight of it. He wanted to rip of off, he wanted… he wanted a lot of things he couldn’t have and now wasn’t the time to get angry, he had to remain calm.

 

“There’s a good boy, now before you start, I want to see you.”

 

Jared’s eyes snapped up to Michael’s, seeing the want and the power in them and wilting under their glare.

 

“Please, don’t?” Jared begged brokenly. In reply Michael simply raised the gun and aimed it at Jensen again. Quickly Jared started pulling at his clothes, yanking his t-shirt over his head.

 

“Can I at least tie this around his arm so he doesn’t bleed out?” Jared asked, as encouragement he rubbed his face against Michael’s dick, flicking out his tongue and licking at the head for a split second. Michael sucked in a quick breath.

 

“Be quick, baby boy,” Michael said breathily.

 

Jared dashed to Jensen’s side, quickly tying his t-shirt tightly around his arm, stopping the blood flow.

 

“Jared, don’t do this, you don’t have to do this,” Jensen said sharply but quietly, pleading Jared to put a stop to everything. And really, if Jared knew of a way then he would, but he didn’t.

 

“You don’t understand, he _will_ kill you, and me, I have to do this. But don’t worry, I’ve done it before, I can handle it,” Jared whispered and he quickly brushed his lips against Jensen’s cheek. “I love you,” he whispered. “Please stay quiet?”

 

Jared backed away from Jensen, watching the tears fall down Jensen’s face as he shook his head at Jared, mouthing the word ‘don’t’ over and over again. Jared’s heart clenched. If he did this and they survived, would Jensen ever be able to touch him again? Or would he be repulsed by the sight of him, by his touch, by what Jared was about to allow to happen.

 

Turning away defeated, Jared got on his knees in front of Michael again, taking his dick in his hand and stoking it to full hardness, his heart slowly turning to stone.

 

“Haven’t you forgotten something?” Michael questioned softly. Cringing, Jared got back to his feet and pulled off the rest of his cloths until he was completely naked, shame colouring his cheeks, then he knelt in front of Michael again and wait for instructions.

 

“Oh Jared. You’re even more beautiful that you used to be. Now let’s see if my baby boy finally became a man.” Reluctantly, Jared took Michael in his hand again. “Uh, that’s it, baby boy, show me you haven’t forgotten everything I taught you,” Michael moaned, he twisted his hand painfully in Jared’s hair, holding his head close against his groin. “I see you kept your hair long, just as I like it, there’s my good boy.”

 

Jared fought against the nausea and opened his mouth to take Michael’s cock. Michael groaned above him and it was like all his nightmares suddenly becoming reality. Jared closed his eyes and took Michael deep into his throat, working his tongue just the way he’d been taught to, those lessons he would never be able to forget. “Fucking look at me,” Michael snarled and yanked at his head. 

 

Remembering, Jared quickly raised his eyes to meet Michael’s, he wasn’t allowed to look away, Michael liked to see the tears in his eyes and the tears fell, drenching his cheeks.

 

He sucked harder, deep throating Michael, just the way he remembered he liked it. Suddenly, Michael was fucking his mouth and all Jared could do was open up and take it, keeping his eyes fixed on Michael’s through his tears.

 

 

~~~

 

 

Jensen watched in horror as Jared opened his mouth to Michael, taking his cock inside his mouth. He watched Michael’s hands tighten in Jared’s hair and noticed Jared wince slightly at the pain.

 

His eyes ran up to Michael’s and that’s when he noticed Michael was staring at him. Jensen glared right back, swearing with his eyes that he would kill the son of a bitch.

 

He listened as Michael praised Jared, all the while smirking at Jensen, showing him what he could never have. But Jensen knew that he didn’t understand. This wasn’t the Jared he wanted, he didn’t want a sub, he wanted a partner, someone to share things with not someone to take things from.

 

He pulled against his restraints again, ignoring the pain in his arm, too fuelled on anger to worry about it. He new he was crying, his chest was heaving and painfully tight and he wanted to wipe away the sight before his eyes, but he daren’t look away, if he did that then he would be abandoning Jared, and there was nothing in this world that would make him do that.

 

Michael turned his attention back to Jared, noticing that Jared’s eyes were squeezing shut, his lips pulled into a snarl and Jensen winced when Michael yanked on Jared’s hair, ordering Jared to look at him. Jared did as he was told and then it was like Jensen was forgotten. It was just Michael and Jared, their eyes locked together. Michael’s cold and hard, and Jared’s pained and tearful and so damn scared Jensen thought he would die.

 

Still gripping with one hand, Michael began to pump in and out of Jared’s mouth; he forced himself so deep Jensen didn’t know how Jared wasn’t choking on him. But Jared’s eyes didn’t leave Michael’s for a second; he let Michael fuck his mouth and just took everything given to him. Jensen heart broke for Jared, little by little.

 

 

~~~

 

 

Suddenly, Michael was pulling out, Jared frowned; Michael hadn’t come yet, why was he stopping? Michael dropped to his knees, staring Jared in his confused eyes.

 

“Kiss me,” he ordered, and Jared immediately leaned forward to kiss him. Michael pulled away in disgust. “No, kiss me like you were kissing _him._ ”

 

Jared followed Michael’s gaze to where Jensen sat panting with the pain in his arm, tears falling down his pale face and murder in his eyes. Jensen shook his head, begging Jared not to do it. Jared tried his best to send him a reassuring smile. He could never kiss Michael like he kissed Jensen, because when he kissed Jensen he actually felt something other than disgust. He enjoyed kissing Jensen, he _loved_ kissing him; there was no way he could imitate that with Michael. But had to try and fake it, give Michael something he hadn’t since they had first gotten together, back when Jared really did have feelings for him.

 

He turned back to Michael and grabbed him by the head, crashing their lips together, closing his eyes and kissing him deeply, shoving his tongue inside and licking around Michael’s mouth. He could hear Jensen sob and silently apologised to him, hoping Jensen could tell the difference in the kisses.

 

“There’s my boy,” Michael announced when he pulled away suddenly. Then he spun Jared around and shoved him onto his hands and knees. Jared hung his head in shame and defeat; he knew what was to come next. “You’ve been such a good boy, Jared; it’s time for your reward.” Michael grabbed Jared’s hips and pulled his ass back to meet the head of his cock.

 

“You want your reward don’t you, baby boy?” Michael asked softly and Jared nodded, his tears dripping onto the floor. “I can’t hear you.”

 

“Yes, please, I-I’ve been s-so good,” Jared stammered, the words burning his throat as they came out, his voice rough from where his mouth had been fucked raw. “Please, c-can I have m-my reward?”

 

“Of course you can, baby, but you have to do something for me first,” Michael told him, rubbing a soothing hand over his back while pushing his dick against Jared’s entrance, like a constant threat that Jared took very seriously.

 

“Anything,” Jared chocked on the word, wanting to give Michael _nothing._

 

“Look at him,” Michael ordered and Jared forced himself to look at Jensen, seeing the blood trailing down his raised arms and soaking into his t-shirt, Jared couldn’t tell if he was bleeding too badly or not, he just hoped he could get him to a hospital in time. “Now, tell him who you love and why.”

 

“I—” Jared stopped, his face and heart crumbling. Michael pulled on his hair painfully. “Ah, I love Michael,” Jared cried, his automatic reflexes to obey kicking in. “I love Michael because he’s so good to me; h-he makes me f-feel special and makes me feel s-so good. He l-looks after me l-like no one else c-can and I-I love him with all my h-heart.” Jared sobbed, forcing himself to keep eye contact with Jensen, afraid of what would happen if he didn’t, but he tried desperately to tell Jensen with his eyes that nothing he said was true, he didn’t mean a word of it.

 

Jensen’s face was filled with so many emotions, hate, anger, remorse, guilt, sorrow, disgust, but the most important, the one Jared focused on was love, he could see love in Jensen’s eyes and it was directed at him. Knowing his face was away from Michael’s, Jared bore his eyes into Jensen’s and mouthed the words _I love you._

 

He saw Jensen nod slightly and managed a small smile. Jensen knew, he knew what was really in his heart no matter what he was forced to say and that gave him some hope. Resigned to his fate Jared returned the smile, tiny as it was, it was something, something they could have for each other, something that no one could take from them, and they needed that right now.

 

“Good boy, now what do you want me to do? What do you want for your reward?” Michael asked and Jared’s smile disappeared. Of course Michael would make him ask for it, make him beg. Suddenly, Michael pulled Jared’s hair, yanking his head back. “And I’d be very careful about the answer you give if I were you,” he warned, turning Jared’s head to see the gun aimed at Jensen. Jared’s eyes widened, his stomach clenched and his breath caught in his throat.

 

“I want you to fuck me,” Jared said automatically, urgently, his terrified eyes never leaving the gun that was trained so perfectly on Jensen. “I want you to make me feel so good.”

 

“I thought you’d never fucking ask,” Michael growled and pushed his cock into Jared’s hole. At first Jared thought he was going to be gentle, but as soon as he’d breached the opening he slammed himself home and Jared screamed in agony. “Ah, so fucking tight baby boy. Have you been saving yourself for me all these years?” Michael moaned as he fucked Jared hard. Jared’s screams didn’t die out, the pain was too intense, every thrust split him open, shooting agonising bolts through his body.

 

“Look at him,” Michael ordered. “Show him how good I make you feel.” Jared’s head was twisted to stay locked on Jensen; he could see Jensen fighting with his restraints desperately trying to get himself free.

 

“Tell me, baby boy, let me hear it,” Michael cried as he fucked into Jared’s body.

 

“Ah, s-so good, it feels so g-good. F-fuck me h-harder. Please,” Jared managed to force out, his voice almost giving up on him, while his eyes tried to draw strength from Jensen’s. But all he saw in Jensen’s eyes now was pain and despair.

 

As requested, that thrusts became harder. Michael gripped his waist and pulled him back firmly, slapping them together faster and faster. The stitches on Jared’s stomach pulled and Jared felt his wound being torn open, but that was nothing to the torture of being fucked so brutally.

 

Jared’s thighs shook with the effort to stay upright; he clenched his fists on the floor and ground his teeth. He could hear Jensen calling out his name, Jensen was screaming at him, telling Michael to stop, but that wouldn’t happen, not until Michael was done.

 

 

~~~

 

 

When Jared kissed Michael, Jensen felt a surge of jealousy rage through him, he almost looked away, a sob breaking through and escaping his mouth. But as he watched, he realised that Jared wasn’t doing as Michael asked. That was nothing like how Jared kissed Jensen, it was hard and rough and passionless.

 

When Jared kissed Jensen it was always soft and slow, careful and deliberate with every move he made. Of course, sometimes it would become intense, but it was always filled with passion and desire, nothing like what Jared was giving Michael now.

 

Jensen understood, and as much as he hated it, he knew that Michael had been trying to drive a wedge between them, take something from them, but Jensen understood now that that would never happen. Everything Michael took was fake.

 

Michael appeared satisfied with his fake kiss, but then he was forcing Jared onto his hands and knees, praising him for being good, making Jared ask for more.

 

When Michael forced Jared to talk about how much he loved Michael, Jensen tuned it out; knowing none of it was true. He tried to show Jared how much he loved him in just a glance, and when Jared mouthed ‘I love you,’ Jensen smiled. Jared smiled back, and for a moment it was just the two of them; Michael couldn’t get into their world. It was just a moment, but it was something.

 

Jensen flinched as the gun was pointed back at him again, but he raised his head, gritting his teeth as he listened to Jared begging Michael to fuck him. He tried so hard to remain still, to not show how much all this was getting to him, when in reality he wanted to beat Michael to death with his bare hands, choke the very life from him, rip him apart, then curl around Jared, keeping him safe and finding that place in Jared’s arms where everything was always okay.

 

But he couldn’t, not the way Jared screamed when Michael forced himself into Jared’s body. Jensen had never heard anything like it. Jared was howling in pain, the torture evident on his face. Jensen pulled on the cuffs around his wrists; he knew he was tearing the skin there but he didn’t care, he just wanted to be free so he could get that evil motherfucker off his boyfriend.

 

Michael made Jared look at Jensen, then Jared started telling Michael how good it felt, how he wanted more, harder, and Jensen seethed with rage. Every word from Jared’s mouth had been put there, trained into him; the only part of Jared left in this whole situation was the pained terror on his face, the tears in his eyes.

 

Jared looked about ready to give up; his body shook, and Jensen thought maybe Jared would pass out. He dreaded to think what would be the consequence of that.

 

“Jared,” Jensen found himself shouting. “Jay, stay with me here, Jared!” he screamed.

 

Michael grinned at him, grunting loudly as he pushed harder into Jared’s broken body.

 

“Stop it, you’re fucking killing him; stop it,” Jensen demanded, begged; he didn’t care; he just wanted it over. He yanked at his restraints, but still they wouldn’t give, and Jensen was at a loss of what to do; there was no way he could help. Something in Jensen died right then.

 

 

~~~

 

 

Suddenly, Michael pulled out and forced Jared to turn around. Jared was in a total daze for a moment and just went along with it.

 

“Open wide, baby boy,” Michael hissed. Jared immediately did as he was told and let Michael fuck his mouth deep until Michael was coming hard. “If you puke this up; I will shoot his dick off,” Michael promised indicating Jensen, as Jared swallowed his release down as quickly as he could. Just the threat made him want to gag, but he breathed deeply through his nose and kept it all down; he’d trained himself too well to fail himself now.

 

Once everything was done—the come was swallowed, the orgasm was over—Michael threw Jared to the ground and tucked himself away.

 

As Jared hit the ground, he stopped. He stopped caring, stopped feeling; he just stopped. He’d done what he had to do; there was nothing left for him now. Jensen wouldn’t want to be with him, not now that he knew what a whore Jared was. Michael’s job was complete. He had successfully killed Jared, or at least killed his spirit.

 

Michael seated himself on the ground and held his arms out. Without having to be told, Jared crawled his way over, using trembling arms and legs to settle himself in Michael’s arms, pressing his back against Michael’s chest while Michael brushed a hand through his hair. Jared curled up into a ball, pulling his legs close to his body and leaning his head against Michael’s chest, taking what comfort was offered.

 

“I love you,” Michael said softly, pressing a kiss to Jared’s head.

 

“I love you too,” Jared said vacantly. Even though his body still cried out in pain; his emotions were gone, fucked out of him, everything he’d fought so long and hard to achieve, gone.

 

Jared sobbed silently, the only reaction he could make his body have. And yet a large part of him was grateful Michael hadn’t asked him to come. His dick had gone soft long before Michael even penetrated him, and Jared wasn’t sure he’d ever get it hard again.

 

“Shh, it’s okay, baby boy. You were so good, I’m so proud of you,” Michael praised. “And when I get back, I’ll make sure you get what’s coming to you.”

 

Then Jared was pushed hard to the ground and Michael was leaving them behind. Jared curled around himself and let himself cry as Michael left. He heard the door being locked behind and then it was just him and Jensen, alone.

 

“Jay? Jay? Baby, talk to me?” Jensen called softly through his heart aching crying.

 

Jared slowly pushed himself up and completely naked he crawled over to Jensen, his body screamed in agony with every movement he made. Finally he was on his knees in front of Jensen and lifting his hand to the restraints. He used the key in his hand to undo the cuffs around Jensen’s wrists.

 

Jensen stared at him in wonder.

 

“How did you—?

 

“The only time he never pays attention to anything is when he’s coming,” Jared said numbly. Once Jensen’s restraints were released Jared knew he’d done as much as he could. He let himself collapse to the ground, his naked body shivering uncontrollably. “The window,” he whispered. “We used to come here; you can get out through the window.”

 

“I’m not leaving you here,” Jensen said sternly and Jared forced himself to look at Jensen.

 

“If he comes back and you’re still here, he _will_ kill you. He’s had his fun, he’s made his point, he’s taken away everything he can from me. You’re of no use to him now, you’re just a liability,” Jared used all of his strength to say. “I’m not strong enough to make it, you’re going to have to go and get me help.” Jared uncurled slightly to show Jensen where his stitches had been pulled, blood slowly seeping through the half healed wound.

 

Jensen set his face. “I’m not leaving you here,” he repeated firmly, he started gathering up Jared’s cloths and helping him into them. Jared was too weak to protest but hissed in pain at most movement. He wanted to tell Jensen again to leave him behind, but he knew it was pointless, Jensen had made up his mind and he had no choice but to go with it.

 

Jensen helped Jared over to the window, it opened easily and Jensen immediately started pushing Jared out. Jared fell to the ground with a thud and Jensen followed him out quickly, helping Jared to his feet.

 

“Come on, you can make it,” Jensen said gruffly, the pain in his arm and the strain of holding a weak and damaged Jared taking its toll in him.

 

They staggered along the path, coming in sight of the fence that would lead to the outside world.

 

“We’re nearly there, and then we’ll be safe,” Jensen told him, but Jared couldn’t respond. He just focused on putting one foot in front of the other, which was what he was supposed to do, right? So that’s what he did.

 

“I should’ve fucking known,” Michael’s voice came from behind them. “You’re such a fucking slut, Jared.” Jared came back to reality at the sound of Michael’s voice; it stunned him back to the present. It wasn’t over, he’d thought it was over, but Jensen’s not safe yet, he’s still here, if only he’d left him behind as Jared had told him too, he’d be safe by now.

 

“Michael, please, just let us go?” Jared begged, forcing Jensen behind him with a strength that surprised both of them.

 

“Oh, I don’t think so, baby boy,” Michael said harshly. “You know the rules, if I can’t have you, then nobody can.”

 

Michael raised his gun and a shot rang out. Jared felt his body being pulled to the ground by Jensen; they hit the dirt with a thud. Jared was shaking; he didn’t feel any extra pain, had he been shot? Had Jensen?

 

Gradually, he shook off the shock and moved his eyes; they fell on Michael, laying on the ground bleeding.

 

“You stay the fuck away from my son, you sick fuck,” growled a familiar voice.

 

“Daddy?” Jared gasped as Jerry came into view, smoking gun trained on Michael and then he could hear sirens wailing, coming towards them. Jared could feel arms around him, holding him close.

 

“I’ve got you, I love you, I’ve got you,” Jensen repeated in his ear, but Jared just watched as everything happened in slow motion.

 

Michael was taken away in an ambulance with a police escort. Jensen and Jared were taken in a separate ambulance. Jensen gave his statement and Jared numbly answered questions, not really paying attention to anything. He just spoke the truth, about everything. He vaguely remembered Sandy wrapping her arm around him and Jensen kissing him and telling him to get some rest. So he closed his eyes and fell into a dreamless sleep.

 

 

***

 

 

Jensen sat by Jared for weeks, waiting for him to come out of it, but Jared just sat there. He would sometimes speak if you asked him a random question like what the weather was doing or what was playing on the telly, but anything that required actual thought he didn’t seem to be able to process.

 

Jensen hated seeing Jared in a mental hospital; it wasn’t the right place for him. Jensen wanted to take him home, back to Seattle where things would be familiar for Jared, but they wouldn’t let him. The doctors kept saying that this was the best place for him for the moment and Jared’s mom refused to let him be moved away from her.

 

Jensen sat by Jared’s chair again, like he had every day. He held his hand and talked, he talked about everything and anything.

 

“Sandy called today,” he told Jared. Jared just stared into space. “You remember, she had to go back to Seattle because she couldn’t take anymore time out of college. Anyway, she told me that the opening of Tom’s has been put back, _again_. Apparently, to guy he had in to do the worked completely fucked him over, made a right mess of things and now he’s had to get someone else in to redo the entire thing.”

 

Jensen stared at Jared, waiting for a reaction, but there was none. Jensen sighed and continued to tell him the news, just praying that something was getting through.

 

“But don’t worry, Tom says he’s got enough money to cover it, and he’s totally suing the guy that messed everything up.” Jensen had to try and keep the sorrow from his voice, but after weeks of talking to Jared like this, of getting little to no response, he wasn’t sure what he could do.

 

“Come on, Jay. Talk to me, please?” Jensen begged. “Please, Jay. I miss you, I _love_ you, please come back to me?”

 

Jensen was so close to breaking down. He’d tried everything but nothing was getting through. He didn’t understand why his love wasn’t enough.

 

“I love you, Jay. Jared, do you hear me? I love you so much, and I’m not giving up on you, no matter what. You’re stuck with me, man, I’m going to be annoying you for a long time yet to come whether you talk to me or not, do you understand me? I love you so God damn much. I never thought I’d find someone like you, someone as amazing as you, but there you were, walking into my life and blowing everything out of proportion. Nothing and no one will ever live up to you. Come on, Jay, please? I love you.” Jensen knew he was begging but he didn’t care. He just wanted Jared back.

 

“Jensen.” The voice startled Jensen, he looked to Jared to see if it was him that had spoken, but Jared seemed as elusive as usual. Jensen felt a hand on his shoulder; he turned to see Jerry Padalecki standing behind him.

 

“He still hasn’t spoken much,” Jensen told Jared’s father, wiping tears from his eyes as he watched Jerry take a seat next to Jared.

 

“You’ve been so good to him,” Jerry said quietly, looking at the ground. “I’ve listened to you speak to him, day after day.”

 

“You’ve been here?” Jensen asked aghast. “Why didn’t you say something?”

 

“I didn’t know what to say,” Jerry explained. “How do I tell my son that I’m sorry that I let him down so badly? How do I tell him how sorry I am? How can I possibly make it right with him?”

 

“Telling him would be a good start,” Jensen told him.

 

“I’m his father,” Jerry said brokenly. “I should have protected him from these things; I should have seen what was going on and stopped it. I failed him, and I don’t think I can ever earn the right to be a part of his life again.”

 

“Well, that shouldn’t stop you from trying,” Jensen said gently, understanding that Jerry felt awful about everything that had happened. “And I think you’ll find that Jared is a lot more understanding that you may think.” He gazed at Jared lovingly. “He’s the best person I’ve ever met. I think a portion of that has to come from you.”

 

“I’ve got some news,” Jerry said quietly. “I came to tell my son.”

 

Jensen nodded and moved out of the seat next to Jared so Jerry could take his place.

 

Jerry smiled slightly and sat in the vacant seat. He took his sons hand and squeezed it firmly.

 

“Jared. I’ve come to tell you… Michael’s been sent away, he’s going to be in prison for a long time for what he did to you, and for what he did to Jensen,” Jerry said, his voice sounding slightly desperate, as if he thought that telling Jared this would bring him out of his stupor. “You don’t have you don’t have to worry anymore, it’s going to be okay, he can’t get to you anymore.”

 

Jensen let out a sigh of relief. He’d been with Jared the whole time and hadn’t been able to go to the court. He hadn’t known that Michael had been sentenced, but now knowing that he had, well, he would have felt better if Jared had been there to celebrate with him.

 

“But Jared,” Jerry continued. “You have to snap out of it. Because you shutting down like this? Michael's winning, even now, he’s got one over on you; he’s still controlling your life. Don’t let him, son. You’re strong enough; I believe that, you’re strong enough to fight him. You’ve got a wonderful man here just waiting to be with you, to take you home and live his life with you, don’t leave him alone because of Michael, don’t let Michael take that happiness away from you.”

 

Jensen listened in shock. He had never in a million year thought he would hear Jerry Padalecki say those words, but here he was, in effect approving of their relationship. Jensen rubbed his eyes tiredly. He had no idea if Jared could hear his father’s words but he prayed they were getting through because Jared had waited so long to hear them.

 

Beside him Jerry gasped. Jensen turned his attention back to father and son and he saw Jared’s eyes slowly come into focus.

 

“Daddy?” Jared said, his voice weak from lack of use.

 

“Yeah, yeah Jared, it’s me, it’s dad. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. You’re safe now, I promise you, you’re always going to be safe now,” Jerry swore and Jensen had to smile at the man, he may have made a huge mistake all that time ago but he was trying his hardest to make it right.

 

“Daddy?” Jared said again, his eyes focusing more and more on Jerry. Jerry choked out a sob and Jared reached out a hand to him, they grasped hands and slowly Jared smiled, he smiled for his father and although Jensen was overjoyed that Jared was coming around, he couldn’t help the stab of jealousy that hit him. He’d been the one there everyday, he’d been the one talking to Jared, spending his time telling him how much he loved him and how good things were going to be when Jared got better, and now, Jerry, who had betrayed Jared’s trust in the worse possible way came by, just once, for the first time, and Jared’s suddenly coherent? How is that fair?

 

Jensen shook it off. He wasn’t going to hold this against Jared, he couldn’t. Okay, so it hurt a bit, but he’d get over it. Slowly he backed away, intending to give Jared and his father some room, some space to talk.

 

“Jensen,” Jerry said suddenly. “Don’t go. My son needs you.” Jensen stood there shocked for a moment, not knowing what to say.

 

“Jen?” Jared called softly, his hand waving around as if searching blindly for him. Quickly Jensen grasped his hand and knelt beside the bed.

 

“I’m here, Jay. I’m here, I’ve always been here,” Jensen sobbed, the idea that Jared was awake stunning him.

 

“I thought I was dreaming you,” Jared said, holding tightly onto his hand. “You’re still here?”

 

“Of course I’m still here, where else would I possibly be?” Jensen said incredulously. “I love you, Jared. I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me to.”

 

“You love me?” Jared asked, as though the idea confused him. “How can you love me?”

 

“How could I not?” Jensen frowned, why did Jared think himself so unlovable? “I love you because you are the most amazing person I have ever met, because you make me happier than anybody ever has. No one has ever come close to matching how important you are in my life. You’re everything to me, Jay, everything. Please stay with me, please stay in my life?” Jensen knew he was begging but he didn’t care, he knew Jerry was listening, watching and he couldn’t give a shit. He needed Jared to know how he felt, he just prayed Jared felt the same.

 

“You love me,” Jared said, as if telling himself. “And you still want me?”

 

“Yes, Jay. I still want you, I never stopped wanting you,” Jensen assured him, kissing his hand desperately.

 

“Even after… everything I did, everything you saw?” Jared questioned, curling into himself a little as he spoke.

 

“That wasn’t you, Jay. That was someone Michael created,” Jensen told him firmly. “That’s not the person I fell in love with. Sure it will always be a part of you, but it doesn’t define who you are.”

 

“I love you,” Jared sobbed, leaning forward and grasping at Jensen until he had him in his arms. “I love you so much.”

 

Jensen’s heart soared. He fell into Jared’s arms, letting Jared pull him closer and hold him so tight it hurt.

 

“I love you, too,” Jensen promised, tears of joy soaking into Jared’s clothes. Suddenly, they were kissing, fast and needy, Jensen on his knees in front of Jared’s chair. Jared’s hands felt over Jensen’s body, as if trying to reassure himself that Jensen was actually there, that this wasn’t some figment of his imagination.

 

Behind Jensen, Jerry cleared his throat. As fast as lightning Jensen and Jared broke apart, looking worriedly at Jerry. Jensen cursed himself, they’d just been making out in front of Jared’s dad, how stupid could they get? He knew what Jerry had said but that didn’t mean he was ready to watch that.

 

“I’m, uh, I’m just going to go get the doctor,” Jerry said, his eyes looking anywhere but at them, his cheeks flushed bright red. “I’ll leave you two to, um, catch up.” Just before he left the room Jerry focused on Jared, and he smiled, a God’s honest smile.

 

“Dad?” Jared stopped him in his tracks. Jerry turned back and waited. “I love you, dad.”

 

“I love you, too, son,” Jerry said, and every fibre of him showed that it was heartfelt and honest.

 

“You saved my life,” Jared said in wonder. Jerry moved to his side and took his hand.

 

“I should have done a lot more, a long time ago. None of this should ever have happened,” Jerry said, his voice filled with sorrow and regret.

 

“But then I would never have met Jensen,” Jared said with a smile. “And I wouldn’t change that for anything.”

 

Jerry smiled; he leaned forward and kissed Jared on the forehead before getting up and leaving the room. Jared turned to Jensen, linking their hands together.

 

“Can I go home now?” he asked.

 

“Where’s home, Jay?” Jensen questioned, afraid he would want to stay in Texas with his folks.

 

“Seattle, with you,” Jared grinned.

 

“As soon as you’re ready,” Jensen grinned back and kissed his boyfriend deeply.


	20. Chapter 20

  
Author's notes: and Epilogue. Last part folks, then it's all over.  


* * *

Part 20

 

When Jared walked through the door of his apartment in Seattle it was serial to say the least. It was like he hadn’t left. Sandy had been round and filled the fridge, organized and cleaned everything; the place was spotless, better than he usually kept it himself.

 

It wasn’t that late but the drive had been long, and Jared just wanted to curl up in bed with Jensen, just like they used to.

 

“Do you wanna unpack now, or save it till tomorrow?” Jensen asked, setting down their bags and closing the door.

 

“Tomorrow, definitely,” Jared said decidedly. “I could’ve helped carry those you know.”

 

“I know,” Jensen laughed. “But I wanted to; I didn’t want your first memory of coming home to be with your hands full of luggage.”

 

“You’re amazing, you know that?” Jared moved over to kiss Jensen, taking his head in his large hands and guiding Jensen’s lips to his.

 

“I have been told,” Jensen replied cheekily against Jared’s lips. Jared grinned and slipped a hand around Jensen’s waist, pulling him close.

 

As they kissed they slowly edged their way to the bedroom, bumping into the wall beside the door and stopping there to kiss some more.

 

They’d done a few things since Jared had gotten better, but Jared knew that Jensen was holding back. He was afraid of hurting him, or that Jared would freak out, plus they’d been at Jared’s parents place and Jensen was still very nervous about doing things around them.

 

“Come on,” Jensen said, pulling away and taking Jared’s hand. “Let’s get some sleep.”

 

Jared followed Jensen into the bedroom, trying to stifle a yawn as he went. They stripped to their boxers and climbed into bed, curling up in each others arms, Jensen’s head resting against Jared’s chest.

 

Jared looked down at Jensen’s peaceful face, his eyes were closed and a small smiled played at the edge of his full lips. His chest constricted just looking at Jensen, the amount that Jared loved him was almost painful.

 

“Jen?” Jared whispered, kissing Jensen’s head.

 

“Yeah, Jay?” Jensen whispered back.

 

“Will you do something for me?” Jared asked nervously.

 

“Anything,” Jensen answered immediately.

 

“Make love to me?” he asked softly, shyly. Jensen’s head shot up, his eyes were almost comically wide. He opened his mouth to speak, and then shut it again. He studied Jared for a moment and Jared let him, keeping their eyes locked.

 

“Um, I don’t know—” Jensen began uncertainly.

 

“I want you to show me how it’s supposed to feel,” Jared interrupted before he could finish his thought. “Everyone says how good it’s supposed to be but I’ve never gotten to feel that. In all the times I’ve been fucked, I’ve never once found anything about it I liked. So please, show me what I’m missing out on?” Jared requested, almost pleaded. When Jensen hesitated, Jared spoke again. “I’m not asking you to fuck me. I’m asking you to make love to me.”

 

Jensen looked thoughtful, resting his head against Jared’s chest again and pressing light kisses into his skin. A slight shiver ran through Jensen and Jared could feel him growing hard against his thigh, obviously just the thought it was turning him on.

 

“Are you sure?” Jensen asked quietly, not looking away from his chest.

 

“Yeah, I’m more than sure,” Jared told him. He put his fingers under Jensen’s chin and tipped his head to look at him.

 

“But, we don’t have anything—” Jensen started, but Jared just leaned away, he reached into his bedside draw and came back with lube and condoms.

 

“Where did you get those from?” Jensen chuckled slightly, but couldn’t keep the shock out of his voice.

 

“Sandy, she said it was for just in case. She gave them to me a while ago, told me it was better to be prepared.” Jared blushed and bit his lip slightly.

 

“C’mere?” Jensen pulled him down for a kiss. Jared went willingly, taking control of it and kissing Jensen deeper.

 

Jared moved his hands over Jensen’s body, caressing the his naked back and running them so gently over his sides that Jensen squirmed and chuckled from the light touch tickling him. Slowly, Jared slipping his hands under Jensen’s boxers, pushing them down over his ass. Jensen took the hint and wiggled out of the underwear, coming back to help Jared out of his.

 

Then Jensen began trailing soft kisses up Jared’s chest, moaning softly as he licked the slight sweat from Jared’s skin. Jared tipped his head back, closed his eyes and enjoyed the touch, the attention. Each kiss was pure ecstasy, Jared gasped as Jensen sucked on one of his nipples, swirling his tongue around it. By the time Jensen reached Jared’s lips, Jared was breathing harshly.

 

Jared slipped his fingers into Jensen’s hair and held him there, licking his way into his mouth. He put everything he had into the kiss, everything that was him, trying to show Jensen in his actions just how much he loved him. Jensen pulled away, gulping down air, panting hotly against Jared’s lips as he settled on his side next to Jared, Jared turned to face him.

 

“Please tell me you’ve thought about this?” Jensen checked, eyes searching for the truth.

 

“I have, and I’m sure, this is what I want to do,” then a thought entered Jared’s head. “But if you don’t—”

 

“I do, God Jay, believe me I do,” Jensen assured him.

 

“Okay then,” Jared smiled and leaned over, kissing Jensen firmly.

 

Jared pulled back and watched as Jensen slicked up his fingers and gently lowered his hand to come between Jared’s legs. His heart began to race, but not one single doubt entered his mind. He wouldn’t lie and say he wasn’t as nervous as Hell, the trembling of his body could attest to that. But he held Jensen’s gaze and took a deep breath.

 

Jared flinched as Jensen touched his opening but forced himself to stay still, he could do this, he _wanted_ to do this. Ever so slowly, Jensen pushed one finger inside. Jared gasped and clung to him.

 

“It’s okay,” Jensen promised. “Let me know if you want me to stop or slow down, okay?”

 

Jared nodded against his shoulder as he held on tight. Jensen slowly moved his finger inside him, circling it around. Slowly, Jared began to relax.

 

“That’s it, Jay. It’s only me, it’s Jensen.” At Jensen’s soft words Jared relaxed even more. He turned his head to kiss against Jensen’s neck, focusing on the little moans the simple move brought from Jensen.

 

Jensen added a second finger and Jared moaned, pushing back against him slightly. Jensen was taking such care in preparing him; the feeling of his fingers stroking the walls inside Jared was exhilarating. Jensen moved his head so he could find Jared’s lips.

 

“You okay?” he asked before his kissed him.

 

“Yeah,” Jared said, nodding his head and offering Jensen a little smile. “More.”

 

Jensen smiled and added a third finger, pulling a gasp from Jared as he pushed back against his hand. Jared released his death grip on Jensen’s arm to pull him into a kiss, his entire body wanting more, _needing_ more but he wasn’t sure he could get enough. It had never felt like this before, never been this amazing and they’d only just started, Jared wasn’t sure he could survive through the whole thing.

 

White hot pleasure suddenly coursed through Jared, a shocking wave of bliss shot into every nerve ending and Jared couldn’t help but cry out. Then it was gone and Jared was left shivering in the after effects.

 

“Holy shit, was that…?” Jared couldn’t even finish his sentence; his breath was coming hard and fast as he looked at Jensen in wonder.

 

“Yeah, that was it,” Jensen grinned and flexed his fingers inside Jared. “Wanna feel it again?”

 

“Hell yes,” Jared growled and Jensen pushed against the bundle of nerves again. Jared screamed in ecstasy, his head flung back, his eyes squeezed shut. All he could feel was the amazing sensations pulsing through his body as Jensen continued to tease that spot inside him.

 

“Jen, please…” Jared gasped, panting into Jensen’s shoulder. He could feel his climax building fast but he wasn’t ready to let go yet.

 

“You ready for me, Jay?” Jensen questioned, stretching is fingers inside Jared as far as he could.

 

“I’m ready,” Jared confirmed quickly. His heart was beating so fast he wondered how it kept up with itself. “God, Jen. I’m so ready.”

 

Jensen pulled his fingers free, eliciting a little moan from Jared. He quickly slipped on the condom and slicked himself up.

 

Slowly, Jensen pushed Jared onto his back, settling himself over him. Jared frowned at him, confused. He’d been expecting Jensen to want him on all fours, to take him from behind. Jensen just smiled.

 

“I want you to see me, and only me,” Jensen explained. “Don’t worry; it’ll be amazing, I promise.” A surge of emotion ran through Jared, Jensen was being so careful, every movement, every action was made purposefully to make this the best for Jared that it could be.

 

“Kiss me?” Jared asked and Jensen was only too happy to comply.

 

As they kissed, Jensen slowly pushed against Jared’s opening. Jared tensed straight away, ripping away from the kiss and slamming his eyes shut. His breath became short and shallow; quick gulps of air that didn’t contain enough oxygen.

 

“Hey, look at me,” Jensen called gently. “Look at me and know it’s me, okay?”

 

Jared opened his eyes. Jensen was gazing down at him, his eyes soft and his features patient. Jared knew that no matter what, he had the control here; Jensen had given that to him. Jared was the one calling the shots and he didn’t have to worry about upsetting Jensen, he didn’t have to be afraid of making him angry or pissing him off.

 

Jared began to relax, his breathing slowed as he calmed down. Keeping their eyes locked on one another’s, Jensen slowly pushed further in. He stopped every inch or so to let Jared adjust around him. His movements were so foreign to Jared, the slow pace strange but completely welcome. Jared gradually stretched around Jensen, letting him into his body bit by bit.

 

Once Jensen was fully sheathed in Jared he stopped all movement. Jared watched Jensen watching him. Then Jensen leaned down and dusted kisses over Jared’s lips, and Jared relaxed further. Eventually, Jensen spoke, eyes on Jared, the love that shone in them boring into Jared’s soul and filling it with joy.

 

“You ready?”

 

“Yeah, I’m ready,” Jared smiled and Jensen began to move.

 

It was just slow at first, gentle movements, even thrusts. They didn’t stop looking at one another, locked on each others expressions, on every twitch of each others faces.

 

Jared concentrated on the feel of Jensen moving within him. Jensen agonizingly slowly pulled out; he paused for a moment before just a slowly pushing back in. The gentle rub stimulating Jared in ways he’d never felt before.

 

“Okay?” Jensen asked, his voice shaking with his body, the strain of holding on starting to show.

 

“How could I not have known?” Jared whispered.

 

“Known what?” Jensen queried, pausing slightly, concern on his writing on his face.

 

“That it could feel like this!” Jared said. “It’s amazing, Jen. I’ve never… God, please, Jen, more?”

 

Jensen complied, speeding up his thrusts slightly while Jared writhed beneath him. Then Jensen shifted position, as he did, his next push hit Jared’s prostate, and Jared screamed, clinging onto Jensen, panting his name.

 

“God, Jay,” Jensen gasped. “If only you could see yourself. You’re beautiful, so God damned beautiful.”

 

Jared couldn’t speak, his body was thrumming with pleasure as his prostate was stimulated again and again, a relentless attack of bliss and Jared was riding so high he knew he’d found heaven.

 

“Uh, Jay. I’m so close—so close,” Jensen grunted above him. His speed picked up; he started to pump deeper, harder and faster. Jensen’s eyes didn’t leave Jared at any time, making sure he was alright.

 

Heat was a hurricane in Jared’s groin, destroying everything in its path. It felt so good, so perfect. And it was Jensen making Jared feel this way, it was Jensen giving Jared the most precious thing he could, his love. This was what making love was all about. Jared was so happy he could explode with it.

 

Suddenly, Jared tipped his head back a came, hot and thick over his stomach. He hadn’t had to be told, no one gave him permission, he’d come on his own, as a reaction to what Jensen did to him.

 

“Jesus, fuck,” Jensen gasped and was pushed over the edge. He came hard, shuddering over Jared.

 

Finally Jensen slumped over Jared, panting for breath. Jared revelled in the weight of Jensen above him; he wrapped his arms around him and turned his head to bury his face in Jensen’s neck, kissing him softly.

 

His body was spent but Jared felt at peace and it was all because of Jensen, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to repay Jensen for everything he’d done for him, even if he didn’t even know he was doing it.

 

Jensen shifted, meeting Jared’s kissing lips with his own and they shared a slow, sensual kiss, showing each other how much love they felt through their caress.

 

Eventually, Jensen lifted his head to gaze in Jared’s eyes.

 

“Hey, you okay?” he checked and Jared smiled brightly.

 

“You wouldn’t believe how okay I am,” Jared told him, and then his face became serious. “I love you,” he said shyly and Jensen smiled.

 

“And I love you, more than I think I’ll ever be able to prove. But I’m willing to spend the rest of my life trying.”

 

 

***

 

 

Epilogue

 

 

The crowd cheered as Jensen and Jared finished their set. They were huffing and puffing but grinning like maniacs.

 

They handed out the cocktails they’d made to the waiting hands before hoping over the bar. They were immediately greeted by an armful of Sandy as she threw herself at them. Jared picked her up and swung her around, laughing as she squealed.

 

“Hey, put my girl down,” Chris called, coming up, slapping Jared on the back and pulling Jensen into a manly hug.

 

“You guys were awesome,” Steve complimented, smiling widely as all three men shared a group hug.

 

“Jensen made up the routine, I just did as I was told,” Jared said sheepishly.

 

“Oh, that’s so not true,” Jensen chided, elbowing Jared in the ribs.

 

“Hey guys,” Tom was next to congratulate them. “You were amazing, really.”

 

“Hey Tom,” Jared grinned and pulled the man in for a back-slapping hug. “The place looks fantastic; you’ve really turned it into something special.”

 

“Thanks. I’m really glad you could make it for the opening, I was afraid you weren’t gonna make it back in time,” Tom said, but his face betrayed how worried he was to bring up the subject of why he might not have made it.

 

“Me too, buddy, me too,” Jared nodded and took a moment to reflect on how far they’d come. “But hey, I did make it, we’re all here and it’s been a great night so far.”

 

“Thanks. Hey Jensen,” Tom shook Jensen hand firmly. “You have no idea how cool it is that you performed at my opening. I mean, you are the competition and all.”

 

“Nah, no such thing,” Jensen shrugged. “We’re all here to support each other and work together, that way we make sure everyone has a place to go and they all have a good time.”

 

Tom smiled and nodded his head in agreement.

 

“Boys.” Jensen and Jared turned towards the new voice and Jared literally leapt for joy.

 

“Dad,” he exclaimed, jumping on the man and hugging him wildly. Jared was definitely on a performance high as he hadn’t drunk anything yet. “You made it.”

 

“We sure did,” Jerry said, holding his son tightly before releasing him.

 

“Hello sweetheart,” Sherri appeared beside Jerry and Jared let out a little squeal.

 

“Ma. I’m so glad to see you,” Jared lifted his mom in the air, much like he did Sandy.

 

“We wouldn’t miss your big day now would we?” Sherri said in mock shock, as if the idea of it was unthinkable.

 

“You were really brilliant, both of you,” Jerry said proudly, rising his head and smiling broadly. Then he moved forward and offered his hand to Jensen. “It really was something else.”

 

“You saw?” Jensen asked, stunned but took the pro-offered hand and shook it firmly. Jared mimicked his shock, he hadn’t seen his folks in the bar, and was actually glad he hadn’t known they were watching as it would’ve made him so much more nervous that he had been, and that would have definitely led to bottles being dropped and drinks being spilt.

 

“You’re damn right we saw,” Jerry blurted.

 

“Jerry, language,” Sherri scolded, but with a fond smile on her face.

 

“Sorry dear,” Jerry said and winked at Jared.

 

“I’m so glad you came,” Jared said, bouncing on his feet. “Oh, Ma, dad, this is Chris—Sandy’s boyfriend—and this is Steve—he and Chris play in an awesome band together, they’re going to be performing a little later tonight. And this is my boss and owner of this fine establishment, Tom Welling.”

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you all,” Sherri said genuinely. “Jared, you have such nice friends.”

 

“Ma,” Jared whined, blushing. That was such a mother thing to say.

 

“So, can I get anyone a drink?” Jerry offered, looking around. Chris, Steve and Tom lifted their full bottles of beer, while Jensen and Jared nodded eagerly; they’d done their part now it was time to have some fun. “Sandra, what about you?”

 

“Oh, um. No, I’m good thanks,” Sandy said, avoiding Jared’s eyes and stepping closer to Chris.

 

“Sandy?” Jared frowned. “How come you’re not… _Oh my God_!!”

 

“What?” Jensen asked at Jared’s sudden out burst, but Jared ignored him and rushed over to Sandy, ducking down to look in her eyes.

 

“Really?” Jared asked her, and Sandy flushed beautifully and nodded, smiling shyly. Jared threw his arms around her, talking into her neck and rocking her from side to side. Jared’s parent looked on with slight alarm and part confusion.

 

“They always so this,” Jensen leaned over and told them conspiratorially. “We’ll get caught up in a minute but these two tend to mind meld information instead of actually speak.”

 

“Yes, they’ve always been like that,” Jerry nodded knowingly, still watching the couple hug.

 

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me, no wait, scratch that, I get why. Um, can I?” Jared was asking Sandy. Sandy looked to Chris who winked at her so she nodded to Jared. “Chris, man. Congratulations.” Jared took Chris’s hand and shook it vigorously.

 

“Thanks man,” Chris grinned happily. “But you mind if _I_ tell everyone?”

 

“Oh, yeah, yeah, of course,” Jared bounced away, a stupid grin stretching his lips wide. He stood back by Jensen and waited, fidgeting excitedly.

 

“Okay, dude. What’s going on?” Steve asked impatiently. Chris looked to Sandy and took her hand. Sandy smile up at him and bit her lip nervously.

 

“Well, we kind of have an announcement to make,” Chris started, looking around at his friends. “First off, I should tell you that, a few days ago, I asked Sandy to be my wife, and she accepted.”

 

“Holy sh-” Jared started but one look at his mother and he halted his sentence. More hugs and congratulations were passed around, and every one toasted the happy couple.

 

“Okay, that was first off, I have a fair idea of what second off is going to be,” Jensen commented and waited, beaming at his friends.

 

“Sandy, you wanna take this one?” Chris asked and Sandy stepped forward.

 

“Well, um, oh Hell, just out with it I guess, I’m pregnant,” Sandy announced and everyone cheered.

 

“Oh, I’m so happy for you,” Jared cried, hugging Sandy again while the others surrounded Chris. “And you’re happy, right? You’re not just going along with this cause you got pregnant?” Jared checked, watching Sandy’s expression but seeing nothing but pure joy there.

 

“Jay, I have never been this happy in my life,” Sandy promised and Jared could see she was positively glowing. “He’s so amazing, and he really treats me good, better than anyone ever has before.”

 

“He’d better keep treating you right,” Jared said sternly but with a twinkle in his eye.

 

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that, Jay,” Chris came up behind him and draped an arm over his shoulder. “I have every intention of worshiping this woman for the rest of my life.”

 

“So, how far gone are you?” Jensen asked, pushing Chris’s arm off Jared and sliding his arm around Jared’s waist instead, Jared grinned at him and kissed him quickly before turning back to hear the answer.

 

“Actually, we’ve known for a while,” Chris admitted.

 

“I’m thirteen weeks,” Sandy said meekly, ducking as Jared’s jaw dropped. “But we didn’t find out for sure until about seven weeks ago.”

 

“You’ve known all this time, how come I couldn’t see it?” Jared exclaimed.

 

“Well, you kinda got stabbed and ended up in hospital,” Sandy began to explain. “Then you made the epic choice to go see your folks after four years of absence and then ended up in hospital _again_ —”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” Jared stopped her. “Guess I was a bit preoccupied. I’m sorry, Sandy; I should have been there for you.”

 

“Hey, that’s my job now,” Chris told him good naturedly.

 

“We’ll share it,” Jared suggested and Chris shrugged in agreement.

 

“There was one other thing,” Sandy said tentatively. Jensen and Jared waited expectantly. “Well, we were kinda hoping that—you two would be Godparents?”

 

“Seriously?” Jared blurted suddenly, looking like the kid that got given Christmas.

 

“Wow, man,” Jensen said, brushing his hand through his hair. “Guy’s, I think I can speak for us both when I say that we’d be honoured, thank you.”

 

Jared nodded in agreement. “Oh my God, I’m so excited. We’re going to have to go shopping, there are so many things to get, you’ll need a cot and clothes and blankets and bottles and—”

 

“Jay, Jay, calm down.” Sandy placed a gentle hand on his arm, stopping his rant. “We’ve got plenty of time and Chris and I have already made a lot of the plans, so don’t stress alright?” She smiled fondly at her best friend as he took a breath, calmed down and then proceeded to bounce on the balls of his feet again.

 

“Did someone give him sugar?” Tom quipped, coming closer to the group and eyeing the excited Jared.

 

“I’m gonna be a Godfather,” Jared explained, beaming.

 

“Good for you, buddy,” Tom said, patting his shoulder. “I’m sorry to break this up, but Chris, you’re needed on stage.”

 

“Oh, right. No problem,” Chris told him. Then he bent and gave Sandy a small kiss, smiling at her as he lingered for a moment. “Love you,” he whispered.

 

“Love you, too,” Sandy replied; she kissed him sweetly then smacked his ass and sent him on his way. “Go sing me a song.”

 

 

Later that night, after the band had finished, Jared’s parents were a little tipsy and were slow-dancing with the crowd. Chris and Sandy were also on the dance floor, whispering softly to each other. Tom was trying to teach Steve a few bartending tricks, and Steve was surprisingly good; Jared suspected Jensen had been teaching him before.

 

Jared leaned against the bar and watched his friends and family with a light heart. Everything had fallen in to place, just like Jensen had said things would when they’d first gotten together.

 

“Boo,” Jensen said, as he appeared beside Jared, and Jared grinned. He pulled Jensen to him so his back was leaning against Jared’s chest. He wrapped his arms around Jensen’s waist, holding him close, and pressed a tender kiss to his ear.

 

“Hey,” Jared murmured, kissing Jensen again. Jensen moaned and tipped his head to give Jared better access.

 

“You have a good night?” Jensen asked, leaning further back into Jared, lapping up the attention.

 

“It’s been perfect,” Jared confirmed. “Everyone’s here, everyone’s happy, nothing went wrong; it’s just perfect.”

 

“Are you?” Jensen asked, turning in Jared’s arms to face him.

 

“Am I what?”

 

“Are you happy?” Jensen reiterated.

 

“Jensen, if I got any happier people would start to think I was on drugs,” Jared laughed. “So, yes. I’m happy. How can I not be? I’ve got my family back; Sandy’s finally getting to have a life. I’ve got a great job that I really enjoy and…”

 

“And?” Jensen probed.

 

“And, I am so in love with the most perfect man I’ve ever met that I sometimes think I’m dreaming, ‘cause life really can’t get this good,” Jared explained. Jensen blushed under his praise and moved too look away, but Jared caught him under the chin with his fingertips and turned Jensen so they were facing each other. “I love you, Jensen. I’m in love with you. I love you so much it scares me sometimes. But I don’t ever want to lose you.”

 

“You’ll never lose me, Jared. I’m yours,” Jensen promised, his eyes shining that brilliant emerald that Jared loved so much. “I love you, too. I have for a long time, and there’s no way I’m going to throw that away, not now that I’ve got it.”

 

Jared ran his thumb over Jensen’s cheek before dipping his head to catch his lips. Jensen moaned happily and let Jared kiss him, let him be in control. They kissed deeply, so completely immersed in each other that they didn’t notice Sherri and Jerry watching.

 

Jared’s parents smiled at each other. Jerry nodded to Sherri in acceptance. His boy was happy; that’s all he needed to know. He swept his wife into his arms and continued to dance, leaving his son and his boyfriend to their moment, where nothing and no one could ever tear them apart again.

 

The end.


End file.
